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Help me come up with a wise-cracking response...

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  1. #1
    Peelosopher

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    Help me come up with a wise-cracking response...

    My folks live in South Carolina and I go to school in Florida.

    so whenever I come back to SC to visit from school I get comments on how white I am and that I don't have a tan

    "You've been in Florida for a year and you don't have a tan?"

    Apparently, living in Florida automatically suggests that I live outside, naked.

    C'mon, really. Excuse me for taking my classes INDOORS.

    I usually respond with a sly "You know they have roofs on our homes there in Florida too," but I don't feel like I'm doing this response enough justice.

    And I hear this alot. Especially as critical as my mother is, every time she introduces me to someone her near exact words are "Yeah he studies in Florida," points at my face and says, "Can't you tell?"

    So teach me how to be a bigger smart-ass, I need some ideas. I'm sure albobo has some ideas

  2. #2
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    Tell'em you transferred to Canada, we all live in Igloos

  3. #3
    Cheerfully Offensive

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    Tell them your new major, necrophilia, is very time-consuming & requires extensive work underground.
    The lions sing and the hills take flight.
    The moon by day, and the sun by night.
    Blind woman, deaf man, jackdaw fool.
    Let the Lord of Chaos rule.

  4. #4
    The Original Jackass

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    Just shrug and say that your face is between Titanya's legs too much to get tanned.
    If god were suddenly condemned to live the life which he has inflicted on man, he would kill himself.
    - Alexander Dumas (1802 - 1870)

  5. #5
    Peelosopher

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    Quote Originally Posted by irontime
    Just shrug and say that your face is between Titanya's legs too much to get tanned.
    so what would explain why my lower half isn't tanned? Ok, I know, that's where your girlfriend is sitting

  6. #6
    The Original Jackass

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    Quote Originally Posted by Crono1000
    so what would explain why my lower half isn't tanned? :
    Does your mom point at your penis and say "See how white it is?"
    If god were suddenly condemned to live the life which he has inflicted on man, he would kill himself.
    - Alexander Dumas (1802 - 1870)

  7. #7
    Peelosopher

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    Quote Originally Posted by irontime
    Does your mom point at your penis and say "See how white it is?"

  8. #8
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    Next time your mom says that, go, "Fuck off bitch, now go get your ass back in the kitchen, and make me some pie.
    If sense were common, everyone would have it.

    4/2007-Current 75th Ranked most popular image 1 spot behind Prince's bulge...

  9. #9
    The Original Jackass

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    You forgot 'before I slap you in the face!'
    If god were suddenly condemned to live the life which he has inflicted on man, he would kill himself.
    - Alexander Dumas (1802 - 1870)

  10. #10
    IDIOT SAVANT

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    Cronno's mom to friend: "Yeah, he studies in Florida." Points at Cronno's pale face and says, "Can't you tell?"

    Cronno to mom's friend: "Yes, I'm studying XXX-rated film production but since our budget doesn't allow for sun screen we have to do all our filming in my room."
    Rules? You mean we have RULES for that???

  11. #11
    pedal pedal pedal
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    I Are Baboon's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Crono1000
    My folks live in South Carolina and I go to school in Florida.
    I thought you were from Guam or something?

  12. #12
    Peelosopher

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  13. #13
    Cheerfully Offensive

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    "My job at Disney World keeps me in costume all day."
    "Really, which character are you?"
    "You know that giant Mickey they have walking in the daily parade? "
    "Uh-huh."
    "Well, you're looking at his left testicle right here!"
    The lions sing and the hills take flight.
    The moon by day, and the sun by night.
    Blind woman, deaf man, jackdaw fool.
    Let the Lord of Chaos rule.

  14. #14
    IDIOT SAVANT

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    Quote Originally Posted by I Are Baboon
    I thought you were from Guam or something?
    That's his girlfriend Titanya, she's from the slimy depths of hell........................errr, I mean Puerto Rico.
    Rules? You mean we have RULES for that???

  15. #15
    Cutting sucks.

    DimebagDarrell's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by MaxMirkin
    Tell them your new major, necrophilia, is very time-consuming & requires extensive work underground.

    im sorry, but thats absolutely fucking hillarious!!!
    cutting sucks.

  16. #16
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    Whats the BFD in the first place? Tell your mother to go solve world hunger or something instead of worrying about you having or not having your skin cancer.

    Pretty damn superficial IMO.

    At least you are in school and not hanging at nude beaches all day. I was born white and I'm still white, thats life.
    Motivation Bench form Charles Poliquin When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu

    Disclaimer: All health, fitness, diet, nutrition, anabolic steroid & supplement information posted here is intended for educational and informational purposes only, and is not intended as a substitute for proper medical advice from a medical doctor. We do not condone the use of anabolic steroids (AAS), all information about AAS is for educational and entertainment purposes only. If you choose to use AAS it's your responsibility to know the laws of the country that you live in. Consult your physician or health care professional before performing any of the exercises, or following any diet, nutrition or supplement advice described on this website.

  17. #17
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    tell them that your lack of melanin increases your chances of melanoma.

    I live in Hawaii, when I went back to the mainland I heard the same crap. I just reminded them that they can mock my skin all they wanted cause when I got back to Hawaii I'd think about them freezing in the Sub-Zero winters while I sat on my shady porch sipping a cold lemonade on Christmas Day.
    Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
    not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
    and drag down the features of age,
    no folds or creases from unkempt wear
    eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
    no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
    but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012

  18. #18
    on my way to ISSA

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    You should come home one day with lots of fake bronzer on----looking horribly nasty

    she'll never bug you about your whiteness again
    Vote Quimby!!

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hanz29
    You should come home one day with lots of fake bronzer on----looking horribly nasty
    Now thats a cool idea
    Motivation Bench form Charles Poliquin When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu

    Disclaimer: All health, fitness, diet, nutrition, anabolic steroid & supplement information posted here is intended for educational and informational purposes only, and is not intended as a substitute for proper medical advice from a medical doctor. We do not condone the use of anabolic steroids (AAS), all information about AAS is for educational and entertainment purposes only. If you choose to use AAS it's your responsibility to know the laws of the country that you live in. Consult your physician or health care professional before performing any of the exercises, or following any diet, nutrition or supplement advice described on this website.

  20. #20
    Six String Samurai

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    Looks like Im too late bro. All the good one liners are taken. But

    "Mira no me des pedo por que yo te mato"

    has always worked for me.

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