Thread: I just made a 1lbs doodie...

Dave's lonely again!

Part 2-Finding the volume.

So I reach into the toilet with my left hand, I am eating a quarter pounder with cheese in my right hand and didn't want to use that hand for obvious reasons, and pull the doodie out of the toilet. Once I had the doodie out of the toilet I realized something I had previously forgotten, water magnifies the size of an object. Anyway, back to the task at hand.

I was about to drop the doodie into my DPS cup, but realized that the water level was in between 22 and 23 oz. Wanting to be as precise as possible, i set my doodie down on the back of the toilet and picked up the cup with my left hand, drinking until the water was at 20 oz. I set the cup back down and dropped my doodie into the cup. The water level rose and overfilled the cup. I pulled out the doodie, again with my left hand, and the water level was at 4oz. This meant that since 16oz of water was displaced, I had a 1lbs doodie in my hand. Well, actually I had 2 pieces of doodie that add up to 1lbs, but that is just semantics. You would have figured I would be done here, but I did not believe this number was true. I wondered if there could possibly be another way to check my work.

Originally Posted by Dale Mabry

You would have figured I would be done here, but I did not believe this number was true. I wondered if there could possibly be another way to check my work.

I have a scale I use solely for horticulture purposes. It weighs product from .1 oz to 4 lbs. This would surely do the trick. It would unfortunately contaminate the product though.

It appeared to me that I was going to have to settle for this answer until a light bulb went off in my head. Looking at the quarter pounder with cheese I had in my right hand that only had one bite out of it, I figured I could hash this one out. I had only taken a small bite out of the burger while making deuce. I figured that it was around a 1 oz bite. Since a slice of cheese weighs 1 oz, I figured these 2 would cancel each other out. So what I essentially had was 4oz of beef and an unkown weight bun. I discard the bun, actually i ate it, and licked the ketchup off of the beef and cheese, making sure only to use my right hand because I intended to eat the meat after my little experiment. For some reason, maybe it was the sodium in the ketchup, maybe just eating the bun, hell maybe it was a combination of the 2, but boy was I sure parched.

I looked at my DPS cup, which by now had 4 oz of water with fecal matter floating in it, and decided that was not the route to go. Luckily I was in a handicap stall, which I always go for given the opportunity, that came complete with it's own sink. I turned the faucet on with my right elbow and took a good long sip. By now the doodie was beginning to change into a more gelatinous mass so I had to hurry. I guess the temperature of the water in the toilet tends to keep it in solid form, but once exposed to air it starts to liquify. Who knew...

Definately too much time on your hands! LMAO!

Part 3-Wrapping it all up (Figuratively, not literally)

So now that i am no longer parched, I stand up with the doodie in my left hand and the quarter pound of beef in the other. Suddenly i remembered something from home ec class..Cooking things makes them lose water. Man was I pissed, this meant that the quarter pound of beef I had was actually a quarter pound minus the water. Now, I COULD submerge the beef in water, but I still had intended on eating that mofo. My action must be taken on the doodie, not the beef. i thought that i may be able to stand there until the water drains out of it, but that process would be entirely too slow and the doodie would drain right out of my hand.

Very few things will go from a solid to a liquid and back to a solid, my whole problem was riding on the theory that doodie was one of these things, unlike chocolate which goes from solid to liquid as the temperature increases. As I sit there, my neck gets a bit sweaty. I think of the days when i was young and my dog would shit all over our yard. For some reason whenever I get sweaty that is what i think about. Suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks, shit gets hard when it hits the air, my left hand must just be a little sweaty. luckily for me we are environmentally friendly here at my office, so I spy the hand dryer, walk over to it, and give it the forearm shiver with my right arm. I put the doodie under the vent and let it sit.

Now, the doodie being dried out, I have a fair comparison. With the doodie in my left hand and the burger in my right, I conlude that, without a shadow of a doubt, thet the doodie is 4 times the weight of the quarter pounder. I now have the answer, right? If only it were that simple.

I am right handed and, as such, my right hand is slightly stronger than my left. I needed a different perspective to ensure that it wasn't this difference that I was measuring. So, after making sure this wasn't the case, i ate my burger. The End.

Does your toilet look anything like this?

Thank you for this heart-warming tale, Dale. You have no idea how much I enjoyed reading it during lunch. It has given me inspiration.....I may have some brownies for dessert.

I was thinking some Herhsey Chocolate would be good

Dude Dale why didnt you just hop on bathroom scales and get an accurate weight. Then weigh again after the shit?

Jello Pudding is my pick ...

W......................t.......................... ......f!??!?!

oh man that is so wrong

Originally Posted by kvyd

Dude Dale why didnt you just hop on bathroom scales and get an accurate weight. Then weigh again after the shit?

I knew someone was going to ask this. There isn't a scale in my office.

damn when i read the title of this thread i thought it said "i made a 1 lb. doobie." i was like damn, dont tell spitfire.

I thought he was going to tell us that he was so proud of his feat that he performed some warmup curls with the results

Originally Posted by tomas101

W......................t.......................... ......f!??!?!

Don't worry, you get used to it. Stick around and you might even get a dose of his evil alter-ego, Duncan.

Originally Posted by Dale Mabry

I knew someone was going to ask this. There isn't a scale in my office.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA shit(!) man this some crazy stuff man to start with, but then you say you knew someone was gonna ask you about the scale?!
HAHAHHAHAHAHAH this is the funniest shit(!) thanx bro!!

that was the best story ive ever read here at IM.............

All in the name of science. See kids, stay in school.

Although you guys should prolly stay off the crack, if only I had known I wouldn't have been in this mess.

Imagine how heavy that Doodie would have been if it wasn't dried out.

ANOTHER SHIT STORY. Did you remember to wear a glove?

No, you don't understand, I dried it out to match the weight of the burger, which was also dried out. I was assuming they had the same water content, 1lbs is the guesstimate for the hydrated turd based on the dried weight.

ANOTHER SHIT STORY. Did you remember to wear a glove?

Originally Posted by Tough Old Man

ANOTHER SHIT STORY. Did you remember to wear a glove?

Please, don't insult me, gloves are for squares.

Your a funny dude. Proctology should of been your specialty

Originally Posted by Dale Mabry

Please, don't insult me, gloves are for squares.

Dale, would you say that turd was rather "Tough"?