Thread: Woman stuff...

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST



She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the front of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.


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WOMEN'S REVENGE



"Cash, check or charge?"
I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet
I noticed a TV remote control in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."



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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)



I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh,
rip the hair out by the roots,
and still be afraid of a spider.



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MARRIAGE SEMINAR



While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

"It is essential that husbands and wives
know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered,
"It's Pillsbury, isn't it, honey?"

The rest of the story gets rather ugly so I'll stop right here.



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CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS



A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later,
he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls
and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused,
"Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, "You see, it's like this.
Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers
'cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own . . . so does she"

(Of course, I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton :-) )



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WIFE VS. HUSBAND!





A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."



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A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use
each day . . . 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied,
"The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men . . .
" The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

(Milk carton candidate.)





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A man said to his wife one day,
"I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded,
"Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

that cotton ball tampon thing was the best