Thread: cute jokes

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself
out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy
neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and
asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can
paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told
her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the
garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation
and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes
all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her
money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered,
"and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed,
the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the
blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

Originally Posted by Sapphire

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"

I could guess the joke in the middle..

Originally Posted by perfectbody

I could guess the joke in the middle..

Your cookie is on the way.

good ones, saphi!
I like #1 the best!

Originally Posted by Sapphire

"And by the way," the
blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Hits close to home. I've seen Porsche owners tell this one, but it ended as "not a Porch, it's a Porsche"

I got a good one to contribute Sapph, if ya don't mind

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her husband a pet. After looking around she realized that all the pets there were very expensive. She went to the counter and questioned the clerk.
"I wanted to buy my husband a pet, but all of yours are so expensive",she said.
"Well,"said the clerk, "I have a huge bullfrog in the back for $50.00. Would you like to see it?"
"$50.00?? For a Frog??" asked the woman.
The clerk said, "It's a special frog. It gives blow jobs." Well, the woman did not particularly enjoy giving head, so, she thought his was a heck of a deal. She'd get her husband a gift he'd surely enjoy, and she'd never have to do that again. The woman decided to buy the frog. She took it home to her husband and explained the strange gift. Of course, her husband was a bit skeptical, but said for sure he'd try it out that night. The woman went to bed that night relieved knowing she'd never have to give another blow
job. About two in the morning, she woke up to hear pots and pans banging around in the kitchen. She got up to go see what was going on. When she got to the kitchen she saw her husband and the frog, sitting at the kitchen table like best buddies, looking through cookbooks.
"What are you two doing looking through cookbooks at this hour?" asked the woman.
The husband looks up at her and says, "Well, if I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is outta here."

hey! gr81....gr81....

what up B-man, how you doin.. good joke huh! ha ha

not much, brotha-
just getting around for the day..(night shift worker) go ot the gym, then off to work...
you?

thats pretty much the drill 4 me as well. School quarter just began this week so adjusting to that. other than that, been doing the westside barbell thang and reading alot, all that keeps me pretty busy. staying on the grind as they say.. lol. how the WO's going 4 ya?

hate to say it..but have been slacking. Have a lot of outside things that are affecting me. They are begining to clear up, and getting back into my groove.

hate to say it..but have been slacking. Have a lot of outside things that are affecting me.

happens to the best of us maYn, ain't no thing.. remember the next rep is always the most important. sometimes we need mental breaks, they can be rejuvinating as well. take it for what it is and move on. hey good times B..

yeah, buddy-
gota get ready to head out her in a bit and nail my delts.

one good thing,is tat I may be getting a different job. It would be permamnent mid shifts...t only 8 hour shifts! (as opposed to my 12 hour shifts now)
It is still in the same room I work in now, different mission. I wanna stay on mids, as I will still have time to puruse real estate while keeping an income steady...