Carpe Diem

The legend of Bill Brasky started as a skit on Saturday Night Live years ago. It’s basically two drunks discussing the exploits of a man named Bill Brasky, but there’s more to the Brasky legend. Very few people knew that for a while he was into bodybuilding so I added a few of my recollections that deal with his bodybuilding years. My recollections are listed after the original script. By the way I can’t be the only one that knew old Bill when he was Bodybuuilding.. So by all means add your own remembrances of Bill if you feel like it.
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Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch!"
"Bill Brasky is the father of every kid in this town!"
"Bill Brasky once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!"
"His poop is used as currency in Argentina."
"He sweats Gatorade"
"He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health."
"He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! .......And he hated irony!"
"I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury."
"He sheds his skin once a year."
"He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Brasky!"
"Bill Brasky was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!"
"Bill Brasky had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese."
"He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."
"He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child."
"Brasky drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"
"They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Brasky talk in his sleep."
"He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident."
"He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."
"You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!"
"Bill Brasky was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!"
"He's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi."
"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky went hunting? Brasky decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."
"We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it."
"He has a toenail on the end of his penis."
"Brasky once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms."
"Brasky named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that."
""They use Brasky's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee stadium."
“He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom."
"Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said it would've happened sometime."
"Brasky's semen can form into a liquid human - like the guy from 'Terminator 2'"

BRASKY’S BODYBUILDING FEATS

Brasky once dieted for one day and beat Sergio Oliva in a posedown.

Many bodybuilders grind-up Brasky’s pubic hairs and use them as protein supplements.

Braskys chest is what Arnold had in mind when he developed his chest. He never got close.

Brasky does bicep curls by sticking his hands in two full grown elephants asses. He then puts them in a blender and makes a protein shake.

Ronnie Coleman carries Brasky’s Jock-strap. Rumor has it that Coleman pays him just for the honor.

Brasky injects pure Bull semen directly into his eyelids.

Braskys rhoid rage was the cause of World War Two.

Brasky once squatted1700 pounds for 14 days straight then went out dancing later on that night.

It is illegal for Olympic athletes to ingest Braskys urine, although many of them do pay him to give them golden showers.

The ridges in Brasky’s Abs are so deep that they can be viewed by people on the space shuttle while in space..

Brasky’s gear bag is made from the skin of a once famous now dead bodybuilder. It was the famous bodybuilders last wish to be made into a gear bag for Brasky..Brasky hated the guy so he uesd only his ass skin.