I'm leaving my wife

**Pepper** · 10-26-2004, 10:14 AM

Originally Posted by Lurker

... I wish he would have never told me. It wasn't hurting me, why slap me in the face with it? To make himself feel better thats all.

I was going to post this yesterday but decided against it. However, I agree that often telling the spouse about your cheating is for you to feel better. I am not sure that is a good thing.

I don't think running around on your wife is a good thing either, however, if it is truly in your past I am not sure anything comes from telling other than hurting your spouse. It's tough b/c not telling could also be simply the easy way out.

I have advised a good friend who I was convinced was truly repentent not to tell. He would feel better but his wife would be devastated. Seemed self-serving to tell her.

**naturaltan** · 10-26-2004, 10:24 AM

Originally Posted by Pepper

I was going to post this yesterday but decided against it. However, I agree that often telling the spouse about your cheating is for you to feel better. I am not sure that is a good thing.

I don't think running around on your wife is a good thing either, however, if it is truly in your past I am not sure anything comes from telling other than hurting your spouse. It's tough b/c not telling could also be simply the easy way out.

I have advised a good friend who I was convinced was truly repentent not to tell. He would feel better but his wife would be devastated. Seemed self-serving to tell her.

I'm just responding to Pepper's thought ... as I don't know Rock well enough to respond either way.

Pepper, don't you think that by not telling that the person in the wrong is living a lie? If the one in the wrong doesn't come clean, then what happens if the other spouse finds out? It's hurtful either way, but by coming clean, maybe the chances of reconcilliation are remotely possible. By cheating, hiding it and never coming clean, I think those chances of reconcilliation become very dim.

**Dale Mabry** · 10-26-2004, 10:27 AM

Originally Posted by naturaltan

It's hurtful either way, but by coming clean, maybe the chances of reconcilliation are remotely possible.

It would prolly be easier for his wife if he didn't tell her. If he does the stand up thing and tells her, he sends mixed signals, he is good for telling her but bad for doing it. If SHE finds out on her own, he is a dick on both ends so she can deflect the blame squarely on his shoulders.

Just an alternate view, I would tell her personally.

**bulletproof1** · 10-26-2004, 10:31 AM

well i wonder if he told her and if so i wonder what happened.

**Pepper** · 10-26-2004, 10:32 AM

NT,

I definately see you point. However, I think if you are truly sorry, your cheating will be your cross to bear. I guess it comes down your heart. If you really are sorry, seems that you should have to live with it, not your wife.

Like I said, I was not going to chime in with that b/c I too see the issues with it but since a woman threw that out there, I thought I'd share it.

**Pepper** · 10-26-2004, 10:35 AM

Originally Posted by naturaltan

I'm just responding to Pepper's thought ... as I don't know Rock well enough to respond either way.

Pepper, don't you think that by not telling that the person in the wrong is living a lie?

Keep in mind, in my scenario they are not living a lie. The cheating is in the past and will not occur again.

Most people eventually tell out of guilt. So you feel better. The wife does not. She's hurt. Your guilt relief is at her expense.

**naturaltan** · 10-26-2004, 10:41 AM

I do understand what you're saying. In such a scenerio, there really is nothing good about it.

I'm with Dale ... if it were me in the wrong, I'd tell.

**bulletproof1** · 10-26-2004, 10:45 AM

i dont want to judge rock or anything but imo, deceiving the person who trusted you with their future and chose you to be their partner is the ultimate form of betrayal. thats just me though. i hope for his sake she has a game going on too or she might end up pulling a bobbitt on him.

**Pepper** · 10-26-2004, 10:45 AM

Originally Posted by naturaltan

I do understand what you're saying. In such a scenerio, there really is nothing good about it.

I'm with Dale ... if it were me in the wrong, I'd tell.

I can't argue with that. My theory clearly does seem like weasle-ing out.

**OceanDude** · 10-26-2004, 10:56 AM

Does anyone know what happened?
OD

**bulletproof1** · 10-26-2004, 10:57 AM

lol i just asked that 5 minutes ago.

**Crono1000** · 10-26-2004, 11:20 AM

well he stopped posting like at 9:30 last night, right as some good advice was popping up (I never thought I'd say it, but I agree with OceanDude

.)

he said he'd tell her at 10:30

I'm so lame I was anticipating 10:30 to find out what would happen, but obviously he can't tell us until he has access to a comp somewhere.

**naturaltan** · 10-26-2004, 11:25 AM

Originally Posted by Crono1000

I'm so lame I was anticipating 10:30 to find out what would happen, but obviously he can't tell us until he has access to a comp somewhere.

or has recovered from the beating

**shutupntra1n** · 10-26-2004, 11:31 AM

I think the worst of all is the chance you take giving your wife/husband an std or even worse, AIDS giving the risk of infection these days. There are many stories that end up that way

**oaktownboy** · 10-26-2004, 12:26 PM

Originally Posted by PreMier

That is not appropriate.

i agree..this isn't a fuckin fairly tale..this is real life..what the hell were u thinkin?
EDIT: THIS IS ADRESSED TO THAT ADRIEN LADY.

**SPIKE1257** · 10-26-2004, 12:38 PM

Originally Posted by shutupntra1n

I think the worst of all is the chance you take giving your wife/husband an std or even worse, AIDS giving the risk of infection these days. There are many stories that end up that way

Oh man, imagine having to throw this into the mix..

**BabsieGirl** · 10-26-2004, 01:17 PM

OMG! Never did I see this coming.

Rock, I'm disappointed in you, however on the other hand, I'm proud of you for stepping up and speaking out. Your wife has the right to know. I agree with OD, NT and Pepper....so many points of view to all of this. I'm very shocked and I'd almost bank when you tell your wife, she's going to wonder why? Why? And, if she didn't see it coming or never had suspicion....I feel she'll always have doubt in the back of her mind. It'll take some work to get through this. From both of you. I'd recommend counseling. For her first and then together.

If my husband cheated, part of me would want to know and the other wouldn't. I would like to know because maybe I needed to make adjustments to make him happy/satisfied..was there something wrong with me? What' wasn't I doing right?,etc...and until I knew the reasons....I wouldn't be able to forgive. On the other hand, part of me wouldn't want to know because I'd forever be thinking about it and wondering (while I wasn't with him) "is he with someone tonight!" My heart just wouldn't feel the same.

Rock - You have a lot to sort out hon. You need to do what's best for you and for her. Look for the reasons why you cheated. Maybe there is a reason? Good luck Rock and I hope you're not tossed out on the streets tonight. From what I've read about Lisa, I doubt she'll kick you out. You'll find comfort in the couch. I hope!

Offer counselling!!!!

**adrien_j9** · 10-26-2004, 01:43 PM

Originally Posted by oaktownboy

i agree..this isn't a fuckin fairly tale..this is real life..what the hell were u thinkin?
EDIT: THIS IS ADRESSED TO THAT ADRIEN LADY.

I'll be happy to explain myself if you explain your question.

**Lurker** · 10-26-2004, 02:03 PM

Originally Posted by naturaltan

I'm just responding to Pepper's thought ... as I don't know Rock well enough to respond either way.

Pepper, don't you think that by not telling that the person in the wrong is living a lie? If the one in the wrong doesn't come clean, then what happens if the other spouse finds out? It's hurtful either way, but by coming clean, maybe the chances of reconcilliation are remotely possible. By cheating, hiding it and never coming clean, I think those chances of reconcilliation become very dim.

You have to make living ammends anyway so come clean to God, come clean to someone you really trust, but just coming clean to your spouse just to make yourself feel better is just hurtful.

**Var** · 10-26-2004, 02:04 PM

Wow! Just caught up on this thread.

Good luck bud! Let us know how u make out.

**BoneCrusher** · 10-26-2004, 05:19 PM

Anyone heard from Rock today? Rock if your lurking I wish you luck and strength ...

**I Are Baboon** · 10-26-2004, 05:53 PM

Rock is probably a bit too preoccupied right now between finding a LAWYER and trying to get things straightened out.

Hope we hear from him sooner rather than later.

**SPIKE1257** · 10-26-2004, 05:57 PM

And that park bench makes for one uncomfortable nites sleep.

**BoneCrusher** · 10-26-2004, 05:58 PM

Originally Posted by I Are Baboon

Rock is probably a bit too preoccupied right now between finding a LAWYER and trying to get things straightened out.

Hope we hear from him sooner rather than later.

He can tell by the number of posts in his thread that there are people here that he can talk too ...

**Paynne** · 10-26-2004, 07:09 PM

I went through that for a year before getting back together with the wife and I can't even describe how much it sucks. Of course there were kids involved which made it 500 times worse. Hope you're ok Rock.

**Stickboy** · 10-26-2004, 07:29 PM

Didn't really talk to you much, but I wish both you and your wife well in whatever happens.

**Randy** · 10-26-2004, 07:42 PM

Rock,

I didn't read the end of this thread to hear the entire outcome of this situation, but I just wanted to say that it takes a man to come forward and admit his mistakes. Many don't even have the courage to get to this point. Admitting your fault is probably the hardest part, but turning yourself around is a very respectable thing to do...

While I don't know you personally, I feel that your still family since we are always amongst each other on the forum.. I wish you all the best and hope your wife can forgive you.

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