Crono1000

This is it folks, the final installment to the Wizard of IM! It's a doozy, it was hard to get it all down in one chapter but I promised that this would be it so sure enough, I have ended the madness. Apologies to everyone that didn't get in it. I tried at least to mention a few extra people even if just to get your name highlighted since this was the last of them. Enjoy!

Chapter 1: http://www.ironmagazineforums.com/sh...ghlight=Wizard (The Wizard of IM: An IM Story, Part 1)
Chapter 2: http://www.ironmagazineforums.com/sh...ghlight=Wizard (The Wizard of IM: An IM Story, Part 2)
Chapter 3: http://www.ironmagazineforums.com/sh...ghlight=Wizard (The Wizard of IM: An IM Story, Part 3)
Chapter 4: http://www.ironmagazineforums.com/sh...ghlight=Wizard (The Wizard of IM: An IM Story, Part 4)
Chapter 5: http://www.ironmagazineforums.com/sh...ghlight=Wizard (The Wizard of IM Part 5)

Chapter 6: The Final Wish

Somewhere inside Prince’s fortress myCATpowerlifts lay shackled, naked, and repeatedly whipped screaming in ecstasy. Muscle_Girl knew how to handle a whip.

But she wasn’t at the time. That would have been somewhat normal. She was monitoring, instructing Vieope on proper techniques, who was instead doing the whippings. He hardly needed advice, however, having been trained by the infamous BoneCrusher, who got his name from being an overweight homosexual and preferring to be on top- thus, crushing bones.

Vieope was a special inhabitant of IM. He had a strange speech impediment and an infatuation with giant blue rabbits- which made sense, considering he was himself a giant blue rabbit and the only known giant blue rabbit in existence. No one knows what exactly is wrong with him, except that he’s usually “off” unexplainably in some aspect or another. The giant blue ears didn’t help either.

Muscle_Girl and Vieope had intended for the beatings to force CAT to expose the secrets to using the magic in the enchanted thong of naturaltan, but CAT was instead enjoying the whippings so found no reason to make them quit by telling them how to use it. Not that he could have told them anyway, he honestly didn’t know or care how he came across a beautiful matching bra for the enchanted thong that he was also wearing- but he really did look pretty good in it.

**************************************************

For no reason at all, 72 and a half miles south of the current events, shutupntra1n was enjoying a slice of cheesecake.

**************************************************

Next door to her, Jenny and GoalGetter were designing a small paper airplane, but not made of paper but rather waffles and not so much a small airplane as a giant sized condom. At least they tried right?

************************************************** *

72 and a half miles north plus one house to the right from where Jenny and Jodi were building their little giant model paper airplane waffle condom, Titanya and greekblondchic continued to search the fortress for the enchanted magical thong.

They ran down a countless number of hallways and searched through several unmarked doors.

“I’m getting tired of searching. Where the hell could it be!?” Titanya yelled frustrated.

“I can’t tell,” greekblondchick answered back, “It’s hard to concentrate with all that screaming coming from that room over there. The one with the big red arrow over it with the lights and sign that says ‘Torture Chamber: Thong Secrets Extraction in Process.;”

“That says what?”

“’Thong Secrets Extraction.’ Probably has some poor lad strapped down, whipping him until he reveals the location of the thong, or maybe already has it and is trying to find out how to use it. Poor lad…”

“greek…” Titanya muttered under her breath.

“Yeah, Tit?” greekblondchic replied.

“We’ve wasted too much time talking, lets try this hall over there. I saw some more unmarked doors.”

**********************************************

Sitting inside his chamber, surrounded by monitors each displaying the events of dozens of rooms, Prince’s fingers traced the many buttons resting on a keypad. He used a pinky-thumb-index finger technique on three of the buttons: Ctrl, Alt, Delete.

Shown on the monitors, secret doors throughout the complex began to open.

**********************************************

IT, his pet gr81, stubby Eggs, scarecrow Albob, and Var neared the end of the dark tunnel. The light they could see was getting closer and brighter every minute they walked.

After a short while, they had finally made it to the exit.

IT hesitated, thinking aloud, “One of us should go out first, you know, to test the surroundings. Who knows what’s outside the void after such a long time?”

“Alright. Let’s draw straws,” Eggs logically concluded.

“Who’s got straws?” asked Var.

As good as answering vocally, IT ripped five pieces of straw straight from Albob’s arm.

They each grabbed from IT a piece of straw. Var looked at his and sighed in relief, his was pretty long. Eggs looked at his and shrugged his shoulders, it wasn’t quite as long as Var‘s, but it had some girth to it and was still big enough to get the job done. gr81’s was small, but he stretched it to look longer than it really was. His was small and white- it barely ever saw light- but he had plenty of history dealing with larger, blacker pieces of straw and knew how to erect a piece of straw a few inches. Albob’s was short and shriveled, and from the looks of it hadn’t been used for anything useful in a while. IT, though, was left with the shortest of them all. It had seemed to have been handled a lot though, but probably from Albob or maybe even IT himself mostly.

IT crept outside the void into the world of IM once again. He stood up, and was now looking face to face with Titanya and greekblondchic. The confusion was interrupted by the surprising slide of a secret door right next to the two women. Out came, as far as IT could tell, Albob himself.

“Albob? But you were in the void!” IT insisted.

Certainly it looked like Albob, but something just wasn’t right about him. Perhaps it was that his eyes were just slightly bulgier than they should have been, or maybe the shade of his eyes were just barely not quite the right color. Were his ears just so slightly higher than they should have been? Was he just a bit shorter or a bit taller than normal? Whatever it was, it seemed almost subliminal.

Or maybe it was that he was naked.

A closer inspection revealed two things to IT: One was that this Albob was indeed not really Albob. The other was that this Albob’s fist was getting a lot closer to IT’s face.

*******************************************

Inside the void, the rest of the group had heard no indication that it was safe to leave.

An uneasy silence lingered in the air. Nobody wanted to go out to see what was wrong, but no one wanted to stay stuck in the void either.

“Anybody up for a game of Dungeons and Dragons?” came an uninvited voice.

They quickly pushed each other aside racing for the exit.

********************************************

Shutupntra1n finished her piece of cheesecake. She went to the fridge to get something to drink. She wanted something cold, something refreshing, something cherry, something with a lot of ice.

She called out the drinks she had as she scanned them, “Protein drink, protein drink, protein drink, ah milk shake! Nope, protein drink, protein drink…”

She would have to go next door to get a drink.

*******************************************

gr81, Albob, Var, and Eggs all fell out of the void together in a single big clump. It had been a while since they had seen anything besides the endless chasms of Titanya’s cave.

IT greeted them with a warm, gentle smile. The air around him seemed strange though. His hair was parted the wrong way or maybe his teeth were slightly more crooked. Again, it may have been that he was naked.

gr81’s animal instincts began to tingle. Something was wrong, not quite right. His growling alarmed the others.

The slow to think but quick to act Var punched IT and began to ran. The others quickly followed, each thinking it’s about time someone punched IT and left him lost in a fortified maze.

They didn’t realize, however, that the room they were in was no longer stretching hallways and that there were no unlocked doors for them to escape. Near one wall stood a red headed woman dressed in a shiny red dress, very much like that of Jessica Rabbit, and a giant blue bunny, who looked ironically nothing like Roger Rabbit. Titanya, the cave in which they had just now escaped, was shackled on the wall, along with greekblondchic, myCATpowerlifts, and IT.

“IT!” they each called out.

“This makes no sense,” Eggs reasoned, “Who is that other IT?”

The wall behind them mysteriously moved aside, revealing several slightly off (and naked) figures of familiar faces. Prince himself stood in front of the army of misfits donned in king like clothing, and above him a floating pair of squinty eyes opened slightly, and a giant head materialized in the air. A voice from the figure spoke something aloud.

“I seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”

*********************************************

*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*

GoalGetter opened the door.

“Hey! I was wondering if you had anything to drink,” shutupntra1n said.

“Well,” GoalGetter answered, “come in the back and we’ll see what we have.”

Shutupntra1n followed GoalGetter to the back of the house, where Jenny was constructing their little giant model paper airplane waffle condom.

“Hey Jenny, do we have anything to drink?” asked GoalGetter.

“Did you check the fridge?” asked Jenny, rolling her eyes.

“Why? Does the fridge know?” GoalGetter sarcastically replied.

“Don’t give me this again GG! It’s that kind of attitude that made us have to use waffles instead of paper for our airplane!”

“Oh fine! I guess it’s my fault that the blueprints look like a giant condom?”

“No, but it was your idea to add the lubricant!”

“It helps it fly smoother!”

Shutupntra1n listened to the argument. She wondered that if the lubricant was so that it would fly smoother, then what was the purpose of the spermicide. Regardless, she let the two fight it out and meanwhile she played around with the strange contraption. It certainly was very large, huge in fact. She could easily sit into it, and she did. She wondered what one can do with a giant condom, and then remembered her encounter with Crono1000. Yeah, he is probably the only guy in the world that could fill such a condom- he is huge.

“OOOOOOOOOOh what a man.”

She stretched her arms out in relaxation and accidentally nudged a wooden lever resting next to her.

Printed on the lever were the words “For Ejection, Pull.” (no pun intended)

The device launched her and the giant condom miles and miles into the air. In fact, it launched her about 72 and a half miles north and one house to the right.

************************************************** ****

“I would like to introduce you to my army of half-clones, “ Prince explained.

“What’s going on here?” Albob insisted.

“Allow me to make things clear. This is the great Wizard of IM, min0 lee! We are the leaders the clon…”

“I see,” interrupted min0 lee.

“Right,” Prince continued, “min0 lee and I are the leaders of our own evil clone army of IM members. Unfortunately, we can’t seem to…”

“I see.”

“… to get the transformation just right. We just can’t replicate them perfectly.”

Albob asked, “How so? They seem about right to me.”

“Yeah but they’re naked.”

After a short silence Albob noted, “Hmm. What do ya know, you’re right.”

“Plus their names are slightly wrong. Now enough of this! Evil IM Clone Army, prepare to attack”

Prince began calling each member of his evil clone army one by one.

1T, Alb0b, Cr0n01ooo, johnnnny, PreMeir, mino lee, du51o, adr1en_j9- attack!”

The army of look-alikes stood forward. The actual du510 and adrien_j9 were popular IM members because of their joint porn site. Not able to find many models for their site, they mostly posed themselves until JJJ contacted them with his fresh porn ideas. Models were expensive and hard to talk into getting nude. Animals, on the other hand, were already nude and readily available at the nearest zoo. The site got more and more hits every day, people preferring the nudity of elephants and hippos to adrien and du’s, but visitors wanted more hardcore images. JJJ volunteered for the new Rhino photo shoot and decided to put himself in the pics as well. The rhino started off just fine, and surprisingly flexible, but eventually the rhino’s morals began to nag at her. In a vengeful rage, the rhino attacked JJJ, pulling at his nose hairs without mercy. JJJ has recovered since then, but no longer will trim his own nose hairs- which would explain why he allows those giant things to continue dangling to his chin at the message boards. Rumors say that he’s learned to type with them.

The evil clone army slowly approached helpless Albob, gr81, Eggs, and Var.

Shutupntra1n, or SUNT for short (which explains why she changed her name from Climbupntra1n), came crashing through the roof. The giant condom landed on the clone army and trapped them, and then as a crash pad broke shutupntra1n’s fall.

She stood up and surveyed her surroundings. Tied to the walls were four people, one with a gaping vortex between her legs, and one a lion man wearing a bra and thong. Standing before them was a red headed woman talking with a giant blue bunny holding a whip. Across the room levitated a giant Asian woman’s head mumbling the same two syllables over and over next to a man wearing a crown. Next to her was a bald scarecrow, a man that thinks he’s a dog that thinks he’s a man, a stubby dwarf, and a man who didn’t look as if he’d seen the sun in years. Beneath her was an army of nude clones that appeared just not quite right and buried beneath a giant condom.

“Anybody got something to drink?” she asked.

“I see,” min0 lee said cheerfully.

This caught shutupntra1n’s attention.

“What did you say?”

“I see.”

“I see… icee? I‘d love an Icee!”

An uncomfortable silence fell over the room. No one knew exactly where to take this now. The army was defeated, shutupntra1n wanted a drink, min0 lee had offered a drink but seemingly had no way to supply one, and Vieope was now engaged in whipping Muscle_Girl for no apparent reason.

IT spoke up, “Will someone get me the fuck home!?!?!”

A distant hiccup grew louder along with the smell of beer that grew stronger.

Rock4832 stumbled into the room from nowhere, grabbing onto the walls for support.

“Ok, listen here…” rock managed to sputter, “My name is rock. I’m here to explain some things. First of all… whooaaaaaa, ha the floor is move-y.”

“Get to the point drunk,” Titanya scowled.

“Oh right. So the thong has many magical properties. It is not limited to just one wish,” rock said.

The room gasped.

“So I can wish for some lace for my bra?” myCATpowerlifts eagerly asked.

“Or I can get a drink?” asked shutupntra1n.

“A drink? I wanna drink. Who’s got a drink?” rock said right before falling asleep.

Suddenly the thong began to glow. Magic swirled throughout the room.

Lace decorated CAT’s bra from the front to the back with beautiful, silky designs. Shutupntra1n was drinking a lap full of cherry Icee’s. Albob grew a head full of hair. The clone army was wearing clothes. IT wore the Miss Canada crown. Vieope was talking in non-italicized grammar. Min0 lee was wearing glasses. Everyone’s wishes were coming true all at once, and everyone was wishing a lot.

Queen Butterfly magically appeared as well. Shaking her head in disbelief, she summoned her most loyal pixies, bulletproof1 and largepkg. They flew towards CAT, retrieved the thong, and handed it over to Queen Butterfly.

A chandelier made of marshmallow lit by peanut butter candles hung in mid air.

“Enough with the wishing!” Queen Butterfly screamed right as a small blue bunny materialized magically on top of her head.

It was hard for her to see the crowd now, what with Var’s elephant riding the tricycle in the middle of the room next to greekblondchic’s pool filled with chocolate ice cream. She still managed the conversation pretty well though.

“IT, take this thong and use it’s power. It will finally take you home,” she instructed.

“How?” IT asked.

“I told you once. You must find the person that the thong was intended to…”

“I see!” a voice interrupted.

“… be worn by,” Butterfly continued, “Only then can it’s magic be used to end all this carnage and return you home.”

IT looked around the room. Who was it supposed to be worn by?

He thought to himself, “Well it’s not CAT, he’s already tried it on. Albob? No, too many wrinkles. The thong would never know which crack to go up. Titanya? No, the gaping vortex between her legs would suck it right up. Maybe… maybe I should wear it?”

IT held the thong up high, and then down low. He placed one leg in, and then the other.

A blinding flash filled the room from the thong. The room began to spin, and not just for rock this time. The entire building felt as though it was lifted into the air, and then back down. Loud booms filled the air, darkness overcame the skies and lit back up with more blinding flashes. Things were wet, but warm. Someone was looking at IT. Several someone’s.


IT closed his eyes, and then opened them again.

*****************************************

IT was resting in his bed. Uncle Albob, myCATpowerlifts, and Dale Mabry were all standing beside him.

“You alright kid?” Uncle Albob asked.

“Yeah… Yeah I think I’m fine.” IT answered, “But I had this dream. And, Uncle Albob, you were there. And CAT you were there.”

“Was I there?” Dale asked.

“Nope,” IT answered, “You weren’t there.”

“Poop.”

Just then gr81 ran into the room, jumped on top of IT, and licked him all over. How IT’s pet was glad to see him OK.

“So it was all just a dream…” IT whispered.

As Albob and CAT left the room, IT was sure he saw some straw exposed in Albob’s shirt. And he might have even seen a bright red thong peaking out of CAT’s pants.

As the storm began to settle, IT could see a few distant friends waving at him on the horizon…

******************************************

Somewhere else in the world, Crono1000 writes a story about him writing about him writing about him writing about the first Crono1000 that was writing about himself. The world imploded with the complexity of it all and none of this ever mattered.

The End

shutupntra1n

I had such a big role. Thank you Thank you Thank you... You're too too kind.

MaxMirkin

Great ending, Dude! ........But what happened to the hot lesbian sex?

The lions sing and the hills take flight.
The moon by day, and the sun by night.
Blind woman, deaf man, jackdaw fool.
Let the Lord of Chaos rule.

Du

And from here on in, you shall be known as ClimbUpAndTra1n.

My IronMag Journal

Chain Link

Crono

That was great! Ill have to read the preceeding Chapters when I get time.. I tried to start at Chapt 1.. But I skipped ahead to see if people thought it was funny, and I just saw a bunch of fighting because OD was speaking english,"too well."

JJJ

The part about me is even funnier when you realize that I am actually a man

MaxMirkin

You are? ......Are you sure?

The lions sing and the hills take flight.
The moon by day, and the sun by night.
Blind woman, deaf man, jackdaw fool.
Let the Lord of Chaos rule.

JJJ

Hold on let me check... *looking down pants* Yep, still a man.

Crono1000

lol oh shit you're right. I confused you with adrien!!! Ahahaha, sorry I'll fix that

jjj, you know what, I had alot of name flip flopping going on. in the first draft everywhere you see Prince's name I had rock doing all the evil doing, and the first time I wrote it I had adrien doing the rhinoing until I saw you said the rhino thing in the other thread so I just replaced the names and didn't even think whether I had a his/her relation. Ok, so I'll fix it

greekblondechic

Pool of chocolate ice cream..you know me too well!

I can do it

I WILL be a size 5.

shutupntra1n

I definitely had to Congradulate Crono on this wonderful Chapter. To show my appreciation I officially changed my Name title above my avi

Crono1000

you are such a Climbupntrain

Crono1000

i just did a quick touch up job editing a few parts. Not worth reading again for anybody, but just know I fixed a few typos, errors, misunderstandings.

whether or not people picked up on this or not it doesn't matter, but the clone army was kind of a spoof off of when people were imitating other people at the board

Crono1000

don't forget, this spring the DVD collection is released in stores nationwide

Rocco32

Alright, after reading that story I think I need to go home and have a few beers

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain...

Vieope

Var

Nice work Crono!

But when you disarm them, you at once offend them by showing that you distrust them, either for cowardice or for want of loyalty, and either of these opinions breeds hatred against you.

-N. Machiavelli

Vieope

BoneCrusher

But why did I have to be the overwirght homosexual. I'm not not even overwieght ...

adrien_j9

I was in, I was in!!!! I'm no longer a newbie!!! YEYYYYYYY!!!!

"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but how we REACT to what happens; not by what life brings to us, but by the ATTITUDE we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a CHAIN REACTION of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst... a spark that creates EXTRAORDINARY RESULTS."

Du

We run a porn shop. Could it get any better than this??

My IronMag Journal

adrien_j9

What a team!! Where are the pictures??? Bring on the pictures!

"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but how we REACT to what happens; not by what life brings to us, but by the ATTITUDE we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a CHAIN REACTION of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst... a spark that creates EXTRAORDINARY RESULTS."

JJJ

No no, those babies with me and the rhino aint going up on IM.

adrien_j9

Awwww, come on, live a little!

"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but how we REACT to what happens; not by what life brings to us, but by the ATTITUDE we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a CHAIN REACTION of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst... a spark that creates EXTRAORDINARY RESULTS."

Crono1000

JJJ

Thats du, adrien and the rhino. The rhino is the one on the right you dont wanna know were I am. ( ever seen jim carrey in animal detectiv or whatever the movie is called?)

Du

Please tell me Im the one hiding on the far left....

My IronMag Journal

Crono1000

love the new avi jjj

adrien_j9

NO WAY! That's me, he PM'd me and told me so, huh Crono? Sorry DU, you are about to have your ass pounded by that disgusting tube steak.

"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but how we REACT to what happens; not by what life brings to us, but by the ATTITUDE we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a CHAIN REACTION of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst... a spark that creates EXTRAORDINARY RESULTS."

irontime

Guess I should have shut my mouth about not being in the last one that much

Gotta admit buddy, fuckin hilarious story

If god were suddenly condemned to live the life which he has inflicted on man, he would kill himself.
- Alexander Dumas (1802 - 1870)