You are officially invited...

**Crono1000** · 12-13-2004, 11:11 PM

here:

Crono's Official Ironmag War

we're having a good time here, but we don't have nearly as many players as we could use. It's not hard to follow and it's fun! No more excuses

, if you are to post in Ironmag then fight for your freedom-
IN IRONMAG WAR!

The simple rules are this:
Check clock, record the seconds. check the chart with what those seconds give you. Do this twice every day. Then attack people with what you get, or heal yourself or whatever that particular thing does. A person loses when they lose all 125 points. Simple.

**Crono1000** · 12-15-2004, 12:38 PM

Bring
Up
My
Post

**Crono1000** · 12-15-2004, 01:34 PM

Here's what you're missing if you aren't a part yet:

**Crono1000** · 12-15-2004, 01:36 PM

Originally Posted by rockgazer69

I can't sleep. the cave is hot and memories of my time here with conan are making me even hotter. i slip back into my bra and panties and exit the cave. the night is clear and silent. i remember hiding ammo and a medi kit around here someplace... ahha, i climb into a tree and retrieve the pak.. and we have a 40 pt damage chrono piss missle and a 10pt restore pak called "it's ring"... that bastard Chain Link is hiding around here somewhere i know it. my skin chills with more memories. he had attempted to arrested me once years ago when he was still a cop, getting a little too thorough as he frisked me.

a well placed heel to the groin and my escape was easy enough.... but i had had to leave my favorite guns behind. time for a little payback. i knew all i had to do was wait. it wasn't long before i saw him approaching from the west. i pulled a small strip of bandage from the medi kit and tied it around my head like a gag. jumping from the tree i gripped the piss missle tightly and hiding my hands behind me i backed up to the tree base and tried to look afraid.

sure enough his base desires made him careless as predicted. his eyes lingering over my chest he approached without at all realizing there was no rope securing me to the tree. piss missle point blank to the face. CL down 40 pts. ripping the phoney gag from my mouth i was in and out of the cave, dressed on the run before he even stopped screaming.

132pts. It's ring.

**Crono1000** · 12-15-2004, 01:36 PM

Originally Posted by Chain Link

Open Chat
Also here: Johnnny, Crono, Rockgazer69, Maniclion.
Obvious exits: General Interests Forums, IronMagazine.com LLC BodyBuilding Forums.
[HP=125][MA=0]: inv
You are carrying nothing!
[HP=125][MA=0]: look crono
Crono is a stout Dwarf Paladin holding a book full of, what appears to be, Jodi's health tips. Crono is fast and nimble, appears friendly; in an unassuming sort of way. He is wearing no pants.
[HP=125][MA=0]: look rock
You do not see rock here!
[HP=125][MA=0]: look rockgazer69
Rockgazer69 is a .. wooowooo! nice! er, Elf Ninja wearing a dirty, smelly, bug infested wig.. which has a bald spot! She is also wearing an engagement ring with a design commonly known for prefernce among homosexuals. She weilds an oddly shaped pistol, and has a pubic hair stuck in her zipper. Rockgazer69 moves quickly, with stealth, but radiates an aura of charm.
[HP=125][MA=0]: look Johnnny
Johnny is a short Troll. While carrying no weapons, he is arms to the teeth with misinformation, and,"Factoids." Johnnny moves eratically, going to one location, another, then back to where he started. He seems friendly; at first..
[HP=125][MA=0]: look maniclion
Maniclion is busy doing something in the trees; check back later.
[HP=125][MA=0]: attack Johnnny with dale mabry's doodie launcher

Chain Link opens up his bag of goodies, and whips out Dale Mabry's Doodie Launcher! He drops to one knee, shoulders it, gags, and shoots the piece of shit.. with a piece of shit! Johnnny sustains 25 points of damage!

[HP=125][MA=0]: say Ooops, misfire!
You say,"Ooops, misfire!"
[HP=125][MA=0]: use MaxMirkin's Pubic Apologies on Johnnny

Chain Link calls the attention of everybody in the forum, and appears to be preparing for a public apology. He says,"I'm sorry you guys get caught in the zipper sometimes, and I end up uprooting you." Johnnny appears disappointed, turns to walk away, and runs into a light pole! Johnnny sustains 10 damage! The people cheer on Chain Link, and he gains 10 Pnts!

[HP=135][MA=0]: go General Interests Forums

General Interests Forums
Also here: BoneCrusher.
Obvious exits: General Health & Awareness, Buy, Sell, Trade, Transaction Feedback, Open Chat, Sexual Health, Sports.
[HP=135][MA=0]: use min0 lee's "I see" dick pic on bonecrusher

Chain Link runs up to BoneCrusher and says,"Hey, Ive got a real bone crusher for you!" BoneCrusher looks at the picture with a large smile.. Chain Link removes the piece of paper that was formerly covering the lower half, and BoneCrusher goes blind! BoneCrusher fumbles about dazedly, and runs into a bigger light pole, taking 15 damage! Chain Link says,"WTF!?" and kicks BoneCrusher in the nads for 5 more damage. BoneCrusher fumbles away 1/2 blind, with 20 damage.

**Crono1000** · 12-15-2004, 01:38 PM

Originally Posted by Titanya

Crono insists that I shouldn't be lame... so here is my narrative....

Titanya stood staring at the motionless body of the brazilian blue bunny that now lay on the floor drenched in a puddle of steaming vomit. She knew it was not dead... only stunned at having been hit with the full force of the potent puke missle. The creature was lucky she was feeling merciful today. Tit had set out to avenge her lover Crono, who she had feared dead only moments before. Fortunately the two piss missles that Vieope had fired at him had both been duds and Crono had been spared. Tit decided she would let the bunny live.... for now at least. After all, she had bigger enemys to worry about.

Rockgazer..... that sharp shooting laura craft imitating angelina idolizing conan reading game playing evil bitch... she was far too crafty for her own good. If Tit wanted to win this game then the girl needed to be taken care of quickly. She knew exactly where to find her. There was a certain cave Tit knew she was fond of and she would be very easy to deal with there. She found her quickly enough, Rock and Chain were both inside the cave engaging in some unholy indescribeable repulsive act. Titanya donkeypunched them both before they even knew what hit them costing them 10 pts each. On her way out she smacked Rock with a porno pistol for another 8pts. Somebody definately had to teach this girl a lesson....

**Crono1000** · 12-15-2004, 01:39 PM

Originally Posted by rockgazer69

nearly 12 hours until it'd be safe to venture out in search of supplies. 12 hours to wonder why Luke was in town. did he have a part in this? who would have hired him? were our goals the same? or were we this time on opposite sides? trusting him had came easy during our 1st mission together. our lives depended on each other then and learning to read even one anothers change in breathing had led to an intimacy neither of us had anticipated. a firey passion that once unleashed was almost impossible to control. damn is this water too hot or is it me?

why was he here? was he to be yet another player in this unfolding drama?

**Crono1000** · 12-15-2004, 01:39 PM

Originally Posted by Dale Mabry

**Crono1000** · 12-15-2004, 01:40 PM

Originally Posted by Crono1000

Crono heard the muffled screams of Titanya off in the distance. Even though he denied it, in truth Crono cared alot about the obsessed prostitute. He would have to go save her.
Crono raced to the cave the noises were coming from. But to do so he would have to run through open terain, making himself an easy target. Suddenly dale mabry, the creator of the doodie launcher, came swinging to the oldies in pink shorts and an afro straight at Crono. Crono quickly dodged the gay assault, but fell straight in the path of Johnnny, who had just acquired Luke's DonkeyPunch and a DVD under his arm. This was it, Crono was one tempting, vulnerable target, and no man in this battle would give up the oppurtunity to strike him down when he had no defense... However it would seem that Johnnny, new to the warfare, wasn't sure how to execute an attack! Crono took advantage, and duck and rolled into the cave.
It would seem the cave was larger than he previously believed. He followed the tunnels that echoed Tit's cries for help. He found her, untied her, took her in his arms, and made sweet, passionate love to her.
Two minutes later Tit could be seen leaving the cave with her hair a mess and a smile on her face, presumably going to go make Crono a sandwich for his hard work.
Crono remained in the cave. He heard moaning coming from an adjacent room. He followed it, it would seem he was not the only one getting lucky in the cave. He went exploring the cave, armed with:
2:57:55- Luke's Donkeypunch

Someone had started a campfire in a room, rolled out blankets, and were also making love! From the silhouette that the fire portrayed, one seemed to be a beautiful woman with large, swelling breasts. Lying on his back beneath her was a strong, muscular- and lucky SOB- man.
Of course! It must be rockgazer and that mysterious, silent man Luke! Luke made Crono unconfortable. He existed in this war, even developed some of the warfare, but he seemed to lie nuetral in his position. Nuetrality can be swayed either way, and he seemed to have other intentions, and therefore he posed all too much a threat. Rockgazer is one of the most deadly members of this war. This was Crono's perfect oppurtunity- to attack them both while they're both ass naked and crouched over in each other's arms. How great it would be to hit Luke with his own weapon. Crono would attack now!

Crono leaped around the corner, and launched two donkey punches! One at rockgazer and one at luuuuuk... No! At Chain Link and Maniclion!

Indeed, it had been Chain Link and Maniclion making love in the cave the whole time! The fire had exagerated maniclion's giant man boob's, mistaking him for rockgazer, and it had stretched chain link's scrawny appearance into that of a buff man, one could assume was Luke.

oh well, donkey punch Chain Link and maniclion for 10 points each

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