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Have to give a 13yo a chat about drugs, etc..


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Old 01-04-2005, 06:23 AM   #1
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Have to give a 13yo a chat about drugs, etc..

Hi , me and my GF are 21 and 20 and she has a new younger step sister who just turned 13. She's really cool and really mature for her age but thats a bad thing; she's way too mature. She's hanging out with older people who are influencing her to do stupid things ie: smoke weed, drink, and have sexual encounters. Also, her mother and new father are too wrapped up in their own bullshit to give a fuck about their daughters life(they're going through midlife crisis together.... ) . And her mother being a complete moron allows this girl to have boys stay the night and sleep in the same bed alone because my GF who is 20 has me stay the night. as well as allowing her actions with boys(sexual). And the mother uses her maturity as an excuse.(just a side note mom has had a hysterectomy and can't have kids and tells her younger daughter it would be ok if she got pregnant because she'd take the child and raise it.)
yes, morons and very naive. This lady is totally about power trips and about her always being right. so, if you bring something to her attention about her doing something incorrectly ie: raising her child, she will argue against it no matter how stupid a thing she is doing just so she can be right. And talking to this lady is like talking to a brick wall it doesn't hear or acknowledge anything you say. And the father (my GF's dad) is pussy whipped and fallows his wife about everything even if he knows its wrong.

Now that you have a little background, I can't watch this little girl ruin her life and get pregnant and do drugs. I want to give this girl a nice little talk and a chance in life. And seeing how she looks up to me and confides alot in me because i'm like a big brother to her and i really need to know where to start and some things that'll stop her from doing drugs having sex etc.

she has the normal response:
"age is just a number"
"its natural"
"why can you do it but i can't"
i need some good responses that'll squash these statements

and a beginning of where to start should i scare her with information? should i just not do anything? where would i find the info on everything etc.

I guess what really pissed me off was tonight she told me over the internet that she was out getting drunk with friends and smoking weed and she told my gf she did some sexual things. I messenged her back and told her we have to speak in person.

Am i too rash?

Parents how'd you deal with this?
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Old 01-04-2005, 08:36 AM   #2
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http://teenagerstoday.com/resources/articles/drugs.htm

Pretty good article (I thought)



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Old 01-04-2005, 08:58 AM   #3
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i work at a h.s., and although i'm not a guidance counselor, i practically am one since i deal with troublemakers all day (i could talk to one if you want, to maybe get a good website or something)

anyhow, there's 2 main things that are undeniable truths when dealing with these issues...

1. kids are gonna do what they are gonna do. the only thing you CAN do is talk to them (which is what you are doing), so hopefully they'll make the right decision(s) when the time comes.

2. Kids will make more right decisions when there is someone who cares in their lives (which you are doing). when someone is talking to them about sex, drugs and alcohol, it shows someone cares about them and will influence them to make the right decisions.



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Old 01-04-2005, 08:59 AM   #4
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in your specific situation, i'd avoid her parents and talk to her on your own.

let her know you, and the others in her lives, care about her and what she does.

then hopefully, when the time comes, she'll make the right decisions.

good luck



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Old 01-04-2005, 09:11 AM   #5
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Heya CRASH. Tough nut to crack that one. Any kid at that age is going through an identity search to find them selves ... and wanting to defy the athourity figures to do it. You can't save her from her self or her mother's influences. At her age she has heard all the reasons not to do drugs or drink ... she just is not gonna listen to that right now. Try ... but don't feel like you failed her if she doesn't take your advice. Cuz she won't. Best shot you have is not to become an athourity figure to her. Be a friend she can come to when she does find herself in need is your best posistion ... as long as you can actually do the job. Make sure she knows you'll be there at 3 in the morning when the moment is bad and she needs an exit. Good luck Crash!!!
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Old 01-04-2005, 09:36 AM   #6
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Old 01-04-2005, 11:10 AM   #7
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study has shown that females that consume alcohol at an early age have a much higher preganancy rate (that is kind of a no-brainer). I know tons of girls that had babies when they were teens and 99% of them now are totally miserable. they are in there early 20's now and they can't do shit, they have no social life, can't go to school, can't get a good full-time job, etc...

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Old 01-04-2005, 12:20 PM   #8
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try to let her know that you are on her side. at least if she is going to still do stupid things, you'd probably rather that she feel comfortable talking to you about them.

Good luck!



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Old 01-04-2005, 02:33 PM   #9
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Just like everyone else has said keep the lines of communication open. I would ask her if she thinks getting pregnant at her age would be wise, she would have to give up partying for 9 month's, ask her if she wants you and your gf to take her to get birth control. You might mention to her that drugs including alcohol are alot of fun until they become a habit then they are a chore.



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Old 01-04-2005, 02:44 PM   #10
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You can talk to her, but kids will do what they want. If not to your face, than they will do it elsewhere. Just show her some STD pictures, I saw some clips of ghonnorea, the clap, and herpes during a college intro course a few years ago, and almost became a unic. As far as smoking goes, all kids go through that, but the best thing to do is talk to them. My buddy's grandfather smoked for 45 years, and got throat cancer. Now he doesn't have a voicebox and has to live with a traechial tube in his throat and a hole the size of a quarter in his throat. Seeing that alone was enough to scare me away from smoking...
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Old 01-04-2005, 03:19 PM   #11
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crashman you're younger than I thought
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Old 01-04-2005, 03:55 PM   #12
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Tell them, stay in school, and drugs are uncool.



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Old 01-04-2005, 04:01 PM   #13
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Tell her about the egg in the frying pan...'



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Old 01-04-2005, 04:09 PM   #14
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be sure to explain that it's one thing to be cool by doing drugs and having sex, but if she wants to stay cool she better be good at both or else she'll get a bad rep
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Old 01-04-2005, 06:08 PM   #15
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Tell her to remember "Don't get high off your own supply"
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Old 01-04-2005, 06:16 PM   #16
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Old 01-04-2005, 09:26 PM   #17
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Old 01-04-2005, 10:16 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Flex
i work at a h.s., and although i'm not a guidance counselor, i practically am one since i deal with troublemakers all day (i could talk to one if you want, to maybe get a good website or something)
Ya, if you could do that, i would be very greatful maybe they'll have some pictures of nasty stuff on the sites so i can show her scare her away lol like someone said

other than that thank you everyone for the help and i hope this goes as good as i hope it does
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Old 01-04-2005, 10:17 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crono1000
crashman you're younger than I thought
lol how old did you think i was?
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Old 01-04-2005, 10:18 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vieope
We live in such a hypocrite society, I love it.
hey, shut up I fall under a different catagory; i'm an adult....well in physical age.
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Old 01-04-2005, 10:20 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CRASHMAN
Ya, if you could do that, i would be very greatful maybe they'll have some pictures of nasty stuff on the sites so i can show her scare her away lol like someone said

other than that thank you everyone for the help and i hope this goes as good as i hope it does

Want to scare her? Show her some pics of people with full blown aids.

I suggest next time she has a guy over(she is 13, how old are they?), that maybe you call the police. No matter how mature anyone thinks she is, she is STILL a fucking kid!




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Old 01-04-2005, 10:24 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CRASHMAN
Ya, if you could do that, i would be very greatful maybe they'll have some pictures of nasty stuff on the sites so i can show her scare her away lol like someone said
you got it

i'll talk to someone tommorow. I'll getcha some good websites and advice.

For now, just make sure to tell her the reason you're telling her this isn't to "preach" to her what to do and what not to do. It's just that you, and whoever else (parents, sis etc) love her, and want her to make the right decisions. Show her you guys care. Once she realizes that, she'll start to listen cuz she'll care about you.

I talk and talk all day with the troublemakers i deal with. I ask them q's, b.s. with 'em, show them that i'm interested in their lives, ya know?
By doing so, it shows them that someone cares, which they often don't get at home (i can't believe some of the freakin' stories i hear about these kids' parents and homelives...no WONDER they are so fucked up)
By doing so, they begin to trust me and like me. Once they trust me and like me, then they'll start to actually listen to the advice i have for them. Got me?
Otherwise i tell them if they screw up i'll just break their fuckin' legs



You're a funny guy, Sully, I like you. Dat's why I'm going to kill you lahst.


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Old 01-04-2005, 10:24 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PreMier
Want to scare her? Show her some pics of people with full blown aids.

I suggest next time she has a guy over(she is 13, how old are they?), that maybe you call the police. No matter how mature anyone thinks she is, she is STILL a fucking kid!

the friends are like 16/17 with a 13 year old girl. It's legal cause they are both under age, but imo i believe that a 17 year old with a 13 year old is not right.
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Old 01-04-2005, 10:26 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PreMier
maybe you call the police. No matter how mature anyone thinks she is, she is STILL a fucking kid
no no

if you do that, she'll wanna fool around with guys even more. She'll just go somewhere else and do it. TRUST me.

What u wanna do is like i said. Show her you care, then she'll listen to ya. Be as open as you can.



You're a funny guy, Sully, I like you. Dat's why I'm going to kill you lahst.


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Old 01-04-2005, 10:27 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CRASHMAN
the friends are like 16/17 with a 13 year old girl. It's legal cause they are both under age, but imo i believe that a 17 year old with a 13 year old is not right.
WHOOOOOOOOOOA! thats a horse of a different color!

16 and 17yr olds????

i assumed they were her age, maybe within a year, MAYBE even 2 years. But that old???

I'll kill those guys for $50.



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Old 01-04-2005, 10:29 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Flex
you got it

i'll talk to someone tommorow. I'll getcha some good websites and advice.

For now, just make sure to tell her the reason you're telling her this isn't to "preach" to her what to do and what not to do. It's just that you, and whoever else (parents, sis etc) love her, and want her to make the right decisions. Show her you guys care. Once she realizes that, she'll start to listen cuz she'll care about you.

I talk and talk all day with the troublemakers i deal with. I ask them q's, b.s. with 'em, show them that i'm interested in their lives, ya know?
By doing so, it shows them that someone cares, which they often don't get at home (i can't believe some of the freakin' stories i hear about these kids' parents and homelives...no WONDER they are so fucked up)
By doing so, they begin to trust me and like me. Once they trust me and like me, then they'll start to actually listen to the advice i have for them. Got me?
Otherwise i tell them if they screw up i'll just break their fuckin' legs