Jarhed

* Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking

* Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia (formerly known as California).

* White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

* Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

* Constitutional Amendment passed that allows illegal aliens to run for U. S. President.

* Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.

* Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

* Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the ATM (the American Territory of the Middle East, formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

* Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

* France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.

* George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

* Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

* 85-year, $75.8 billion study finds: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss!!!

* Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

* Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

* Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

* Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

* Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

* New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

* Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

* Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

* IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

* Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning, it smells like...VICTORY!
http://www.iamamarine.com

Twigz

Roflmao

ILLEGITIMIS CON CARBORUNDUM!!
(don't let the bastards grind you down)

I love vegetarians, they're a great source of lean protien!