GOD

There was alot about Job that we couldnt put into The Bible.
Actually, there was alot we couldnt put into The Bible.
Worse yet, there was some stuff that got.."amended" that was untrue.
I intended this, as even the seemingly most insignificant line in The Bible can play a vital role in the course of humanity.
Ive had to take steps to counter act lucifer, who seeks to spread his evil and untruth through publications such as the one hes posted above.

While he has posed a worthy nemesis, that book could have been written by a reputable source and wreaked havoc among my communities..
I foresaw this and set into course that this mentally-incapable fellow would be lucifer's target to write the book.
As such, the book has bombed.

As for the untold reasons of what happened to Job.. There are many.. one of which is the phrase,"Blow Job".
Im afraid it is no coincidence, and there are many worse that I cannot reveal until you reach heaven.
I know there is no such thing as a lost cause, however there are/were many more pressing issues with the universe that caused me to make make my work with him short.

I do not regret my decision, his fate serves as a detour-ant to others, and as such he serves me well.

GOD

"If man knew what was good for him, he would not need god."
The Book of Steven 12:9

Oh wait, you cant access that book from hell, can you?

GOD

Lets forget about the great joys heaven brings, and just look at what hell has to offer..

1. Burning for eternity.
2. Eternal torture.
3. Anal-Sexual contact with lucifer.
4. Getting swatted down like a fly with the rest of lucifer's demons next time he believes he can overpower me.
5. Spam email.

I do believe this debate is over.

Shae

Question Lucifier...were you the one who created these two individuals?


Foamy the squirrel


Happy Bunny


They are 2 sadistic fuckers, but they are funny as hell.

min0 lee

I See.........

Lucifer

Yeah burn for eternity that's a bad one. I'm all lit up with lust and you think I'm tormented. Man, you need to get laid.

http://img257.echo.cx/img257/479/lucysmall6zv.gif

GOD

I never said that you were being tortured by the burning.
Except for maybe the burning when you pee.

But you do burn with lust, lust for power.. my power.
To have my power, you must defeat me.
To defeat me, you need the souls of man to serve you...

And since they would suffer when they burn in hell, they will simply choose not to serve you.
Sure, some will.
But I dont want those assholes in heaven anyways.

Lucifer

Take a look around you old man I win battles with you every day. The drunk, the junkie, the suicide, 12 year old girls having babies, pedophiles, men in prison doing life on the installment plan, women doing no better. Cheating husbands, cheating wives, the priest spilling his load in yet another kid before the holy church quietly moves him to another parish to prey again. And all the while I am waiting to see this wonderous power you proclaim to wield do the world some real good. I'm waiting. Since the dawn of time the light fades and the darkness grows. Stand beside your followers in the flickering dim and promise them salvation. That always was the easy part. Peering into the dark and seeing the true filth of the human soul well that is not for the weak now is it?

http://img257.echo.cx/img257/479/lucysmall6zv.gif

min0 lee

Wow, looks like you have more people behind you L. if you don't mind me calling you that.

min0 lee

Hey God, do I get 3 wishes?

Lucifer

Not at all my dear, not at all. Now about that soul.

http://img257.echo.cx/img257/479/lucysmall6zv.gif

BoneCrusher

Lucifer

Everyone is born with an infinite number of wishes.

http://img257.echo.cx/img257/479/lucysmall6zv.gif

min0 lee

Hold on, I need to know about health insurance before I sell my soul.
Yo God .....you got something better than HMO? My health insurance sucks.

PreMier

Wow.. someone is bored!

P-side Inc.

"the post-workout high is more profound than any drug-induced rush imaginable." -Dante B.

Shae

No shit!

min0 lee

Well lets get acquainted, here's my pic.....maybe I can be your queen.

Lucifer

The truth is that education is the key to good health. Of course my nemises here might not tell you that because the healthy body tends to be a horny one. And we all know how Mr. "It's gonna fall off " feels about lust.

http://img257.echo.cx/img257/479/lucysmall6zv.gif

Lucifer

Ah yes. Just this morning Crono was on his knees praying you'd get into making porn.

http://img257.echo.cx/img257/479/lucysmall6zv.gif

min0 lee

We can both supply Crono with great movies.

bio-chem

this is the best thread ever!

mino dont forget to read the fine print before you sign. otherwise it sounds like a good offer from lucifer what kind of interest do you pay on something like that?

Lucifer

You think your penis is scary wait'll you see mine.

http://img257.echo.cx/img257/479/lucysmall6zv.gif

GOD

Filth in the human soul?
I did not put that there, clean out your own eyes before you judge my children.
Man was not created with filth, he was created with conflict.
Conflict is a little part of you in every human being, causing doubt, giving them chemical messages that they "want to do this, want to do that".
And its a little part of me in each and every one of them, applying reason to the world, and understanding that there is more to their existance than their short term urges.
Its conflict that tests them, and shapes them.

This is why I created man.
I once created angels, and you came.
After that, I decided to test my angels before they got their wings.

Man will suffer on Earth, its inevitable.
but even a hundred years of suffering on Earth is insignifigant in the eyes of eternity.

GOD

Sometimes I hate how popular lucifer is
But then Im happy again because he rose up and I got to kick his ass-
And now anyone who likes him more than me has to choose to rot in hell with him





Owned.

min0 lee

So tell me you horny little devil...do you think I'm sexy?

Stu

oh great - another pair of wankers on the board thats just what we need!!!

bio-chem

you know i thought lucifer had a shot until i heard about that whole lucifer gets to have anal knowlege of you thing. nothing is worth that.

GOD

Im actually responsible for HMO.. sure, it sucks.. but lets look at the competition-
lucifer offers HoMO, its free, but its a pain in the ass.