Thread: Office Memo

HAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please be advised that effective immediately the following policies
and procedures have been put into effect in order to raise the
efficiency of
this company.

ATTIRE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we
assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,
so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise.
If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are to be
taken on Saturday's & Sunday's.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more
so that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
Heavyset people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor's note as proof of sickness. If
you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to get to work.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a
strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes,
an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door
will open and a picture will be taken.
After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

SURGERY:
As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. Do not
consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something
removed constitutes a breach of employment.
Thank you for your continued loyalty to our company. We are here to
provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions,
comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and
input should be directed to the Unemployment Office.

Have a nice day.

thats a good one.