Reply With QuoteYou know what's probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests? Just a big bag of blood.
Deep Thoughts - by Jack Handy
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Thread: Deep Thoughts - by Jack Handy
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04-21-2005, 01:11 PM #1Super Moderator SUPER MODERATOR
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Deep Thoughts - by Jack Handy
http://www.erikandanna.com/Humor/DeepThoughts/index.htm
If I lived back in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like, "Hey look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.
If I was being executed by injection, I'd clean up my cell real neat. Then, when they came to get me, I'd say, "Injection? I thought you said inspection'." They'd probably feel real bad, and maybe I could get out of it.
A good way to keep a mob of peasants from killing your monster is when they break into your castle, make them be real quiet, then open a door and there's the monster, sound asleep.
There should be a detective show called "Johnny Monkey," because every week you could have a guy say "I ain't gonna get caught by no MONKEY," but then he would, and I don't think I'd ever get tired of that.Motivation Bench form Charles Poliquin When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao-Tzu
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04-21-2005, 04:16 PM #2Bohemian Extraordinaire ELITE MEMBER
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Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
and drag down the features of age,
no folds or creases from unkempt wear
eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012
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04-21-2005, 04:23 PM #3Bohemian Extraordinaire ELITE MEMBER
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I don't think God put me on this planet to judge others. I think he put me on this planet to gather specimens and take them back to my home planet.
- A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
- Put on your seatbelt..... I wanna try something.
- The Universe is a figment of its own imagination.
- There's no future in time travel.
- Tonight's weather: Dark with continued darkness until dawn.
- Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
- If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
- Smith and Wesson: The original point and click interface.
- Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
and drag down the features of age,
no folds or creases from unkempt wear
eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012
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04-21-2005, 04:50 PM #4Bohemian Extraordinaire ELITE MEMBER
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If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
and drag down the features of age,
no folds or creases from unkempt wear
eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012
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04-21-2005, 04:52 PM #5Registered User
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Red text on black/white background? The guy needs to take a lesson.
Btw, doesnt Mudge look strange in his new avi?
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04-21-2005, 08:11 PM #6Back from the dead
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I think it's a good idea to always carry around two sacks of something. Then if anyone asks you for help, you say "Sorry, got these sacks".
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