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Combat for Dummies - Actual Advice & Instructions!

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  1. #1
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    Combat for Dummies - Actual Advice & Instructions!

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Advice and instructions taken from actual military sources. Some of these guys must have had a sense of humor

    "Aim towards the enemy."
    --Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher

    "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
    --U.S. Marine Corps

    "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
    --USAF Ammo Troop

    "If the enemy is in range, so are you."
    --Infantry Journal

    "A slipping gear could let your m203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
    --Army's magazine of prevention maintenance

    "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
    --U.S. Air Force manual

    "Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo."
    --Infantry Journal

    "Tracers work both ways."
    --U.S. Army Ordnance

    "Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
    --Infantry Journal

    "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
    --David Hackworth

    "If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
    --Infantry Journal

    "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
    --Joe Gay

    "Any ship can be a minesweeper....once."
    --Anon

    "Never tell the platoon sergeant you have nothing to do."
    --Unknown Marine Recruit

    "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
    --Infantry Journal

    "If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
    --USAF Ammo Troop

  2. #2
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    Who needs enemies with gear like this?

    "Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
    --Infantry Journal

    "A slipping gear could let your m203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
    --Army's magazine of prevention maintenance

  3. #3
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    With the high incidence of Helicopter crashes I alway's said the Army should be waging war on the helicopter manufacturers instead of Bin Laden.

    How dumb are helicopters anyway, the engine fails and down you go like a rock, at least in an airplane you have a gliding chance. Why haven't they come up with a parachute mechanism for helicopters yet? Simply eject the blades and have a parachute pop out from it's spot a few seconds later and whoosh you drift to the ground. Simple yet unrecognized.
    Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
    not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
    and drag down the features of age,
    no folds or creases from unkempt wear
    eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
    no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
    but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012

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    Quote Originally Posted by maniclion
    Simply eject the blades and have a parachute pop out from it's spot a few seconds later and whoosh you drift to the ground. Simple yet unrecognized.
    I'd hate to be the one that tests that idea.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GSXR750
    I'd hate to be the one that tests that idea.
    Tell me about it.
    Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
    not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
    and drag down the features of age,
    no folds or creases from unkempt wear
    eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
    no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
    but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012

  6. #6
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    well the helicopet parachute is not a bad idea

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    Let's all join together and SPEAK ENGLISH IN AMERICA.


  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by maniclion
    How dumb are helicopters anyway, the engine fails and down you go like a rock, at least in an airplane you have a gliding chance. Why haven't they come up with a parachute mechanism for helicopters yet? Simply eject the blades and have a parachute pop out from it's spot a few seconds later and whoosh you drift to the ground. Simple yet unrecognized.
    So basically send 4 thirty foot long projectiles flying in 4 different directions? Plus, planes usually fly thousands of feet above the ground unlike helicopters.

  9. #9
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    These 2 are my favs:

    Quote Originally Posted by min0 lee
    "If the enemy is in range, so are you."
    --Infantry Journal

    "Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo."
    --Infantry Journal
    Prolly the most important one:
    "Shoot first, ask questions later" -Unknown

    Here's a good one:
    "Kill 'em all" -Metallica
    You're a funny guy, Sully, I like you. Dat's why I'm going to kill you lahst.


    * Got juice?*Need Motivation?*How to Train*
    *Arnold vs. Ronnie vs. Haney vs. Sergio*
    *YEAH BUDDY...LIGHT WEIGHT!*Ahhnold*

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by gococksDJS
    So basically send 4 thirty foot long projectiles flying in 4 different directions? Plus, planes usually fly thousands of feet above the ground unlike helicopters.
    Do flying projectiles matter in military aircraft ? If the whole propeller is ejected back and away then a rapid deployed umbrella like parachute could slow downward velocity.
    Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
    not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
    and drag down the features of age,
    no folds or creases from unkempt wear
    eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
    no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
    but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by maniclion

    How dumb are helicopters anyway, the engine fails and down you go like a rock, at least in an airplane you have a gliding chance. Why haven't they come up with a parachute mechanism for helicopters yet? Simply eject the blades and have a parachute pop out from it's spot a few seconds later and whoosh you drift to the ground. Simple yet unrecognized.

    ya lets just float down to the guys we were just shooting at unrecognized and be a giant target with no evasive maneuvers

  12. #12
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    Truthfully though, our troops are going to die anyhow. I'm not sure its better to say "let them fall to their deaths" than it is to at least give them the chance at being hostages.

    Besides, not all fail during combat ops. Sometimes those pesky engines just get FUBAR.

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    Air Force Maintenance Reports

    Here are some "actual maintenance complaints" submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. (P) = problem; (S) = solution.

    (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    (P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
    (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

    (P) #2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
    (S) #2 propeller seepage normal - #1, #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.

    (P) Something loose in cockpit.
    (S) Something tightened in cockpit.

    (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    (S) Evidence removed.

    (P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
    (S) Volume set to more believable level

    (P) Dead bugs on windshield.
    (S) Live bugs on order.

    (P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
    (S) Cannot reproduce problem on the ground.

    (P) IFF inoperative.
    (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    (P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    (S) That's what they are there for.

    (P) Number three engine missing.
    (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    (P) Aircraft handles funny.
    (S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious.

    (P) Target radar hums.
    (S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by CRASHMAN
    Air Force Maintenance Reports


    (P) Something loose in cockpit.
    (S) Something tightened in cockpit.

    (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    (S) Evidence removed.

    (P) Dead bugs on windshield.
    (S) Live bugs on order.

    (P) Number three engine missing.
    (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    (P) Aircraft handles funny.
    (S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious.
    Genius I tell you.

  15. #15
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    heres two i found that are pretty funny


    "friendly fire isn't" and that "a claymore has face toward enemy on it"



    " everything that your life depends on was made by the lowest bidder"

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eggs
    Truthfully though, our troops are going to die anyhow. I'm not sure its better to say "let them fall to their deaths" than it is to at least give them the chance at being hostages.

    Besides, not all fail during combat ops. Sometimes those pesky engines just get FUBAR.
    It would be an option eject blades/launch parachute or drop like a rock. I watched a Navy helicopter drop into the drink in the Gulf while circling with a load during an unrep operation, we have reports of military helicopters going down here all of the time.

    From 2001-2003 the numbers are
    Deaths due to accidents: 60 (89.5%)
    Deaths due to hostile fire: 7 (10.5%)
    Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
    not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
    and drag down the features of age,
    no folds or creases from unkempt wear
    eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
    no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
    but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012

  17. #17
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    i'd say hmm they might miss shooting at me if there are hostile troops on the ground. there is no chance of a disabled helicopter not hitting the ground/water/mountainside/ gimme the chute.

    Don't look back ~ You're not going that way!






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