Thread: Engaged or not?

Originally Posted by Doublebase

I am in love and she is a great girl. I hear so many horror stories from guys I work with about getting married.

these 2 lines say it all. your problem is letting the guys at work influence you. follow your heart (and no im not gay )

Don't know what the hang up is? Are you not sure about her?

Personally I would get the house or an apartment together. That allows for time to live together ( it is a completely different world when living together)

But if you love her and care for each other, you'll figure things out

Dude, stop dicking around and marry her. You've had a great relationship for 4+ years now. You say you love her. Now what the hell?

Seriously my friend, your best intentions can have adverse effects when you realize that what you are implying is, "I'm no willing to make a lifetime commitment to you but I am willing to co-sign a 30 year mortgage!"

Just ask her to marry you to shut everybody up. You can still postpone the wedding for a couple of years and you should definitely know by then.

if you aren't sure enough about her to make a commitment why do you expect her to help you by a house? that is just stupid.

Buy the house and when you get divorced she will get HALF! LMAO!
IMO, I would re-think the marriage thing.

Marriage is a bigger deal then signing a 30 year mortgage IMO. I'm afraid of a lot of things when it comes to marriage. Sure she's great now but she could change. I thought everyone on here would be like "never get married". Rings are very expensive, especially when saving for a down payment on a house. Anyone out there got a ring they want to sell? Platinum band, princess cut, maybe 2 Karats?

talk to her about the things you are thinking and feeling. but i really thing it is silly to but a house with someone you don't feel ready to commit to on a deeper level. it could lead to nasty legal trouble.

Buy the house and see if you can stand living with each other first...

You buy the house (Alone)

then if it doesn't work out, tell her she has thirty days to GIT OUT!

I only say this, as you are young, and your opinions and personalities
will change greatly in the next 7 years.

Originally Posted by Doublebase

Marriage is a bigger deal then signing a 30 year mortgage IMO. I'm afraid of a lot of things when it comes to marriage. Sure she's great now but she could change. I thought everyone on here would be like "never get married". Rings are very expensive, especially when saving for a down payment on a house. Anyone out there got a ring they want to sell? Platinum band, princess cut, maybe 2 Karats?

Dude are you serious?? You're only 23, you sound like you have allot of doubts and it sounds like you are being pressured big time. Get the fuck out now! Marriage is only good for the woman...in a divorce she will get the house the car the kids and your money...The only time to get married is when you have a great and secure career and want to have kids as soon as possible, and are ready to make the biggest mistake of your life.
It is clear you don't want this so just get out now.

This is true...

Marriage and Divorce favor the female HUGE in most states...

Would you invest your, house, car, kids, job,
in a stock plan where there was over a 60% chance of losing 50% of everything?

why hurry, if you both love each other than take it step by step, you will still be togther in a few years if it was meant to be, and you don't need a title by the state to define your relationship.. rushing in only bad can come out of it, marriage never needs to be rushed bro, take head. oh and don't forget the prenup!!

move in together first before thinking of getting married.

Originally Posted by Doublebase

I really don't want to get married yet.

that is your answer right there. live your own life. don't do shit because somebody else wants you to do it. 23-24 is way to young to get married these days.

Originally Posted by IainDaniel

Don't know what the hang up is? Are you not sure about her?

Personally I would get the house or an apartment together. That allows for time to live together ( it is a completely different world when living together)

But if you love her and care for each other, you'll figure things out

Living together first is a MUST....but never buy a house with a girlfriend!!!
At 23 their is no rush, and if "anyone" tries to pressure you into marriage then that person is not your friend or looking out for your best interests. I think you could learn allot if you listen to Tom Leykis on the radio.

If you love her and she loves you, and you plan on being with her forever, then get engaged. No need to wait. If you doubt yourself, don't do it. You just gotta figure these things out. It should be pretty obvious, though. I mean, when you walk into the same room as a girl and smile just because she's there... that's a good sign. That's how I knew :

Originally Posted by cappo5150

move in together first before thinking of getting married.

what he said^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It opens a whole new chapter bro.

just remember, no one thinks that the shit they hear around can happen to them, but it almost always does. gotta cover your ass. you can be in love and still be cautious and prepared!

Originally Posted by gr81

just remember, no one thinks that the shit they hear around can happen to them, but it almost always does. gotta cover your ass. you can be in love and still be cautious and prepared!

Tell me about it. I got married at 25 and was married almost 15 when my wife left with my two children. It's been a year now and the past year has been the shittest of my life. Child custody issues, marital distribution of property including everything from the house down to furniture, now she is seeking child support. 5k in lawyers fees and I owe her beacoup thousands for a settlement and she gets half of my retirement up until the point she left. I will never do it agian.

Originally Posted by dg806

Tell me about it. I got married at 25 and was married almost 15 when my wife left with my two children. It's been a year now and the past year has been the shittest of my life. Child custody issues, marital distribution of property including everything from the house down to furniture, now she is seeking child support. 5k in lawyers fees and I owe her beacoup thousands for a settlement and she gets half of my retirement up until the point she left. I will never do it agian.

You should start a divorce thread to give all the guys here basic what to do and not to do when going through a divorce....I'm in the same boat, just about to get ugly (her me . the lawyer , my brother )

Originally Posted by bulletproof1

these 2 lines say it all. your problem is letting the guys at work influence you. follow your heart

Are you gay?

Originally Posted by musclepump

you walk into the same room as a girl and smile just because she's there... that's a good sign. That's how I knew

^^^Shit like this, will be the end of you!^^^

Not that I would begrude MP his happiness...
If it lasts for him that's a one in a million scenario...

My GF makes me abundantly happy,
but, she's not moving in w/me

I need her income if I want to buy the house. I can't afford one on my own. We pretty much live together now. She is at my apartment 3-4 days a week. She does all my laundry, cooks my food and cleans. She is really a great girl. Girls like that are hard to find. Her only fault is that she gets annoying. I guess every girl gets annoying though. I can see myself marrying her now but who knows what will happen in 10 - 15 years. I'm just afraid. I really want to get a house though.

Originally Posted by Doublebase

I need her income if I want to buy the house. I can't afford one on my own. We pretty much live together now. She is at my apartment 3-4 days a week. She does all my laundry, cooks my food and cleans. She is really a great girl. Girls like that are hard to find. Her only fault is that she gets annoying. I guess every girl gets annoying though. I can see myself marrying her now but who knows what will happen in 10 - 15 years. I'm just afraid. I really want to get a house though.

Get the house with her, in a few years it will be all hers.

Originally Posted by Doublebase

Her only fault is that she gets annoying. I guess every girl gets annoying though...

Yes, and the sooner you come to grips with that reality and embrace it, the better success you shall have in your relationship and marriage.

Originally Posted by ForemanRules

Get the house with her, in a few years it will be all hers.

If you don't marry her, this is absolutely prophetic.

Originally Posted by Doublebase

I can see myself marrying her now but who knows what will happen in 10 - 15 years. I'm just afraid.

Based on those standards nobody would get married. Take a chance, if things don't work out then at least you tried. It would be better than her taking off on you because you can't make up your mind and then you would always be wondering "What if?" And as for the scared part, tell me of a guy who doesn't get scared. It's supposed to be the most stressful time of a guys life.

But ask yourself, If she left tomorrow how would you feel? Would you be devasted or kinda sad but able to get over it? If you would be devasted, then marry her. If not, move on.

All add one more thing as a footnote...

If you intend to propose/marry this girl JUST so you can get a house, your relationship is doomed. I would suggest that you completely holster the whole idea for a short time and re-evaluate your relationship with her. Imagine life without her. Forget about the house, just think about what you'll be like without her in your life. Now which is more important, Her? or the House?

If there is one thing (I think) that women want in thier man it is security. They need to KNOW they they are our all-in-all. If you can't give her that then you honestly are not ready to buy a house with her.

Originally Posted by Doublebase

I need her income if I want to buy the house. I can't afford one on my own.

getting a house isn't that hard these days with all of the various types of loan programs. if you have a FICO score over 550 and a couple of thousand in the bank to cover closing costs and a couple of months of mortgage payments you can do it on your own.

if you need some info on mortgages, etc. send me a PM I run my own branch office.