A Raccoon Kicked My A$$!

**mmafiter** · 03-12-2002, 10:09 AM

I was sitting around last night playing NHL 99 on Sony Playstation, when at around 3:00am I heard a loud racket from out carport area. I went to investigate but I couldn't see anything, so I looked out the side door and sitting there among our garbage cans was a freaking huge raccoon!

I grabbed a broom and walked outside in my underwear and banged the broom on the ground while saying "Get" in my most threatening voice. Well, the raccoon ran about 20 feet and turned around and looked at me, then the little bugger started walking back toward me! His ears were perked up and he was pawing at the air and he kept coming closer and closer. I would yell at him and bang the broom, but he would just stop for a second and then continue coming. He came in range and I tried to swat him with the broom, but he ran out of range and started coming back again. We did this a number of times and I could see, he wasn't your ordinary run of the mill raccoon.

I had an idea. I closed the screen door and hid, thinking when he got close enough, I would jump out and scare the hell out him. Well the windows fogged up and I couldn't see very well and the next thing I know, I feel the raccoon's paw on my foot. He was reaching through the gap in the door and taunting me!

I burst out of the door yelling and banging, but he just moved away again, and started coming back. I think the little bastard thought I was playing some sort of mad game with him!

Anyway it ended up that I agreed he could stay out there and root through the garbage and make a huge mess, as long as he kept the noise down a little bit......please.

I'm starting to question my masculinity.

**Tank316** · 03-12-2002, 10:13 AM

admitting it is the first step.first you loose the battle to a bed hog,now the battle to a raccoon.you're truly having a bad week mmafiter.chin up my friend,things will get better..

**irontime** · 03-12-2002, 10:45 AM

Should have sycked W8 on him, that should get rid of a GRIZZLY going through your trash

**Tank316** · 03-12-2002, 10:51 AM

Originally posted by irontime
Should have sycked W8 on him, that should get rid of a GRIZZLY going through your trash

that would scare away several grizzlies,plus a thief,hear what she did to the poor guys shoulder.

**Scotty the Body** · 03-12-2002, 10:54 AM

Yeah, sounds like the next time you hear a strange noise, you'd better let the li'll wife handle it. hahahahahahaha

Sorry man.

**mmafiter** · 03-12-2002, 11:02 AM

Originally posted by Scotty the Body
Yeah, sounds like the next time you hear a strange noise, you'd better let the li'll wife handle it. hahahahahahaha

Sorry man.

Ha ha ha! Oh man, that's cold.

**hurtyhair4u** · 03-12-2002, 11:18 AM

I'll just leave this one be .

But hilarious story

**Triple Threat** · 03-12-2002, 11:44 AM

Originally posted by mmafiter
I was sitting around last night playing NHL 99 on Sony Playstation, when at around 3:00am

This may be a stupid question, but why weren't you in bed at 3AM, especially with a wife like you've got!

**ZECH** · 03-12-2002, 11:58 AM

Good question CDL!!!!!!!!!!!!

**mmafiter** · 03-12-2002, 12:16 PM

Originally posted by CaptainDeadlift

This may be a stupid question, but why weren't you in bed at 3AM, especially with a wife like you've got!

"For every beautiful woman you see walking down the street, there's a guy who's sick of all her crap!"

I love that quote.

**irontime** · 03-12-2002, 12:38 PM

Well it was nice knowing ya bud, audios

damn just thinking about what W8 is going to do to that poor man

**Scotty the Body** · 03-12-2002, 12:44 PM

**hurtyhair4u** · 03-12-2002, 01:01 PM

Sorry i was just thinking about this story and started laughing my ass off again

**w8lifter** · 03-12-2002, 01:35 PM

lmfao @ getting yer ass kicked by a racoon....A RACOON! You seriously should be questioning your masculinity!

As far as the little quote...that, btw, came from me....you all can see that mmafiter is a wonderful story-teller....first the bed-hog story...now this...clearly a contradiction here....how can I possibly be a bed hog when it's now obvious that he isn't even in bed when I am!

Anyway, I digress...I am the picture of perfection...I am a sweet, innocent angel....my one & only downfall is that I spit (my gum out the window that is)...he is not sick of my shit, he's just telling more stories

**irontime** · 03-12-2002, 01:39 PM

I think I can put 2 & 2 together here W8, The poor guy figured that since he wasn't going to get any sleep anyways, since you were hogging the bed, that he may as well go play a game to keep himself amused. Hit the nail on the head?

**mmafiter** · 03-12-2002, 03:21 PM

Originally posted by irontime
I think I can put 2 & 2 together here W8, The poor guy figured that since he wasn't going to get any sleep anyways, since you were hogging the bed, that he may as well go play a game to keep himself amused. Hit the nail on the head?

Yep! You basically got it IT. I worked a little "magic" in the bedroom and then left as quickly as possible, like any self respecting man would do.

Nothing beats a little NHL on Sony to kill time while waiting for the she-beast to fall asleep after she's be satiated.

**w8lifter** · 03-12-2002, 03:25 PM

Originally posted by mmafiter

Yep! You basically got it IT. I worked a little "magic" in the bedroom and then left as quickly as possible, like any self respecting man would do.

Nothing beats a little NHL on Sony to kill time while waiting for the she-beast to fall asleep after she's be satiated.

More like I kicked yer ass outta bed cause I was done w/ ya!

**Tank316** · 03-12-2002, 03:27 PM

she beast

ha...

**esmerelda** · 03-12-2002, 04:18 PM

Careful mmafiter....that racoon might just be sizing up the competition!!!! W8 likes cuddly things doesnt she?!!!

**dragonfu** · 03-12-2002, 04:58 PM

i can tell that you're not a country person. coons are very smart. coon hunters will tell you that they lose dogs every season to drownings. when a dog goes into the water after a coon it will climb on the dogs head and drown it. an adult coon, especially a big boar that can weigh up to 35#, can hold it's own with a bobcat and kick a dogs ass. it has very sharp claws and teeth that can rip the shit out of you. they are also a carrier of rabies. in fact probably the #1 or #2 carrier. coons are opportunists that love trash cans, dog or cat food left outside, or stupid people that feed them. if they say

You seriously should be questioning your masculinity!

let them fuck with a coon. i'll put my money on the coon and give them 10 to one odds. oh yeah, your masculinity will be tested when you get the 13 rabies shots in your abdomen.

**Orange357** · 03-12-2002, 07:35 PM

lol..loser

**Prince** · 03-12-2002, 07:50 PM

LMAO!

You sure showed that raccoon who's the boss!

**ALBOB** · 03-12-2002, 09:02 PM

Originally posted by dragonfu
i can tell that you're not a country person. coons are very smart. coon hunters will tell you that they lose dogs every season to drownings. when a dog goes into the water after a coon it will climb on the dogs head and drown it. an adult coon, especially a big boar that can weigh up to 35#, can hold it's own with a bobcat and kick a dogs ass. it has very sharp claws and teeth that can rip the shit out of you. they are also a carrier of rabies. in fact probably the #1 or #2 carrier. coons are opportunists that love trash cans, dog or cat food left outside, or stupid people that feed them.

Ya' know? If you hadn't said that part about being "very smart" I would have thought mmafiter was married to a coon.

**dragonfu** · 03-12-2002, 09:48 PM

Ya' know? If you hadn't said that part about being "very smart" I would have thought mmafiter was married to a coon.

i said a big boar not a big sow. but at least she loves him

**ALBOB** · 03-12-2002, 09:52 PM

Originally posted by dragonfu
i said a big boar not a big sow.

Oh I know, but I figured that since she's got bigger balls than he does it kind of fit.

**dragonfu** · 03-12-2002, 10:02 PM

i know, i know!!! it's not a coon

**Mule** · 03-12-2002, 10:09 PM

I had a squirrel bite the hell out of my leg once. I was just trying to step on the little bastard!

**Tank316** · 03-13-2002, 07:54 AM

Originally posted by Mule
I had a squirrel bite the hell out of my leg once. I was just trying to step on the little bastard!

if the squirrel you tried stepping on had balls that big,i could understand why he bit you,i would'nt want my balls stepped on either..

**Mule** · 03-13-2002, 10:29 PM

I have a funny story. Ok its kinda gross. On time after hunting the little bastards I was skinning a bunch of them and I had to cut off the nuts. Well it got stuck to my finger and I was trying to flick it off and started slinging my hand around and the nut flew off and went right in my cousins mouth, he was yawning. I laughed my ass off.... I was so damn funny!

**w8lifter** · 03-13-2002, 10:39 PM

Mule....you never cease to amaze me w/ your complete & utter gross-ness

LMFAO!

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