English is really crazy

min0 lee · 09-13-2005, 06:04 PM

Quote:

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

.

min0 lee · 09-13-2005, 06:05 PM

Quote:

Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

.

min0 lee · 09-13-2005, 06:14 PM

WORLD FAMOUS SOUTHERN TALK
BECOME A NATIVE SOUTHERNER

How to talk native SOUTHERN in one easy lesson

Aig - What a hen lays

Aints - He's got aints in his paints

Paints - What cha put on your laigs of a mornin

Arn - Ma's tard of arnin

Bag - He bagged her to marry him

Bobbed - A bobbed wire fence

Bresh - He had a bresh with the law, and the law won.

Bub - the light bub burned out

Cheer - What you set in

Crick - A small stream

Clum - He sure clum that tree fastern any 'coon

Chiny - country over in Asia

Chuch duds - Sunday go-to-meetin clothes

Core - He got hisself a new Ford core

Cyow - Animal on Farm

Deppity - He helps out the shurf

Dribbed - He dribbed milk on his shirt

Dainz - Satidy night social

Ellum - A graceful tree

Fanger - What you put your rang on

Faince - Whats round the hawg lot

Far - What get the brandin arn hot

Furred - He got furred from his job

Flar - A rose is a purdy flar

Frash - Them aigs ain't frash

Furiners - All non-'bamans

Further - Hits ten miles further to town

Grain - She was grain with envy

Hail - Where bad folks go

Hep - Poor George, he can't hep it, he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.

Hern - It aint hern, it's his'n

Hilbilly - People in the next county

Hollar - Whats between the hills

Hard - Got a brend new hard

hand Tar - His core blew a tar

Laymun - A sour fruit

Laig - Most folks have two of them

Lather - What you climb up

Liberry - Where you go to check out books for larnin

Mailk - what you get from cyows

Mere - What you see your self in

Minners - Live bait

Misrus - Married Woman

Nar - Opposite of wide

Nayk - Your head sets on it

Nup - No

Orrel - Them hinges need orrel

Ormy - What the sojers go in

Pank - A light red color

Parch - Sit out on the parch and watch the grass grow

Petition - What separate the rooms

Poke - A paper bag or sack

Pokey - What the shurf and deppity puts crimnals in Poke

Salit - A green vegetable

Puppet - What the preacher is in

Purdy - She is purdy as a pitcher

Purt near - Almost; he purt near caught that greased pig

Rang - You wear it on your fanger

Rut - That there tree sure has long ruts

Rah cheer - I was born rah cheer in town

Rainch - A big cow farm

Rat - Do it rat now!

Rench - Rench the soap yourself

Roont - She plum roont her shoes

Salary - A stringy vegetable

Soardeens - Small canned fish

Shar - A light rain

Gully Worsher - A medium heavy rain

Toad strangler - A heavy rain Sody

Pop - A soft drink

Sprang - Water out'n the ground

Shurf - The Shurf put Clem in jail

Storch - This here aprn has to much storch in it

Skeered - that plumb skeered me to death

Thanks - He shore thanks he's smart

Tho - Tho me the ball

Thoat - I shore got a sore thoat

War - A bobbed war fance

Worsh - Go worsh your face

Warter - What you worsh your face in

Yurp - A continent overseas

The Monkey Man · 09-13-2005, 06:35 PM

We forgot...

MAISH: to push or depress, as in a button

"go'head an MAISH eet down hard now"

maniclion · 09-13-2005, 07:13 PM

I never heard a southerner call it pop. I only heard sody or sugar warter.

Batry - The thangy you need in the core to stort the dang thang dagnubit.

MyK · 09-13-2005, 07:18 PM

English is supposed to be tough, it keeps those pesky french from learning it!

**P-funk** · 09-13-2005, 07:44 PM

was this thread directed at anyone in particular? *cough* god hand *cough*

Little Wing · 09-13-2005, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

pretty cool how easily we read the words the way they are intended tho.

The Monkey Man · 09-13-2005, 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Little Wing

pretty cool how easily we read the words the way they are intended tho

I went to elementary school in GA -

Tough Old Man · 09-13-2005, 09:51 PM

Get a grip on yourself. HOME, COMB,.... COME, HOME. NONE MAKES SINCE, but fuck it that what makes the schools so hard in America. nothing makes any since. If you get a passing grade, run with it.

Big Smoothy · 09-13-2005, 11:07 PM

Thanks, Min0.

I'm going to print one of your examples out and give them to my students, for fun.

PreMier · 09-13-2005, 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by P-funk

was this thread directed at anyone in particular? *cough* god hand *cough*

Platinum · 09-14-2005, 03:05 AM

Quote:

Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Now that is really trippy to read when you're stoned

min0 lee · 09-14-2005, 07:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by P-funk

was this thread directed at anyone in particular? *cough* god hand *cough*

Well yes, that way we can decipher his messages.

Little Wing · 09-14-2005, 08:16 AM

sometimes when my brothers n i were kids we would ask my mom what was for desert n she'd say "desert the table" i always thought she meant eat the table. i was like 19 out in the desert outside vegas tripping on acid looking up at a bizzillion stars n thinking record, record, desert , desert, dessert n i'm thinking "oh.... she meant desert the table like leave..."

.

09-13-2005, 06:14 PM	#3
min0 lee I See© Elite Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: The Bronx, NYC Posts: 32,735 Blog Entries: 3 Photos: 542	How to speak Southern WORLD FAMOUS SOUTHERN TALK BECOME A NATIVE SOUTHERNER How to talk native SOUTHERN in one easy lesson Aig - What a hen lays Aints - He's got aints in his paints Paints - What cha put on your laigs of a mornin Arn - Ma's tard of arnin Bag - He bagged her to marry him Bobbed - A bobbed wire fence Bresh - He had a bresh with the law, and the law won. Bub - the light bub burned out Cheer - What you set in Crick - A small stream Clum - He sure clum that tree fastern any 'coon Chiny - country over in Asia Chuch duds - Sunday go-to-meetin clothes Core - He got hisself a new Ford core Cyow - Animal on Farm Deppity - He helps out the shurf Dribbed - He dribbed milk on his shirt Dainz - Satidy night social Ellum - A graceful tree Fanger - What you put your rang on Faince - Whats round the hawg lot Far - What get the brandin arn hot Furred - He got furred from his job Flar - A rose is a purdy flar Frash - Them aigs ain't frash Furiners - All non-'bamans Further - Hits ten miles further to town Grain - She was grain with envy Hail - Where bad folks go Hep - Poor George, he can't hep it, he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Hern - It aint hern, it's his'n Hilbilly - People in the next county Hollar - Whats between the hills Hard - Got a brend new hard hand Tar - His core blew a tar Laymun - A sour fruit Laig - Most folks have two of them Lather - What you climb up Liberry - Where you go to check out books for larnin Mailk - what you get from cyows Mere - What you see your self in Minners - Live bait Misrus - Married Woman Nar - Opposite of wide Nayk - Your head sets on it Nup - No Orrel - Them hinges need orrel Ormy - What the sojers go in Pank - A light red color Parch - Sit out on the parch and watch the grass grow Petition - What separate the rooms Poke - A paper bag or sack Pokey - What the shurf and deppity puts crimnals in Poke Salit - A green vegetable Puppet - What the preacher is in Purdy - She is purdy as a pitcher Purt near - Almost; he purt near caught that greased pig Rang - You wear it on your fanger Rut - That there tree sure has long ruts Rah cheer - I was born rah cheer in town Rainch - A big cow farm Rat - Do it rat now! Rench - Rench the soap yourself Roont - She plum roont her shoes Salary - A stringy vegetable Soardeens - Small canned fish Shar - A light rain Gully Worsher - A medium heavy rain Toad strangler - A heavy rain Sody Pop - A soft drink Sprang - Water out'n the ground Shurf - The Shurf put Clem in jail Storch - This here aprn has to much storch in it Skeered - that plumb skeered me to death Thanks - He shore thanks he's smart Tho - Tho me the ball Thoat - I shore got a sore thoat War - A bobbed war fance Worsh - Go worsh your face Warter - What you worsh your face in Yurp - A continent overseas
	How To Do The Perfect Bench Press Rep Bodybuilding and Lifting Weights, the Difference ironmagazine-frapper BONECRUSHER '08

09-13-2005, 06:35 PM	#4
The Monkey Man Magical Apelikemenace Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: New Delhi, India Posts: 13,641 Photos: 34	We forgot... MAISH: to push or depress, as in a button "go'head an MAISH eet down hard now"
	Have Problems?... Chances are its due to overpopulation Save The Oceans, Save the Planet, Save Your Family, Save Yourself!

09-13-2005, 07:44 PM	#7
P-funk Patrick Super Moderator Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: AZ Posts: 30,431	was this thread directed at anyone in particular? cough god hand cough
	http://pwtraining.blogspot.com/.....come and see what is on my mind! http://ivonneberkowitz.blogspot.com/....check out Ivonne's new blog! Optimum Sports Performance "In the beginners mind there are many possibilities, in the experts there are few." -Buddha's Little Instruction Book

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Crazy Enough can kick my ass!	DOMS	Online Journals	85	05-31-2005 08:58 AM
Two things are driving me crazy...	peach_lover	Training	16	08-27-2004 09:47 PM
And Introduction to English Nazis in the Education System: ENA101	Eggs	Open Chat	58	04-24-2004 06:03 AM
Why Is It That We Have To Speak English?	butterfly	Open Chat	42	02-06-2004 09:10 AM
Translating womenspeak (language)	ponyboy	Open Chat	1	01-13-2004 09:58 AM

09-13-2005, 07:13 PM	#5
maniclion Catalyst Elite Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Hawaii, selling munitions for the war on EcoTerror Posts: 17,906 Photos: 10	I never heard a southerner call it pop. I only heard sody or sugar warter. Batry - The thangy you need in the core to stort the dang thang dagnubit.

09-13-2005, 07:18 PM	#6
MyK Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: consumerville! Posts: 10,201 Photos: 1	English is supposed to be tough, it keeps those pesky french from learning it!

09-13-2005, 09:51 PM	#10
Tough Old Man Canine club CEO Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: baja calif, Mexico Posts: 6,933 Photos: 1	Get a grip on yourself. HOME, COMB,.... COME, HOME. NONE MAKES SINCE, but fuck it that what makes the schools so hard in America. nothing makes any since. If you get a passing grade, run with it.

09-13-2005, 11:07 PM	#11
Big Smoothy Windy City Elite Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Chicago Posts: 2,816	Thanks, Min0. I'm going to print one of your examples out and give them to my students, for fun.

09-14-2005, 08:16 AM	#15
Little Wing SEMPER~FIDELIS Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: United States Posts: 21,321 Blog Entries: 1 Photos: 191	sometimes when my brothers n i were kids we would ask my mom what was for desert n she'd say "desert the table" i always thought she meant eat the table. i was like 19 out in the desert outside vegas tripping on acid looking up at a bizzillion stars n thinking record, record, desert , desert, dessert n i'm thinking "oh.... she meant desert the table like leave..." .