Thread: A woman goes to the Doctor

one day a priest went out to his farm to check his hens but to his surprise there was no cock hen! he announced in mass has anyone seen a cock? all the woman stood up, he then said i mean has anyone got a cock, all the men stood up, he said, no no i mean has anyone seen a cock witch does not belong to them, half the woman stood up, no no no, i mean has anyone seen my cock, all the kewire boys stood up!!!

John and Tom are sitting in a bar.
John looks a little depressed,


Tom asks:
"What's wrong buddy?"

John replies:
"Well, it;s my wife's birthday next week and I don't know what to get her"

Tom's face lights up and he says:
"It was my wife's birthday 2 weeks ago"

John replies:
"Oh yah, what did you get her?"

Tom replies:
"A Mercedes Benz and a Diamond Ring"

John's jaw drops and he says:
"Holy Shit, why'd you get her those?"

Tom replies:
"Well, if she doesn;t like the Mercedes, she'll definately like the diamond"

John:
"Ah, I think I get it"

the next week, Tom and John are again sitting in the same bar

Tom pipes up:
"Hey John, isn't it your wife's birthday this week"

John:
"Sure is"

Tom:
"Wadda get her?"

John (proudly):
"Flip-Flops and a Dildo"

Tom:
"Flip-Flops and a Dildo?!?"

John:
"Yah, if she doesn;t like the flip-flops, she can go fuck herself"

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students.She picked a little boy to do the first test.She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?" "No, I don't," said the little boy. "Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work." Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of Ass!"

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionalism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpes - thats why I am here!"

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

A young man walks into the local barber shop.
The barber tells the young man to have a seat in the barber chair.
Before the old barber could start cutting the young man's hair,he ask the barber if he knew of anything for baldness.
The old man replied "why,as a matter of fact,I do young man". The old barber looked at the young feller and smiled.
"Well hell old timer,spit it out" the man in the barber chair said.
" Young feller,you ain't gonna' believe me when I tell ye" the barber laughed. "But I'll tell you anyhow. It's pussy juice".
"Ooooh hell" cried the young man. "You old gezzer. You're balder than i am".
The old barber busted out with laughter. "Ture,true,young man. But you gotta' admit,I got one hell of a nice mustache".

Originally Posted by MyK

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students.She picked a little boy to do the first test.She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?" "No, I don't," said the little boy. "Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work." Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of Ass!"

Why does Mike Tyson cry everytime he has sex?

'Cause mace will do that to you...

A school teacher asks her class the following question, "If there are three birds sitting on a telephone line and you shoot one, how many are left?"

A kid raises his hand and says, "none".

The teacher says, "No Timmy. If there are three birds on a telephone wire and you shoot one, how many are left?"

Timmy repeats his answer, "none".

The teacher replies, "No Timmy, if there were three birds and you shoot one, then there would be two left".

"No, you're wrong,” replies Timmy. "If you shoot one bird the other two will fly off."

"Well", responded the teacher, "that's not the answer I was looking for, but I like the way you're thinking."

Timmy looks at the teacher and says, "I've got a question for you. There are three women sitting on a curb and all of them are eating popsicles. The first one is biting her popsicle, the second one is licking her popsicle, and the third one is sucking her popsicle.

Which one is married?"

The teacher thinks about it for a moment and says, "Well...I guess it would be the one sucking her popsicle."

"Wrong", said Timmy, "It's the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you're thinking."

The new nun goes to her first confession.

She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret.

The priest then tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional.

She says, "Father, I never wear panties under my habit."

The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious, Sister Bernadette. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar."

Why do women have periods?










































































Because they deserve them.

YOU MIGHT BE A REPUBLICAN IF...

* You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

* You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend."

* You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

* You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

* You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."

* You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Honey."

* You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

* You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

* You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit...

* You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.

* You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."

* You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

* You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.

* Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

* You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.

* You've ever said, "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

* You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying bitch" while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.

* You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve."

* You've ever called education a luxury.

* You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

* You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.

* You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.

* You're afraid of the "liberal media."

* You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."

* You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers.

* You think all artists are gay.

* You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."

* You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor. The witch doctor throws some herbs on a fire, shakes his rattle, and says, “I have placed a powerful spell on you, but it will only work once a year. Just say ‘one, two, three’ and you’ll get the largest erection you’ve ever had. After your wife’s been satisfied, simply say ‘one, two, three, four’ and it will disappear for 12 months.”

Later that night as the man is lying in bed watching television, he says to his wife, “Watch this! One, two, three!” His schlong becomes larger and stiffer than ever before.

His wife is amazed. She smiles and says, “That’s great! But what did you say ‘one, two, three’ for?”