Reply With QuoteCommon Name: Silicone Macaque
Scientific Name: Macaca mammarae giganticus
Geographical Range: Throughout United States and Canada
Age: mid 20s-30s
Description: One of nature's ugliest primates, the Silicone Macaque has an overdeveloped musculature that is surprisingly not as strong as it appears. This is due to the massive quantities of illegal steroids it ingests that also cause it to piss blood.
The most disctinctive feature of the Silicone Macaque are its breasts. Unlike most primates, the Silicone Macaque believes that they can never be large enough to attract attention, so it will spend countless thousands of dollars on enhancement surgery.
As seen in the photograph, this produces some horrifying results as the Silicone Macaque is often left with hideously stretched-out basketballs.
Habits: The macaqe's habits include working out all day, pumping steroids and shopping in stripper stores for tasteless, thong microkinis. To pay for its extravagant lifestyle, the Silicone Macaque appears in amateur porn videos, wet T-shirt contests and bachelor parties.
Freak Watchers Textbook
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Thread: Freak Watchers Textbook
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10-11-2005, 09:56 AM #1Has lost 58lbs! ELITE MEMBER
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Freak Watchers Textbook
Check out this site, The Freak Watchers Textbook. This guy has pictures of people that he lables things like: Jesus Biker, Skeletor, Giant Furby, etc.
http://freaks.davezilla.com/
Dutch Warlock
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10-11-2005, 11:20 AM #2Voodoo Doll ELITE MEMBER
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Don't look back ~ You're not going that way!
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10-11-2005, 03:05 PM #3Senior Member ELITE MEMBER
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Common Name: King Mullet, Jerkoff, Business Mullet
Scientific Name: Agonostomus rex
Geographic Range: North America, England, Switzerland
Age: Upper 40s
Description: A homophobic, chain-smoking rock-n-roll fan, the King Mullet, incorrectly described on the classic work Mullets Galore as the Business Mullet, is a spectacular example of evolution taking a seemingly wrong turn, but ending in a highly adaptable species. Look for thinning silver-grey plumage, mustard-yellow dentition and filthy fingernails.
This species believes itself always ready to mate and will often stuff its pants to appear to have more than nature has provided. When confronted with the genital deception by a female of the species, demanding to know see the promised 9", it retreats into a hasty excuse about the "room being too cold," even in late August.
Habits: King Mullets take center stage with their idiotic grins and take-no-shit-from-nobody attitudes. They enjoy mating, a brief act consisting of 12-13 weak pelvic thrusts followed by a grunt, a slap on the female's buttocks and a demand for "another Miller".
King Mullets are rarely employed, the exceptions being the odd Harley-Davidson shop salesman or strip-mall tattoo artist. Their reasoning being they are above "working for some prick" or that "the police have always had it in for me; I can't be tied to one location."
Sightings are uncommon in winter. Your best bets for spotting this amazing creature are beer-sponsored outdoor events, NASCAR pit crews, WWF front rows, Dokken reunion tours and 25¢ peepshows.
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