How To [NOT] Get Popular In The Gym

TJ Cline · 12-01-2005, 05:33 PM

How To [NOT] Get Popular In The Gym

[ Do One Set & Drape Your Smelly Towel Over The Seat ]

Pick a popular machine during peak hours, do one set and drape your smelly towel over the seat. Then place your water bottle and preferably a pair of lifting straps next to it.

This will clearly show that the machine is in use while you spend 20 minutes doing something completely different. For the final touch, go completely ballistic if someone dared move your towel in your absence.

[ Ask A Stranger To Spot You While Squatting ]

This puts the other guy in a very awkward position, and you can make him totally freak out by letting your butt rub against his naughty parts.

[ Correct The Club Personal Trainer ]

When a Personal Trainer is helping a new client, immediately rush over and explain the RIGHT way to do each exercise. Helpful suggestions about using more weight and focus on free weights is sure to be appreciated by both the PT and the client.

But most important of all: don't give up until you've convinced the overweight 40 something woman that HIT-training is the only training that works.

[ Pee In The Shower ]

The guy whose foot is two inches from the drain won't mind, since he's on the OTHER side and therefore isn't affected at all.

[ When Someone Gets Injured, RUN Over & Say 'I Told You So!' ]

When someone gets injured, immediately run over there and open with: "Told you so!"

Give a detailed explanation on why he was an idiot for training the way he did, which allows him to ponder your wisdom on his way to the hospital.

[ Give Yourself The "Porn Shave" In The Locker Room ]

Hey, if shaving your face is socially acceptable, what's wrong with a little trim down there?

[ Use The Same Tank Top For 2 Weeks Straight ]

Science has conclusively proven that OD'ing on deodorant kills 100% of bacteria, so theoretically you could go through life with a single pair of durable socks, too!

[ Eat Foods That Make Your Fart For Pre-Workout Meals ]

Have a jumbo-sized bean burrito as your pre-workout meal. Who cares about a little extra methane - it's just us guys over by the squat-rack anyway, right?

[ NEVER Bring Your Own Shampoo ]

Never bring your own bottle of shampoo. Mooching off others each and every single day helps the ever-important male bonding.

Return the favor by complimenting them on "lookin' huge", but you may want to wait until you're out of the shower for that to avoid getting a kick in the nuts.

[ Leave Your Weights UN-RACKED, ALWAYS ]

Let others admire your strength by always leaving the plates on the machines and barbells. For extra bonus points, quickly load on a few extra plates after your last set and take your jolly sweet time stretching next to it, pretending you used more weight than you did.

[ Be The Gym Show Off ]

Lift your shirt to inspect your abs in the mirror at every given opportunity. If there are girls around, don't hesitate to do a most muscular and a frontal bicep pose as well.

Show off those mighty 16.5-inch guns, baby!

[ Hang Out At The Sports Bar (With People In Line) ]

Spend 5 minutes haggling with the guy in the sports bar about the amount of protein powder that should go into your drink.

It makes perfect sense to ask for an extra scoop of whey protein if you skip the blueberries and settle for only half a banana. If the dozen people behind you have a problem with it, THEY can pay for the extra scoop.

[ Wear Flip Flops In The Shower & Stomp Around ]

Stomp around in the shower without flip-flops. Then whip out a bottle of anti-fungus spray and carefully apply it to your feet to treat your stubborn athlete's foot.

The others, who just walked around barefoot in there too, will thank you for being considerate enough to take care of your fungus problem.

[ Agree To Spot Someone & Leave ]

Agree to spot someone doing heavy bench pressing. But hey, if he's still doing fine on his own by the sixth rep, there's no reason for you to hang around.

Besides, you needed to refill your water bottle anyway.

[ Make Loud Noises In The Bathroom & Then Joke About How Bad It Was ]

If you have a bad stomach and need to, uh, lighten the load, there is no reason to be discrete about it. Groan, grunt and make whatever loud noise you deem appropriate to go with the natural sound effects.

Those plastic half-inch stall walls have remarkable soundproofing qualities. Gain extra bonus points by cracking jokes about the smell as you emerge.

[ Sweat All Over The Equipment ]

The sole point of doing cardio is to sweat as much as possible. Wiping your face may interfere with your profuse sweating, so it's better to let it spray all over the machine.

When you're done, leave the machine as-is to inspire the next person. If he doesn't like it, your sweat will evaporate in minutes and won't leave a single trace anywhere.

[ Talk Crap About The Big Guys ]

Talk about the really big gym members behind their backs, asserting that they are on all kinds of juice. Then snicker at the small gym members for being feeble little dweebs. Then sneer at the fat guys for lacking discipline.

Then make fun of those you consider too young or too old, explaining that they really have no business in the gym anyway. Last but not least, there are the middle-of-the-road guys, who lack dedication to become really big. But hey, at least you're perfect, so there's hope!

bigss75 · 12-01-2005, 05:40 PM

HAHA there is one of all of thoughs in all the gyms ive been too

min0 lee · 12-01-2005, 06:11 PM

For some reason I don't think this stuff was made up, I can picture Foreman doing all of these.

musclepump · 12-01-2005, 06:14 PM

dougnukem · 12-01-2005, 06:19 PM

Your words of wisdom never cease to amaze me.

Tier · 12-01-2005, 06:22 PM

I dislike it when people put their bottles & magazines on equipment they are not using.

They get tossed right off when I need to use them.

silencer · 12-01-2005, 06:52 PM

People who use their fucking mobile phones in the gym PISS ME OFF, like they bench, get a call start talking on the phone for like 5 minutes. JUST F-U-C-K OFF

dougnukem · 12-01-2005, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by silencer

People who use their fucking mobile phones in the gym PISS ME OFF, like they bench, get a call start talking on the phone for like 5 minutes. JUST F-U-C-K OFF

Eh, just start pulling their weight off the BB and adding your own. They'll get off the phone or move then. If not, yell, as if they can't hear you over the phone, "Are you going to use this bench rightr now?!"

silencer · 12-01-2005, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dougnukem

Eh, just start pulling their weight off the BB and adding your own. They'll get off the phone or move then. If not, yell, as if they can't hear you over the phone, "Are you going to use this bench rightr now?!"

Damnit I'm gonna do that next time !

dougnukem · 12-01-2005, 07:04 PM

Embarassment is the best way to motivate people.

Mista · 12-01-2005, 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by FormanRules

[ Sweat All Over The Equipment ]

The sole point of doing cardio is to sweat as much as possible. Wiping your face may interfere with your profuse sweating, so it's better to let it spray all over the machine.

When you're done, leave the machine as-is to inspire the next person. If he doesn't like it, your sweat will evaporate in minutes and won't leave a single trace anywhere.

I seen this guy on the bike machine, mid 30's and a fair bit overweight. He was sweating so much, when he was finished the bike was literally dripping wet. I didnt think it was possible for someone to sweat that much.

silencer · 12-01-2005, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mista

I seen this guy on the bike machine, mid 30's and a fair bit overweight. He was sweating so much, when he was finished the bike was literally dripping wet. I didnt think it was possible for someone to sweat that much.

Very Very
SEXY . Im sure he's a real ladies man

The Monkey Man · 12-01-2005, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tier

I dislike it when people put their bottles & magazines on equipment they are not using.

They get tossed right off when I need to use them.

I use most of these techniques to aide in people not
bothering me during my WO...

And if you moved my towel, I would promptly toss "YOU" off the machine
and berate you loudly in front of all the women making you look like a selfish asshole.
(and I would play it off, like I was just talking loud because of my head phones)

**CowPimp** · 12-01-2005, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForemanRules

[ Leave Your Weights UN-RACKED, ALWAYS ]

Let others admire your strength by always leaving the plates on the machines and barbells. For extra bonus points, quickly load on a few extra plates after your last set and take your jolly sweet time stretching next to it, pretending you used more weight than you did.

I'm partial to this one beacuse I work in a gym now. Goddamn, people can be so lazy considering they took their time to go to the gym and do a workout. It seriously takes me almost an hour to clean up at the end of the night sometimes.

My favorite is when I see a plate leaning up against the peg that contains the same plates. I'm like what the Hell, you couldn't change its position by a matter of inches and finish the job?

Tier · 12-01-2005, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Monkey Man

I use most of these techniques to aide in people not
bothering me during my WO...

And if you moved my towel, I would promptly toss "YOU" off the machine
and berate you loudly in front of all the woman making you look like a selfish asshole.
(and I would play it off, like I was just talking loud because of my head phones)

you put stuff on machines you dont use so people dont bother you

Seems like that would get you bothered mroe than not.

silencer · 12-01-2005, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CowPimp

I'm partial to this one beacuse I work in a gym now. Goddamn, people can be so lazy considering they took their time to go to the gym and do a workout. It seriously takes me almost an hour to clean up at the end of the night sometimes.

My favorite is when I see a plate leaning up against the peg that contains the same plates. I'm like what the Hell, you couldn't change its position by a matter of inches and finish the job?

I'm sure you are just underestimating the sheer intensity of their workouts,I mean, putting a plate back on the peg, damn I wouldn't have the energy to do that

MyK · 12-01-2005, 09:00 PM

Nice post F-man! saved the best till last, LMAO!!!!

MyK · 12-01-2005, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tier

I dislike it when people put their bottles & magazines on equipment they are not using.

They get tossed right off when I need to use them.

ooooohhhh, your soooo tough!!!!

MyK · 12-01-2005, 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dougnukem

Embarassment is the best way to motivate people.

nope your wrong! FEAR is!

HANK-VISSER · 12-02-2005, 03:09 AM

Nick+ · 12-02-2005, 03:15 AM

I cleaned a Gym back in 1997-98 (in Hereford UK) Used to start there at 5am. The worst morning, was when someone had puked their brown 'insides' all over one of the toilets. I nearly added an extra layer of puke having to clean it up.

THEUNIT(XXL) · 12-02-2005, 03:57 AM

Nice post foreman, see you did make one good post this year

silencer · 12-02-2005, 04:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick+

I cleaned a Gym back in 1997-98 (in Hereford UK) Used to start there at 5am. The worst morning, was when someone had puked their brown 'insides' all over one of the toilets. I nearly added an extra layer of puke having to clean it up.

Sounds like a fantastic job with good promotional opportunities as well as many opportunities for empowerment.

What on Earth made you give it up?

TJ Cline · 02-26-2006, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by THEUNIT(XXL)

Nice post foreman, see you did make one good post this year

Think it might have been two, I'll have to check with DMOS.

clemson357 · 02-26-2006, 01:34 PM

there is one thing on there that I do, laugh at the fat guys. I am sorry, if you are +30% body fat you need to be doing cardio, not 8 sets of benchpress.

Seanp156 · 02-26-2006, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clemson357

there is one thing on there that I do, laugh at the fat guys. I am sorry, if you are +30% body fat you need to be doing cardio, not 8 sets of benchpress.

First of all, what they do is their business, second of all, weight loss primarily comes to diet, cardio is just an aid...

clemson357 · 02-26-2006, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seanp156

First of all, what they do is their business, second of all, weight loss primarily comes to diet, cardio is just an aid...

you are right, what they do is their business. and when I laugh to myself, that is my business

I laugh at them, and I laugh at the dude who asks me to spot him on bench press every other day. Literally, this guy asked me for a spot on bench press today, friday, and wednesday.

And just for your reference, weight loss comes from negative caloric intake. Intake = how much you eat - how much you burn. To say that cardio (burning calories) is merely an aid isn't exactly accurate. Theoretically you could loose weight doing only one or the other, ideally you do both.

Seanp156 · 02-26-2006, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clemson357

And just for your reference, weight loss comes from negative caloric intake. Intake = how much you eat - how much you burn. To say that cardio (burning calories) is merely an aid isn't exactly accurate. Theoretically you could loose weight doing only one or the other, ideally you do both.

That's basically the long version of what I said... Cardio is just an aid to create a caloric deficit(unless you're doing it for conditioning) if yo

12-01-2005, 05:33 PM	#1
TJ Cline Member Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 12,544	How To [NOT] Get Popular In The Gym How To [NOT] Get Popular In The Gym [ Do One Set & Drape Your Smelly Towel Over The Seat ] Pick a popular machine during peak hours, do one set and drape your smelly towel over the seat. Then place your water bottle and preferably a pair of lifting straps next to it. This will clearly show that the machine is in use while you spend 20 minutes doing something completely different. For the final touch, go completely ballistic if someone dared move your towel in your absence. [ Ask A Stranger To Spot You While Squatting ] This puts the other guy in a very awkward position, and you can make him totally freak out by letting your butt rub against his naughty parts. [ Correct The Club Personal Trainer ] When a Personal Trainer is helping a new client, immediately rush over and explain the RIGHT way to do each exercise. Helpful suggestions about using more weight and focus on free weights is sure to be appreciated by both the PT and the client. But most important of all: don't give up until you've convinced the overweight 40 something woman that HIT-training is the only training that works. [ Pee In The Shower ] The guy whose foot is two inches from the drain won't mind, since he's on the OTHER side and therefore isn't affected at all. [ When Someone Gets Injured, RUN Over & Say 'I Told You So!' ] When someone gets injured, immediately run over there and open with: "Told you so!" Give a detailed explanation on why he was an idiot for training the way he did, which allows him to ponder your wisdom on his way to the hospital. [ Give Yourself The "Porn Shave" In The Locker Room ] Hey, if shaving your face is socially acceptable, what's wrong with a little trim down there? [ Use The Same Tank Top For 2 Weeks Straight ] Science has conclusively proven that OD'ing on deodorant kills 100% of bacteria, so theoretically you could go through life with a single pair of durable socks, too! [ Eat Foods That Make Your Fart For Pre-Workout Meals ] Have a jumbo-sized bean burrito as your pre-workout meal. Who cares about a little extra methane - it's just us guys over by the squat-rack anyway, right? [ NEVER Bring Your Own Shampoo ] Never bring your own bottle of shampoo. Mooching off others each and every single day helps the ever-important male bonding. Return the favor by complimenting them on "lookin' huge", but you may want to wait until you're out of the shower for that to avoid getting a kick in the nuts. [ Leave Your Weights UN-RACKED, ALWAYS ] Let others admire your strength by always leaving the plates on the machines and barbells. For extra bonus points, quickly load on a few extra plates after your last set and take your jolly sweet time stretching next to it, pretending you used more weight than you did. [ Be The Gym Show Off ] Lift your shirt to inspect your abs in the mirror at every given opportunity. If there are girls around, don't hesitate to do a most muscular and a frontal bicep pose as well. Show off those mighty 16.5-inch guns, baby! [ Hang Out At The Sports Bar (With People In Line) ] Spend 5 minutes haggling with the guy in the sports bar about the amount of protein powder that should go into your drink. It makes perfect sense to ask for an extra scoop of whey protein if you skip the blueberries and settle for only half a banana. If the dozen people behind you have a problem with it, THEY can pay for the extra scoop. [ Wear Flip Flops In The Shower & Stomp Around ] Stomp around in the shower without flip-flops. Then whip out a bottle of anti-fungus spray and carefully apply it to your feet to treat your stubborn athlete's foot. The others, who just walked around barefoot in there too, will thank you for being considerate enough to take care of your fungus problem. [ Agree To Spot Someone & Leave ] Agree to spot someone doing heavy bench pressing. But hey, if he's still doing fine on his own by the sixth rep, there's no reason for you to hang around. Besides, you needed to refill your water bottle anyway. [ Make Loud Noises In The Bathroom & Then Joke About How Bad It Was ] If you have a bad stomach and need to, uh, lighten the load, there is no reason to be discrete about it. Groan, grunt and make whatever loud noise you deem appropriate to go with the natural sound effects. Those plastic half-inch stall walls have remarkable soundproofing qualities. Gain extra bonus points by cracking jokes about the smell as you emerge. [ Sweat All Over The Equipment ] The sole point of doing cardio is to sweat as much as possible. Wiping your face may interfere with your profuse sweating, so it's better to let it spray all over the machine. When you're done, leave the machine as-is to inspire the next person. If he doesn't like it, your sweat will evaporate in minutes and won't leave a single trace anywhere. [ Talk Crap About The Big Guys ] Talk about the really big gym members behind their backs, asserting that they are on all kinds of juice. Then snicker at the small gym members for being feeble little dweebs. Then sneer at the fat guys for lacking discipline. Then make fun of those you consider too young or too old, explaining that they really have no business in the gym anyway. Last but not least, there are the middle-of-the-road guys, who lack dedication to become really big. But hey, at least you're perfect, so there's hope!
TJ Cline Member Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 12,544

12-01-2005, 06:11 PM	#3
min0 lee I See© Elite Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: The Bronx, NYC Posts: 31,665 Blog Entries: 3 Photos: 542	For some reason I don't think this stuff was made up, I can picture Foreman doing all of these.
	How To Do The Perfect Bench Press Rep Bodybuilding and Lifting Weights, the Difference ironmagazine-frapper KEFE '08

12-01-2005, 06:14 PM	#4
musclepump Celebrity PersonalTrainer Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 6,664 Photos: 128
	Let's all join together and SPEAK ENGLISH IN AMERICA.

02-26-2006, 01:34 PM	#25
clemson357 __________ Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 2,507 Photos: 1	there is one thing on there that I do, laugh at the fat guys. I am sorry, if you are +30% body fat you need to be doing cardio, not 8 sets of benchpress.
	________________________

12-01-2005, 05:40 PM	#2
bigss75 Let Me See Yo Grill Elite Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Colorado Posts: 5,123	HAHA there is one of all of thoughs in all the gyms ive been too

12-01-2005, 06:19 PM	#5
dougnukem The American Dream Elite Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Fort Walton Beach, FL Posts: 1,802 Photos: 6	Your words of wisdom never cease to amaze me.

12-01-2005, 06:22 PM	#6
Tier Your Pretend Friend Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Virginia Beach, VA Posts: 765	I dislike it when people put their bottles & magazines on equipment they are not using. They get tossed right off when I need to use them.

12-01-2005, 06:52 PM	#7
silencer Ascendo tuum Join Date: May 2003 Location: UK Posts: 659	People who use their fucking mobile phones in the gym PISS ME OFF, like they bench, get a call start talking on the phone for like 5 minutes. JUST F-U-C-K OFF

12-01-2005, 07:04 PM	#10
dougnukem The American Dream Elite Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Fort Walton Beach, FL Posts: 1,802 Photos: 6	Embarassment is the best way to motivate people.

12-01-2005, 09:00 PM	#17
MyK Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: consumerville! Posts: 10,201 Photos: 1	Nice post F-man! saved the best till last, LMAO!!!!

12-02-2005, 03:09 AM	#20
HANK-VISSER pepper rocks!!! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: AMSTERDAM Posts: 1,103 Photos: 6

12-02-2005, 03:15 AM	#21
Nick+ Senior Member Elite Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: *** Posts: 1,865 Photos: 1	I cleaned a Gym back in 1997-98 (in Hereford UK) Used to start there at 5am. The worst morning, was when someone had puked their brown 'insides' all over one of the toilets. I nearly added an extra layer of puke having to clean it up.