Thread: 30 Vin Diesel facts

Originally Posted by gococksDJS

When Vin Diesel drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."

There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.

When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Vin Diesel.

Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.

Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.

Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.

In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.

Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

To attain inner peace, Vin Diesel eats Buddhists.

Tony Jaa could kick his ass.

Can you believe newspapers still write that Diesel is 6ft 3 or in some cases 4? No, neither can I.

Have you met Vin Diesel in person. Is he really the big 6ft 2 or 3 guy as you may think, or do his big muscles simply help maintain the illusion that he's a ginormous movie star. Well, somebody has met Vin in person, the master martial artist himself, Chuck Norris. And just how big do you think Chuck is? My research suggests that an absolute max he is 5ft 9 and quite possibly 5ft 8. Granted in the picture (from the world stunt awards) with Diesel he is wearing his trademark cowboy boots which give him an extra inch, hence we've marked that perceived height as 5ft 10. But also consider - Norris is in his 60's and will no doubt have lost a cm in height since those earlier images beside Bruce Lee (who is a doctor confirmed just about5ft 8 in his 20s). At CelebHeights, based on this evidence we reckon Diesel is 6ft, but his huge muscles give an illusion that he's taller. No way is he 6ft 2 though...he's just about 2 inches taller than Barry Pepper who is about 5ft 10.

Chuck Norris is better then Vin Diesel.

True Facts about Chuck

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

On June 7th 1994, Chuck Norris entered the same restaurant supermodel Cindy Crawford was eating at. Instinctively, Cindy swept everything off the table, threw herself on it in a fit of lust, and begged Chuck to ravish her. After Chuck finished his beer, he obliged her. When Chuck’s magnificent lead sperm cannoned into Cindy’s womb it went straight to one of her ovaries and roared, “Which one of you servile wenches thinks you can handle getting split open by the Chuck!?” All of the eggs cowered in the corner. The same thing happened at the other ovary. “I didn’t fucking think so!” shouted the lead sperm which then lead the rest of the troops back into Chuck’s balls. Chuck pulled out, roundhouse kicked Cindy in the face and told her, “Don’t ever waste my time again.”

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politley signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.

Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

Very original thread

Random Vin Diesel Facts

The only fact you need to know about Steven Seagal

Steven Seagal uses Chuck Norris to wipe his ass, and Vin Diesel as a diaper.



Scared?

he looks fat

Originally Posted by silencer

he IS fat

Do you want me to explain why Kevin Sorbo can also beat up Chuck and Vin?



Chuck Norris thumbs up, before Kevin Sorbo breaks it.

Originally Posted by Bazooka Tooth

Do you want me to explain why Kevin Sorbo can also beat up Chuck and Vin?



Chuck Norris thumbs up, before Kevin Sorbo breaks it.

thats all verry nice, but.......sylvester stallone would kick all there asses!!!!!

Originally Posted by HANK-VISSER

thats all verry nice, but.......sylvester stallone would kick all there asses!!!!!

hahah damnit, all the sarcasm has been drained out of this thread, because Stallone is a true badass....well Vin Deisel is too, but damnit

priceless!

31 facts about Mr. T

He so frickin cool, he uses a golden skillet he stole from the devil as his bling

Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

Mr. T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesome British path. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth shit itself and created Scotland.

Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of vitamin T.

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.

Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

Mr. T once shook hands with Chuck Norris, or so it appeared, in actuality, their combined power caused an earthquake, which gave their hands a look of shaking to any onlookers, who were probably too scared to accurately testify anyway.

Yoda had two sons. To one he taught pity, to the other he gave the gift of the beard.

Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

All of the gold in Fort Knox is fake. The U.S.'s actual treasury is chains worn by Mr. T around his neck.

Mr. T once bit off more than he could chew. He ate it anyway.

Despite popular belief, Mr. T in fact ended the civil rights movement by getting on a bus....all caucasian people moved to the back.

Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it

One day when Mr. T was just a little T doing push-ups on the schoolyard, he heard some kids singing "I'm a little tea-pot." Thinking those kids were tarnishing his reputation by associating T and pot, mini Mr. T proceeded to rip off the kids' handles and dislocate their spouts before tipping them over and knocking them out.

Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr. T.

Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.

The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.

Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

Mr. T skis uphill.

Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.

Mr. T once rocked the Casbah. Which explains why there is no longer a Casbah.

Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.

Originally Posted by Bazooka Tooth

The only fact you need to know about Steven Seagal

Steven Seagal uses Chuck Norris to wipe his ass, and Vin Diesel as a diaper.

What did he use to beat his ex wife with?

Originally Posted by Mudge

What did he use to beat his ex wife with?

He used Chuck Norris?

I heard Vin Diesel can bench 700 LBs... usually for warmup weight....

This man doesn't have to do any extraordinary feats for people to know how badass he is, in fact he yawns and lays down for a nap everytime one of the pussies above challenges him to a fight.

Oh, and Charles Bronson is the real Walrus the Beatles were referring to.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/vindiesel.html

TOTAL BADASS!