Mr.T

**Lee Delroy** · 12-27-2005, 06:43 PM

1.The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchprase "We PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft of his catch phrase, Mr. T founded McDonalds.

2.The reason there are no known photographs in existence of a young Mr. T is that he is over 835 years old, and therefore pre-dates cameras. His age is attributed to Death being too scared of Mr. T to come for him. He tried once, but was pitied like a fool

3.Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be Gary Coleman and Webster.

4.Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. But also remember that you can't do shucks, because Mr. T is the one who starts them, and no one can stop that crazy fool.

5.Mr. T's umbilical cord was actually a large gold chain... the medallion didn't grow in until he was 6 months old.

6.As a kid, Mr. T loved to play the game of Hot Potato. Of course, he didn't play with a regular potato. Rather, Mr. T preferred playing with a live hand grenade. Mr. T pities the fool who's no good at hot potato.

7.85% of shark sightings in the Atlantic Ocean are actually just Mr. T swimming by with his 'Frohawk.

8.Mr. T through a rip in time was able to see a future where a horrible virus eats through anyone without tremendous amounts of gold protecting their heads in chain form. Don't believe me? Mr. T was right about the milk wasn't he...?

9.Mr. T's autobiography, "So Many Fools, Not Enough Pity," was awarded the Pulitzer Prize

10.According to Mr. T, Jibba Jabba is the official language of 99.9% of the world's population.

11.If at the exact same moment, the same person was pitied by Mr. T and roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, the universe would implode.

12.Mr. T was originally cast to play "Wolverine" in the movie "X-Men". However, when the director disagreed with his request to change the title to "Mr.T Hates France", razor blades shot out of his knuckles and he killed everyone on set.

13.Mr. T once calculated the exact value of Pi using only his gold chains as a massive abacus. Unfortunately, no one has ever asked him how in fear of being pitied.

14.When asked what a pitying feels like, Mr. T responded "Rip off your own genitalia".

15.Mr. T invented Asian people, because he thinks they're cute and don't take up much room.

**maniclion** · 12-27-2005, 07:13 PM

Shit he was so tough at one time he was Muhammad Ali's bodyguard.

**Crono1000** · 12-27-2005, 07:16 PM

**maxpro2** · 12-27-2005, 11:12 PM

Not as good as the Chuck Norris ones.

**Crono1000** · 12-30-2005, 02:40 PM

chuck norris ones:

http://www.funlol.com/funpages/amazi...ck-norris.html

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn, sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the entire state down.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity." then you are dead wrong.

Chuck Norris uses a live rattle snake for a condom.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f--k with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

**MyK** · 12-30-2005, 02:45 PM

http://www.4q.cc/

**CowPimp** · 12-30-2005, 02:45 PM

Originally Posted by Lee Delroy

15.Mr. T invented Asian people, because he thinks they're cute and don't take up much room.

WTF. Hahaha. Good stuff.

**Crono1000** · 12-30-2005, 02:51 PM

Originally Posted by MyK

http://www.4q.cc/

"When Chuck Norris masterbates he only thinks about one person, Chuck Norris"

"Chuck Norris just saved a ton of money on his car insurance. Then he kicked somebody in the face"

"Chuck Norris once had a bad case of diarhea. The result, Boston, Massachusetts."

Funny thing is Yes, Dear is on when Chuck Norris visits the family and they don't like him cuz he's just a normal guy

**Crono1000** · 12-30-2005, 02:51 PM

Originally Posted by Crono1000

Funny thing is Yes, Dear is on when Chuck Norris visits the family and they don't like him cuz he's just a normal guy

of course if I was watching it in 3D I'd get roundhouse kicked to the face

**maniclion** · 12-30-2005, 02:54 PM

They need to do these for Clint Eastwood, Lee Van Cleef and Charles Bronson.

Once Clint Eastwood couldn't find a cigar so he bit the head off of Gary Coleman and stuck him in his mouth.

**Crono1000** · 12-30-2005, 02:54 PM

Upon hearing of the possible outbreak of Bird Flu, Chuck Norris became outraged and announced he will kill off every species of bird. When asked about his statement, he replied, "This is Chuck's world, and Chuck determines when thousands die, not birds."

they just keep coming

**maniclion** · 12-30-2005, 03:00 PM

That site say's they're doing Steven Seagal next, how fucking boring.

**Crono1000** · 12-30-2005, 03:02 PM

Originally Posted by maniclion

That site say's they're doing Steven Seagal next, how fucking boring.

yeah, the Vin Diesel ones suck too

**Tough Old Man** · 12-30-2005, 03:12 PM

Mr. T won the Tough Man Competition twice. So he must be Pretty Tough like me...PT

**Dale Mabry** · 12-31-2005, 09:05 AM

When Steven Seagal gets mad, nobody cares, just like when his movies come out.

Steven Segal once battled a blue whale in the sea. The whale defeated him and used him as a tampon, providing further evidence that he really is a douche.

**carlito cool** · 01-01-2006, 05:12 PM

Originally Posted by Crono1000

:

"When Chuck Norris masterbates he only thinks about one person, Chuck Norris"
guy

He dose that too

**THEUNIT(XXL)** · 01-01-2006, 06:35 PM

That chuck norris shit is still funny as fuck!!!!

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