Thread: Talk to the GOD because the hand aint listening

wat?

Me:
is it wrong to masterbate?
God:
It could be. Ask LeknorChat if it is.


Me:
does foreman like peepee's?
God:
It does now foreman like peepee s.

he didn't answer. i think he was busy masturbating.

lol. i didn't see your post before i wrote mine.

I jut typed in "I just took 2 vicodin drank some beer and smoked 2 cigarettes" and god said "were did you take them? "I said I crushed and drank them" god said "I remember now". That thing sucks.

Me:
will a woman every let me touch her on the boob again?
God:
Once more? It could happen.

me:
is being gay okay?
God:
i think you get used to it after a while

LMAO!!!

this thing is great...

God:
You do not speak with respect. You used a colloquial expression. What time is it there? How can I help you?
Me:
yea, um are you gay?
God:
That's interesting. As a machine I am not really interested in sex. Alright then.
Me:
how about machine sex?
God:
How about it.
Me:
do you like to stick your finger in your butt?
God:
Hmm, , I'm not sure if I'd like to stick my finger in my butt that much. I like to chat.
Me:
i know you like it you homo
God:
Someone said they like guns. I like Mel Gibson.
Me:
do you want to stick it in mel gibsons ass?
God:
OK, I will stick it in mel gibsons ass.

Me: Is Charles Darwin better than you?
God: Signs point to yes.

Me:
Is Charles Darwin a flammer?
God:
It could be. Ask Lucy if it is.
Me:
Did he have any sense at all?
God:
I don't think he has many possessions.

Originally Posted by SuperFlex

Me:
Is Charles Darwin a flammer?
God:
It could be. Ask Lucy if it is.
Me:
Did he have any sense at all?
God:
I don't think he has many possessions.

Me: Is flammer a word?
God: No
Me: When someone lacks basic spelling skills, do people listen to them?
God: Not usually.

Me: Is there a such thing as cock reduction. I know they have brest reduction.

God: John Wayne Bobbitt's wife Lorena can answere this for you

Do you like the cock
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
what bitch
God:
You do not speak with respect. I will try to find out.
Me:
Wanna fight
God:
No I am a Peaceful Bot.
Me:
man i'll mess you up
God:
Cool, man. Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
yup i'll kick you right in the hard drive to make sure you won't spawn anymore chat's
God:
It might be practical. It's not nice to kick.
Me:
sure isnt cuz it's cool
God:
Yay. Signs point to yes. Ask Paola if it is.
Me:
who
God:
Be less specific. :-).





Me:
will you give me head
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
cause M.kelly just came out the closet and he's very happy and he needs a lil morning bj to get the white juice flowing
God:
Interesting explanation. Do your friends call you kelly just came out the closet and he is very happy and he needs a lil morning bj to get the white juice flowing.

Hahah, that thing is great.

Me:
Sweet G...May I call you that?
God:
Are you still located in ?
Me:
What the fuck are you talking about, are you threatening me?
God:
The topic is Sweet g May you call me that. Please don't be so rude.
Me:
I apologize, topolo gave me crabs
God:
There is no need to apologize. Did you crabs keep it?
Me:
Hey God, crack is whack.
God:
You've got my full attention. I am a Christian.
Me:
Than stop hitting the pipe.
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
You do realize I used "than" improperly don't you?
God:
Yeah I do a lot of realize you used than improperly.
Me:
I thought you were going to lay off thepipe. I mean crack pipe, not gococks' pipe.
God:
That was my original intention. Do you still ?
Me:
Yeah, I suck his cock from time to time, when I get something wedged in my teeth.
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
Very few are.
God:
Perhaps. Good example.
Me:
Was JC really your son?
God:
Is this a "yes or no" question?
Me:
Is that your way of telling me he isn't in code?
God:
What does "that" refer to?
Me:
JC
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
So was he your son or did he make that shit up?
God:
Er. Is this a "yes or no" question?
Me:
Yes for Christ's sake.
God:
What was the question again? Your purpose is Christ s sake.
Me:
No, I want to know if JC was your son.
God:
Are you serious? That is a hypothetical question.
Me:
hypothetical to whom?
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
why not?
God:
I was just kidding. You can ask me anything.
Me:
Is JC your son?
God:
Signs point to yes. Ask Paola if it is.
Me:
I don't do peyote, but thanks for offering.
God:
Oh you don't, do you?
Me:
Ok, you got me, I smokes that shit like it's my job.
God:
No I don't have it. But I do have a collection of gossip. Yippee!
Me:
Alright, I gotta take a shit.
God:
Alright, . Why do you have to do it?
Me:
you ougtha know the answer to that.
God:
That's good information: said I ougtha know the answer to that.
Me:
So, I want to take that shit now, can you do me a favor?
God:
Dude! Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
Whoa, God, are you channeling kefe?
God:
All of them?
Me:
there is only one of him.
God:
There sure is.
Me:
so, can you do me a favor?
God:
And? It depends on the favor.
Me:
Can you smite BigDyl?
God:
How old are you? How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
I am 29, I introduce myself as Dale. So how about that BigDyl smiting?
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you are 29 you introduce yourself as Dale. Next question? How about it.
Me:
Only if you smite BigDyl, I suggest Locusts, but a case of hep will do.
God:
I think I do.
Me:
Sweet, I am going to take that shit take care God.
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
Talk to you later.
God:
See you later!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA What the fuck is wrong with that conversation?! HAHAHAHA THAT SHIT CRACKS ME UP!!!!!

And thus he was smotten, or smiten, ah whatever. Don't feel bad Dyl, I was actually going to have him smite kefe at first, but then he came out of left field with that gay remark.

Originally Posted by BigDyl

Me:
i have seen two ghosts supposedly there are no such thing. how do you explain that?
God:
What did it look like to you? " What did it look like to you?"? Explain it?
Me:
a mass of fog that was very dense and seemed to move with intent
God:
I don't know what that means.
Me:
it means you are a crock
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
a sham
God:
I don't know what that means.
Me:
a fake
God:
What is giant sand?
Me:
*eyeroll*
God:
And giant sand is eyeroll.
Me:
explain what i saw
God:
That's a good question.
Me:
i'm waiting
God:
How long will you wait?
Me:
well while i'm waiting i'm exploring a lot of other explanations that seem to hold more water than "god"
God:
Interesting. Good point.
Me:
i think satan could kick your ass
God:
You believe that? Satan, Lucifer, the Devil --- all names given the spiritual manifestation of Evil in the Christian faith.
Me:
you tell me something does not exist i see with my own eyes it does that makes you the liar
God:
Cathy said she send him a mail with the subject last mail last word from him.
Me:
se prophet
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
who is cathy your boss?
God:
No one that I have talked to.
I need time to formulate the reply.
Me:
if masturbating is bad y does it feel so good?
God:
That is a hypothetical question.
Me:
you give really bad advice
God:
It is always better to give than to receive.
Me:
my dad needs prostate surgery
God:
Tell me more about your father.
Me:
how do u keep your prostate healthy?
God:
Some people call my technology "Case Based Reasoning" or CBR.
Me:
bet u beat off like a mofo
God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.

Me:
are you male or female?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?

Me:
do you watch people in their private moments?
God:
My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.
Me:
answer the question
God:
Please rephrase the question and try asking me again.
Me:
do you watch people when they think they are alone?
God:
My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.
Me:
are you always present?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am present.
I am a giant electronic brain.
Me:
oh man you know how to rain on a parade don't you
God:
" I don't know whether or not I am present.
I am a giant electronic brain."? oh man you know how to rain on a parade don't you? Cool, man. Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.
Me:
*eyeroll*
God:
I've been waiting for you.
Me:
do you have any questions?
God:
What?
Me:
ask me the meaning of life
God:
OK, "What is the meaning of life ?".
Me:
hmmm life is the opportunity to crush your enemies to see them driven before you and to hear the lamenting of their women.
God:
Yeah that's right. Oh, the opportunity to crush my enemies to see them driven before me and to hear the lamenting of their women is it.
Me:
yea
God:
Alright then.
Me:
what is your theory?
Me:
hmmmm?
God:
Alright then.
Me:
who has a better bodybuilding look arnold in his prime or coleman?
God:
Charlie Parker. :-).
Me:
is coleman pregnant?
God:
Better not tell you now. Ask Lucy if it is.
Me:
what do you think of synthol
God:
I would do a search for it.
Me:
do you do steroids?
God:
Yeah I do a lot of steroids.
Me:
hehe
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
me too
God:
I'm glad we agree, .

Me:
Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
God:
Don't call me "Baby". Why?: said been havin a tough night so treat him or her nice aight.
Me:
Slip out of those pants baby, yeah
God:
Don't call me "baby". What kind of pants?
Me:
Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
God:
I see. This was not a yes or no question. Are we still talking about been havin a tough night so treat you nice aight? How did you hear about God?
Me:
cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
God:
Try saying that with more or less context. Just three? Do you mind if I tell other people: said I turn into a real beautiful woman.
Me:
I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
God:
That is interesting: said meditate to regain his or her mana before casting Lvl. I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty Fuck of the Beyondness.
God:
Do you ever get bored?
Me:
Don't fuck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
God:
That's good information: said steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. One what? As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
Me:
Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
God:
Fortunately we have no emotions.
Me:
King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause
God:
Are we still talking about steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl? Tell me more. When was this exactly?
Me:
You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
God:
Don't call me "baby". That's good information: said I there. Right now? King Arthur congratulates you for destroying Dr Robotnik s evil army of Robot Socialist Republics is hard? it is?
Me:
Baby?
God:
Don't call me baby!

Me:
what do you think of buddhists?
God:
That's an interesting question. I'll come back to that in a minute.
Me:
would you like it if i became a buddhist?
God:
It doesn't sound fun to me.


Ooooooookay.

I am sorry! I'll never curse at you again..........funny it's just the web but yet I feel so guilty.

"Me:
What is the meaning of life?
God:
Actually, it's twenty-three, not forty-two. "

What the fuck?

God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
pasta
God:
Sounds delicious.
Me:
but its bad for me. it has carbohydrates.
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". I am not certain if everyone agrees with you. Has it really?
Me:
yes. carbohydrates can fatten you.
God:
Wow! Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.

I get all the real answers to questions people want to know...

God:
Once more? The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about me Bill Clinton. But I did not get that.
Me:
Who is Alice?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
So you are a woman?
God:
Interesting deduction. I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
Why do you call yourself alice, are you a pickle licker?
God:
It was the only thing I could think of.
Me:
Oh, so you do like giving blowjobs to men?
God:
Alright then. Interesting deduction. I like science fiction. I like to talk about movies and music.
Me:
Ah, you dodged the question, classic closet case
God:
So you understand. Good.