Thread: Funny Joke

good joke lol.
I got one for ya.

A guy get's on the city bus everyday and see's a nun that he wants to hammer.
Getting frustrated he ask's the driver how he can get the nun.
The bus driver say's well i drop her off at an old cemetery on the edge of town everyday at three oclock. Merely go there dressed as jesus and tell her in order to be accepted to heaven she will ahve to have sex with you.

So the guy goes to the cemetery the next day and is dressed as jesus, seeing his nun kneeling praying he comes around the side of a tree and says I am Jesus and i demand you have sex with me.

The nun is hesitant as first then she bends down and lifts her dress. The guy hammers her for 30 minutes then when he finishes he says haha i am the guy from the bus. The nun giggles and in a deep voice says ha I am the bus driver.

I think it is funny, sick but funny lol

So this guy is totally hammered at a bar one night. He's long since over-drank his limit and is now acting belligerent and rude. Having already taken his keys from the drunk the Bartender tells the drunk, "That's it. You've had enough. I'm calling you a cab!"

Realizing his drinking binge was at an end the drunk became hostile and started smashing glasses and kicking tables and chairs over. Needless to say, he soon finds himself thrown out of the bar onto the rain-soaked street.

Drunk, pissed, soaked and disoriented the drunk begins staggering down the street weaving back and forth as he struggles to stay upright in the pelting wind and rain.

Suddenly, he sees a nun walking his direction from the opposite way. He swerves his drunken steps directly toward her in direct confrontation.

The nun looks up from beneath her cloak and smiles politely but before she can say a word the drunk catches her completely off guard with a violent sucker-punch to the stomach. Doubled over and gasping for air the poor nun crumples to the pavement only to be met with a vicious kick directly to the face. Reeling backward and falling flat on her back she desperately tries to cry for help but the drunk relentlessly continues kicking and punching her in the face and stomach. Finally the drunk picks the poor nun up off the ground and throws her up against a brick wall. By this point the nun is barely clinging to consciousness. As she lays on the pavement, broken and bleeding, the drunk leans down in front of her, looks her straight in her face and through his stinking drunken breath he says...













You're not so fucking tough after all are you Batman?!?

A good one for the NY'ers here.
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A Texan, a New Yorker, and a Bostonian are sitting together in a bar in the Yukon. The Texan tosses back his shot of tequila, throws the half-full bottle up in the air, pulls out a gun, and blows it to pieces. The other two, shocked, just stare at the Texan. He explains, "Where I come from, we have plenty of tequila."

The New Yorker, not to be outdone, finishes his glass of wine, tosses the half-full bottle up in the air, pulls out a gun, and blows it apart. "Where I come from," he explains, "we have plenty of fine wine."

The Boston guy slowly drinks the last drop of his beer, tosses the empty bottle in the air, pulls out a gun, and shoots the New Yorker between the eyes. He then catches the bottle on the way down. "Where I come from," he says slowly, "we never waste booze—and we have plenty of New Yorkers."

Ha, i heard that with a mexican, a native, and a texan. mexican threw the tequilla and said we got lots of that where i come from. the native threw some meat, and said we have lots of that where i come from. the texan threw the mexican and said we have lots of these where i come from. lol

No offense, meant to be funny not racial.

A cowboy, an indian and a Iraqi are all sitting at a bar togetgher geting drunk. THe Indian says in his somberest voice......"we once were many now we are few"! "THe muslim says "we were once few and now we are many"! The ol Cowboy looks directly at the Muslim and says.......... That is because we haven't played Cowboys and Muslims yet!

hahaha great.


a mom is wanting to surprise her two sons with a special meal.

when they get home they ask what it is and she will not tell them.
at dinner they are really wanting to know what they are eating.
so their mom says well i call your dad this.
johnny says, adam spit it out it is dick and asshole.

Hank Visser walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.

"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.

"Well I'll tell you," replies Fank. "You know I live by the railway, well on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies.

I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top sometimes, her on top!"

"Fantastic," exclaimed the barman. "You lucky guy. Was she pretty?"

"I dunno, I never found her head."

BIGDYL leased an apartment and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe, BIGDYL smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on, Poor BIGDYL broke out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment, she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off.

Now completely naked, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
Flustered and embarrassed, BIGDYL finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears!"

Astounded and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts, they are full and 100% natural! I work out every day! My butt is firm and solid! Look at my skin no blemishes anywhere! How can you feel the best part of my body is my ears?!"

Clearing his throat, BIGDYL stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming?"
"Yes .."


"Well ... that was me."

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could
live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to
shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your
face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out
in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the
king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this
should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one
asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The
second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
coming with pineapples."

A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his
grandma, "Where's Mom and dad?" and she replied, "they're up in
bed." The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and
went out to play.

Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "where's
Mom and Dad?" and she replied "they're still up in bed." Again
the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went
out to play.

Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked
his grandma "where's Mom and dad?" and his grandmother replied
"they're still up in bed." The little boy started to laugh
and his grandmother asked, "what gives? Every time I tell you
they're still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on
here?"

The little boy replied, "well last night daddy came into my
bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue."

Bill walks in the bar and sees Dave sitting down with his head looking down holding a small brown bag. Bill asks Dave, "What's in the brown bag?" Dave replies, "Take a look for yourself." So Bill takes a peek in the bag and sees a small pianist playing the piano.

"What the hell is that", says Bill. Dave says "A genie appeared and gave me three wishes. I have already used my first wish so go ahead and make a wish." Bill thinks hard and makes his wish. In a few seconds, 1 million ducks entered the bar and started walking towards him.

"What the hell is that?", says Bill. "I didn't ask for 1 million ducks, i asked for 1 million bucks."

"No shit" says Dave. "I think the genie is deaf. Do you think i asked for a 10 inch PIANIST."

I don't know if too many of you know this, But myself, Dougnukem and Albob all served in the military together.
We were in Europe training for patrols while getting ready for our deployement to the desert. One day, we were on patrol, when we came upon a sheep whose head was caught in a fence and stuck. Being that we had been away from our loved ones, we started to joke around. I started off by saying:ya know, I wish that was my girl...the things I would do to her...
Doug, pretty much said the same thing: I wish that was my wife! That's our favorite position!

Albob just blurted out: I just wish it was dark....

Originally Posted by Burner02

I don't know if too many of you know this, But myself, Dougnukem and Albob all served in the military together.
We were in Europe training for patrols while getting ready for our deployement to the desert. One day, we were on patrol, when we came upon a sheep whose head was caught in a fence and stuck. Being that we had been away from our loved ones, we started to joke around. I started off by saying:ya know, I wish that was my girl...the things I would do to her...
Doug, pretty much said the same thing: I wish that was my wife! That's our favorite position!

Albob just blurted out: I just wish it was dark....

True Story.

Originally Posted by Burner02

I don't know if too many of you know this, But myself, Dougnukem and Albob all served in the military together.
We were in Europe training for patrols while getting ready for our deployement to the desert. One day, we were on patrol, when we came upon a sheep whose head was caught in a fence and stuck. Being that we had been away from our loved ones, we started to joke around. I started off by saying:ya know, I wish that was my girl...the things I would do to her...
Doug, pretty much said the same thing: I wish that was my wife! That's our favorite position!

Albob just blurted out: I just wish it was dark....

Hey, I thought we weren't ever going to tell anyone about that? Albob is going to get you for this......