Girlfriend Dumped After Valentine-Candy-Related Weight Gain

**TJ Cline** · 02-26-2006, 04:04 PM

Girlfriend Dumped After Valentine-Candy-Related Weight Gain

February 20, 2006 |

MONTCLAIR, NJ—27-year-old LeeAnne Copeland's decision to consume an entire box of Valentine's chocolates over the course of five days led her boyfriend of 10 months to end their relationship Monday.

LeeAnne Copeland, after eating the entire box of Valentine’s Day candy given to her by her former boyfriend Michael Kristoff

Michael Kristoff, 27, a part-time bartender, gave Copeland a two-pound, red-satin-lined box of Russell Stover premium assorted chocolates on Valentine's Day. According to Kristoff, Copeland "really packed on the pounds" in the days that followed.
"It was noticeable," Kristoff said, describing a bulge on Copeland's midriff. "She seemed completely unaware of what she was doing to herself physically, and I found that very disconcerting."
The weight gain, which Kristoff estimated to be between three and five pounds, transformed the young woman into "kind of a porker," according to Kristoff.
"Before the candy, LeeAnne was an active person," Kristoff said. "She was always hopping around, straightening up her apartment, going to the gym."
However, the chocolate, coupled with a snowstorm that shut down much of the Northeast, "gave [Copeland] an all-too-convenient excuse" to spend a week watching DVDs and eating chocolate.
"For the next couple nights, when I'd come over I'd notice her stealing into the candy box, cramming her face," Kristoff said. "She even made a joke about it, telling me that she could see why they put Valentine's Day in February, when it was cold and snowy and there wasn't much else to do but eat. Like it was all a big joke to her."
Kristoff said he was repulsed by the sight of Copeland eating.
"I'd seen her eat before, but it was nothing like this," Kristoff said. "You could see chocolate dotting her teeth and tiny strings of saliva between her lips and traces of nougat and coconut on the corners of her mouth."

Kristoff added: "It made me sick."
Copeland initially refused to eat the chocolate, according to Kristoff.
"She was all, 'Oh, no, no, I can't eat all these, they're way too fattening,'" said Kristoff, impersonating Copeland. "She was trying to get me to eat most of the box, and was really stubborn about it."
"It's kind of ironic, considering how this has all panned out," Kristoff added.
Kristoff said that as he watched Copeland take her first, tentative bite of a strawberry cream, he had "this out-of-nowhere premonition."
"It struck me that the chocolate-eating could be a foreshadowing of things to come," Kristoff said. "If I took her out to a steak place for her birthday, would she finish her whole meal? And what about holidays like Thanksgiving? When I got to thinking about the wedding cake, that's when the alarm bells really went off."
Despite these strong reservations, Kristoff said he "remained in deep denial for several days."
"I tried to make it work," Kristoff said. "I tried to tell myself that maybe the old LeeAnne would come back once the chocolates were gone, but I didn't think I could wait it out."
Kristoff severed ties via a brief e-mail.
Copeland said the sudden breakup had left her devastated, confused, and "so depressed I can't eat."
Reached for comment, Kristoff said: "It's too bad she didn't display a little bit of that self-discipline earlier... We might still be together today."

**BigDyl** · 02-26-2006, 04:10 PM

Fag. I would choke him out.

**Mista** · 02-26-2006, 04:13 PM

Good call, good thread.

**MyK** · 02-26-2006, 04:24 PM

he did the right thing!

**The Monkey Man** · 02-26-2006, 05:04 PM

I guess she'll think about that next time

**Mudge** · 02-26-2006, 06:00 PM

3-5 pounds made her a porker? Nice.

**Muscle_Girl** · 02-27-2006, 09:14 AM

That guy needs to be shot lol.
Fucking loser!

**Mudge** · 02-27-2006, 09:35 AM

I hope this is from the Onion or something, not many people can be that stupid.

**musclepump** · 02-27-2006, 09:39 AM

**Little Wing** · 02-27-2006, 12:31 PM

from the looks of his slumped shoulders n doughy neck she's not the only one bringing some fitness issues to the bed.

**gococksDJS** · 02-27-2006, 12:36 PM

Maybe someone should tell him that fat chicks are wild in bed.

**Little Wing** · 02-27-2006, 12:49 PM

fat girl skinny girl it's all the same to him he doesn't have one. at bedtime he can take a good look at his hairy crack in the mirror cuz he's probably the only one he'll be sleeping with anytime soon.

**The Monkey Man** · 02-27-2006, 01:25 PM

Originally Posted by Little Wing

fat girl skinny girl it's all the same to him he doesn't have one. at bedtime he can take a good look at his hairy crack in the mirror cuz he's probably the only one he'll be sleeping with anytime soon.

Youre as harsh on this guy, as Foreman is, on the women in here -

(btw... I think the whole story is stupid)

**TJ Cline** · 02-27-2006, 02:21 PM

Originally Posted by The Monkey Man

Youre as harsh on this guy, as Foreman is, on the women in here -

(btw... I think the whole story is stupid)

**Little Wing** · 02-27-2006, 07:57 PM

Originally Posted by The Monkey Man

Youre as harsh on this guy, as Foreman is, on the women in here -

(btw... I think the whole story is stupid)

i think it's made up. but if i saw a potential love interest that ate in a way that would ruin their health and appearance i'd not like it. if they continued to lack self control i'd leave. it's not just about looks either who wants to spend their retirement unable to enjoy life cuz their partner is sick due to stupidity

**Forum Security** · 07-12-2006, 09:54 AM

that was a crap story!

**bigss75** · 07-12-2006, 11:30 AM

I thought it was funny, must of been from the onion

**bigss75** · 07-12-2006, 11:40 AM

Harsh Light Of Morning Falls On One-Night Stand's DVD Collection

April 23, 2003 | Issue 39•15

MILWAUKEE, WI–The harsh light of morning fell on the terrible DVD collection of Marc Koenig Monday, when Traci Pearle discovered it upon waking up from their one-night stand. "It was a wild night, and from what I can recall, I had a great time with Marc," said Pearle, 25. "But I wonder if I would've felt the same way had I known the guy is the proud owner of Rollerball."

Pearle, a Marquette University graduate student, and Koenig, a graphic designer, met Sunday during a party at the home of a mutual friend. Pearle and Koenig hit it off almost immediately, thanks largely to their mutual drunkenness. After a lengthy make-out session in a back room, the two departed for Koenig's nearby one-bedroom apartment, where they spent the night.

Her powers of observation impaired by alcohol and darkness, Pearle took little notice of Koenig's furnishings. It was not until 8 a.m. that the hung-over Pearle, en route to the bathroom, came across Koenig's disturbingly random, mediocrity-filled DVD collection.

"The glare from the living-room window made my eyes smart," Pearle said. "I rubbed them, and the first thing I saw was Narrow Margin sitting on Marc's sunlit coffee table."

A nearby DVD shelf revealed similarly banal choices, including Driven, Evolution, Swordfish, Tomcats, Point Break, Pushing Tin, Bedazzled, Flatliners, My Blue Heaven, and Proof Of Life.

While acknowledging that the majority of Koenig's movies were "not out-and-out horrible," Pearle wondered why anyone would own those particular titles.

"They're the sort of things you'd rent, not buy, if you watch them at all," Pearle said. "Out of the thousands of movies you could own, why would you spend your money on this stuff? Don't you buy a movie because you're somehow passionate about it and want to watch it again and again? Does this guy feel that way about Hard Rain?"

In spite of a wicked hangover, Pearle could not resist hypothesizing about Koenig based on his DVD choices.

"It struck me as weird that the same person would possess both Hellraiser 2 and Holy Man," Pearle said. "What did it mean? That he's a guy with eclectic tastes, and therefore tolerant and open-minded? Or is he just meek and wishy-washy, surrendering his tastes and imagination to arbitrary pop-culture dictates? He seemed like such a smart, cool guy."

Continued Pearle: "I slept with a guy who, at some point in his life, walked into a store and said to the cashier, 'Hi, I would like to purchase this copy of The Legend Of Bagger Vance.'"

Pearle admitted that her decision to leave Koenig's apartment around 8:20 a.m. was heavily influenced by the discovery of the DVD collection.

"As I got dressed, Marc sat up in bed and took my hand, telling me he had the day off from work if I wanted to stay in with him," Pearle said. "I considered it, but then I noticed the Vince Vaughn version of Psycho on the nightstand, so I made up something about having to meet my professor in half an hour."

Therapist and counselor Dr. Patricia Abel said the one-night stand did not come to a particularly unusual end.

"Often, casual sexual encounters between two people are not repeated because one of the parties has judged the other based on his or her personal effects," Abel said. "There exists a societal stigma against so-called 'one-night stands,' so Traci may have been subconsciously associating latent feelings of guilt and unfulfillment with Marc's ownership of several Ashley Judd thrillers."

Pearle herself has been the victim of possessions-based judgment following a one-night stand. On June 4, 2000, pizza-delivery driver James Gaines fled Pearle's apartment shortly after 6 a.m. when the morning light revealed a Toad The Wet Sprocket CD and a prescription bottle of Xanax.

**TJ Cline** · 07-12-2006, 02:13 PM

Originally Posted by bigss75

I thought it was funny, must of been from the onion

Yep...great paper

**busyLivin** · 07-12-2006, 10:15 PM

funny as hell..

**topolo** · 07-12-2006, 10:25 PM

July 10% Off Special at IronMagLabs!

**Forum Security** · 07-13-2006, 06:05 AM

Originally Posted by topolo

July 10% Off Special at IronMagLabs!

why don't u post this when it's 90% off for me to actually care.....?

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