Thread: Don't Fart In Bed

Robert...

That is enough of the toilet humor, consider this your warning. The next one is via PM, and the final one will be total banishment. The dick and fart jokes need to go.

What a coincidence...I have explosive gas at the moment. Just gotta close my office door and it'll be sweet release.

Originally Posted by Robert DiMaggio

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting
loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and
the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every
morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it
was making her sick. He told her he could not stop it and that it was
perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that
one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for
dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where
she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the
spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and
went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling
back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his
underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic
footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control
herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After
years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me
and I didn't listen to you".

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts
out, and today it finally happened.

But by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got
most of them back in.

I'm single , and sleep on my own in a 'single' bed. Presently, I appear to be dribbling from my mouth when I sleep.How disgusting.

Why is this happening is it: A) Because lack of sex B)??? C)!!!

Please enlighten me.

Originally Posted by Nick+

I'm single , and sleep on my own in a 'single' bed. Presently, I appear to be dribbling from my mouth when I sleep.How disgusting.

Why is this happening is it: A) Because lack of sex B)??? C)!!!

Please enlighten me.

It's your saliva trying to crawl out of your mouth towards the wine bottle laying on the floor next to you.

Originally Posted by Dale Mabry

Robert...

That is enough of the toilet humor, consider this your warning. The next one is via PM, and the final one will be total banishment. The dick and fart jokes need to go.

lol

Originally Posted by Dale Mabry

Robert...

That is enough of the toilet humor, consider this your warning. The next one is via PM, and the final one will be total banishment. The dick and fart jokes need to go.

I agree, Robert acts like he owns this place.

Originally Posted by Vieope

I agree, Robert acts like he owns this place.

I know, he is completely inappropriate.

Originally Posted by Robert DiMaggio

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting
loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and
the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every
morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it
was making her sick. He told her he could not stop it and that it was
perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that
one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for
dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where
she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the
spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and
went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling
back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his
underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic
footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control
herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After
years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me
and I didn't listen to you".

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts
out, and today it finally happened.

But by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got
most of them back in.

My girlfriend eats kim-chee sometimes, all I can say is spicy pickled cabbage makes for the smelliest farts in the world. She makes the dogs whimper.

Originally Posted by maniclion

My girlfriend eats kim-chee sometimes, all I can say is spicy pickled cabbage makes for the smelliest farts in the world. She makes the dogs whimper.

She doesn't release them while your down there...does she?

Originally Posted by min0 lee

She doesn't release them while your down there...does she?

I stay away from her as much as possible those days.