MyK

Introduction To NLP

I. What Is NLP?

1. A way of looking at the human mind and behavior.
2. A methodology for studying and duplicating talent.
3. Thinking about thinking.
4. A set of tools for:
a. changing behaviors and beliefs
b. creating rapport and exerting influence
c. discovering how people tick
5. A set of beliefs and premises.
6. An attitude of ferocious curiosity, resolve and playfulness.
7. A model for inducing and utilizing hypnosis.

II. The Schools of NLP

In understanding NLP, the metaphor of martial arts can prove useful. Just as their are different styles and schools of martial arts, with no one style representing the “true martial art” so are their different schools and styles of NLP. (I'll tell you mind but with only a little observation you should be able to quickly tell). In my humble opinion, here they are:


1.The New Age, white light, everything is beautiful school best represented by Steve and Connirae Andreas, Tad James and others. These folks tend to emphasize NLP's healing aspects and enjoy reveling in the “warm fuzzies” they get. Not my cup of tea, but to their credit they do a lot of good.


2.The academic, scientific school best represented by John Grinder, co founder of NLP and the very brilliant Robert Dilts who is the leader in using NLP for physical healing. While I have the greatest possible respect for the intelligence of these folks (Dilts is unbelievably intelligent and innovative) their presentations can be, a bit “dry” to be charitable. If you like an academic approach, go for it.


3.The kick butt, take no prisoners, your tushy is mine school best represented by Richard Bandler, the co founder of NLP. and, in my opinion, the creative genius that is at the heart and soul of it all. Also Rex Sikes, John Lavalle, and Carmine Baff a, all of whom you should train with if you ever get the chance.


4.The infomercial, evangelical, emotion filled weekend seminar school only one guy is in this one, and everyone else who thinks they are is just trying to imitate him: Tony “Glitter Teeth” Robbins. Tony has his detractors but what can I say? I like the guy and he's integrated some important general success principles that the other schools haven't. Good boy, Tony. Now come walk across these red hot frying pans!

Premises and Principles of NLP


1.The map is NOT the territory. People respond to their own internal maps of the world rather than the way the world objectively “is”


2.The more flexible and choice filled your map, the happier, more empowered and intelligent you'll be and the better the time you'll have in life.


3.It's most useful to view as processes what most people view as “things”.
Warning: NLP terminology below!


Nominalization the act of transforming a “process” into a thing, Doing so causes a person to lose control by keeping them from seeing how they are creating their ongoing experience. Example “My decision to leave is irrevocable.” Here the process of deciding which a person does, is turned into an immovable, unchangeable thing, called a decision.
NLP solution Change it back to a process ...”What about your deciding differently are you having a challenge with?”

4.People do what they do very well; they aren't broken. It's just that what they do so very well often doesn't serve them.

5.Looking at the process of how someone does something is infinitely more powerful than asking “why” they do it.

6.What people do takes place with a structure and a sequence that can be put to powerful and beneficial use.

7.The meaning of your communication is the response it gets.

NLP Insider's Tip!

The importance of tonality in Western culture, tonal shifts are perceived mostly unconsciously, and thus have a powerful effect on how your message is received! Remember in English there are three basic types of utterances: questions, which end on an up turn; statements, which maintain an even tonality, and commands which are marked by a down turn in tone.

NLP Principles Of Persuasion

A primary concept in the NLP persuasion model is that of rapport. Put simply, we like those who are like us. You obtain rapport through the act of matching and mirroring.



Mirror and Match

1. Gestures
2. Posture
3. Breathing - speed or depth. This is VERY powerful!
4. Voice - match volume, tone or tempo.
5. Personal Metaphors - Discover this by asking them to fill in the blank to this question: “Life is like a “

NLP Insider's Tip!
Rapport isn’t primarily about matching breathing, gestures, tonality, etc. These are merely the techniques of rapport. The heart of rapport is above all else a willingness to be flexible and meet the other, person at their model of the world!

Exercise in Rapport:
Divide into groups of 3; person A, B, and C. A is to talk to B for three minutes about watermelons. B is to pay no attention to the content of A's speech, but rather watch and listen and pick something about A's tonality, rhythm speed of speech or a gesture or posture to match. B is to then talk about watermelons, but mirror back one or more of these rapport building elements. C is to judge whether A and B are in rapport. Change roles until everyone has been in each position.

Pacing And Leading

The next important NLP principle is that of pacing and leading. It's based on the common sense principle that you can't move someone from where they are not; you can only move them from where they are. Pacing and leading can be done both verbally and non verbally. The basic formula for pacing and leading is :
1. Pace, pace, pace
2. Pace, pace, lead
3. Pace, lead, lead
4. Lead, lead, lead

When you pace non verbally, you match some aspect of the person's non verbal behavior. To lead, you either change the speed at which you do it or your posture or gestures and see if they follow and match you!

When you pace verbally, you simply make statements about things that are verifiably true in the person's ongoing sensory experience; or, alternatively, feedback EXACTLY what the person has said to you. To lead, you make statement that is NOT sensory based or a feedback of what they have already said.
Verbal Rapport

In my humble opinion, this is the real fun part of NLP, where you get to play with naturally occurring patterns in language to power fully influence people!

Representational Systems

Bandler and Grinder noticed that people perceive the world in 5 ways. This is part of the overall NLP idea that people don't respond to the world itself but to their own internal maps. The five ways we organize and perceive our experiences are:
1. Auditory what we hear.
2. Visual what we see
3. Kinesthetic what we feel
4. Gustatory what we taste
5. Olfactory what we smell

B&G also observed that people usually have a preferred system for representing their experiences and that people tend to string together these systems in different orders to produce their own internal states like motivation, ecstasy, depression, etc. They called these strings of internal representations that produce a consistent internal result strategies.

Exercise: Determining someone's preferred Representational System. Divide into groups of three. Person A asks person b to describe their ideal vacation spot. Person C is to jot down representational terms the

NLP Insider's Tip!
Understanding Representational Systems: People aren't an auditory or kinesthetic or visual. These are all just useful ways to understand how people think: in fact everyone uses all of these systems; it's just that usually one is more highly developed and preferred. This concept, as all NLP concepts, is NOT a statement about “how things are” but a useful tool for getting results and understanding others.

Embedded Commands

Perhaps the single most powerful NLP verbal persuasion tool, and the building block of NLP verbal persuasion are embedded commands.

The purpose of embedded commands is to sneak your suggestion past the person's conscious awareness. Commanding people directly and overtly will usually lead to resistance; being covert allows you to communicate to the person on the unconscious level. When done along with rapport the effects are powerful indeed.

NLP Insider's Tip!
A very large part of NLP grew out of Bandler's study of Milton Erickson, the famous medical hypnotist. Bandler sought to reproduce all of the various deep trance phenomena Erickson could evoke, without inducing a “formal” trance. One way to define NLP would be a method to direct and guide unconscious processes without a trance “induction”.

Weasel Phrases

Weasel Phrases enable you to embed commands inside what appears to be a perfectly normal sentence. Some very useful Weasel Phrases are:

1. What's it like when you ... this presupposes they are going to do whatever comes after the phrase.
2. How surprised would you be to find that
3. A person can ...
4. As you ...
5. You don't have to ...
6. It's not important to ...
7. Before you ...
8. After you ...
9. While you ...

Notice that using the infinitive “to” allows you to embed commands verily easily just by tacking them on after the “to”.

Quotes

Quotes is an influence pattern that allows you to embed messages that otherwise would be unacceptable if delivered directly to the person. Use quotes when your message is very strong and you need to step back from it.

Examples: “The other day, one of the salesman on the floor looked at a customer and said, “Thinking of all the reasons why you want to buy a car, causes you to find all those reasons to buy this one NOW!”

“You know, little Johnny, the other day Sally's mom looked at her and said, “Obey every word I say right now, or I'll smack you upside the head you little brat!”

Using Time Distortion To Overcome Resistance

Richard Bandler, the co founder of NLP has said, and I agree, that the best way to break through resistance is either go before it or after it.
What he meant is that rather than go after the reasons why a person has decided the way he or she has, get them to go either before they ever made the decision and see it a different way, or take them to an imaginary point in time of having already made the decision you want them to, link massive pleasure to it, and have them look back on it as having already been made. Since it's already happened, it's impossible to resist or do anything but relax, because they are about to get what they want!

Phrases for time distortion:
1. Won't it be great after you've ...
2. Imagine a time in your future ...
3. Look forward to ...
4. Looking back on ...

Metaprograms

Metaprograms are basically the software in the mind that determine what we pay attention to, how we sort information, and how we set the direction of our thinking. Important metaprograms are:


1.Away from or toward ... This metaprogram determines whether the person moves away from pain or towards pleasure. To determine this metaprogram, ask something like, “What's important to you about ... (name the subject matter, e.g. a job, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a car, etc”. If you hear a list of what they DON'T want, you've got someone who is moving away from. If they name what they want, you've got a move towards person. This is very important for motivation purposes.


2.Convincers ... How many times they need to see, hear, or feel something before they are convinced it is true. “How many times does someone have to do a good job, before you are convinced they are capable?”


3.Possibility vs. necessity. Whether they do something because they feel they have to or because they are moving toward a goal they hold as being possible and desirable. Related to away from or toward. Ask them, “What was it that made you decide to take your last job?”

4.Self or others ... this is not about altruism or selfishness, but how they know something is true. “How do you know when you've done a good job?”


5.Similarity or differences ... do they notice how things differ or how they are the same? “What's the relationship between these two things?”

NLP Insider's Tip!
As with any other part of NLP, success in using meta programs depends on good information gathering! 90% of NLP is about asking the right questions!

Eliciting And Using Value Hierarchies

Part of the NLP map of the human mind is that people organize what is important to them at differing levels of importance, the highest level being their values. Values tie in to people's sense of identity and self image and thus are very, very powerful ways of leveraging and influencing.

1.Elicit the values: ask the question, “What's important to you about ...” and then name the topic or subject at hand. Note that values are stated as nominalizations and abstractions; if the person gives you a quality then you need to go a level up to get the value. Qualities are behaviors or characteristics found in the person or thing being discussed; values are what the person experiences as a result of those behaviors or characteristics. Values are much more powerful because you are speaking to the person at the core of their identity!

Example: What's important to you in a relationship? If the person says, “trust” then great, you've got a value. If they say “a person who's honest” then you've got a quality. To chunk up, and get the value from the quality, just ask, “What does being with an honest person allow you to experience?”


2.Elicit the person's rules: ask the question, “How do you know when you have (name the value) in a (name the context)?

3.Determine in what order of importance they place the values: ask, “Of those values(list them) which would you absolutely have to have? “ “Of the remaining (list them) which is most important?”


4.Link your offer to those values by listing them in order: “Before I show you this car, I think you might find, as I do so, that you realize it's something that delivers reliability, image, and efficiency!”.

Recommended reading:

“Using Your Brain For A Change” ... Richard Bandler
“Heart of the Mind” ... Steve and Connirae Andreas
“Timeline Therapy and The Basis of Personally” ... Tad James and Wyatt Woodsmall
“The Psychology Of Influence” ... Robert Cialdini. (Not an NLP book, but a brilliant and absolutely required book for any student of influence and persuasion!)
“Phoenix: The Therapeutic Patterns Of Milton Erickson David Gordon. The single most important book I've ever read in terms of giving me the missing pieces that allowed my NLP skills to skyrocket.

DOMS

NLP is one of the greatest things I've ever come across!

Have you seen Darren Brown? He uses NLP, psychology, mathematics, and old fashioned magic to pull off some very amazing things.

MyK

Speed Seduction Tool Resource



Introduction:

This is Resource List to serve as a reminder for the SS'er. These tools are taken and listed in a simplified form from the work of Ross Jeffries, Richard Bandler and their teachers of course. It is not a comprehensive list so please e mail with any additions you would like to submit or examples of these tools. This is not a full Pattern Archive (ex: connections, blammo, etc.). There is already a site for that and most of that work is copyrighted. If you have favorite hunting grounds or gimmicks you enjoy and would like to share, I am contemplating extending this, so please submit and then we can all benefit. Enjoy ...

In no particular order.

Presuppositions A statement or question that presupposes something or things have to be true in order for the statement to make sense. Stack presuppositions together but only use when you have already elicited a trance state otherwise they will have no effect. A coup de'grace as Ross would say. Classic Example: “You know, after we've gone out and you've fallen for me completely, I'm wondering, what it'll be that caused you to come to that conclusion, because some women say it's my sense of humor, I do make you laugh, don't IT'

Mirroring Matching Externally the subjects vocal qualities, breathing, posture, physical gestures, predicates (rep. systems), etc. Matching internally their values, beliefs, attitudes, etc. by eliciting those and stating agreement with those aspects. Matching a person's breathing and speaking at the same rate creates an incredible sense of Rapport and gives you the ability to lead them in the direction of your outcome.

Quotes Stating what another person said to you as a way to create that state in your victim/subject. “My friend Felicia was telling me the other day that when she meets a person she can feel a sense of unbelievable connection, she said that when she starts to listen carefully ... etc.” Also a way to test the boundaries of what's acceptable by stating a desired behavior, watching to see her response and if negative saying “but I would never say that. I know you need a much more gentle approach” or “that's the kind of thing some jerk would say, wouldn't they?”

Personal Dissociation When you state something and you get a negative response you can personally dissociate from it by physically moving your body away from where you were just sitting or standing and then pointing, to that location, saying “but they would say that, not me” or pointing to your competition and saying the same thing,

Creating Parts Getting around an objection by stating that she has a part of her that doesn't want to do the desired behavior (pointing away) but then there is another part that does want to do it (reframing it as you point to yourself) and building that image or state up so the objection doesn't seem important anymore and she would receive more pleasure by going along with what you want.

Values Hierarchy Eliciting their values in a relationship, ranking them in order, stating them in order back to them thereby creating, an intense pleasure state and linking that state to yourself with physical gestures and linking commands.

Rules Finding out the behavior that that unique prospect needs displayed in order to fulfill the value or values you elicited from them. Once you are in a relationship you can precisely demonstrate that behavior so that your victim/subject will feel as though you are meeting their innermost needs, their values.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -

Tonality Making your tonality match the state you are working to elicit. And also dropping your voice (commanding) to mark out certain words and/or phrases to bypass the conscious mind and deliver messages (embedded commands) to the unconscious mind of the subject/victim/client.

Embedded Commands Commands hidden inside of sentences and marked out analogically by a change in voice tone or physical movement and meant to deliver those commands to the unconscious mind without the awareness of the conscious mind.

Personal Trance Words Her own personal highly emotional trance state triggering words. Elicited by asking questions that elicit a deep trance state to answer and then fed back using SS languaging to put her into state and amplify/link.

Reinforcer “you know how the other day we were talking about how you can feel an incredible ...”

Binder Commands To me, Do it, Now, With me, Experience that, Taking place now, etc.

Using Sound To Amplify Mmmmmm, Oooohhh, Ahhhhh, etc.

3 Deep Principle Quote an Article or Show, then a friend, then give your opinion.

Time Distortion “Imagine a time in your future”, “Looking back on it, or this”

Installing Your Voice In Their Head “you say this persons words, as if their words are your internal voice ...” or “that special place in your mine, where you know what's true, you hear that voice that's true (your voice of course)”

Sub Modalities Putting your voice or picture in her special place (where she falls in love) location. Putting her objections and present boyfriend in her not important location.

Amplifier “and you're probably not aware how when you make those pictures bigger and brighter, how the feelings get much more intense ...”

Perspective “you just start to look through a different set of eyes” or “you see things in a whole new way ...”

Ratchet “I know you don't (or you couldn't), but if you could maybe to the point where it's too bad you can't etc

Negation “you really shouldn't, it's not necessary, don't find yourself, don't think about, etc.

Adjectives Incredible connection, Overwhelming attraction, Uncontrollable desire, Powerful, Unbelievable, Intense, Undeniable, etc.

Kinesthetic Descriptions Feel that, deep inside, warmth of this voice, wrap itself around, also the “oooohs, ahhhhhs,” etc.

''NOW” Orients them in the now to do it now, not later or with someone else.

“STOP” Makes her stop her internal process or interrupts it, so you can put things in.

Post Hypnotic Suggestions To make her think about you when you are not around and re experience states you have already elicited. Link those states, representations to common things that happen to her but not things that happen all the time. (Correct: Taking a shower, about to fall asleep, turning on the light switch, driving to and from work, etc. Incorrect: The phone ringing, watching television. etc.)

Focus Commands Listen carefully, hang on every word, the rest of the environment disappears, fades away, really pay close attention, a certain aspect of his face starts to rivet your attention, listen to the sound of his voice, find that you can picture it clearly, etc.

Syntactic Ambiguity “Speaking to you as a person who ...” her mind doesn't know who you're referring to so it says “both” unconsciously.

Stacking Realities Telling a story inside of a story inside of another story so her conscious mind can it keep up with what is what part of what story so it gives up.

Tag Questions Deliver them in the commanding tone, which creates response potential. Gets them feeling 'yes'. You can nod your head yes when you say them which non verbally gets them to agree.

Embedded Questions Bypasses resistance, also creates,, response potential. ”I'm wondering whether you realize what a incredibly exciting experience it'll be when we go out tomorrow night.”

Propulsion Machine When you get them going in one direction, something pulling them as well as pushing them in your direction.

MyK

never heard of him, I studied psychology in school, read about NLP in a cognitive psych book, limewired it and found this material!

DOMS

Do a search for Darren Brown on bittorrent. I don't think you can get it in the states (he's on the Beeb). A very simple one was where he got 9 chess champions (most of them were Grand Masters). He needed to win the majority for him to "defeat" them as a group. His final score was 4-3-2.

I'd tell you how he did it, but that would ruin the surprise.

MyK

UP FRONT:The more playful and fun you are with the patterns, the more blatant you can be:


There are too many patterns here to memorize -- pick some out you like, then learn them at a reasonable pace!!


Practicing -
1. Write patterns out
2. Write parts of patterns out
3. Rehearse out loud
4. Rehearse proper tonality
5. Feel yourself learning so well that you begin to interchange commands within patterns

APPROACH

Approach with warmth and friendliness: Weed sarcasm out of everything!! Girls don't respond to sarcasm verbally or nonverbally. Try to mirror her during all of these approaches. Objective during early stage is to get her out of her present state and to notice you.


1.Humor or ridiculous lines -- make her laugh

“Now do you find funny men attractive or irresistibly attractive?” (after you've made her laugh you can use this whenever)
“You may be surprised to find how incredibly attractive I begin to appear in your eyes ... then again I may be completely wrong ... you may not be surprised at all.” (after you've made her laugh – you can use this whenever)
“That's a great outfit you're almost wearing” (Stripclub or bar or general)
“Has anyone ever told you that you are a shining example of genetic perfection” (General)

“I like your shirt, I like your hat. [Look at her long, pause] Come to think about it, I like everything” (she laughs) ...”My name's <Your name>. By what name are you called, you shining example of genetic perfection?” (she laughs again) “You know, I can tell you're a woman with fantastic good taste. And you know how I know that?” (she asks how) “Because you laugh at all my jokes.” (she laughs again) “Do you believe in irrational and self defeating infatuation at first sight?” (she laughs) (If she says, “Yes”, look up to the sky, “Thank you, God') (if she says 'No', say “Great, then I'm not being irrational if I ask you out sometime.” Follow up with “I'd be flattered if you'd have dinner with me tonight”) (supermarket)

“Let's see. You're a knock out in the looks department, you have the great taste to laugh at all my jokes, and you're also very sweet. And life is so unfair that it's got to be the case that you're either married or have a boyfriend, or both.” (everyone laughs) (if she says she does, say “I knew it”, and everyone laughs) (if she says she doesn't, say, looking into the sky in mock prayer, “Thank you, God”. “I'd be very flattered if you'd have dinner with me tonight”. (the pressure is on her as everyone's watching and anticipating) (You can even use when in front of other people)

Bar opener Pick out one who's good looking, scribble this note and hand it to her:

“Hi, I'm taking a survey on bad bar lines. Circle which one you think is the worst ...
1. “Come here often, sugar pants”
2. “Hey, baby. Can we go out in the cold and hug?”
3. “Hi, I'm taking a survey on bad bar lines.”
[ALL of the above is done in a friendly, fun way]

2. Curiosity:

Handwriting analysis (“This may seem like an odd question, but do you handwrite or print?”)
Magic
Clothing -- Leather lambskin vest
Baby corduroy vest
Funny business card

3. Low key directness

“Excuse me ... I just wanted to tell you (pause) ... I think you're absolutely stunning and I really wanted to meet you ... my name is John (extend hand, and hold her hand until end of this she will laugh at this). Now I can tell you're a woman with great taste. You know how I know? You laugh at what I say. And the more you laugh the more you'll look forward to having the best time when we go out (point to distance). Seriously, haven't you ever met someone and you just knew you were going to like this person right away? Cause you could just STOP ... and imagine drawing closer together feeling absolutely connected and totally comfortable for all the right reasons ... NOW ... with ME ... I think that's just a wonderful feeling ... Can you feel that? (Touch her with the other hand.) So thinking about it like that, would you like to go for coffee tonight?”


“Excuse me ... I just wanted to ask you a question if I could” ... Her: O.K ...”Would you ever go out with a guy you met at a place like this? Her: Well, it depends “Great, my name is John Smith.”


4. Jerk approach – (use ONLY when you're absolutely certain she's stuck up/very confident with herself low, percentage of the time!)

“Can I ask you a question? Do you ever <state temporary condition that she could change> wear something other than brown?” Her: “Yeah, why?” You: “Because it would look a hell of a lot better than it does now.”
Or
“I bet you think you're hot shit.” (for the really hard ass/hot bitches)


GOING FOR THE DATE

Long term prospect if you're very interested in her after talking, go for the phone number/date route.

Short term prospect -- try and get a date that night or the next night. Example -- “Look. I think you're a really great lady ... I think you deserve a chance to go out with me and discover how much fun we can have. Can you be ready Monday night at 8 O'clock?” or you can juice her up into calling you with this – “I think that sometime during me coming week, and I'm not sure just exactly when, you'll find yourself thinking about this conversation and you'll think to yourself “I wanna talk to that guy again and you wanna call him” and you'll look for my number RIGHT HERE on this card.” (Do this tongue in cheek.)

When calling, NEVER leave a message (except for the erotic pattern further in this guide).

Generally speaking if you don't get the date right away -- time to wait before calling: it she really digs you -- 5 to 7 days to get anticipation high; otherwise -- 2 or 3 days.

ON THE DATE

Get into the habit of going from fluff (i.e. content) into patterns and back out naturally.

Ask her questions throughout the date to find out her preferred representational system (feeling, visual, auditory, etc.) and to pick up some personal trance words.

“What's the most exciting experience you've had recently?” “What made it so exciting?” If her answer is an erotic experience, as a fun experiment, ask her to remember what she saw, what she heard, and how it felt in her body. “When those feelings reach their peak, wiggle your pinkie finger.” When she wiggles it, squeeze her right wrist and, at the same time, “good”. “OK, now clear your mind of everything”. “OK, now think of that experience again” Do same thing 2 more times. Then go into regular conversation. Tease her in a few minutes by squeezing her wrist and not letting go.” Later, at her place, squeeze the wrist, and attack with the other hand and mouth.

Or

Start to talk about the beach. “Hey, let's try an imagination experiment. Close your eyes for a second. Let's take an imaginary trip to the beach. You're at the beach. And you can hear the sound of the wind as it blows, and the sound of the waves ... and the sound of a gull, crying overhead ... and as you hear the sound of the waves ... (switch to visual) you can also see a wave as it moves toward the shore ... you can see the sunlight glinting off the wave, and some of the white spray that's being blown off by the wind ... and as you see that spray ... you can also feel it gently touch your face now ... and as you feel the spray on your face ... and the rise and fall of your chest as you breath ... and the gentle warmth of the sun on your face ... you can begin to feel a deep and comfort and warmth ... and a feeling of being totally at ease ... and that feeling of ease and warmth, begins to spread through your body ... with each breath you take ... the rise and fall of your chest ... allows a glowing rich warmth to spread throughout your body ... a warmth that feels so very good ... so good ... like warm and gentle hands ... massaging throughout your body.

During conversation later about connections -- “When you think about how wonderful it feels to be loved by someone you truly care for, doesn't it make you really want to be with someone special again?”

Try to control the environment. However, when there's an interruption -- “Remember we were talking before about how you <whatever the discussion was> but for some reason we got interrupted ... let's just go back to that for a second ...”

SETUPS

“You know what I think is really interesting?”
“You know what really interests me about places like this?”
“You ever wonder about ...”
“I know this might seem a little wild, but just for the sake of this playful discussion we're having ...”
“I just want to say, and I hope you won't find this too intrusive ...”

TRANSITIONS

“ ... the other thing I find so interesting is.
“ ... it's just like ...”
“ ... ] think sometimes ...”
“ ... and here's something else I've learned ...”
“ … now another interesting thing is ...”
“ ... and when that happens I think maybe then you ...
“Now check this out ...”

CONNECTION STAGE

“Rogue pattern” (done up front to those girls you're only interested in banging or following responses like “I'm engaged” or “I have a boyfriend” – option l supplementary to the boyfriend destroyer)


You: “I was talking to my friend Debbie who's been in a relationship (or engaged) for a year and she was saying that women select men for different roles, but no man can give everything a woman needs (point to self they will giggle) <pause> ... that just as there are some men who will play the role of caretaker, provider, supporter, protector, (point away from sell for all of these), so are there other men who will play the role of conqueror, seducer, adventurer. rogue, lover (motion to self). And while a woman will turn to the first kind (point away from self) for sustenance, security, support, she'll turn to this other kind (point to self) for the passion, excitement and adventure you'll treasure for the rest of your life.”



“Fascination pattern”

You: “Let me ask you a question. Have you ever been totally fascinated with someone? Like maybe as you were there, looking at them, and you started to listen carefully, it was like their voice just seemed to wrap itself around you, and the rest of your environment just disappeared, and your entire world, everything you saw, became what was right in front of you? And anything he described, you found that you could just picture it clearly? So you know, it they were to talk about a romantic walk, on a moonlit beach, with your perfect partner, you could see yourself there with him, just enjoying what that would be like?”

“Incredible Connection pattern” -- the original, the “Classic”
[Lead in (if necessary)] –

You: “Have you ever noticed how time changes depending on what you're doing?” ...”Like this morning, I was sitting under this stop light in Alpharetta coming to work. And even though the light was red for, I dunno, a minute, it seemed like an hour ... and then, on the other hand, I went to see a movie this weekend, and even though it was two hours long, it only seemed like 30 minutes ... it's kinda like ... OR even better -- “You know what really interests me about places like this? The connections that you make with people, I mean ...”


“Have you ever felt an incredible (optional instantaneous) connection with someone? (Gesture to yourself) Like maybe as you were there, looking at them, and you started to listen intently, it was like there was a cord of light (gesture from your solar plexus to hers) going from you to them? And as that cord began to glow, with the warmth of that connection, maybe you were even able to imagine a time in your future (gesture either to your left or to your right), say six months from now, still feeling that sense of incredible connection, and looking back on today (point back to you) as having been the start of it?”

Her: “Oh, yeah”

You: “See, I think it's so funny how some people can just do that and let it happen instantaneously (snap your fingers) because for me it takes longer. But I do find that during the course of an evening, as you really listen to someone (point to yourself), and you start to recognize those values and qualities in them that you hold so dearly for yourself ... pause ... with me that's when you can make that connection and really feel that growing bond”.

“Stack 2 or Stack 3”

1. “You know ... I was reading the most interesting article about how men and women fall in love differently. And it was saying that men usually feel an attraction first, but that women, by contrast, usually feel a connection and then become more attracted. I mean, you know that kind of special connection you sometimes feel ... that mysterious compelling click that takes place right THERE (solar plexus anchor) ... Like maybe as you were there, with them, it was like there was a cord of light (gesture from your solar plexus to hers) going from you to them? And you knew that the light was just going to glow brighter and stronger. So ... this article was saying, that when it's really special ... that's when you can just STOP ... and imagine a time in your future, say six months from now, still feeling that sense of incredible connection, and looking back on today (point back to you) as having been the start of it.”[listen for her feedback]


2. “You know, I was telling my friend about this, and she was saying, when she really starts to feel that connection ... and grow even more attracted ... she begins to pay attention in a special way. First, she becomes aware of the rhythm of her breathing ... the beating of her heart ... and that sense of growing fascination ... such that as she continues to be aware of all of this ... one particular feature of the guy's face begins to rivet her attention ... so as she just continues to keep looking ... it's like the rest of the environment disappears ... and the entire world becomes this face ... this voice that just starts to wrap itself around her like a pair of powerful but gentle arms ... pulling her in ... deeper ... just allowing that warmth to penetrate her consciousness ... and she not only allows but she eagerly awaits for his touch.” [again, listen for her feedback]


3. (This is an arousal pattern)
You: ”Now ... what really fascinates me about all this is not just how people connect so powerfully with someone ... but how people connect with their own needs and wants and desires ... like ... think about the difference between compulsions and anticipation? You ever STOP and WONDER about the difference between a compulsion and anticipation? I mean you ever just find yourself reaching for the refrigerator and before you know it your hand is on that piece of food?

Her: “Yeah”

You: “That's compulsion but anticipation is when your mind anticipates pleasures before they arrive. For example, Debbie, you ever come home from a really hard days work and people have been piling stuff on you all day long and all you can think about is dropping your clothes and getting into that steaming hot bath or shower? And before you even climb in, you can already feel that heat working its way through every part of your body. And it's like every muscle just goes on vacation and you're already able to surrender completely to the pleasure of that. And then there's that actual moment of sliding in when you just let yourself go with the pleasure completely.”

Her Oh, yeah.

You: “Do you like chocolate?”

Her: Yeah (It not, use strawberries or whatever)

You: “What's your favorite kind?”

Her: Blah, blah

You: “You know that moment when you have that incredible piece of chocolate right in front of you (gesture like you're holding piece of chocolate). And before you actually pop it in your mouth (Point to dick), you can already taste the smooth texture against your tongue. Your tongue can already feel the smooth texture and the sweetness melting against your tongue, you're wanting to have it in your mouth. And then there's that moment the first molecule of delicious chocolate first touches the first taste bud, it's like your tongue just wants to wrap itself around that sweet thing (Point to dick), and just keep it there, it's like an explosion of pleasure in your mouth.”

Or you know when you're really attracted to someone and there's that moment just before you first kiss when you give each other that look. And that look tells you “it's about to happen”, Debbie, and you can already anticipate the feeling of their lips against yours, you're already able to feel that first soft brush if the lips, and it's like every bit of physical pleasure you'll ever experience throughout the entire relationship is enfolded in that first soft brush of the lips, and when you touch you know that jolt of electricity, that just lights up and travels all through your body and you go <moan> inside?

Her: Yeah

You: “I think sometimes it's like the conscious mind can go down (point up then down to dick) into the unconscious and comes back up with all these thoughts and fantasies and desires. I used to think my most important thoughts were from above me but now I know there they're from BeLOW me. Debbie. Because you're coming from a much deeper part of your mind, you know?”


“Glenn's Sight Connection”

You: “Have you ever just like seen somebody from across the room and (snap fingers) instantaneously had that connection with them? The type of connection that you think about all the time, and you kinda carry that picture with you wherever you go. You know, as you listen to my voice and begin to listen carefully, you can kinda feel the warmth just spread throughout your whole body. I'm sure you can remember a time that you had that happen to you. and you go inside, and you let the nervous tension on the inside of your stomach, it just sinks down lower and you get that profound feeling of (breath out loud).”

“Love at First Sight Connection”

You: “You ever wonder why you just fall in love at first sight? What's it like when you just do that? NOW, WITH ME, I think what happens is that a lot of things go deep inside you and you're not even aware that you can't help yourself. NOW, It's kind of like a switch (make clicking noise and flick her ear up) goes on in your head and it just happens, with me, I think that's just how it happens. Kind of like a light turns on in your body and just glows, you know? There's all of that power being generated by some mysterious, machinery far, far away -- just wanting to be let go and unleashed. NOW, what's happening is that electricity, all of that power, shoots through all of your circuitry and sits there wanting desperately to be released wherever you create an opening for it. NOW, all it takes is some little thing, like the sound of a man's voice, or even a small gaze into his eyes as you begin to focus in on it and let it happen. Now all it takes is just a little switch (flick her ear) to get turned on, glowing with the warmth of that connection,”

“Peak Experience pattern” (great to use over the phone as she will feel safer to feel these emotions)


You: I was just reading the most interesting book called “Multi Mind” and it's all about how people go through different states of consciousness all through the day and it was saying that people think that they only have 2 or 3 states like being awake, being asleep or dreaming, but that in fact people go through different states of consciousness all through the day. For example, when was the last time you had a peak experience? Like climbing a mountain ... or watching a beautiful sunset ... or listening to an exquisite symphony?

Her: Answer (if she says she hasn't or doesn't know what you're talking about, use the pattern below for skydiving then come back to this )

You: “What was that like? [SHUT UP AND LISTEN]

Her: “…”

You: “That's really interesting. You know, I find it so neat how your mine can be going along in one direction, you know in an everyday ordinary state, and then suddenly for whatever mysterious reason. you connect with something so miraculous, that no matter how big it is, you want to create an opening for this, and take it all in as far as it will go. And I think sometimes it's like you're listening to this voice of mystery, you're listening to this voice of adventure, and as you just keep listening to this voice, I know for some people, it's that experience of meeting someone who just makes you feel like you want to be swept away. (Segway into “You just can't help yourself “ pattern --) I think sometimes you don't even know why that's taking place, Now with me, I think all sorts of things go deep inside and you don't even know why you can't help yourself. It's just like there's this mysterious machinery far, far away generating all this passion that goes shooting through the circuits waiting, begging for release and it could be anything that triggers it. Sometimes it's the person's voice. My friend Debbie says that when she really starts to feel all those feelings and focus in on it and feel it building, that's when the deep, rich warmth of this voice just starts to spread everywhere. And she says it's like you can feel your heart pound with excitement, and as that warmth starts to heat up you just let go ... it's the kind of thing that can cause a person to come over and over again to one conclusion that what you really want, what you have to have is right here right now as you listen to this voice that says you gotta get some go for it!!!

<If she hasn't experience a peak experience or doesn't know what you're talking about ... > “A peak experience is like jumping out of the airplane and every fiber of your body is going, “Oh, my God I'm going to die” ... and you're hurdling through the air, then you find out, “Hey, this is cool ... this is great ... I can see forever, I can fly like a bird”. And then you pull that rip cord, the parachute opens and you come down to a nice, soft landing and you're safe again. But you look back up and you look at the cause and you go, you know, “I never thought I could do that. I never thought I could feel that But, now I know, I can go a lot farther than I thought I was gonna go.”



“Falling In Love pattern”

You: “Have you ever thought about the difference between attraction and being in love?

Her: “What do you mean?”

You: “Well, actually, I think they take place in different settings. I mean attraction is what you experience when you're in the presence of that person (point to yourself) and you're looking at them, and you maybe think to yourself ... mmmm. And maybe you start to have certain ... (pause) thoughts, images and you know what that feels like, right?”

Her: “Yes”

You: “But falling in love, well I think you do that when you're not even in that person's presence. I mean, can you remember a time when you just totally fell for someone?”

Her: “Yeah”

You: “And as you sit there looking at me, thinking about what I'm saying, you can remember what it felt like, right?”

Her: “Sure”

You: Yeah, but here's how it happened. You spent time with that person (gesture to yourself) and then you went home, and you picture that person in your mind (as you do this, draw a frame around your own face! This sticks you in there!), right?”

Her: “Sure”

You: “And then, maybe you imagine yourself in all sorts of situations with this person (point to yourself again) having lots of fun, and enjoying the kind of feelings and things you'd like to enjoy with them? Can you REMEMBER HOW THAT FEELS?

Her: “Yeah”

You: And then maybe you star' to list all the qualities about him you really like: He's so smart, he's so funny, he's so fun to be with, whatever they were, whatever the things are you really want and enjoy that in someone (point to yourself), right?”

Her: “Yeah”

You: “And then you get that feeling, right in the pit of your stomach, right in your solar plexus, that just starts to spread out and let you know you really, really love this person? (point to self again) I mean, can you feel that as I describe it to you?”

Her: “Oh yeah”

You: “And then, here's the kicker ... you start saying his name out loud. You start bringing it up in conversation with your friends, and maybe even you dance around the house, singing it if you're a real goof? That's when you know you're absolutely hooked on someone (point to her solar plexus). You know what I mean?”

Her: Yes

You: “I think when you DO THAT ... WITH ME ... NOW ... I think that's when you really start to feel (touch or point) that passion growing. I think sometimes you don't even know why you have to just STOP and go deep inside and just allow this person's presence to penetrate your consciousness and come inside you so deep. And when that happens it's like that feeling there (point and then aim down as you continue) just starts to move down as you create an opening for it, an opening that just fills all these feelings that have been building and storing up and just start to flood to that opening. You know what I mean?”

Her: “Totally.”

(optional)

You: “See, I think everything, including failing in love is a process. And when you do that process with someone, (point to yourself) and really let it happen, that's when the magic takes over, the magic we're really all looking for. Of course, sometimes that can take months, but the real magic is when it happens instantly and you know it right away. That's an incredible feeling, isn't it?”

“Ideal Attraction or Discovery Channel pattern” (also great to use over the phone as she will feet safer to feel these emotions)


You: “You know, I was watching the most interesting show on the Discovery Channel last night. They were interviewing people who make their living designing attractions for amusement parks like Magic Mountain and Disneyland and Universal Studios. Wouldn't that be a cool way to make a living?”

Her: Yeah!

You: “Well, anyway, they were talking about the elements that make up the ideal attraction. They said there are 3 parts to the ideal attraction (point to self if in her presence). First, when you experience the ideal attraction, you feel a state of high arousal. The ideal attraction makes your heart beat faster, and your breathing gets faster and you just feel that amazing rush all over.”

Her: Yeah.

You: “And then they said that another part to an ideal attraction is, it's fascinating. You just feel so enthralled that you want to take this ride (point to pecker) multiple times; as soon as you get off you want to get back on again.”

Her: Yeah.

You: “And they said, finally, the most important element, is a sense of overall safety. That even though the attraction may look a little dangerous, you're certain you're safe ... you feel safe because you realize nothing bad can really happen, so that allows you to feel totally free to let go and enjoy that great arousal again and again and again. Can you feel that's pretty close to the way it is? As I was watching I thought to myself isn't that the perfect description of the ideal connection between two people and how you feel when you met someone you really like? I mean, I think when you make that kind of connection, with me, you just feel that rush of excitement and you just want to be with that person a lot, you know?

Quality stack

You: “Have you ever found yourself growing attracted to someone who initially wasn't even your type? Like I have this friend Nancy who wasn't the most attractive girl I've ever met, but then as I started hanging out with her, I started to notice things you really like. You know, like I noticed she had a really great sense of humor. You ever meet someone who just makes you laugh so much that you're waiting for the next thing they say -- you can feel the smile on their face (smile) ... something like that.”
“And then the other thing I really started to like about her is I realized she had the best attitude. Her attitude was, “Hey. I'm the best thing that ever happened to you. I'm not sure how well you can imagine how much fun it'll be to hang out with me but if you don't want me, hey, get the hell out of my way, because I'm the best thing around” ... but she did it in a really sweet way. I mean, can you imagine how great it would be to be around someone like that?”

“And then the other thing I really liked about her is that she's really interesting and bright and fun to listen to. You know, what happened is one day I just found myself looking through a new set of eyes. You ever look at someone through a new set of eyes? It's like suddenly you just notice some feature that you find really attractive. Now, in Nancy's case, I looked and I thought, 'Oh my God, when I look at her like that, she's got beautiful eyes.”
“Look, I think when you go inside and you find all the values that are the most important to you in a relationship and you start to link those up and discover them in the person you're with in such a way that you become utterly fascinated ... totally absorbed and to give yourself over to this connection that's taking place. Now the interesting thing is, sometimes that takes months ... but I wonder what would it be like for a person if that entire process were to take place instantaneously (snap fingers) in your mind. It would be like you could just immediately look at them and really feel that growing connection.”


“Weather pattern”
You: “Boy, that was a killer thunderstorm we had last night, did you feel it?”

Her: (whatever)

You: ”Have you experienced the type which really grabs your attention?”

Her: Sometimes, blah, blah

You: ”Do you find it so moving when you are busy outside and the atmosphere feels electric and suddenly everything stops (pause). Then it starts to rain that type of rain that's warm and comfortable. Next you hear the faint rumbling which gets closer (move closer to her) and you know it's going to be big (hand on thigh moving upwards). It's NOW when you feel like going inside (point to her chest) when you can experience your senses being stimulated by its mighty power. Have you ever noticed that the storm's power is trying to communicate a message to you?”

Her: blah, blah

You: ”Yeah, although its power is exciting, inside you feel perfectly safe. Often these storms do last and keep the momentum going until finally when it finishes, you are left with this calm and wonderful experience which you can reflect on for a long time.”

“Fairy Tale or Best Friend”

You: “When you were a little, did you use to dream about your perfect partner (point to self), being with him, and living happily ever after? Tell me about that.”

Her: …. Listen to her and cut in with ...

You: ”And you kiss him good bye in the morning as he goes to work, and you would call him during the day and share the day's ups and downs. And you would leave each other little love notes around the house and when he got home from work, you would feed him and share everything, then delight in trying to make a family with him? But the best thing of all was that he was your best friend (point to self). Someone you could share absolutely anything with and he would always be there for you, being there for all the good times and bad, picking you up when you were down, laughing when you laughed, crying when you wanted to cry, but most of all, listening to all of your worries and caring. Can you feel that (touch her) is how it is?”

“Next door neighbor quote”
You: “You know I just can't believe how people just come up with stuff out of the blue. Out of the blue, my neighbor says to me 'John', my neighbor says, 'just imagine, just picture the two of us totally, absolutely in love; completely in one with each other and absolutely drawn together being able to feel all that passion that two people in love can feel. How would you feel then it I were kissing you exactly the way you like it, touching you exactly the way you like it, pressing my body perfectly up against yours' I mean, come off it, Debbie, did she really expect me to have those thoughts, with ME, I know that I have to go think about it, Debbie. You know, when you're at work or whatever, you just can't expect someone to think about it on the spot.”

“Bar/Club Connection”
You: “I was talking to my friend Rochelle ... and what really interests me, even in clubs, is how people connect with each other, and you know how sometimes you don't connect with some people at all -- you just want them to get away, and other times you feel an intense connection? Well, she was telling me, that when she starts to listen carefully, and really look, and hang on every word, it's like the rest of the environment disappears ...”

“Not Her Type -- yeah, right!”
You: “You ever experience an attraction for someone who wasn't even your type? I mean I've seen these women with these strange looking guys (Ross uses “hideous guys”), and wondered, what is going on, but you ever experience that?”

Her: Yeah, I guess so

You: “You know, I think when that happens with someone, ME, I think what happens is, you go inside, and you think about the inner qualities that you really want in a person, you know, you think about the things on the inside that really makes someone become more, much more attractive in your mind, the qualities that make you really want to be with them, you know, in such a way that you just start to really look at them in a different way. It's like as you're talking with them, maybe you notice one particular feature of their face, that really starts to grab your attention, and suddenly you think to yourself, 'God ... you know when I look at him this way, he's actually really handsome'. Or you think, 'You know ... I want to kiss this guy'. Or maybe their voice really starts to get to you. It's like their voice starts to take on an actual physical warmth, that you can feel the warmth of that voice starting to spread through your body, so their words just start to really get to you. It's like you create an opening for their words ... like you create an opening for them? Maybe you start to have images of fantastic sex with that person. And it's like, you know, you just long for them to touch you.”

“Like and Trust”You:
“Did you ever instantly know you were going to like and trust someone for a long, long time”) (Point to yourself) Like maybe even though you only knew them a short while, it seemed like you had known them your whole life, as if there were a timeless connection between you and them? (gesture to her then to you') I mean, you know that feeling of incredible bonding, when all the barriers just drop away and melt and you just feel so totally comfortable and at ease with them. And it's like maybe you were even able to imagine a time in your future, say 6 months from now, still being incredibly connected to this person (point to yourself again) and looking back on today as having been the start of it?”

Her: Oh yeah

You: ”I just think that's the neatest thing when a person can go inside and instantly recognize all those qualities and values in that other person, that lets that connection take place with someone ... <pause> ME, it usually takes a bit longer.”


VALUE MAPPING

Determining

1. Identity
2. Capability
3. Possibility
4. Deservedness

Use their personal trance words-

You: “You know, people tend to ask each other what you do and it's not that I'm not interested in that, but I find that I learn so much about a person when I find out what their challenges are with what they do. Cause I know that whatever it is you do, there are some aspects of it that are easy and others that are more difficult. Some are a challenge and some you can do in your sleep, with ME, in my line of work, it's the same way.”

“If I were to say to you, what's the one aspect of what you do that's a challenge, either because you really have to focus in to get it done well, or you just have focus in to motivate yourself to get it done, what would you say?”

<listen, clarify, and summarize using personal trance words>“What do you believe about this, do you believe it'll always be a challenge, or one day will it become easier?”


<listen, clarify, and summarize using personal trance words>

“Well, you know, what I've learned is that people have maps of their world in their head about what the world is like. And you've told me a lot about your identity, your possibility, etc. What I've also found is that people have a map in their head of their ideal relationship. But what happens is that people make a mistake. You know people confuse qualities and personalities with values in a relationship. What I mean by that, is it you would have said to me five years ago, John, what's important to you in a relationship, I would have said sense of humor. It's not that that isn't important, but what I find is that that quality allows me to experience that value of mutual fun and enjoyment. And when you look at values you can find a lot of ways to please that value. I mean the person isn't very funny but they're really adventurous and like to take you outdoors. So I find that the more you look towards values, the more you broaden your horizons to find out what it is you really want. So if I were to say you in terms of values what's important to you in a relationship, what would your response be? (If necessary) I mean, when you think about the kind of relationships you really want ...”

Her: (answer)

You: ”I agree, is really important? (and clarify why) “How do you know when someone is loyal? AND /OR What has to happen to know if someone is loyal?”

(give short summary ... ) “What else is important to you?”

Her: (answer)

You: ”I agree, a sense of humor is really important? (and clarify why)”
“What's important about having fun? How do you know when someone's fun?”

Her: (answer)

You: ”I agree, _is really important? (and clarify why)
“What I find is that is that people have this model in their mind of what the ideal relationship is (point to self). Um, they actually put them in a certain order so of all those things, relaxation, passion, (repeat what they have said), which one of those is the most important, which one of those would you have to have?” <answer> summarize, then “Of the others (name), which is the most important? So of and which is the most important? So what you're really looking for is a relationship based on (list them in order). Can you feel that (touch anchor) would be a wonderful thing to experience?”

Her: Yeah

You: “I think if you were to feel that (touch) then maybe you would start to feel that attraction growing ...”

PICTURES

You: “I know something about you ... you make pictures in your mind, you visualize very vividly. In fact, you have a talent ... you can look at someone and look right at them and they think you're listening but you could be making movies in your mind of something you'd rather be doing.

Her: <response>

You: I'll tell you something else ... when you motivate yourself to do something, it's a big bright picture right in front of your face isn't it? See, I'm really into psychology and that stuff really fascinates me. So here, just for fun, stop and think of something you'd really like to do. This is really interesting ... If I were to take that picture and move it away and make it smaller, when you look at it further away and smaller, doesn't it look a lot less interesting? Then like there's a gap there that wants to be filled up. So just fooling around here (nonchalant, informal) ... if I were to say to you “notice what it's like if for whatever mysterious reason your mind would just sneak a picture of you and me having a nice picnic in the Dark on a beautiful sunny day (pop sound) right there in that space ... isn't that interesting? Doesn't it make you seem like something you want to do?”

Incredible Picture Connection

You: “See, people picture things in their mind in different locations depending on (thinking) ... I mean ...”Have you ever met someone and you just felt like you wanted to be swept off your feet?”

Her: Yes

You: “Yeah, well, let me show you something about that cause the mine works in a very interesting way, if you don't mind ... OK, so think about that person who you really wanted to sweep you away. OK? Got that? Now point to where you seem to see that picture. Right there? OK. Now think of someone who you really just didn't care for. Point to where you see that. Isn't that neat? Isn't that neat to learn about yourself that way. (Explain how you do it the same way), I find what really happens is that when you connect with someone, you really feel that click (point to their solar plexus), you know, what happens is for whatever mysterious reason you just tune in and begin to notice (point to both) that rapport that your mind will take a picture of this person (draw loose picture around face) and sneak that person (cluck and point) right there and that's how you know that that connection is what's taking place. (optional) Now just kidding around (nonchalant), I don't know what it is about me that might cause your mind to pop a picture of me (point to self then back to spot) right up there: probably cause I make you smile, that's what most people say, don't I?”
“I think you know when you think about that person (point to same place) who just makes you feel that you want to be swept off your feet, that sure is a wonderful feeling, wasn't it?” IF THEY SAY -- “Well, they turned out to be the wrong person.” You; “Of course, what happened though then is that you put them back down there (take another picture down to floor), right? And so it left a space there to experience that again with someone new (point to self), right? The really neat thing is, you ever feel really safe, really comfortable with someone? You remember that feeling? The neat thing is when you remember that feeling (point to solar plexus) and then look up at this new person and link that feeling to them (point to original spot) and go “it's OK, go with those feelings”. You know what I mean?”
“You know, what interests me is how sometimes the more you feel that connection the bigger and brighter that picture gets (motion accordingly). Are you aware of the fact that the bigger and brighter you make those pictures, the more intense your feelings become? Yeah, as you go more inside ... Now sometimes what's funny is, you know, when you've had that kind of connection with a new person, maybe as you're snuggling into sheets about to fall asleep, again, (cluck) up comes that picture. Maybe at sometime during the day, when you're like stepping into the shower, or (inhale) you know. You hear the sound of running water, again, it reminds you to see that picture so clearly end your mine, Debbie.”


BLAMMO BRIDGE (PICTURES)

You: “You wanna see something really cool about the way things work inside your mine?” “O.K., everything of the mind has a structure to it. For example, think about someone you really like for a second. OK? Got that? Now point to where you seem to see that picture. Right there? OK. Now think of someone who you really don't like at all. Point to where you see that. Now watch. Take that picture of the person you don't like at all and try as hard as you can to move it over into the place where you see the picture of the person you do like. See that? It doesn't want to go, does it? Because you need a way to sort out who you really like from who you don't. Isn't that neat?

“Now, see, there's another difference in the way you make pictures in your mind. For example, you ever been on a roller coaster? OK, watch. I want you to remember a time you were on a roller coaster. And I want you to see yourself in that roller coaster car, riding up and down on the roller coaster. Just do that for a few seconds. OK, now we're going to do it again. But this time, instead of seeing yourself, see what you'd actually see if you were there, going on that roller coaster ride. Now, of those two, which one felt more real, actually gave you the feelings of being there? Of course, because you can see yourself in a memory, or see what you actually saw. When you see what you actually saw, it really helps you to get the feelings of how it actually felt.”

“Now look ... here's the next piece of this and it's called anchoring. So, here, try this ... close your eyes ... you remember a time when you were feeling exquisite pleasure in your body???”

Her: Yes

You: “OK, I want you to see what you saw, hear what you heard, and feel how it felt. And when those feelings of exquisite pleasure really reach their peak, just wiggle your little finger for me. (she does this and her face changes breathing should quicken, touch her wrist) Purrfect. And just hang on for a minute to how good it feels to FEEL PERFECT. (Keep holding her wrist as she's experiencing this.) OK, Open eyes. Close 'em again. And go through it again ... see what you saw, hear what you heard, feel how it felt. And when those feelings reach their peak, wiggle that finger. (Repeat the anchor process.) OK, one more time (run her through it one more time.) OK, open your eyes. Now, the theory behind anchoring is, that if someone is in a certain state, and you combine that state with a touch or sound, when you repeat that touch they'll go back into that state. So if I were to say to you, you know, I find that when I spend time with someone, and I really start to feel that sense of incredible connection, maybe then you can just FEEL PERFECT (fire off the anchor by touching her wrist.) And that feels great, doesn't it?”

Her: Oh, yeah!

You: “Isn't this interesting? Isn't the mind really cool? Now notice something else: you ever just fall head over heals in love with someone (point to yourself ... never miss that opportunity!)”

Her: Oh, yeah

You: “Well, as you're remembering that time, point to where you see that picture!” (let her point it out) “OK, and you're really feeling perfect right now, aren't you?” (fire off anchor)

Her: Oh, yeah

You: “So watch ... (point to where she falls is love) ... as you think about that space as I talk to you ... as you allow my voice to come from that space ... you might find it's like you want to create an opening for my voice ... an opening that allows the deep, rich warmth of my voice to just penetrate your thoughts, and spread that warmth all through your body ... that sure feels great. doesn't it?”


AROUSAL STAGE

Using quotes

“Growing attraction”
“What's the feeling of realizing you're really attracted to someone? My friend Rochelle was telling me that her roommate has this best friend, Kim. And when Kim starts to notice that growing attraction, it happens in a certain way

“Like first, as she looks at the guy, and starts to really pay attention, she just becomes aware of certain things ... like the rhythm of her breathing, and the beating of her heart, and the outline of his face ... so as she becomes aware of all these things, one particular feature of his face just starts to rivet her attention, so she becomes totally absorbed in the connection taking place ... and as that's all happening, it's like the warmth of his voice, the deep rich warmth of it, just starts to penetrate her consciousness_ and spread all through her body, and as her heart beats faster and her breathing increases. down through her belly, a fire pounding and pulsating all through her, down to where she really longs to have it go, until that desire for him just becomes utterly overwhelming, and she just surrenders to it completely.”

“Arousal Shock”

You: “Some guys are so crude. I mean, I was raised to be at least a little respectful, but you wouldn't believe what I saw this dude do the other night!”

Her: “What?”

You: “He walks right up to this girl. looks her right in the eye and says, “Can you imagine me kissing and licking your entire body, and you getting so hot and turned on that you were begging for it?”

Her: “Oh my God!”

You: “I mean, can you believe that? Did he actually expect her to picture that all night long, and even become obsessed with those kind of thoughts?”

[Optional]
“Now, see, it I was a girl, and someone tried something like that on me ... I'd play right back with 'em. I'd look I em in the eye and say, 'Oh, yeah? Well, you know that feeling you get just before you have an orgasm? When the pleasure is just like building and rippling and pulsing and pounding through your body? If you could imagine that feeling, could you feel it right now?”

“Good 'Ole Howie”

You: “That Howard Stern is so crazy. You know how you're changing channels and you come upon the Howard Stern show. You know, it's like passing the scene of an accident you don't want to look but you just can't help yourself? Anyway, I was watching the show the other day, and he had on this guy I think was trying to outdo Howard where he was talking to this model and they were flirting, and then he says something like, “I want to lick you all over your back then down the inside of your legs, and then can you imagine me inside of you all night long?' Can you imagine that? I mean, that show is so outrageous!”

“Blow Job pattern”

You: You ever STOP and WONDER about the difference between a compulsion and anticipation? I mean you ever just find yourself reaching for the refrigerator and before you know it your hand is on that piece of food?

Her: “Yeah”

You: “That's compulsion but anticipation is when your mind anticipates pleasures before they arrive. For example, Debbie, you ever come home from a really hard days work and people have been piling stuff on you all day long and all you can think about is dropping your clothes and getting into that steaming hot bath or shower? And before you even climb in, you can already feel that heat working its way through every part of your body, And it's like every muscle just goes on vacation and you're already able to surrender completely to the pleasure of that. And then there's that actual moment of sliding in when you just let yourself go with the pleasure completely.”
Her: On, yeah.

-------
You: “Do you like chocolate?”
Her: Yeah (if not, use strawberries or whatever)
You: “What's your favorite kind?”
Her: Blah, blah
You: “You know that moment when you have that incredible piece of chocolate right in front of you (gesture like you're holding piece of chocolate). And before you actually pop it in your mouth (Point to dick), you can already taste the smooth texture against your tongue. Your tongue can already feel the smooth texture and the sweetness melting against your tongue, you're wanting to have it in your mouth. And then there's that moment the first molecule of delicious chocolate first touches the first taste bud, it's like your tongue just wants to wrap itself around that sweet thing (point to dick), and just keep it there, it's like an explosion of pleasure in your mouth.”
--------
You: Or you know when you're really attracted to someone and there's that moment just before you first kiss when you give each other that look. And that look tells you 'It's about to happen', Debbie, and you can already anticipate the feeling of their lips against yours, you're already able to feel that first soft brush of the lips, and it's like every bit of physical pleasure you'll ever experience throughout the entire relationship is enfolded in that first soft brush of the lips, and when you touch you know that jolt of electricity, that just lights up and travels all through your body and you go <moan> inside?

Her: Yeah

You: “I think sometimes it's like the conscious mind can go down (point up then down to dick) into the unconscious and comes back up with all these thoughts and fantasies and desires. I used to think my most important thoughts were from above me but now I know there they're from BeLOW me, Debbie. Because you're coming from a much deeper Dan of your mind, you know?”

“Uninhibited” -- to be used when you sense hesitation

You: “You know how there are two sides to you? You got the part that's got all these rules -- 'I can't do this', 'I won't do this'. And then there's that part where you go on vacation, and you just let go, and you find yourself being about to indulge all those fantasies? I think you know when you feel that (touch her) with someone what happens is like you step out of this one and you slide into that one, and all the cants and knots and shouldn’t become yes’s and more and right now. It's like a complete release of pent up energy yearning to be let loose. I love that feeling of letting loose.”

Stripper/Dancer pattern put in the arousal section because the pattern is so erotic, leveraged off what they do.

You: “I have a friend named Rochelle who dances in Dallas. And the interesting thing is that Rochelle talks to me about how the customers try to connect to her and they never do but every once in a while with a really special guy (point to self), she starts to listen carefully, and really look and hang on every word, it's like the rest of the environment disappears. The entire world becomes this face, this voice that starts to effect her in an unusual way. And she tells me when she's able to feel that connection ... it's like a click that takes place right in there (solar plexus anchor). You know, I think it's so unusual how that happens with a person you don't even know why you have to go deep inside and create an opening. An opening that just lets the warmth of their voice wrap itself around you and penetrate your thoughts.”

“Anyway, the interesting thing that she told me is that see, she's really, really average looking, but she makes a ton of money. She brings home much more money than some of the better looking girls.”

Her: “How, How?!!”

You: “What she does is this ... she'll make herself feel a lot more sexy just before she gets on stage and what happens is that feeling tends to get into the customer. She says the first thing she does is just STOP and remember the best sexual experience ever and she needs to make those pictures big and bright and just remember all of those feelings, really remember what that feels like on the inside. She begins to turn on completely.
It's like the source of passion (point to solar plexus then point down) begins to glow from that space then move down. And what happens is it must work because the customers begin to get unbelievably horny and you know what, you know what she does then?”

Her: “WHAT??”

You: “She actually puts her thoughts into the customer's head. She picks out a customer who's big with the tip (point to dick) and she'll look right at the customer and she'll start to put horny thoughts in his head (motion your head to her head), ooooh, what would it feel like if I were going down on you all night long exactly the way you like it. Just imagine how that pleasure would coarse all through your body', and it must have worked I think cause she tells me the customers begin to get unbelievably horny as they start to picture those sexual acts. Wow, you know what I mean?”


Phonetic ambiguities learn to sprinkle these words into your regular conversation, particularly after the connection. addiction, submission, below me, keep me abreast, get ahead, hard one, become, mind (mine), top off that beer, happiness, we gotta blow, service entrance, to what is true, success, underestimate, close off (clothes off), pen a trait (penetrate), 7 o'clock (o’cock), feel needed (kneaded), innuendo, succumb (suck cum), Well, luck me!!


State of Arousal w/ Polarity Responder

“My friend was shocked the other night, when a woman walked right up to him, looked him right in the eye and said, “it's not important that you imagine me going down on you all night long!”

Or

While making out –
Her: “We really shouldn't be doing this.”
You: “You're right. I shouldn't be pulling up your top. I shouldn't be sucking on your incredible breasts. And you don't have to feel the incredible pleasure you aren't experiencing right now!”


ACCELERATORS

You: “You know, sometimes I find that, when you spend time with someone, and you really start to experience that incredible bond, and feel totally comfortable, you can just start to (point to where she falls in love) picture being together with them in a special way, in that special place in your mind?”

Boyfriend Destroyer

You: Remember that tonality is different here; need to be soothing, not seductive. Attitude is “Hey, no problem!” “You have a boyfriend. Well, I have to respect that. > (express agreement) Let me ask you a question. >(curiosity, softener) How surprised would you be to actually find yourself looking forward to spending a little time with me. Like maybe to the point where you could imagine us over coffee laughing and having the best time and you starting to feel really comfortable with it? As you think about it like that, doesn't it just seem natural that we meet together for dinner tomorrow night?”

Boyfriend Destroyer (picture)

You: “You have a boyfriend. Well, you know I've got to respect that. I'm not saying that I'm not disappointed, because I am disappointed you're a lovely girl. And this is totally up to you, you're the only one who can find yourself changing your mind about this, So look, rather than trying to convince you otherwise, cause that's hopeless, let me at least show you something about the way I've broken up with people in the past. Cause I know that sometimes I've been in relationships and then the next minute you don't know what's happening. I'm sure you've experienced that, haven't you?
So, I mean like, what's this guy's name?

Her: <Answer>

You: OK, let's imagine John (hold out hand like you're holding imaginary John) for a second. So you're going out with John and it's really cool and everything. Well, let's say that for whatever reason, you break up with him (make clucking sound and throw hand down, and keep pointing down the whole time). I mean you ever break up with someone and once you break up with them you start to notice all the things you don't like? It's like maybe he kept the cap off your toothpaste or he broke your trust or <regurgitate what she might have said about him> and you start to think about all the things he's done to piss you off all the disappointments -- you see his face, pain, even his voice, like nails on a chalkboard, pain, his touch is like slimy worms from a fishbucket, yuck. and just want to forget all about him, you know? And it's like if you even tried to bring his image back it would be like something was wiping it right out (wipe). And that would be the first time you're already starting to forget all about him. You ever break up with someone, like I had this girlfriend, and OH, I was Soo in love, but then after I broke up I thought 'God, what did I ever see in that person in the first place', cause they just become utterly unattractive to you And that's sad to think, but in some ways it's nice that you can open yourself to this new opportunity (picture yourself), you know what I mean?
And then you may think 'I want to bring that picture back'. You might think you might think that. But as you look down on it, it really just doesn't seem nearly as appealing as before it used to, did it?”
“Now, you may be surprised to find how common everyday things, like flipping the light switch, or walking in your front door, or stepping into the shower can remind you to keep those pictures down there! And the more they struggle and fight to come back, the smaller and darker they get. .to the point where you just can't even see them anymore, ever again!”
Well, let me show you something else about pictures ... <back to picture patterns>.


then ...
In Her Apartment

You: “Have you ever been totally relaxed without the use of alcohol? Sometimes I really need that after a stressful day. I have this friend, Bill. And I remember him telling me this story. See, he had this friend. And this friend noticed something unusual when she'd listen to someone talk. Like for example she could become aware of the sound of his voice ... and as she heard the sound of his voice, she could also hear the other sounds of people in the room ... and she could become aware ... of the rising and falling of her chest ... and the slight nodding of her head as she listened ... and the deep, deep richness of his voice ... and as she became aware ... of all these things ... the pressure of her hand as it rested on the table ... and the outline of his face as she watched him speak ... her attention would become riveted ... on a very unique detail of his face ... whatever it might be that seemed to capture her attention ... so that as she focused more and more on this part of his face ... she became more and more fascinated by what he had to say ... more and more captivated and totally enraptured by this experience of him that she was having ... and as she allowed herself to realize these things ... she could also feel a deep longing within herself for him ... to feel his touch ... his gentle touch across her face. (Reach and gently stroke her with the back of your hand) ... and as she felt this touch and her eyes closed with the pleasure of it ... her breathing began to deepen, and her heart began to pound ... to pound ... with the rich ... deep warmth of his voice ... the rich, deep warmth that began to spread ... began to pound through her chest ... and through her belly ... and deep through her thighs ... as the warmth and the wetness and the deep rich pounding of her most burning female place ... the pounding burning place ... that longed to be filled, ached to be filled ... filled with his manness ... and as she felt these things ... deeper and deeper and even more intensely ... the feeling of his hand as it touched her thigh ... let her know that she would open herself to this man completely ... give herself to him ... at the time he chose to take her ... (touch thigh).


Only answering machine message you should ever leave - Should leave this message only after you've already tucked her or at least made out like crazy. I don't personally like this pattern cause there's a certain arrogance to it, but to each his own!

You: “What's it like when you're so attracted to the sound of a man's voice, that whenever you find yourself really listening, it's like the warmth of that voice just starts to wrap itself around you, and spread all through your body, maybe to the point where you find yourself thinking about being with him in a ... mmmm ... special way, in a way that would make you both feel ... mmmm, you know? ... So much so that those pictures in your mind get bigger, and brighter and more intense, and as those feelings ... mmm ... intensify you could just experience an overwhelming desire to be with him ... to the point where you just had to pick up the phone, and invite him over?”

OBJECTION HANDLING STAGE

Her: “I'm not sure”
You: “Of course there's probably a part of you that feels <uncomfortable>. But you know what I find is really interesting. You know how people have different sides to them? You got the part that's got all these rules -- 'I can't do this', 'I won't do this'. And then there's that part where you go on vacation, and you just let go, and you find yourself being about to indulge all those fantasies? I think you know when you feel that (touch her) with someone what happens is like you step out of this one and you slide into that one, and all the cants and nots and shouldn'ts become yesses and more and right now. It's like a complete release of Pent up energy yearning to be let loose, you know?”

SECURITY STAGE

It's good to show all of your emotions -- except NEEDINESS!! A woman is constantly searching for strength l confidence l security in you. Cherish those moments as respect opportunities -- this can be just as powerful as any pattern. These all have to be from a confident 'take it or leave it position. There must be some shock that sets that switch on in their mind.

Response to indecision on dates

Her: “Well, I'd like to go out but, why don't you call me later in the week and …”
You: “Let me ask you a question, point blank. Is going out with me something you can take or leave or is it something that you're smart enough that you really want to do that?” This must be confident yet not cocky; understatement works best here. After asking question, shut up and wait for an answer.
Her: <answer>
(if more hesitation on her part ... )
You: “Look. You have my number, and I'm going to leave it up to you. And you know, if you don't call it's going to be a loss for me, but maybe what you won't realize until after you hang up is, that it'll be a loss for you as well. OK? Bye.”

Powerful Response to her canceling a date without rescheduling

Her: “I'm not feeling well”, (then doesn't give optional time for date)
You: ‘Well, do you want to try for another night?”
Her: “Well, I don't know what my schedule is like.”
You: “Well, I'll tell you, this is just the way it is for me. It's just the way I do things. When I make a date, and someone cancels, I leave it up to them to make the next date. So, if you want to go out, I'm interested. Call me, and I'll say yes.”
-------
Her: “I can't make it ...”
You: “Look, first of all, I'm less interested in what you can or can't do and I'm a lot more interested in what you would like to do. So why don't feel free to tell me now putting aside what you can or can't do ... is spending time with me really something that you want to do it? (If she says, 'Well ... ')
You: “STOP ... I'll try the question again. What would you LIKE to do? (More hesitation) LOOK, here's the way it works. I'm not trying to make you wrong. I'm just telling you what my rule is. If I didn't tell you what my rule is then I'm being dishonest and I'm withholding from you and I don't want to be that way. That's not who I am. My rule is if someone tells me they're going to do something then almost always I expect that they're going to do it. Unless there is some emergency and they let me know beforehand and then they're going to be the ones to make the plan. Do you understand? That's my rule. If you want to hang out and have a great time with me you gotta follow my rule. If not, it'll be a loss for us both, but you probably won't recognize until after you've hung up the phone. OK? So go have a great time and take care of whatever you have to take care of and if you can follow that rule, give me a call.”
Wait 72 hours you should get a call back from them.

Very Powerful Response to her canceling a date without rescheduling
Her: “I can't make it. I've got a rare tropical disease that's causing me to shrink by the hour.”
You: (dead silence for as long as it takes for her to talk again. Just say NOTHING)
Her: “Hello? Are you there? What's wrong?”
You: “What's wrong is I can't believe the bullshit I'm hearing.”
Her: “What???”
You: “Look ... you made a commitment to spend time with me and now you're blowing me off. You're disrespecting me and disrespecting my time and I'm NOT going to put up with it. My rule is, if someone makes a commitment to me, I expect them to keep it. It they can't keep it, I need to know at least a day in advance so I can make other plans. Got it? If you can live with that rule, great ... if not, sayonara!” Then hang up.

Response to rude behavior
You: “Can I ask you a question?”
Her: “Sure”
You: “Are you being intentionally rude to test me, or are you just an accidental asshole?”
Her: (mouth dropping open in shock, unable to say anything!!)
You: “Don't ever keep me waiting like this again, OK? I always treat you respectfully, but I expect the same. Do you understand me?”