Reply With QuoteWouldn't work for Al Bundy. But would work for most of us.
Friday Jokes
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Thread: Friday Jokes
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04-21-2006, 09:50 AM #1Super Hero in Training
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Friday Jokes
THE CORRECT WAY TO COME HOME DRUNK
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other
and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home
after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the
driveway, I shut off the engine and coast into the garage, take my shoes
off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the
bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent
splashing sounds, ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!
His buddy looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong
approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps,TO pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say, "WHO'S HORNY????!!!" and she acts like she's sound asleep. It Works Every Time!!Success leaves clues. People who produce outstanding results do specific things to create those results
Nobody cares what you did yesterday or what you are going to do tomorrow. What is important is what you are doing NOW to solve our problem
THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
- Appollo Creed
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04-21-2006, 06:24 PM #2Senior Member
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04-21-2006, 07:05 PM #3Intensity!
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I'm not married, or even close, but I can't imagine this really working.
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04-21-2006, 07:34 PM #4Bohemian Extraordinaire ELITE MEMBER
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Might work for that night, but in the morning the hell will come.
Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
and drag down the features of age,
no folds or creases from unkempt wear
eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012
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04-21-2006, 10:55 PM #5War Eagle ELITE MEMBER
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While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles
over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop
with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her
over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all
know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied,
"I'm late for work." Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" I'm a
rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum
stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work
my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole
hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands
in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet
wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."Courage is fear holding on a minute longer.
-George S. Patton-
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04-21-2006, 11:56 PM #6...And justice for all.
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Buddy, this is so old.
Originally Posted by section8
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04-22-2006, 12:02 AM #7Metrosexual ELITE MEMBER
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So many cries of inequality stem from one of group
of people doing little or nothing and then bitching
about another group that actually does something
to improve their lives.
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