A few jokes

**Prince** · 07-12-2006, 11:56 AM

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion.

He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date,the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying: "Oh ;Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

*************

Pancakes:

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem."

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

"Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"

"Just take two," Brenda replied. "The rest are for your father."

*************

A Sign Of Change:

There were two old men sitting on a park bench passing the day away talking. One old man asked the other, "How is your wife?"

The second old guy replied, "I think she may be dead!"

The first man asked, "What do you mean you THINK she is dead?"

The second explained, "Well...the sex is the same but the dishes are starting to pile up."

*************

Single:

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket, where she selected a quart of milk, a carton of eggs, juice, and a package of bacon. As she was putting her items on the conveyer belt to check out, a drunk man standing behind her, watched as she placed her items in front of the
cashier.

The drunk said, "You must be single."

The woman, a bit startled, but intrigued, looked at her four items on the belt, and seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections said, "Well, y'know, that's right. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk said "Cause you're uglier 'n shit."

**Jokerfella** · 10-08-2010, 06:04 PM

Three men were in heaven discussing how they died.

The first man said, "I died of cancer."

The second man said, "I died of Tuberculosis. "

The third man said, "I died of seenus."

The first two men asked, "Do you mean sinus?"

The third man said, "No, I mean SEENUS. I was out with my best friend's wife and he seen us!"

**Jokerfella** · 10-08-2010, 06:05 PM

I hate double standards. Like if a girl goes out and sleeps with loads of guys she's considered a "slut"
Yet if a guy does it...he's considered a "homosexual"

**blazeftp** · 10-08-2010, 06:33 PM

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.

Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

Sandy was drinking at a pub all night. When he got up to leave, he fell flat on his face. He tried to stand again, but to no avail, falling flat on his face. He decided to crawl outside and get some fresh air to see whether that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and, sure enough, fell flat on his face. So, being a practical Scot, he crawled all the way home.
When he got to the door, he stood up yet again, but fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door into his bedroom. When he reached his bed, he tried once more to stand upright. This time he managed to pull himself to his feet but fell into bed. He was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He woke the next morning to his wife shaking him and shouting, "So, ye've been oot drinkin' as usual!" "Why would ye say that?" he complained innocently.
"Because the pub called an' ye left yer wheelchair there again!"

**cyan** · 10-13-2010, 03:20 AM

lol,so interesting!

**matt_im** · 10-18-2010, 09:29 AM

I'm crap at jokes, so nothing to add, but bloody funny reading!

**proxy10** · 11-05-2010, 12:28 AM

I hardly find them funny.

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