The storm is over, now its time to rebuild.

**KelJu** · 08-14-2006, 02:52 PM

Haha...fuck yeah!
The storm is over and I survived. I threw away my pills a month ago, and soon after that I went into a very deep depression. I haven't left my apartment other than to go to work for over 3 weeks. I have been living off of shit in my pantry to avoid going to the store to shop. I have lost over 20lbs in just three and a half weeks. I stopped posting in my journal, because I was ashamed that I didn't have the motivation to workout. My friend is staying on my couch and he was pissed at me because I would come home from work and lock myself in my room until morning. He has known me since we were kids so he is use to this thing, but he still was mad that he come to hang out with me and I wouldn't do anything but sit in my room alone. I have been pretending at work that everything was normal, but in reality I have been nearly insane.

I have been a dick to everyone I know lately. I wasn't doing it on purpose, I was just venting I guess. I owe Witmaster and Busyliven an apology too because I jumped on their ass for no reason other than I was being a dickhead. I am sorry, and I am glad Witmaster set me in my place because I deserved it.

But now I am fine again. I feel better than I did before all of the shit started. I did it completely sober, too. The doctor can shove those fucking pills up his ass! I am going to go to wallmart and buy groceries and then go workout again. I am going to socialize again.

I really don't know why I am posting this. I have just read so much negative shit in open chat lately. Everyone just seems to vent their hatred here. Whether it is race, sex, religion, political affiliation, or relationships, everyone just seems to bash everything. I am guilty of it too, but I am not going to do that anymore. Everyone who made the point that our hatred is a sign of an inner weakness is right. If you hate something that bad, then it is you with the problem. I had an old history teacher who asked me who my hate was hurting. Was it hurting the people I hated, or was it hurting me. The answer is me. I want to learn to chill out. I want to learn to say "fuck it" every now and then.

We blame this and we blame that, but isn't our hatred what causes all of the fucked up shit that we bitch about all of the time. Instead of understanding, we resort to hatred because its easier to hate than to understand. Its easier to blame others for why we hurt than to except the fact that our problems come from within. I am going to change. I am not going to live like this any longer. If I continue at this rate, I will blow a fucking fuse and die of a heart attack before I am 40 years-old.

**Dale Mabry** · 08-14-2006, 02:58 PM

Wow, I guess if you are going to keep shit in your pantry you might as well eat it. How long does shit keep, anyway?

**Witmaster** · 08-14-2006, 02:59 PM

Hey, no harm no foul. Apology accepted.

I was probably a bit more curt than necessary with you on a few things. I too, am sorry.

Hangeth thou in there. Don't let the little things overwhelm you. Remember... this game of "Life" is a marathon, NOT a sprint race.

Cheers

**fufu** · 08-14-2006, 03:01 PM

Good luck, us kiki's will be here to support you!

**TJ Cline** · 08-14-2006, 03:01 PM

Just say no

**Doublebase** · 08-14-2006, 03:03 PM

What kind of pills were you taking?

**Bakerboy** · 08-14-2006, 03:17 PM

Good for you for getting off the meds and getting back to the gym.

Sometimes you've got to be a bit of an ass just to survive. Honestly, I think I would crack, myself, if I didn't stick with my exercise program. Personally, I think locking yourself inside a room is one of the best ways to examine yourself, to face your demons. Sometimes it takes all the courage in the world just to step out your front door and enter the madness.

**fufu** · 08-14-2006, 03:20 PM

Yeah I come up with my best ideas when I am by myself for a while, but when I am by myself too long I start going crazy.

**god hand** · 08-14-2006, 03:23 PM

Originally Posted by ForemanRules

Just say no

!

Yet he said drugs arent when people use to right

**KelJu** · 08-14-2006, 03:26 PM

Originally Posted by Doublebase

What kind of pills were you taking?

Lamictal 200mg
Zyprexa 20mg
Effexor 150mg

his was all daily. I didn't want to have to resort to taking medication again, but about 2 months ago I had went into a hypo-manic episode. I wasn’t able to sleep for almost a week and I was starting to become psychotic from sleep delirium. The pills brought me back down again, but I went past normal slam into full out depression.

But, don’t let me come across as bitching. This thing is nothing more than an illness. It can be dealt with and I can control it. I think of it like other people think of diabetics. Diabetics have to watch what they eat, and check their blood sugar daily. They can live long healthy happy lives as long as they keep things in check. I will have to avoid certain things, and I will have to monitor myself to keep these neurotransmitters regulated. Its all good!

**KelJu** · 08-14-2006, 03:36 PM

Originally Posted by god hand

!

Yet he said drugs arent when people use to right

What?

**god hand** · 08-14-2006, 03:39 PM

Originally Posted by KelJu

What?

My bad, I mean to say "!

Yet he said drugs arent bad when people use to right.

You said some shit like that in another thread and I have not forgot yet.

**BigDyl** · 08-14-2006, 03:52 PM

KIKI's got your back.

**maniclion** · 08-14-2006, 03:52 PM

Originally Posted by god hand

My bad, I mean to say "!

Yet he said drugs arent bad when people use to right.

You said some shit like that in another thread and I have not forgot yet.

Do you mean use it right? I've been taking drugs for my back pain, I use them right and they make me feel much better. He obviously feels like shit using his so he quit and is trying a different approach. It's not like he was using heroin and just quit his drugs were purely for an indicated cause and prescribed by a doctor.

**KelJu** · 08-14-2006, 04:04 PM

Originally Posted by god hand

My bad, I mean to say "!

Yet he said drugs arent bad when people use to right.

You said some shit like that in another thread and I have not forgot yet.

I see what you are saying now. There is a difference between my meds and recreational drugs. I hate taking my meds, because they change who I am. They turn me into a zombie. Think of happiness and sadness as a sin wave with ups and owns. My meds completely flatline my emotions. I stop feeling human. Its worse than the insanity. It also makes my dick limp. Mood stabilizers have the most horrid side effect which causes guy's dicks to not be able to get hard.

Now recreational drugs are always fun. They make you feel good for 8 hours, but then you feel like ass for the following 2 days. I am done with recreational drugs too.

Pot is the exception to the rule. Pot is the only thing that chills me the fuck out. I can be completely insane, and pot will calm me down and allow me to collect my wits. I have been smoking a bowl every day for the last few weeks, and it has helped a lot.

**god hand** · 08-14-2006, 04:13 PM

Originally Posted by maniclion

Do you mean use it right?

Yes My bad

I seriously dont even think when typing sometimes

**maniclion** · 08-14-2006, 04:20 PM

Originally Posted by god hand

Yes My bad

I seriously dont even think when typing sometimes

They have drugs for that.

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