Sensible Observations

The Monkey Man · 09-13-2006, 06:36 PM

1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who diedpeacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all thepassengers in his car."
--Author Unknown

2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and youget a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown

3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?There's a support group for that.It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey

4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it'snot a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked intodoing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy

5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly balland saving an infant's life, she will choose to save theinfant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
--Dave Barry

6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, andwe should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriendwants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.There should be severance pay, the day before they leaveyou, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger

7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone tookher out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone

8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to theauthors of that study: "Duh."
--Conan O'Brien

9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'mhalfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery

10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch ofpeople in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crimeand the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni

11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all theimpersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson

12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez

13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida,but they turned sixty and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld

14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that incase of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file linefrom smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that?What, do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson

15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde

16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were amember of Congress.. But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain

17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.At least they can find Afghanistan."
--A. Whitney Brown

18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog,and the dog will give you a look that says,'My God, you're right!I never would've thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry

19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"?Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
--Unknown, presumed deceased

20) "Everybody's got to believe in something.I believe I'll have another beer."
- W. C. Fields

And lastly:
Why in Hell should I have to Press 1 for English

fufu · 09-13-2006, 06:38 PM

Dave Barry is a god.

fletcher6490 · 09-13-2006, 06:43 PM

3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?There's a support group for that.It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey

Haha, that's great.

maniclion · 09-13-2006, 07:14 PM

"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.. But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain

Little Wing · 09-13-2006, 07:14 PM

lol. those were great. i made this warning i have pms avatar a while back

Little Wing · 09-13-2006, 07:15 PM

18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog,and the dog will give you a look that says,'My God, you're right!I never would've thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry

best one.

CRASHMAN · 09-13-2006, 07:23 PM

Bakerboy · 09-14-2006, 04:21 PM

"A cat will be your friend, but never your slave." Theophile Gautier

09-13-2006, 06:36 PM	#1
The Monkey Man Magical Apelikemenace Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: New Delhi, India Posts: 13,663 Photos: 34	Sensible Observations 1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who diedpeacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all thepassengers in his car." --Author Unknown 2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and youget a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children." --Author Unknown 3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?There's a support group for that.It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." --Drew Carey 4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it'snot a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked intodoing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,drop them off at the wrong house." --Jeff Foxworthy 5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly balland saving an infant's life, she will choose to save theinfant's life without even considering if there is a man on base." --Dave Barry 6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, andwe should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriendwants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.There should be severance pay, the day before they leaveyou, they should have to find you a temp." --Bob Ettinger 7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone tookher out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'" --Paula Poundstone 8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to theauthors of that study: "Duh." --Conan O'Brien 9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'mhalfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner." --Lynda Montgomery 10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch ofpeople in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crimeand the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.Let's go west.'" --Richard Jeni 11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all theimpersonators would be dead." --Johnny Carson 12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." --Paul Rodriguez 13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida,but they turned sixty and that's the law." --Jerry Seinfeld 14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that incase of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file linefrom smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that?What, do tall people burn slower?" --Warren Hutcherson 15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.Monogamy is the same." --Oscar Wilde 16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were amember of Congress.. But I repeat myself." --Mark Twain 17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.At least they can find Afghanistan." --A. Whitney Brown 18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog,and the dog will give you a look that says,'My God, you're right!I never would've thought of that!'" --Dave Barry 19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"?Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken. --Unknown, presumed deceased 20) "Everybody's got to believe in something.I believe I'll have another beer." - W. C. Fields And lastly: Why in Hell should I have to Press 1 for English
	Have Problems?... Chances are its due to overpopulation Save The Oceans, Save the Planet, Save Your Family, Save Yourself!

09-13-2006, 06:38 PM	#2
fufu fiendish thingy Elite Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 16,260 Photos: 7	Dave Barry is a god.
	fufu's 1337 Journal Your diet will set you free.

09-13-2006, 06:43 PM	#3
fletcher6490 God has graced us again Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Chicagoland Posts: 2,234 Photos: 4	3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?There's a support group for that.It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." --Drew Carey Haha, that's great.
	Can't even remember the last time I was in the gym. I suck at life.

09-13-2006, 07:23 PM	#7
CRASHMAN SoCal. Stud Elite Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: in a box on a corner near you Posts: 10,081 Photos: 2
	230_225_220_215_210_205_200_195_190_185_180 \|----\|----\|----\|----\|----\|----\|----\|----\|---\|----\| <- that way about 20 more pounds!

09-14-2006, 04:21 PM	#8
Bakerboy cat burglar Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: the city of champions Posts: 4,146 Photos: 3	"A cat will be your friend, but never your slave." Theophile Gautier
	No strength within, no respect without - Kasmiri Proverb

09-13-2006, 07:14 PM	#4
maniclion Catalyst Elite Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Hawaii, selling munitions for the war on EcoTerror Posts: 17,938 Photos: 10	"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.. But I repeat myself." --Mark Twain

09-13-2006, 07:14 PM	#5
Little Wing SEMPER~FIDELIS Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: United States Posts: 21,335 Blog Entries: 1 Photos: 191	lol. those were great. i made this warning i have pms avatar a while back

09-13-2006, 07:15 PM	#6
Little Wing SEMPER~FIDELIS Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: United States Posts: 21,335 Blog Entries: 1 Photos: 191	18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog,and the dog will give you a look that says,'My God, you're right!I never would've thought of that!'" --Dave Barry best one.

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