Thread: Why bother?

boooooooooooo

red x!

Originally Posted by min0 lee

No offence but how would you know who's who.

That was my friend's computer background.

Tough crowd!

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.



I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Originally Posted by Triple Threat

A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

He was the best, I could never get enough of his humor.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

Originally Posted by Triple Threat

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

I tell you, I'm not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills." He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm!

Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, "Doc, I keep thinking I'm a dog." He told me to get off his couch.

I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I'd get.

Originally Posted by min0 lee

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.



I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio

I get no respect from my wife either. I told a taxi to take me to a place where I could get some action... He took me to my house.

Originally Posted by min0 lee

And who wears yellow neon shoe laces with that outfit?

I bet their all decked out ghetto style under those robes.

^ I think there Nike Air Maxs

Those jokes are brilliant!