Thread: If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....

Nice..........

Originally Posted by juggernaut

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Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all
yeer.
Yer Friend, Billy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your olderbrother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigidmom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let mesend you some Legos instead.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots foryour reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face whenriding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of
Scotch.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy makingtoys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spendmost of my time unwinding by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money atthe craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
skipping your house.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASEcould I have one?
Love, Timmy
Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Dear Mark,
First stop callling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your asswhipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rentapartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeymandoes, through your bedroom window.
Sweet dreams,
Santa

I like it.

This is so famialiar, from that dudes website where he critiques grade school kids art with the fuzzy fire truck and shit, mangus or something like that ....fuck it's right on the tip of my fingers but it just doesn't want to spell out....

Say It!!!!!!!! Say It!!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by maniclion

This is so famialiar, from that dudes website where he critiques grade school kids art with the fuzzy fire truck and shit, mangus or something like that ....fuck it's right on the tip of my fingers but it just doesn't want to spell out....

http://maddox.xmission.com/ ?

Originally Posted by fufu

http://maddox.xmission.com/ ?

Yeah thats the asshole, mangus...maddox who gives a shit the guy has chronic jockitch and has to let everyone know about it by bitching like a woman all the time...

hes a faaaaag....

Dear Little Wing,
Dick-in-a-box was a joke.
Santa

Originally Posted by maniclion

This is so famialiar, from that dudes website where he critiques grade school kids art with the fuzzy fire truck and shit, mangus or something like that ....fuck it's right on the tip of my fingers but it just doesn't want to spell out....

I remember that. I thought it was funny. Of course, I remember the picture comments being more ruthless.

Santa's Honesty needs more vulgarity. The irony just isnt funny enough for me. I want more dry, cuss word salads!

Originally Posted by Little Wing

Dear Little Wing,
Dick-in-a-box was a joke.
Santa

Bless you, woman.