Thread: Your True Horoscope

Aries (Mar 21-Apr 20)

You have a wild imagination and often think the FBI or CIA is chasing you. You have minor influences on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power.

Taurus (Apr 22-May 20)

You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull headed. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bi-sexual. You are inclined to expect too much from too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for inbreeding.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth shit. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 23)

You consider yourself a born leader. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leos are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.

Virgo (Aug 24-Sept 22)

You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep during sex. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 23)

You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. If you are male, you are probably a queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 24-Nov 22)

The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23-Dec 21)

You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck and have no talent. The majority of Sagittarius are drunks. You are worthless pieces of shit.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)

You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chicken shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should stay home, out of the way of everyone else.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 19)

You have an innovative mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces (Feb 20-Mar 20

You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand and give impatient and scornful advice. You do nothing but piss off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.



i'm a pisces.