BoneCrusher

Women are evil ... LOL ... but sometimes us men are evil too

Source ... craigslist of course.

Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless.

Date: 2007-02-06, 2:24PM PST


I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"

Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, "You're screwed".

Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. "I am sterile"

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of shit. You're trapped and you know it."

I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshit, those are fakes."

I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine."

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

• Location: Manhood
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PostingID: 274495936

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goob

Nice! Sure avoided a potential trap.

I wonder just how many men out there are raising children that are not theirs, yet believe that they are of the same blood?

oaktownboy

this is why all men must listen to Tom Leykis...he will tell u everything u need to know about getting laid and protecting yourself at the same time against shit like this

Chuck Norris once lost his keys and couldn't remember where he put them. So he tortured himself for half an hour until he gave up their location.

Little Wing

imho both people in this story are immature game players n deserve each other.

BoneCrusher

You sayin' you don't think his actions were deserved?

bigss75

Ive always thought about getting my swimmers on ice then getting cut to prevent knocking someone up. Only worry would those them being dead or something when I actually needed them and then getting screwed.

DOMS

It's the uterus talking. She knows the girls is scum, but the guy go the upper hand (in a big way), and she probably didn't like that.

DOMS

It's more horrific than that.

About 6 months ago, there was a story in the news (I think) about a (black) guy that was told by a (black) woman, that the child she had was his. He manned up took responsibility. Later on, after a dispute of some sort, the guy got a blood test. It turned out that they kid was not his. But some suck-ass judge said that because he had accepted responsibility as the father, that he had to keep accepting that responsibility and made him keep paying for the kid.

How fucked up is that?

BoneCrusher

Can't stand up in a higher court ... course him getting there is not an easy thing to do.

Little Wing

no, i'm saying he was using her too. they both sound like shitty people. something scummy happened to two scummy people n they both deserved it. if he chose a partner with a little class in the first place he might be a bit more respectable... but he starts his commentary by telling us basically he's screwing a girl he knows is trash. wtf did he expect? he made him self sound like a loser from the get go. who fucks women like that? worst of all up front knowing she's a girl like that? " i was fucking this real piece of shit bitch n she tried to burn me but i outsmarted her" dude... you were fucking a real piece of shit the rest of the story is beside the point you just told us you are a loser

oaktownboy

u wouldn't believe the amount of shit that can go down in court against the biological father. Did u know, if a guy donates his sperm and signs a contract that says he wants nothing to do with the child's upbringing and the woman signs away child support, the document does not hold up in a court of law? She can still sue him for child support later on. no bs

Chuck Norris once lost his keys and couldn't remember where he put them. So he tortured himself for half an hour until he gave up their location.

Little Wing

someone should lobby to make it part of EVERY birth to test for paternity. a guy being ordered to pay for a kid that the courts know isn't his is bullshit. a woman that cons a guy like that should be punished for it. it's not just about child support either some men are devestated to learn a child they think they fathered isn't theirs. if all of a sudden i found out my kids weren't really mine i'd be heartbroken n maybe homicidal.

lioness

Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.
~Anais Nin

BoneCrusher

I can go with you ladies a short distance here in that if I thought she was a selfish bitch I might be heading for the door at the start of the relationship ... but only a short distance because I have dated selfish women and NOT bailed. There have been over-riding circumstances that kept me around. I am pretty sure you women have also dated guys that were not going to be the baby daddy but you hung in there anyway ... right?

Play time is part of being a grown-up.

Hey what the hell not all relationships are forever. Sometimes you meet someone you enjoy spending time with but know you will NEVER marry. He explained this about her with much less verbiage than I am, but that doesn't make him a scumbag.

----- Something to clear up here to. You are reading a writing style in that post that is basically locker room conversation. You women talk about men when we're not around too ... you know you do ---------

Anyway ... to you he shot himself in the ass with the following statement:
To me he described the beginning of a normal casual relationship. Not everything about the woman he met was what he would consider acceptable, but she made him happy so he went with it. Again ... is he a scumbag for having a casual relationship?

If I missed the origin of your wrath than help me out here. Ladies help all us males learn from the minds of articulate and sensual women ... what should he have done and at what point in the relationship should he have done it?

I really want to hear from you on this so I'll get into his reaction to her attempts to defraud him in another post ...

Pylon

Don't underestimate a man's natural reaction to any situation where they feel someone is trying to take advantage of them.

"Oh, you think you're going to screw me? Well WATCH THIS!!!"

(Not saying it always works out well, but still.....)

"For beverages, I only drink water or whiskey and when I’m drinking whiskey, it’s usually when I’m working out. It gives me the courage to lift more than I can when I’m sober." - C. Bratton

DOMS

No doubt.

All of my life, when I've had any money, I was always quick to share it with others; Now, if you take even one dollar from me, I'd beat the shit out you to get it back.

KentDog

This is not a bad idea. Does anyone know how much a paternity test generally costs?

Edit: Found it: "Paternity testing typically costs between $250.00 and $2,000.00, depending on the area which you live in and the type of paternity testing you choose. The American Pregnancy Association recommends paternity testing from a testing facility that has been accredited by the American Association of Blood Banks such as DNA Diagnositics Center or Gene Tree. Results are usually given in 14 business days or less."

I also found in a search there are home tests available for $99, but I doubt I'd trust one of those.

goob

Something on your mind??????

Little Wing

he starts the whole post with "women are evil" which pegs him as a stupid little shit that picks his women with his cock n not his brain. then he cries about getting a woman that isn't so great which pegs him as the "poor me" type which is nauseating. he clearly is not a guy with brains enough to say gee maybe i'm a little responsible for my own outcome here cuz i wanted to get laid so bad i didn't listen to my intuition and steer clear of what i knew was trouble.

the next girl he takes up with will be just as "evil" as this one cuz he isn't classy enough, smart enough or man enough to get a good one. then he'll come running to us with another sob story of how dee dee dee another relationship he got into mostly cuz he wanted to fuck some girl went wrong. real rocket scientist stuff. der.
real men have what it takes to keep it in their pants when what is laid out in front of them isn't worth turning into a leg humping dog over.

Little Wing

the girl sounds like a psycho but he's as bad a drama queen as her. as soon as she said she was pregnant he should have told her it was impossible n left. simple, dead effective and a lot more grown up. if he cared about her n got burned i think most women would sympathize but he's saying he was giddy n enjoying the long drawn out overly dramatic ending which makes him just as pathetic as her. a cold icy "i had a vasectomy 7 months ago you whore" would have sufficed and made for a much grander exit than him acting as weird as her.

oaktownboy

ur bf must be one lucky guy..it's too bad all women aren't more like u LW

Chuck Norris once lost his keys and couldn't remember where he put them. So he tortured himself for half an hour until he gave up their location.

KentDog

, no.. just when reading the story an ex of mine came to mind, as did some girl "friends" of mine.

BoneCrusher