Thread: Is it OK for your new GF to ask you to shut out your Exes?

No Dump her.

Well this is the sort of thing that if you don't want to do it, don't do it. If you don't care, then whatever. I wouldn't do it for her if you really cared to keep those sort of things.

It's not like people stop existing after you break up with them, why act like it? Not healthy IMO.

No, you cant do this. Did she really ask that?

This goes along with the label of "ball and chain." I know plenty of girls that wont let their bfs go out with their frends (guys night) unless she has a girls night on the same night.

Stupid shit. Love is never supposed to hold you back from friends.

Tell her that you no longer have feelings for the ex g/f, but that you dont want to act like that part of your life never existed. Let her know that your there for her, but that you arent going to let her try to erase what she doesnt like from your past.

I think it's a bit unfair but then again it depends on the level of your previous relationships with these women. I still talk to my ex-boyfriend periodically and even go visit him on the occasion. He comes to my house too even when Dante is home. We don't hang out on a regular basis but the occassional visit and phone chats. Funny thing after all this time is that he can still piss me off at the drop of a dime

Anyway, it comes down to trust and it sounds like she doesn't trust you.

Ask her which one of her ex's she's fucking ... or wants too. Only cheaters are that paranoid.

I am kind of struggling with the whole thing; she is very controlling. The thing about her asking me not to talk to any of my exes that really gets me is that she still talks with at least two of her exes pretty regularly. One is her semi-boss for one of her jobs, so I can understand that. The other is just an ex that comes to town to visit on ocassion and they meet up. The only difference between me and her is that I don't really care if she hangs with her exes because they seem like losers to me (). But for some reason she is, or was at one point, extremely threatened by my last girlfriend (which is the one she asked me to completely block out).

As for the pictures, the issue originally came about from the ex visiting me over the summer at my parent's house (this was before I had started dating my current girlfriend). I met my current girlfriend from a mutual friend, whom told the current girlfriend I was still having sex with my ex after we broke up, and we had sex over the summer when she visited. This may be part of why she has been so threatened by her. Anyway, she asked to see pictures of my ex over the summer and I reluctantly sent her a few (stupid mistake). After seeing them, she said she was disgusted knowing I was having sex with her when the pictures were taken so she asked me to delete them. Which led to her asking me to delete all of them.

Another kicker is that the pictures I sent her had my little brothers in them and that's why I put up a fight when she asked me to delete them. To me, they were pictures of my little brothers that I didn't want to delete, and the ex just happened to be in them.

In the end, I deleted the pictures from my computer but made a backup copy on a CD. Is this wrong for me to have done? I know I probably should have stood my ground, but I can't exactly tell her now I didn't really get rid of the photos 100%.

ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Originally Posted by BoneCrusher

Ask her which one of her ex's she's fucking ... or wants too. Only cheaters are that paranoid.

I often worry about this, as she has admitted the reason for some of her paranoia is because she had done the same in the past .

Is she bi?

Originally Posted by AKIRA

Stupid shit. Love is never supposed to hold you back from friends.

I agree. I have always tried hard to stick to the "Bros over Hoes" principal. I don't think I have ever sold out a friend for a girl before and don't plan to. However, in a way spending more alone time with girls hurts friendships. You're with your girl while your buddies are out together.

I think the issue here is that I really don't care about my last girlfriend, I just wanted to end on good terms with her. But the girl I am seeing now, she has made her an issue and it's become more of a headache than anything else so I usually just end up folding because my ex is no longer considered a friend and it's pretty likely I may never see her again.

Sounds to me like you have the right to be disturbed by this. She can talk to her ex's but you can't? Yeah, she has control, jealousy and trust issues.

Originally Posted by BoneCrusher

Is she bi?

Not to my knowledge. Although now that I think of it, she has a ton of pictures of her making out with other girls including two of her closest friends.

Drop her.

If she's this fucked up so early in the relationship, it's going to be hell a year down the road.

It's really easy to say "dump her," and I have often thought about it due to her messing up on more than a handful of times, but it's easier said than done. I've never felt this way about any girl before and I have dated plenty. The thing about this girl is that I can actually see a long-term future with her because of her background. She's gorgeous, well educated (pre-med and on a full-ride academic scholarship), bilingual, and comes from a very respected family with close ties to the government overseas.

A little more background about the culture thing...

It's really hard to find a 100% Chinese girl who has both the Chinese and Americanized side of her. She can speak fluent Chinese, read and write it (even complex poetry!). The thing about her that is different from any Chinese girl who can do this in America, is that her English is perfect as well and she takes care of herself. She's gorgeous, superficial to an extent (dolls herself up, dresses well), very outgoing and likeable.

Her parents like me and at least one set of her grandparents have already given her approval so far (this is very important in Chinese culture). You know how it can be hard to break things off once you are in with your significant other's family, right? Well, I don't want to over-generalize, but it's even harder with Chinese families because it is almost seen as a sign of disrespect if you throw it away after meeting the parents (because with Chinese families, you don't just bring anybody home to meet the parents, only people you are serious about). She has yet to meet my parents, but we plan to visit them at the end of the summer. We had previously planned on going in December over winter break.

Originally Posted by KentDog

Not to my knowledge. Although now that I think of it, she has a ton of pictures of her making out with other girls including two of her closest friends.

She is not going to be makin out with the ladies unless she has that bi gene going on. Tell her to look at them bi issues and try to work that out in your favor. Se where it goes.

Originally Posted by DOMS

Drop her.

If she's this fucked up so early in the relationship, it's going to be hell a year down the road.

It has been seven months on and off to the day, so she's not exactly a brand new girlfriend. I suppose I could have worded it better in that she is the "current girlfriend."

Originally Posted by BoneCrusher

She is not going to be makin out with the ladies unless she has that bi gene going on. Tell her to look at them bi issues and try to work that out in your favor. Se where it goes.

. The thing about her is that I don't think I'd want to share her with another girl! I probably wouldn't mind so much with the girls I have dated in the past (in fact, it has come up before), but I feel I could actually get to be serious with this one.

Originally Posted by Jodi

Sounds to me like you have the right to be disturbed by this. She can talk to her ex's but you can't? Yeah, she has control, jealousy and trust issues.

Admittingly, I agree that I feel she has some baggage, but I had always felt we could work around it.

Originally Posted by KentDog

Admittingly, I agree that I feel she has some baggage, but I had always felt we could work around it.

Maybe you can. Stand your ground on this one and then choose your battles wisely. Every issue that arises is going to require compromise on both parts.

Originally Posted by KentDog

. The thing about her is that I don't think I'd want to share her with another girl! I probably wouldn't mind so much with the girls I have dated in the past (in fact, it has come up before), but I feel I could actually get to be serious with this one.

What makes you compatible?

Originally Posted by Jodi

Maybe you can. Stand your ground on this one and then choose your battles wisely. Every issue that arises is going to require compromise on both parts.

I feel I've already given this one to her, but I don't plan on folding every time in the future. I tend to believe I pick my battles pretty wisely. I'm usually the type that tries not to argue/complain unless it really bothers me, so that when I do complain, she will know I am really upset.

Originally Posted by BoneCrusher

What makes you compatible?

Our personalities just click really well. We have a lot in common in that we are both Americanized, pretty outgoing, and really never dated other Asian people in the past but wanted to (just impossible to find ones that don't annoy us). I've only dated one other Asian girl and it was the girlfriend before this one (maybe another reason why she is threatened by her), and I am her first Asian guy. The matching culture thing might be the reason why we are so attracted to each other. None of her exes could ever really appreciate that side of her because they could never fully understand it. We're both physically attracted to each other and the sex is great. She's the first girl I've actually "made love to" as opposed to just fucked. I like a lot about her (some of which is described above) and I think she likes a lot about me. I like her parents too, which is kind of uncommon for me because I usually dislike Asian parents (because they almost always dislike you first). It just feels right.

To add.. it's hard for me to find Asian girls whom I am attracted to beyond a handful of weeks. Either it's the girl is too "fobby" (term given to foreign people) for my tastes (because her English may not be 100% perfect), or I just lose attraction to them, usually due to getting to know them better and being turned off by their "dumbness" or how spoiled they are. The latter (dumb, but booksmart and spoiled) has a term given to it; that being that she is an "Asian Princess." Most of the Asian girls I know and socialize with are Asian princesss. Their parents are mega-wealthy and spoil their kids like crazy, but still pressure them to do well in school. They will doll themselves up, but when it comes to common sense, they don't have it (think stereotypical sorority girl). With the girl I am seeing now, her parents are mega-wealthy, but they had never spoiled her. She is hard working and works two jobs to support herself. She hates asking her parents for money and I'm not sure that she ever does (with the exception of paying for rent; she even pays for her own textbooks). This is another huge turn-on for me.

she sounds very insecure....that is the type of girl that will run back to her ex and leave you high and dry.....then you will feel real shitty about cutting off ties with your ex's for her.

Originally Posted by TrojanMan60563

she sounds very insecure....that is the type of girl that will run back to her ex and leave you high and dry.....then you will feel real shitty about cutting off ties with your ex's for her.

Wow, I am actually really stunned by your post. Not because I am offended, but because you hit one of my insecurities almost dead on. She admitted one of the reasons she was so insecure about my last girlfriend was because she "had" a hard time getting over her last. Both of our relationships went for about a year (hers about a year and four months) and ended around the same times. However, I should add that I'm not really threatened by him, due to the guy being a total loser-scumbag. He used to hit her, which caused a car accident, and had sex with another girl days after they broke up. He's also 23 and only a sophomore in college (took him forever just to get his AA). Her parents and friends never liked him, so that doesn't make things easier. And to boot, they got together when she was just 17, so Chris Hansen of Dateline NBC may be asking him to have a seat "over there" in the future.

At first I had felt bad about cutting ties with my ex, especially since her parents are family friends (my mom was pissed that I broke up with her, told me not to date her friends' daughters ). But the more I come to think of it, it's not a huge deal that I am no longer speaking with my ex, especially given the aftermath. The way she handled things was really childish, although I know she was really hurt because I feel she was genuinely very into me, but it just made it easier to cut her out.

When a girl wants to stay close to her ex its a safe bet she still has feelings for him....she will not fully open up to you until she drops him....when a girl insists on being able to see her ex or spend time with her ex that is a red flag for sure. Sounds to me like your ex isn't ready to move on but knows you bring something to the table. When you two fight you can bank on her running to him for comfort....that only happens so many times before she goes back to him.....because you argue and piss her off, and he makes her feel like everything is peachy.....this makes you look like the jag and he looks like the nice guy....when he is the dbag......and trust me if you insist on her not seeing her ex you will push her into a corner, and there is a risk she will get back with the ex.

I would advise you to protect your emotions.

If you tell her no you won't burn any bridges and she still stays with you then it was meant to be, if she leaves then it wasn't. That's how I treat every relationship and I've been with my gf Linda for 9 years now. True love can work around everything....