Speaking of Dice...

**DontStop** · 04-18-2007, 10:18 AM

The Dice Man....

Betty and Jack up a tree
F-u-c-k-i-n-g
First comes Betty, then comes Jack
Then comes the goo out of Betty's crack

Dittle dittle the cat and the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon
That's more than my lazy wife does
That fat fucking smelly baboon

Doe, a deer, a female deer
Ray, the guy that fucked her ass

Eenie, meenie, miney, moe
Suck my dick and swallow slow

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie
Jerked off in his girlfriend's eye
When her eye was dry and shut
Georgie fucked that one eyed slut

Hickory dickory dock
Some chick was sucking my cock
The clock struck two I dropped my goo
I dumped the bitch on the next block

Hickory dickory dock
My balls fell out of my jock
I laid them to rest on some hooker's chest
And paddled her face with my cock

Hickory dickory dock
She took a good look at your cock
It's really scary, old wrinkled and hairy
It smells like a ten year old sock

Itsy Bitsy Spider living in my crotch
Every time he takes a bite there's another big red blotch

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Both with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two-fifty
That fucking whore

Jack and Jill went up the hill
And Jack would try to hump her
Jill said "No", Jack said "So"
"I'll ram it in your dumper"

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack burned off his fucking dick

Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
So Jack ignored her flabby tits
And licked her asshole clean

Little Bo Beep fucked a sheep
Blew a horse, licked his feet
She ate his ass so very nice
Tongued his balls not once but twice

Little Boy Blue - he needed the money

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner
Eating a pizza pie
He shit pepperoni, blew his friend Tony
And wiped his mouth on his tie

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider, he sat down beside her
He said "Hey, what's in the bowl bitch"

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
A lightbulb was stuck up her ass
It woke up the spider who lived deep inside her
He said "Hey, free electric and gas"

Mary, Mary quite contrary
Trim that pussy it's so damn hairy

Mary, Mary shaved her cunt
Now it looks like Allen Funt

Mary had a little lamb
She kept in her backyard
When she took her panties off
His woolly dick got hard

Mary knew a little man whose prick was very thin
Every time he fucked her, she would ask him "Is it in?"

Old King Cole was a merry old soul
A merry old soul was he
He chewed off his tit, ate his own shit
Washed it down with some tea

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her dog a bone
She bent over, Rover took over
She got a bone of her own

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her old dog a snack
The cupboard was bare, she didn't despair
She let Rover munch on her crack

Patty cake, patty cake bakers man
If your chicks on her period, fuck her in the can

Peter Peter pumpkin eater
Had a wife, loved to beat her
Smacked her twice across the head
Fucked her ass and went to bed

Peter Peter pupkin eater
Whacked off in the movie theater
Sprayed his load across the screen
And ruined Titanic's final scene

Peter Peter pumpkin eater
Knew a chick, but couldn't meet her
Saw her brother one fine day
Sucked his cock and now he's gay

Rock-a-by baby on the tree top
Your mother's a whore I ain't your pop

Row, row, row your cunt
Gently down my prick
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Then you'll suck my dick

Roses are red, violets are blue
I fucked your mom in the ass and she had you

Rub a dub dub, three men in a tub
Faggots have threesomes too, so fucking what

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe
She had so many kids, her uterus fell out

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe
She had so many kids, she didn't know what to do
So she started sucking dick

Three blind mice, see how they run
Where the fuck are they going

Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Shine upon the parking lot
As I eat my girlfriend's twat

Twinkle twinkle little star
Will she blow me in the car
Because I bought her dinner, she had fun
My balls are boiling and I'd like to cum

"Panties? You shouldn't be wearing panties. D-Don't you read the gynaecological reports!
You get that-that moisture build-up which leads to you know, the yeast thing.I mean, you're making *bread* down there, baby. And after the guy eats a loaf-and-a-half he gets FULL! "

**Decker** · 04-18-2007, 10:23 AM

Dice was a pussy and a lousy comedian. He cried on Letterman b/c someone criticized him professionally.

**Bakerboy** · 04-18-2007, 10:23 AM

Patty cake, patty cake bakers man
If your chicks on her period, fuck her in the can

LOL

**DontStop** · 04-18-2007, 10:26 AM

"There was an old lady who lived in a shoe
She had so many kids, her uterus fell out"

**Decker** · 04-18-2007, 10:45 AM

My mistake, he cried on Arsenio. A complete no talent.

**DOMS** · 04-18-2007, 10:50 AM

**oaktownboy** · 04-18-2007, 11:00 AM

Originally Posted by Decker

My mistake, he cried on Arsenio. A complete no talent.

if he had no talent, why did he sell out MSG and become a multi-millionaire?

**AKIRA** · 04-18-2007, 11:07 AM

Yeah he was good in his day. The nursery rhymes are quite old. So old, theyre still not funny.

I loved one of his stand ups. Looked like his oldest one. Great delivery. He was really good for his comebacks to the audience. Hed let them ask questions and hed fire back pretty good almost every time. That and his rhymes were his meal tickets.

I remember people always saying he was pretending to be italian. A Jewish guy cant have a NY accent? I thought Italians had Italian accents.

**DontStop** · 04-18-2007, 11:19 AM

I thought that he was pretty funny. Even though he tlked about twat, goo, cock, balls, whatever. It's dirty humor. who DOESNT find that funny (besides feminists)

But yah, the whole mind in the gutter thing did get old, but like oaktownboy said, whatever he was doing sure as hell was working. He'd sell out stadiums.

**Decker** · 04-18-2007, 11:42 AM

Originally Posted by oaktownboy

if he had no talent, why did he sell out MSG and become a multi-millionaire?

I don't know.

Why did Madonna have a career?

Why is Friends thought of as a hilarious success?

Why did 70% of the public think that Hussein engineered the 9/11 attacks?

Dice had a talent for shitty comedy which appealed to the masses.

That no-talent jackass Larry the cable douche does the same thing: shitty comedy that's lapped up by the crowd.

**DOMS** · 04-18-2007, 11:47 AM

Originally Posted by Decker

I don't know.

Why did Madonna have a career?

Why is Friends thought of as a hilarious success?

Why did 70% of the public think that Hussein engineered the 9/11 attacks?

Dice had a talent for shitty comedy which appealed to the masses.

That no-talent jackass Larry the cable douche does the same thing: shitty comedy that's lapped up by the crowd.

Keep in mind that just because your in the minority doesn't make your position "the right one."

**Decker** · 04-18-2007, 11:56 AM

Originally Posted by DOMS

Keep in mind that just because your in the minority doesn't make your position "the right one."

Stop trying to impress Don'tStop.

**AKIRA** · 04-18-2007, 12:19 PM

Originally Posted by DontStop

I thought that he was pretty funny. Even though he tlked about twat, goo, cock, balls, whatever. It's dirty humor. who DOESNT find that funny (besides feminists)

But yah, the whole mind in the gutter thing did get old, but like oaktownboy said, whatever he was doing sure as hell was working. He'd sell out stadiums.

Its not that the rhymes arent funny, they are old. Not old enough for me to forget them and laugh like Ive heard them for the first time. I heard them for the first time when I was 10-12 years old. Were you born yet?

Oh and he does have filthy humor too. That too was good in his day.

**DOMS** · 04-18-2007, 12:20 PM

Originally Posted by Decker

Stop trying to impress Don'tStop.

I think I'm doing pretty good so far.

I listened to Dice as a teenager. I thought he was funny as hell. I really like the movie he was in, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.

**Doublebase** · 04-18-2007, 12:34 PM

I don't really like Dice's stand up. I like him in interviews though. He is great on the Howard Stern show. His has a great wit and an awesome delivery.

**Decker** · 04-18-2007, 12:37 PM

Originally Posted by DOMS

I think I'm doing pretty good so far.

I listened to Dice as a teenager. I thought he was funny as hell. I really like the movie he was in, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.

Man, I had no idea you could be so ruthless to such a sweet innocent young girl.

Shame Shame shame.

**DOMS** · 04-18-2007, 12:44 PM

Originally Posted by Decker

Man, I had no idea you could be so ruthless to such a sweet innocent young girl.

Shame Shame shame.

Stop trying to impress Don'tStop.

**Decker** · 04-18-2007, 12:47 PM

Originally Posted by DOMS

Stop trying to impress Don'tStop.

Why I'm old enough to be her greatlooking older cousin.

In fact, I didn't even know she was a girl until you started slobbering all over her posts.

**DOMS** · 04-18-2007, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by Decker

Why I'm old enough to be her greatlooking older cousin.

I was just thinking about ribbing you by saying that you're old enough to be her grandfather!

**fufu** · 04-18-2007, 01:02 PM

lawl @ DOMS et Decker.

**Decker** · 04-18-2007, 01:10 PM

Originally Posted by DOMS

I was just thinking about ribbing you by saying that you're old enough to be her grandfather!

Ruthless to the core. hahahaa

**DOMS** · 04-18-2007, 01:34 PM

Originally Posted by Decker

Ruthless to the core. hahahaa

Careful, your prostate will flare up.

**DontStop** · 04-18-2007, 01:48 PM

Originally Posted by AKIRA

Its not that the rhymes arent funny, they are old. Not old enough for me to forget them and laugh like Ive heard them for the first time. I heard them for the first time when I was 10-12 years old. Were you born yet?

Oh and he does have filthy humor too. That too was good in his day.

Does it matter if i was born yet? Point is, I saw them now, I thought they were funny. Jesus christ it wasn't meant to be a debate.

**DontStop** · 04-18-2007, 01:49 PM

I wasn't really ruthless.. on a side note: I didn't even take the "attempted flame" seriously.

**Decker** · 04-18-2007, 02:11 PM

Originally Posted by DOMS

Careful, your prostate will flare up.

Too late smart guy.

I just took a squirt and it felt like pissing razor blades.

**maniclion** · 04-18-2007, 03:03 PM

Panties? You shouldn't be wearing panties. D-Don't you read the gynaecological reports!
You get that-that moisture build-up which leads to you know, the yeast thing.I mean, you're making *bread* down there, baby. And after the guy eats a loaf-and-a-half he gets FULL! "

**Witmaster** · 04-18-2007, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by DontStop

Does it matter if i was born yet? Point is, I saw them now, I thought they were funny. Jesus christ it wasn't meant to be a debate.

Rule #1 here in Open Chat...

NOTHING is so sacred that it cannot be insulted, flamed, castigated, smeared, or otherwise disenfranchised and debated about. We can't help ourselves.

**DOMS** · 04-18-2007, 03:28 PM

Originally Posted by Witmaster

Rule #1 here in Open Chat...

NOTHING is so sacred that it cannot be insulted, flamed, castigated, smeared, or otherwise disenfranchised and debated about. We can't help ourselves.

No doubt. I put a gun joke in the shooting thread...

**AKIRA** · 04-18-2007, 04:19 PM

Originally Posted by DontStop

Does it matter if i was born yet? Point is, I saw them now, I thought they were funny. Jesus christ it wasn't meant to be a debate.

Debate?

Did you just get your feathers ruffled over my non-offensive post?

Maybe you werent born yet. I dont care.
If I saw a Abbott & Costello scene that made me laugh, its cuz I havent seen it. Who cares?

I said they used to be funny and I told you why they used to be funny to me.

Calm down, dont get your pussy in a bunch.

**DontStop** · 04-20-2007, 09:44 AM

lol my pussy isnt loose enough to get in a bunch but thatnks for the heads up.

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