Thread: Marriage email i just got

har har har har

A farmer living out in the country decided that he needs a wife. So he takes his horse drawn wagon into the city. After a day or so he finds a woman, marries her, and loads her up in the buggy and starts for home.

Along the way the horse is startled be a rabbit running by and starts, shaking the buggy around. The farmer gets down from the buggy, walks over to the horse and say, "That's one."

The wife looks on, a little confused.

A bit later, the horse trips over a root, shaking the buggy around. The farmer gets down from the buggy, walks over to the horse and say, "That's two."

Again, the wife looks on confused.

A bit later, the horse is surprised by a rattle snake and jumps, shaking the buggy around. The farmer grabs his rifle form the buggy, gets down, walks over to the horse and say, "That's three", and then shoots the horse.

The wife is hysterical. She starts yelling, "I can't believe you shot the horse! How could you do that! That's not right!"

The farmer looks at her calmly and says, "That's one..."

hahaha

After 40 years of marriage a couple decided to relive their youth on their anniversary.

That evening they went to the hotel where they first had sex. They checked into the very same room and began to undress.

The wife, looking lovingly at her husband of oh-so-many years, stood naked before him and asked, "Do you remember what you thought the first time you saw me naked?" Her husband replied, "I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry!"

"What do you think now?" she asked.

"Looks like I did a pretty damn good job!"

Hehehe. Keep 'em coming.

My wife said she wanted to take a vacation somewhere she has never been.

I said "Try the kitchen".

<< Click ME >>





With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek...
she bent over!

My wife and I were happy for twenty years...
Then we met.

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on.
I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move....
She went to Florida.

My wife made me join a bridge club...
I jump off next Tuesday.

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?"
She said, "No, but I got the license plate."

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee.
The only trouble was... she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home."
I went over. Nobody was home!

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?"
She said, "No, I hate myself now."

I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me."
He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me.
Just the other night she called me from a hotel in Jersey.

My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah,
my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy...why are you doing that for?" He said...
"Because you came home early."

Thanks alot Monkey Man, now I want to get my ass home asap!