Thread: Breaking up with someone before they (or you) moved away..

Too many variables......can not compute

Its one of those situations you see in a lot of TV shows, but I dont know if breaking up with someone before they move away vs. breaking up as the move occurs is beneficial.

I've seen a couple friends go through it.
Best to wait till you are fully moved.

But in any case, you should never try to maintain a long-distance.

i get so tired of seeing friends do this dumb shit and it always goes to hell.

My ex girlfriend wanted to do this when I thought I was going off to college. I didnt get it. I wasnt supposed to leave for another month or so and Id still see her out n about, so am I supposed to react as if we had a bad break up?

My new ...girlfriend? I thought wanted to do this. She is the one that will move eventually, so she pondered the idea. I said, why not spend more time with me while you can and when something happens that we cant control, then well let seperate...

Haha, I was dating a girl that I really didn't like. She was a decent lay, and the first girl I ever slept with, so I ignored the fact that she was a lazy selfish brat. A job opportunity came up back home, and I thought it would be pretty funny to just skip town without saying a word.
I never saw her again.

Originally Posted by AKIRA

My ex girlfriend wanted to do this when I thought I was going off to college. I didnt get it. I wasnt supposed to leave for another month or so and Id still see her out n about, so am I supposed to react as if we had a bad break up?

My new ...girlfriend? I thought wanted to do this. She is the one that will move eventually, so she pondered the idea. I said, why not spend more time with me while you can and when something happens that we cant control, then well let seperate...

That's really sad Akira. Sometimes when you know you have to part it's alomost better not to see each at all. . I get wanting to make the most of precious little time you might have together but ..it hurts leaving. ..
Idn know. maybe trust and hope are just jokes..

lol @ mee with my emotional pants down

BtL.

just move, call her from a new area code and say "guess where i am"

Originally Posted by mboylan86

just move, call her from a new area code and say "guess where i am"

I wasnt putting myself on the platter, but I am using an example on both sides. To me, breaking up with someone before they actually leave is jumping to the conclusion. "If its going to end anyway, why not do it now?"

For the same reason, i dont kill myself.

Originally Posted by AKIRA

Curious if any of you think its a good idea or an unreasonable decision...

Unlike wine, Bad news does not get better with age.

I see no point of continuing a relationship with someone if you are going to move. Once I made the final decision of moving I let him know. We'd break the relationship off but kept hanging out until I left just for the companionship and sex of course.

Originally Posted by AKIRA

My ex girlfriend wanted to do this when I thought I was going off to college. I didnt get it. I wasnt supposed to leave for another month or so and Id still see her out n about, so am I supposed to react as if we had a bad break up?

My new ...girlfriend? I thought wanted to do this. She is the one that will move eventually, so she pondered the idea. I said, why not spend more time with me while you can and when something happens that we cant control, then well let seperate...

You know Akira, sometimes that iis why we break up as adults and young adults.. to pursue our lives... and often that involves study or work elsewhere.. study or work that defines us to ourselves and why we're 'worth it' to a partner and our lives thereafter or long term for ourselves, that we don't want to not do that painfully regardless of what it means .. as does nOt going and what thaat will mean to all those things.

Sometimes we do that and can come back and find they still fit in with our plans and have been pursuing things that make that so, whatever thaat means, and sometimes really sadly and growthfully painfully we find they don't and have or had no intention of ever doing so. .. and sometimes unless we either have massive and sometimes unjustified 'faith' or communicate exactly where we can reinsert into physical here and now lives and go with it because we 've planned to and believe and are clear that the other person has insisted theyy believe we can have it work.. we caan go off and do whatever it is with that reality. If we want to make it work with thaat person, we just do.
Maybe being able to sit and actually say to each other that that is the intention and being realistic about if it is or not is half the battle. .hard to do when neither knows where they're really going in life, but probably worth having a look at .. sometimes breaking up with themm first is just their cue to
let you know if they don't want to .. and I had a fairly decent cry about something similar myself juust last year now that you mention it, to have had to unremorsefully go off pusuing other things elsewhere and not be with 'him' or meet up with him and hang out for 4 or 6 mths or however long it is we would've had..hell.. I'd 've been faithful if he persisted... I'm not even sure I'm still not...but I guess I hurt him pretty bad with other men lurking around and now it might be too late.
Life is like that I guess. Just bear it in mind that at some stage, sommeone of you miight need to put yourrself on the line, succeed or fail and say it and mean it and commit to it ones self...or deal with that it's over and move on.
That's my take anyway. Hope you work it out..

Blooming tianshi Lotus.

When I moved, I broke off the relationship a few months prior...

Had to, as every discussion seemed to lead to
talk of bad feelings about the move = negative = screw that

So you break it clean

Done it before....I live over an hour away from my GF right now (8 years this June) I'm about to move to to AZ and will be a solid 32hr drive away soon.

My thoughts:

no need to try long distance monogamous relationships unless you think marriage is in the future...just my 2 cents.

Is it just me who can't be bothered unless it is?.. too heady otherwise. even with casual sexx that shit's always on the table. ..men alllways want more.. time .. which iMo = a bloody relationship. Hellooo ..could be training or sleeping here!..that's big...but I'd fit someone in if I thought it was worth it...hell I'd even .have even re-planned for there to be room to comprimse my schedule forr that !
marriage takes a little planning to be in good spot to pull off well anyway.. may aswelll get it sorted...in case I meet someone and don't want to loose them over say.. having to move away to doo that crap.

truly.. we're doing it or get out of my face and I'll just masturbate I guess.
I guess I'm funny fussy like that... as much of a slut as I could be otherwise.
It's probably the trickiest freak thing about me.. that and my working out maybe...
Eight yeears Ivanry??!!.. oH!.:/...you suuure you dont want tallk with that girl about where you're both going in life and how you're fitting into each others?????
That's a really long time..

Originally Posted by lnvanry

Done it before....I live over an hour away from my GF right now (8 years this June) I'm about to move to to AZ and will be a solid 32hr drive away soon.

My thoughts:

no need to try long distance monogamous relationships unless you think marriage is in the future...just my 2 cents.

If after 8 years and you still don't want to marry her then it's about time to break it off anyway.

I agree though, no need to keep a relationship if you are moving if there are no future plans with that person. Keep them around for the sex until you leave though

Where in AZ are you moving to?

Originally Posted by The Monkey Man

When I moved, I broke off the relationship a few months prior...

Had to, as every discussion seemed to lead to
talk of bad feelings about the move = negative = screw that

So you break it clean

Good responce. Hmm...and youre the thread killer?

I didnt have that problem and currently do not. Problem meaning, negative dwelling conversations.

Originally Posted by lnvanry

Done it before....I live over an hour away from my GF right now (8 years this June) I'm about to move to to AZ and will be a solid 32hr drive away soon.

My thoughts:

no need to try long distance monogamous relationships unless you think marriage is in the future...just my 2 cents.

Long distance realtionships are for another discussion.

Originally Posted by KelJu

Haha, I was dating a girl that I really didn't like. She was a decent lay, and the first girl I ever slept with, so I ignored the fact that she was a lazy selfish brat. A job opportunity came up back home, and I thought it would be pretty funny to just skip town without saying a word.
I never saw her again.

HAHAHA I love it.

Originally Posted by Blooming Lotus

You know Akira, sometimes that iis why we break up as adults and young adults.. to pursue our lives... and often that involves study or work elsewhere.. study or work that defines us to ourselves and why we're 'worth it' to a partner and our lives thereafter or long term for ourselves, that we don't want to not do that painfully regardless of what it means .. as does nOt going and what thaat will mean to all those things.

Sometimes we do that and can come back and find they still fit in with our plans and have been pursuing things that make that so, whatever thaat means, and sometimes really sadly and growthfully painfully we find they don't and have or had no intention of ever doing so. .. and sometimes unless we either have massive and sometimes unjustified 'faith' or communicate exactly where we can reinsert into physical here and now lives and go with it because we 've planned to and believe and are clear that the other person has insisted theyy believe we can have it work.. we caan go off and do whatever it is with that reality. If we want to make it work with thaat person, we just do.
Maybe being able to sit and actually say to each other that that is the intention and being realistic about if it is or not is half the battle. .hard to do when neither knows where they're really going in life, but probably worth having a look at .. sometimes breaking up with themm first is just their cue to
let you know if they don't want to .. and I had a fairly decent cry about something similar myself juust last year now that you mention it, to have had to unremorsefully go off pusuing other things elsewhere and not be with 'him' or meet up with him and hang out for 4 or 6 mths or however long it is we would've had..hell.. I'd 've been faithful if he persisted... I'm not even sure I'm still not...but I guess I hurt him pretty bad with other men lurking around and now it might be too late.
Life is like that I guess. Just bear it in mind that at some stage, sommeone of you miight need to put yourrself on the line, succeed or fail and say it and mean it and commit to it ones self...or deal with that it's over and move on.
That's my take anyway. Hope you work it out..

Blooming tianshi Lotus.

Have you been eating your lotus' because I can make any god damned sense out of what you are typing....

Originally Posted by maniclion

Have you been eating your lotus' because I can make any god damned sense out of what you are typing....

If you do finally decipher what she's saying, you'll find that she is actually quite insightful. I've been enjoying reading her and Nigeepoo go back and forth in this thread.

Good stuff.

Originally Posted by maniclion

Have you been eating your lotus' because I can make any god damned sense out of what you are typing....

you can???

So yes.. I'm eating my lotus. every last bite..

thx for asking .

Blooming tianshi lotus

Originally Posted by Jodi

If after 8 years and you still don't want to marry her then it's about time to break it off anyway.

I agree though, no need to keep a relationship if you are moving if there are no future plans with that person. Keep them around for the sex until you leave though

Where in AZ are you moving to?

Phoenix area...Glendale.

quitting my job in July and going to grad school at Thunderbird Global School of Mgmt. Farthest out west I've been to Vegas/Phoenix. I've been to Phoenix once for about 24hrs. I don't know anyone out there either so it should be a unique experience....that and the weather change from Chicago Might be a bit hot there in July huh?

It's hot now 100 degrees already. I live in the east valley.