Thread: The Top 5 Smart-Ass Comebacks of 2006

Number 4 is great!

Number two is from Bill Engvall.

It didn't happen this year, but I'll include it anyway.

I was over at a friend's house. One of his children wanted to do something (I can't remember what), and the mother kept telling the child "no". The child persisted, and the mother, in exasperation, said, "What part of 'no' don't you understand?"

Before I could stop myself, I said, "The 'K'".


That doesn't translate so well into text.

yet its still funny!
did mom find it funny?

Originally Posted by DOMS

"What part of 'no' don't you understand?"

We were at a pool party during the past weekend, and my daughter said that to me. My answer was "the part where you get out of the pool for the next half hour."

#3 is my favorite. #2 is a close second. I've heard #1 before a long time ago.

Originally Posted by Burner02

yet its still funny!
did mom find it funny?

Not at first. She gave me one hell of an angry look. But later on, she admitted how funny it was.

Originally Posted by Triple Threat

We were at a pool party during the past weekend, and my daughter said that to me. My answer was "the part where you get out of the pool for the next half hour."

I don't remember who I was talking to, but I said, "What part of 'shut the fuck up' is such a mystery to you?"

Another time, I was on the phone with Netgear's tech support in India. The guy wouldn't actually listen to me. He just kept reading his script. I finally lost it and yelled into the phone, "I'm looking all over the phone for the button that kills you, but I can't find it!"

He hung up.

I think Stephen Colbert is the best smart-ass on television these day's:

"I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq." --Stephen Colbert, at the WHCD

When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.

"There ain't no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought, and stepped on the gas. The needle hit 90, 100, 110, 130, and finally, 150 with the lights still behind him.
"What in the devil am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

"I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like
more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I
haven't heard before you can go!"

"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice night", said the officer.

Originally Posted by maniclion

When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

Originally Posted by maniclion

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.

"There ain't no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought, and stepped on the gas. The needle hit 90, 100, 110, 130, and finally, 150 with the lights still behind him.
"What in the devil am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

"I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like
more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I
haven't heard before you can go!"

"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice night", said the officer.

good one

No, the best comeback of all time is this ...


Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this!!!!

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.

It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.



FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

So, General Reinwald, what

things are you going to

teach these young boys

when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD:

We're going to teach them

climbing, canoeing, archery,

and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

Shooting!

That's a bit

irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD:

I don't see why, they'll be

properly supervised on the

rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

Don't you admit that this is a

terribly dangerous

activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD:

I don't see how. We will be

teaching them

proper

rifle discipline

before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

But you're equipping them to

become violent killers General!

GENERAL REINWALD:

Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to

be a prostitute,

but

you're not one, are you?



The radio went silent and the interview ended.

You gotta love the Marines!