min0 lee

'Could Mr. Right be white?' More black women consider 'dating out' - CNN.com


RICHMOND, Virginia (AP) -- For years, Toinetta Jones played the dating game by her mom's strict rule.
"Mom always told me, 'Don't you ever bring a white man home,"' recalled Jones, echoing an edict issued by many Southern, black mothers.
But at 37, the Alexandria divorcee has shifted to dating "anyone who asks me out," regardless of race.
"I don't sit around dreaming about the perfect black man I'm going to marry," Jones said.
Black women around the country also are reconsidering deep-seated reservations toward interracial relationships, reservations rooted in America's history of slavery and segregation.
They're taking cues from their favorite stars -- from actress Shar Jackson to tennis pro Venus Williams -- as well as support blogs, how-to books and interracially themed novels telling them it's OK to "date out."
It comes as statistics suggest American black women are among the least likely to marry.
"I'm not saying that white men are the answer to all our problems," Jones said. "I'm just saying that they offer a different solution."
She reflects many black women frustrated as the field of marriageable black men narrows: They're nearly seven times more likely to be incarcerated than white men and more than twice as likely to be unemployed.
Census data showed 117,000 black wife-white husband couples in 2006, up from 95,000 in 2000.
There were just 26,000 such couples in 1960, before a Supreme Court ruling banished laws against mixed marriages.
Black female-white male romance has become a hot topic in black-geared magazines and on Web sites, even hitting the big screen in movies like last year's "Something New."
That film centers on an affluent black woman who falls for her white landscaper, a situation not unlikely as black women scale the corporate ladder, said Evia Moore, whose interracial marriage blog draws 1,000 visitors a day.
It features articles like "Could Mr. Right Be White?" and pictures of couples like white chef Wolfgang Puck and his new Ethiopian wife.
"Black women are refusing to comply with that message about just find yourself a good blue-collar man with a job, or just find a black man," Moore said.
She pointed to low rates of black men in college, a place where women of all races often meet their spouses.
Black women on campus largely are surrounded by non-black men: In 2004, 26.5 percent of black males ages 18 to 24 were enrolled in college versus 36.5 percent of black women that age, according to the American Council on Education's most recent statistics.
Even after college, Roslyn Holcomb struggled to meet professional black men.
"I wanted to get married (and) have children," she said. "If I was only meeting one guy a year, or every few years, that wasn't going to happen."
The Alabama author eventually married white.
"I think a lot of black women are realizing or feeling that the pickings are slim," she said.
They're made even slimmer, grumble many black women, by high rates of successful black men choosing blondes. For some, they argue, white wives are the ultimate status symbol.
"They don't want a dark chocolate sister laying around their swimming pool," Moore said.
Nearly three quarters of the 403,000 black-white couples in 2006 involved black husbands.
Meanwhile, psychological barriers have discouraged black women from crossing racial lines.
"Black women are socialized to stick by their men," explained Kellina Craig-Henderson, a Howard University psychology professor who studied 15 black women dating interracially.
She said modern black women agonize over breaking male-female bonds forged in slavery and strengthened through the Jim Crow era.
"It may be even more of an issue for educated black women who have a sense of the historical realities of this country, where black women often were abused at the hands of white men," Craig-Henderson said.
Jones remembered being troubled when a white man politely approached her around 1990. Her stance softened years later, after a sobering party experience.
"All the black men literally pushed (us) out the way to talk to the blondes," said Jones, who soon declared, "I'm going to date whoever."
Black men and women have openly feuded before.
At places like Atlanta's Spelman College, black women have rallied against black male rappers characterizing them as promiscuous.
But black men are voicing their own frustrations with women they feel regard them with suspicion. "They treat us all the same," said W. Randy Short, a Washington writer who dates across races. "The rapist on the TV is the same as me."
It's a frustration director Tim Alexander tackles in "Diary of a Tired Black Man," a frank film covering everything from black women's demeanors to their weight. Frustrated by black women, the main character dates a white one.
"To a certain degree, black people are sick of each other," Alexander said. "It would be better for black men and black women to open their options."
But Ayo Handy-Kendi, creator of Black Love Day, argues blacks are simply reacting to messages linking success with whiteness. She referred to a string of successful athletes with white partners, including golfer Tiger Woods.
"They normally rejected their culture and they went to the acceptable standard of success -- a white woman," said Handy-Kendy, who thought it ironic high-achieving black women were mimicking the behavior.
Back in Virginia, Jones feels life is too short to ponder race when it comes to love.
As for mom, Jones figures, "she really admires the fact that I did something she may have really wanted to do, and never did."

min0 lee

Once you go white you never go....

fufu

Dating outside of genetics...hmmm people have been doing that forever. Oh wait, when skin color is involved it is totally different. What a fucking relavation. I'm going to consider dating out to, maybe I'll appear to be more modern whilst being a touch risque.

fufu's 1337 Journal

Your diet will set you free.

min0 lee

All kidding aside I see more male blacks with white women than I see white men with black woman.

fufu

^ true story.

fufu's 1337 Journal

Your diet will set you free.

katt

I agree Mino,, I see more of that as well.

BoneCrusher

Cuz they're sexier. Halle Berry is the exception not the norm and even she goes white in appearance to get that way. Hair straightened or caucasian curly not black -n- nappy, caucasian enunciation, and no black body language.

min0 lee

I don't think I ever saw an Asian male with a black female or even a white female.
Bruce Lee was the only one.

KelJu

I love black women. Some are sexy as fuck, and they usually aren't nearly as stuck up as white bitches.

AKIRA

I read this on my phone yesterday. Interesting read, nonetheless. In essence, the article is right.

Dem Niggas are just CUHRAAAZY

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IainDaniel

I agree.

May not be stuck up. But bitch comes to mind.

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Michael Jordan

BoneCrusher

Yeahhhh maybe not, but we do see Asian women married to black men. wonder why they do that? Must be the big fat wallets in their pockets ...

min0 lee

I think 90% of NBA players are married to Caucasians.

It has to be the money, cause most of these players are butt ass ugly.

goob

....ok....so what exactly are you getting at....

katt

That Bruce Lee had a big..... uhh... member?

goob

....member...of,... his gym? His dojo? His kung fu school? I'm not sure what you mean katt?

katt

His Dick,,,,

goob

Now, now. There's no need to bring profanity into this.

If you can just step back and camly explain what you mean.

katt

How do you expect me to stay calm when I'm talking about dicks?

it is a little exciting..

goob

Ok, well don't get too excited, but here's a couple for you....




No need to thank me.

katt

Gawd, I'm breathing so hard right now ........I... don't ... think.... I ...can... make .. it.

min0 lee

Nowhere really, but the comments sure are entertaining.

min0 lee

Goob! You have the magic touch!

KentDog

You just don't know many Asians then. I say this because I don't know that many Asians myself really, but I do know enough to have two Asian friends my age who are engaged to white girls, and before my last two girlfriends, I pretty much only dated white girls.

KelJu

I go to a very diverse school, and I see Asian guys who date white girls all of the time. Its a cultural thing, not a race thing. All of the Asians that date white girls are Asians who spent most of their life if not all of it in the states. The Asians who spent most of their life out of the US stick together, and rarely date non-Asians. This seems to be the trend with most ethnicities at South.

I have met Indian students that are very Americanized who only date white girls, while I see Indian students that grew up elsewhere that only date other Indian students. The only exception to this rule was two black African girls who grew up in Africa, but spoke perfect English, and seemed to only hang around white people at South. I was in their classes, and I was also in a project group with one of them. She was so beautiful, and sounded like an intelligent white girl would sound. We were pretty good friends, but she graduated last semester and had to go back to Africa because her school visa only allowed her to be in the states while she attended school.

I'm so pissed off over that. We let millions of Mexicans stay, but we send back the beautiful intelligent students. WTF!

bio-chem

word brother. i feel for you. same thing happened to this gorgeous little philippina i knew. bastards

I Are Baboon

It's because black women hate us.

PreMier

P-side Inc.

"the post-workout high is more profound than any drug-induced rush imaginable." -Dante B.

Blooming Lotus

Ooooh yes they are!!.. it's just that most men dont really understand what about.

AKIRA

Chalk me up for another!

6' 209lbs (8/16)
Bench 365 (12/3)
Weighted Pullups 80lbs 3x3 (3/19)
Squat 370
Deadlift after herniation 385lbs 3x3 (3/17)
NASM certified 2/06
Journal