Using People for Personal Gain

**KentDog** · 10-28-2007, 10:52 PM

Everybody does it, whether it's going to the math lab to ask the tutors for help because you haven't been doing the assigned homeworks or attending lectures, asking a friend what he/she got for a few homework problems because you were too lazy to do them yourself, or calling someone to pick you up because you need to bum a ride somewhere. But the question is, where do you draw the line?

I've recently discovered that one of my friends and group member for a class, comes from an extremely affluent family; bordering ridiculous proportions. Most of her close family are multi-millionaires and are someway tied to big American industries and her uncle is very close friends with the president. We're both graduating in December, but unlike me, she is not looking for a job whatsoever and is not worried about finding one because she is guaranteed a better one than me no matter what.

So I invited her to come out with me the other night because I do like her pesonality and find her easy to talk to. The thing is, she is not at all physically attractive, kind of annoying when meeting new people, and she embarasses herself in public because she thinks she is far more likable than she really is. She can be loud and she is also pretty rude when it comes to judging people (often calling them stupid and ugly based off of nothing).

About her being embarassing... she could be a lot of fun if nobody judged people by looks and voice (she's got an annoying childlike sounding voice), and I really wish I weren't superficial enough to care, but I am and don't feel I can help it. I only say these things because just taking her out the other night and watching other people watching her, I picked up on multiple groups of people making fun of her, and I thought they were pretty justified in doing so because she was making a fool of herself.

Based off of the last few weeks, I am getting the feeling that she likes me. She has been really touchy feely towards me lately and I practically had to kick her ass out of my place yesterday night because she was trying really hard to stay the night. Anyway, she has asked me to be her date for her cousin's wedding in December (whose dad is ridiculously rich and close friends with the president). There will be a lot of very rich and people with pull there. I see it as a great opportunity to network and possibly get my foot in the door for a good job out of college.

However, the catch is that if I accept, I know I'll have to hang out with her between now and then, inviting her out with me on weekends and I'll have to put up with her trying to get with me, esp when drunk. Just the thought of having to have to put up with her making a fool out of herself makes me cringe. And who knows if this wedding would even be that much of an opportunity. I'd also probably have to pay for a tux rental and drive/fly to Chicago to attend the event, so I'd have to throw down a few hundred just for that. She just isn't the type of person I'd normally become close friends with, but there is an incentive here, as far as maybe helping me out in the future career-wise.

So should I force myself to be her friend and continue to invite her out to do stuff? Is this too morally wrong?

**soxmuscle** · 10-29-2007, 12:37 AM

You've said yourself you get along with her and think shes nice, there are different ways to approach it than a clear cut "yes, i'll go with you!" or a "no, i dont like you like that." Why not tell her you'd love to go with her, but at this point in your life (something stupid) you don't like her anymore than a friend.

You're in a bind, but it can workout if you want it to.

**squanto** · 10-29-2007, 03:45 AM

Sounds like you're in it to win it, champ. This is a clear-cut career move.

**Vieope** · 10-29-2007, 04:44 AM

The first post is too long, I didnt read it, can anyone tell me if this thread is about pimping? Thanks

**min0 lee** · 10-29-2007, 05:31 AM

She wants your body you want her money.

Do the gigolo move and get a Porsche out of it.

Just kidding.

**min0 lee** · 10-29-2007, 06:38 AM

I can't use a person like that, I don't have the heart....unless that person is a jerk.

**cjm** · 10-29-2007, 06:54 AM

Using People for Personal Gain???..We all do it???...My apologies, i dont mean to be insulting..but thats narrow minded, i think.
What is the difference between "Using People for Personal Gain", and working WITH people?
Sure, its gotta be an opportunity, to network with influential people. But morally, i think you would be better off being honest with the lady concerned. Friends can sometimes be more beneficial . After all, most relationships class being trustworthy/ honest as the highest priority.
Best of luck.

**captaincaberman** · 10-29-2007, 08:01 AM

Isn't this how The Graduate started?

Eh, maybe make it clear to her that you don't like her that way. She might think you like her right now and you don't want to build up something that could bite you in the arse.

**tucker01** · 10-29-2007, 09:09 AM

Wow,

Stop being a pussy and tap that ass already. If I were 10 years younger, I would fuck every chick I could and worry about repercussions later

**min0 lee** · 10-29-2007, 09:31 AM

Funny thing is that you may think your using her but your actually the one getting used.

**tucker01** · 10-29-2007, 09:32 AM

You so SMRT.

**min0 lee** · 10-29-2007, 09:34 AM

I learned everything I need to know about love, life and sex on IM.

True Story

**DOMS** · 10-29-2007, 09:40 AM

Originally Posted by min0 lee

I learned everything I need to know about love, life and sex on IM.

True Story

You learned about love, life, and sex from BigDyl?!

**AKIRA** · 10-29-2007, 09:48 AM

Nothing wrong with being an emotional vampire.

**cjm** · 10-29-2007, 09:56 AM

Originally Posted by AKIRA

Nothing wrong with being an emotional vampire.

Except if you got a conscience

Most people who are extremely wealthy, are paranoid, and suspicious of those who are not as wealthy..financially. There is every possibility that if this lady was "used", it could backfire........BIG TIME.

**min0 lee** · 10-29-2007, 09:57 AM

Originally Posted by DOMS

You learned about love, life, and sex from BigDyl?!

Noooo, the only thing I learned from him was homosexuality.

**captaincaberman** · 10-29-2007, 10:14 AM

Originally Posted by cjm

Except if you got a conscience

Most people who are extremely wealthy, are paranoid, and suspicious of those who are not as wealthy..financially. There is every possibility that if this lady was "used", it could backfire........BIG TIME.

...exactly

**Little Wing** · 10-29-2007, 11:32 AM

what's that old movie where they teach the woman to be a lady?

**KentDog** · 10-29-2007, 01:04 PM

Originally Posted by min0 lee

I can't use a person like that, I don't have the heart....unless that person is a jerk.

Like what? And she is kind of a jerk.

Originally Posted by cjm

Using People for Personal Gain???..We all do it???...My apologies, i dont mean to be insulting..but thats narrow minded, i think.
What is the difference between "Using People for Personal Gain", and working WITH people?
Sure, its gotta be an opportunity, to network with influential people. But morally, i think you would be better off being honest with the lady concerned. Friends can sometimes be more beneficial . After all, most relationships class being trustworthy/ honest as the highest priority.
Best of luck.

I think you may just be looking at the phrase itself as negative. Using someone for personal gain isn't always a win/lose situation. Like in the math tutor example in the first post, you are using the tutor for personal gain because you were too lazy to do the homework or go to lectures, but it's the tutor's job which he/she gets paid for to help you. And what am I to be "honest" about? She'll know I don't like her like that; the question at hand is whether or not I should try harder to be her friend for opportunities.

Originally Posted by captaincaberman

Eh, maybe make it clear to her that you don't like her that way. She might think you like her right now and you don't want to build up something that could bite you in the arse.

Good advice. I wasn't planning to lead her on in any way to egin with, but it may be a good idea ot make that ultra clear that it'll never happen, without offending her too much. Like the other night she put her arm around me while we were walking back and I grabbed it and threw it off and said I wasn't cold

.

**min0 lee** · 10-29-2007, 01:07 PM

Originally Posted by KentDog

Like what? And she is kind of a jerk.

Well then.....caching caching.

**min0 lee** · 10-29-2007, 01:09 PM

Life's too short to waste your time with a jerk, unless she can hook you up with influential people.

**KentDog** · 10-29-2007, 01:10 PM

Originally Posted by IainDaniel

Wow,

Stop being a pussy and tap that ass already. If I were 10 years younger, I would fuck every chick I could and worry about repercussions later

I think this may actually be pretty solid advice, as I've often wondered if I'd look back in regret not taking advantage of most opportunities handed to me. Whenever I talk to older people about these sorts of things, it seems as if it's common consensus every one of them wishes they could get even the ugly chicks we younger folk pass on currently.

Originally Posted by min0 lee

Funny thing is that you may think your using her but your actually the one getting used.

If anything, it'd be a mutual exchange. I'd be using her to try to get some kind of leg-up in the workforce, even if it might be a few years down the line, while she'd be using me for social purposes. She doesn't seem to go out very much anymore; both of us being 5th year seniors and all, except she isn't as good at making friends as I am, and she kind of put all her coin in the same place when she decided to block off everyone else when she was with her last boyfriend.

**maniclion** · 10-29-2007, 03:51 PM

I'd go to the cousin's wedding at least, do you know how many horny rich girls who look half decent are going to be there? Ask Ms. Fancypants to buy you a tux and ticket....for god's sake man for every one man who uses a woman for wealth or power there are 50 women....

**AKIRA** · 10-29-2007, 03:55 PM

Maybe Ill actually read this when I have time.

**NeilPearson** · 10-29-2007, 04:51 PM

Originally Posted by IainDaniel

Wow,

Stop being a pussy and tap that ass already. If I were 10 years younger, I would fuck every chick I could and worry about repercussions later.

I agree. Take it from another guy who is 30+. If I could do my teens and 20s over again, I would nail everything in sight. I had so many missed opportunities because I did the right thing.

If I had to do it all over again, I would not make those mistakes.

And to futhur comment on your situation...

If it was me, I would date her no matter how much I didn't like her. I would lie, lie, lie and after a couple years, I would marry her. Then after a few more years... divorce time and take half the community property. With money like that you can afford 20 year old girls well into your 60s.

It's only 4-5 years of invested time for potentially millions. People go to school for longer than that and come out with nothing and still have to work hard. Play this right and you can retire around the same time most of your friends just begin paying off their student loans.

**Pylon** · 10-29-2007, 05:12 PM

Do it. Sounds like most of her connections are asshats anyway.

**clemson357** · 10-29-2007, 08:29 PM

You would have a better chance getting a job at a regular wedding. The rich hire based on personal and family connections way way before they consider some guy the met in passing at a wedding.

**NeilPearson** · 10-30-2007, 10:21 AM

Originally Posted by clemson357

You would have a better chance getting a job at a regular wedding. The rich hire based on personal and family connections way way before they consider some guy the met in passing at a wedding.

... which is why you have to do more than just hang out with that girl. You need to marry her.

**bio-chem** · 10-30-2007, 12:53 PM

tell her you would like to, but the time/money for the tux ticket............oh hell. screw it. tap that shit. swallow any pride you may have and screw her brains out. think of the consequences later

**Dale Mabry** · 10-30-2007, 03:13 PM

Well, first you have to be honest with yourself, you have already decided you don't want anything to do with her. You say you don't like the way she judges people based on looks, but then you do the same thing to her. You obviously feel weary about it, I would make sure she knows you are not interested, but say you would still love to go with her as friends if that's cool. If that girl's family is as hooked up as you say, she is accustomed to being used, so you manning up should show her you are willing to be her friend. That is my recommendation, just make sure you do her in the butt after the wedding, it's only polite.

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