Thousands of Sudanese rally to free teddy-bear blasphemer —

**Little Wing** · 12-05-2007, 07:18 AM

wait, did I say free? I meant kill;

story here

TEDDY ROW TEACHER CALLS DIRT-BOX 'JESUS'

TEDDY row teacher Gillian Gibbons is a serial blasphemer who refers to her back-passage as 'Jesus', the Daily Mash can reveal.
Glory-hole nickname inspiration
Gibbons, 54, calls her vagina 'the hairy Virgin Mary' and nicknamed her last boyfriend's penis 'St John the Baptist' for reasons too disgusting for the internet.
One friend said: "She knew exactly what she was doing when she named that poor bear Muhammad. She once sent me a Christmas card with 'God is cock' written in it."
Nikki Hollis, who taught with Gibbons at a primary school in Liverpool, said she was forever encouraging her pupils to take the Lord's name in vain.

She said: "I once went into her class and she had spelled out the words 'piss-Christ' in fuzzy felt and was getting the kids to sing it over and over again while she played the guitar.

"She always had a teddy nailed to a crucifix in her room, and after the class hamster died she told the children that it had been kicked to death by angels."
Molly Jensen, the headmistress at Gibbons' previous school, said she had no doubt the teacher had set out to offend and called for her to be beheaded on her return to the UK.

She said: "The only reason she was in the Sudan was because I asked her to leave after telling a class of five year-olds that the Holy Mother was a lying slut who took it up the shitter.
"I wanted her stoned in the playground, but the governors said no."
Meanwhile, an elated Mrs Gibbons said: "This is all just a silly misunderstanding, I never meant to name the teddy bear Muhammad, just his cock."

**Little Wing** · 12-05-2007, 03:22 PM

it's a joke....

cricket cricket

**fufu** · 12-05-2007, 03:29 PM

aww rly?

**fufu** · 12-05-2007, 03:30 PM

hahaha, the add for Vermont teddy bear is suited well.

**maniclion** · 12-05-2007, 03:43 PM

I now proclaim my right nut Jesus and my left nut Mohammed and between the 2 religious nuts is the Chubby Buddha erected in honor of procreation....

**KelJu** · 12-05-2007, 04:06 PM

Originally Posted by maniclion

I now proclaim my right nut Jesus and my left nut Mohammed and between the 2 religious nuts is the Chubby Buddha erected in honor of procreation....

Thats is awesome. Did you make that up or read it somewhere?

**HialeahChico305** · 12-05-2007, 04:23 PM

Originally Posted by maniclion

I now proclaim my right nut Jesus and my left nut Mohammed and between the 2 religious nuts is the Chubby Buddha erected in honor of procreation....

I think he got that from somewhere........I might be wrong so if that was all you props because thats some funny shit lol.

**maniclion** · 12-05-2007, 05:01 PM

Originally Posted by KelJu

Thats is awesome. Did you make that up or read it somewhere?

I just made it up.....

**Little Wing** · 12-05-2007, 05:21 PM

Originally Posted by maniclion

I just made it up.....

i knew that

**PreMier** · 12-05-2007, 05:42 PM

Originally Posted by Little Wing

it's a joke....

cricket cricket

you made the article up?

**Little Wing** · 12-05-2007, 05:47 PM

Originally Posted by PreMier

you made the article up?

no. the link with her name is the real story. the serial blasphemer thing i found online n thought it was funny.

manic made up his part though.

**PreMier** · 12-05-2007, 05:50 PM

i usually dont click the links.. i read the story this morning(your post) and have been informing people today that this lady was a total cunt.. and that they should give her up to the people that want to kill her. im sure people are going to give me quite the time now.. thanks

**Little Wing** · 12-06-2007, 04:39 AM

Originally Posted by PreMier

i usually dont click the links.. i read the story this morning(your post) and have been informing people today that this lady was a total cunt.. and that they should give her up to the people that want to kill her. im sure people are going to give me quite the time now.. thanks

sorry. i told everyone about some eclipse, mars being close to the earth thing and marked it on my calendar, got my son all excited to see it... it was bs. it was a huge exaggeration of an event that had happened years prior.

n i believed this one when i started reading it too

sorry.

**Little Wing** · 12-06-2007, 04:49 AM

The Daily Mash – its news to us. Britain's top satire site, news, politics, sport, funny stories, spoof, parody and lots of humour.

BRITAIN SAYS 'FUCK-YOU' TO BROWN PEOPLE

BRITAIN'S immigration policy is to be based on the use of Dulux colour charts, the government announced last night.

Once you've had 'Suede Brown' you'll never go back. Apparently.

From April next year customs officials at airports and ferry terminals will grade new arrivals against a varied palate of earthy browns and creamy taupes.

The shading system will range from the industrious, educated tones of 'Tropical Sand' to the unskilled, non-EU crime-wave that is 'Mocha Madness'.

A Home Office spokesman said: "We expect the cut off point to be somewhere between 'Almond Beige' and 'Appalachian Spring'. Funnily enough, 'English Brown' is actually far, far too brown.

"Those deemed beige enough will be offered a job, a copy of the Metro and a complimentary Sky+ box. Meanwhile the undeniably brown will be told to get back on the fucking boat."

The policy shift follows a year of intensive pressure on the government to adopt the so-called 'Himmler Method' of ethnic profiling, pioneered in Germany in the mid-1930s.

The spokesman added: "We're also piloting a scheme that involves using calipers to measure the width of the nose and the circumference of the skull. "Cranial dimensions can tell you a great deal about an individual's ability to clean a hotel room."

**The Monkey Man** · 12-06-2007, 04:51 AM

Oh, nice

**maniclion** · 12-06-2007, 10:46 AM

Originally Posted by Little Wing

sorry. i told everyone about some eclipse, mars being close to the earth thing and marked it on my calendar, got my son all excited to see it... it was bs. it was a huge exaggeration of an event that had happened years prior.

n i believed this one when i started reading it too

sorry.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007.
Tonight, the planet Mars will come closest to Earth for all of 2007.
At a distance of about 88 million kilometers – or 55 million miles – this will be Mars’ nearest approach to our planet until the year 2016. But, no, Mars will not now or ever appear as large as the full moon – as has been erroneously reported in a widely circulated e-mail.
It’s true that Mars now appears largest in our sky until 2016. But the diameter of Mars is still less than one one-hundredth that of the full moon as seen from Earth. If you could see them side by side in space, you’d find that Mars’ true diameter is about twice that of moon. So Mars would have to be twice the moon’s distance to look the same size. It’d have to be about 800 thousand kilometers – 500 thousand miles – away to appear as big as the full moon.
And again Mars is closest tonight until 2016 at 55 million miles away. Tonight, Mars at its closest looks like an exceptionally brilliant reddish “star.” You can tell that it’s Mars, because this ruddy planet shines with a much brighter and steadier light than the twinkling stars. Look for Mars in the east at nightfall.

**BoneCrusher** · 12-06-2007, 10:52 AM

Originally Posted by maniclion

I now proclaim my right nut Jesus and my left nut Mohammad and between the 2 religious nuts is the Chubby Buddha erected in honor of procreation....

This is clearly your best work ever.

**Vieope** · 12-06-2007, 12:47 PM

I didnt laugh Manic sorry. I know you are funny but this time I didnt laugh.

**Little Wing** · 12-06-2007, 01:29 PM

Originally Posted by maniclion

Tuesday, December 18, 2007.
Tonight, the planet Mars will come closest to Earth for all of 2007.
At a distance of about 88 million kilometers – or 55 million miles – this will be Mars’ nearest approach to our planet until the year 2016. But, no, Mars will not now or ever appear as large as the full moon – as has been erroneously reported in a widely circulated e-mail.
It’s true that Mars now appears largest in our sky until 2016. But the diameter of Mars is still less than one one-hundredth that of the full moon as seen from Earth. If you could see them side by side in space, you’d find that Mars’ true diameter is about twice that of moon. So Mars would have to be twice the moon’s distance to look the same size. It’d have to be about 800 thousand kilometers – 500 thousand miles – away to appear as big as the full moon.
And again Mars is closest tonight until 2016 at 55 million miles away. Tonight, Mars at its closest looks like an exceptionally brilliant reddish “star.” You can tell that it’s Mars, because this ruddy planet shines with a much brighter and steadier light than the twinkling stars. Look for Mars in the east at nightfall.

now i'm suspicious of these types of announcements.

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