How to Talk about Porn with Your 11-Year-Old Son

Little Wing · 03-10-2008, 01:26 PM

My son is 10 and I want him to have healthy relationships and be capable of actually loving a woman and being a faithful partner with self respect and integrity. I'm also a 46 yr old woman who has seen first hand that the over sexualized society we live in is pretty much toxic to forming lasting relationships let alone ones based on much more than gee I'd like to fuck her or him. My generation grew up with Playboy and Penthouse etc and pretty much rendered a lot of men complete fucktards when it comes to love, romance and relationships. So where will it lead when kids start getting hardcore porn exposure at 11? Sadly, it's not funny that I have found myself trying to explain some of the same principals in this article to full grown men.

Read, discuss, share...

from NoPornNorthampton

How to Talk about Porn with Your 11-Year-Old Son

Sexual Education,Green Sexuality,Porn Addiction,Impact of Porn

Marnia Robinson and Gary Wilson have kindly given us permission to reprint their advice to parents of boys on the threshold of being teenagers. Marnia and Gary run the website Reuniting: Healing with Sexual Relationships.

Is There a Problem with Porn?
by Marnia Robinson and Gary Wilson

Suppose you're really hungry, but it's almost time to leave for your basketball game. What are you going to do? Answer: you're going to listen to either the old part of your brain or the new part. The old brain is saying, “You're hungry, go eat.” But the new brain is saying, “Sure you're hungry, but it would be smarter to eat after the game so you don't throw up.”

The old part is the part you share with all animals. It evolved about 100 million years ago as mammals appeared. It urges you to do things without thinking, like eat – and find anything to do with sex very interesting. The new part evolved much later. It helps you to solve problems, play music, and invent things. It thinks and helps you choose your best strategy.

The old brain gives you urges or feelings, and the new brain helps you figure out what to do with the urges and feelings. If a much bigger kid calls you a “loser,” you may have an urge to punch him, but your new brain might say, “Actually, that's a very bad idea.”

We need both parts of the brain, because the old brain isn't very smart sometimes. For example, it doesn't know the difference between a picture of food and real food. Imagine you were hungry and had nothing to eat. Would you want to thumb through a food magazine with photos of yummy-looking desserts? No. Your stomach would growl, you would drool, and you would feel hungrier than ever. Your old brain is powerful enough to make your body react as if those pictures were real food, even though your new brain knows you can't eat pictures. In fact, your new brain would probably say, “Hey! Drop the magazine and go find some real food.”

Why does your old brain react so powerfully to pictures of food? Because, for millions of years your ancestors lived where food was scarce. They had no refrigerators, and food spoiled quickly. There were no groceries or restaurants, so if you wanted to eat, you had to hunt. The old brain in your head is designed for the conditions your ancestors faced.

The result is that your old brain reacts powerfully to anything that it associates with the presence of food. So, if you were a hunter like your ancestors, your old brain would react to animal droppings, hoof prints, and any shape that looked like it might be your next meal.

This is why a commercial with pictures of fries, or the sound of an ice cream truck, can cause a powerful physical reaction in you. When your old brain decides you are hungry, it urges you to stop playing and become more alert and focused on what it thinks is important. It wants you to give your full attention to getting some foodso you don't starve.

From hunting food to naked women

As you leave childhood, your old brain expands its focus to a new task. It urges you to get excited about girls. It hopes that someday you will pass on copies of yourself in the form of babies. As odd as it may seem, this is the number one job for the old brain.

Your old brain prepares you for this future task by making you “hungry” for anything that is related to sex.

In fact, your old brain thinks sex is way more interesting than eating. That's why sexual feelings can be much more intense than hunger.

When you stumble upon something connected with making babies – like a website with naked women on it, or some other picture associated with sex – your old brain takes over. It releases chemicals into your brain that make you feel like true happiness is just around the corner. It is like the feeling you get when you're about to open your birthday presents. This feeling is the old brain's way of giving you a big “yes!” for focusing on sex. As one man said, “When I saw my first picture of a naked woman I thought, ‘This is just wonderful!”

So why could porn be a problem?

There are several reasons in the next part of this article. Give them some thought. If possible, talk them over with an adult whom you trust. Use the new part of your brain to decide whether viewing porn is a good idea for you.

Here are some reasons why porn can be a problem. They may help you figure out if you want it in your life.

Pornography is not reality

A picture of a naked woman is like a picture of food. It can create as powerful a physical reaction, but it is not a real woman. Even so, your old brain will urge you to focus lots of attention on such a picture, to find it fascinating, and even to hunt for others like it. Remember, your old brain can't tell the difference between images and physical reality. It lumps anything connected to sex into one category, the “Yes!” category, because it wants you to make lots of babies someday.

Let's return to your distant ancestors. Imagine that you are a young caveman. Suppose you glimpse a naked woman swimming in a lake. You would probably find her thrilling. Your excitement would motivate you to learn how to flirt with her, to find out what things impress her, and, if she didn't like you, to figure out ways to meet new females. In short, you would be motivated to learn how to find and connect with a real female, a mate – someone your old brain hopes you will be the mother of your babies.

These days, however, this plan isn’t working very well. There is a new factor present that young cavemen didn’t have to deal with. Today guys have computers and the potential to view lots of pictures of highly exciting, sexually-explicit pictures and videos. Pictures are not real girls. Videos do not help you get to know real girls.

As you may have learned, explicit pornographic pictures trigger intense sexual frustration – just like pictures of food can make your hunger worse. However, pornography also encourages you to seek instant relief – either alone in front of your computer, or with buddies who are also using porn. Porn doesn’t motivate you to learn the skills you need to attract a mate. It doesn't encourage you to learn what girls like or what they like about you, or find the courage to meet with real girls.

Your new brain knows that connections with real people are far healthier than sitting alone with your computer, but your old brain is hard to ignore – especially once you make porn a habit.

Porn is not educational

It is normal to want to learn more about sex. However, porn videos cannot teach you about normal sex between people who love each other. The people in porn videos are actors who often do things more outrageous than Lord Voldemort in the “Harry Potter” stories. Porn actors pretend to enjoy themselves, even when they don't like each other, or they are in pain, or they are feeling cruel – or mistreated. When the camera stops rolling, they take their pay and walk away from each other.

Sex with someone you love and trust is entirely different. It is a respectful exchange of sensual touch, and a way of expressing your affection for your mate. It is a chance to be playful and get to know another person deeply. Many traditions teach that sex is beautiful and sacred. Porn is neither.

In fact, porn is increasingly violent, with themes of men abusing women. Porn makers purposely make the videos violent. Why? Because the old brain likes to feel superior to others. It finds such images exciting. The more strongly you react to an image, the more often you return to the website where you found it – unless you use your new brain to stop.

If you get your sex education from porn videos, there is a very real chance that you will find it difficult to interact with real females in a healthy way later on. For example, porn could confuse you and make you think women like bad treatment. (They don't.)

Because porn fires up your old brain (and turns down the volume of your new brain), it can also cause you to focus too much on how a girl looks, rather than who she is. Large breasts unfortunately do not mean that someone is fun to be around, or kind, or sincere. Big boobs are attractive to your old brain because they look like they can feed babies really well.

Porn is like “junk food”

Your old brain is powerful, but not very clever. For example, it likes chocolate cake more than a balanced meal. Why? It evolved millions of years ago when food was scarce. High-calorie foods with lots of sugar and fat were rare, but a good source of energy.

The old brain hasn't noticed that we are now surrounded by cookies, chips, ice cream and so forth. It still thinks you need every bit of high-calorie food to survive. In other words, it urges you to choose junk food when it sees it. If you want to have a strong, healthy body, you have to listen to your new brain. It can figure out what you need to eat for good health.

Watching porn is like being served chocolate cake over and over, without ever getting the healthy part of the dinner. Cake tastes great at first, but too much makes you feel bad. It causes a sugar high followed by a drop in energy. While your body is recovering you don’t feel so great. In fact, you may be cranky, unfriendly, or unable to concentrate. You may act like a jerk instead of like your usual, cheerful self.

Porn sets off the same cycle as too much sugary food. There is an initial rush of excitement. Yet afterward you may feel tired, jumpy or irritable. This behavior repels others, but it won’t bother your computer at all. See why it becomes easier and easier to spend time at your computer?

Both junk food and porn sex can become obsessions, because your old brain only knows how to say “Yes!” to them. It still thinks you are living millions of years ago. It hasn't caught up with the fact that high-calorie food and sexual stimulation are readily available – and not good for anyone in such large quantities. Fortunately, your new brain can understand the reality.

Porn is addictive

Just like chocolate cake, porn sex is potentially addictive. You simply can’t stuff yourself with cake or use porn to excite yourself without an uncomfortable recovery period afterward. In fact, you may find that you feel moody, defensive, or anti-social for days.

This period of discomfort is risky. You may be tempted to do something you normally wouldn't do just to try to feel good again. For example, you may find yourself back at your computer, looking at porn. That will offer instant relief – but the relief won't last.

This cycle of highs and lows is the “addictive cycle.” Gamblers know it, drug users know it, porn users know it, and those who binge on junk food know it. In other words, junk food and porn can affect your brain like drugs. They can make your urges, like hunger and sexual frustration, worse over all – even though both seem to promise instant relief. This is how addicts become addicts. They are desperately looking for relief because they feel bad during the recovery, or withdrawal, period.

In short, viewing porn is like jumping on a bike with no brakes. If you’re already hooked, you will have to use your new brain as the brakes – and ignore your old brain. It may you take some time to restore your balance, but you could save yourself a lifetime of lonely obsession.

Porn is powerful

Feelings of sexual arousal are intense because your old brain doesn't want your new brain to interfere with your old brain's mission. Your old brain won't much care if you find a new porn website and then don't make it to sports practice, forget to walk your dog, or skip your homework. It wants you to make sexual arousal your top priority. It's thinking only one thing: “If I can keep this guy focused on sex, then someday he will make lots of babies!”

Your old brain is just trying to do a biological job. It has mistaken porn sex for real sex, but you don't have to make the same error. Use your new brain to figure it out. If you have a chance to view porn, consider some of these responses:

"I think I'll skip the porn...

because I want to learn about real girls and close relationships
because I want to be full of energy, not moody, depressed or anti-social
because I know that porn can make sexual frustration worse
because I want to get a life.”

Note
This article was written with the kind assistance of a half-dozen adult men who innocently began using porn and became addicted. All of them wish that someone had found a way to explain the risks to them when they were your age

Little Wing · 03-10-2008, 01:34 PM

Swirlies - DVD - JM Productions

yea this will help our sons relate to women

NordicNacho · 03-10-2008, 03:28 PM

good read

Little Wing · 03-10-2008, 04:07 PM

it kinda breaks my heart too that so many young girl are completely void of what it takes to not become just another piece of meat in a porno. even if you aren't a parent maybe a young person you know could use some help developing moral character. i don't want my son to be a 40 year old virgin but i want him to be loved and be able to love and not be rendered so incapable of relating to real live girls that he grows old with porn not a person.

danzik17 · 03-10-2008, 04:16 PM

I'll agree with some of that, but there are larger problems than just porn in social development, trust me on that. I know you are going to disagree with me here, but trust me as someone who went through all of it and still am to a degree.

iMan323 · 03-10-2008, 04:22 PM

Porn is not the problem. The problem is making friends and seeing people of both genders for who they really are is something of a forgotten art. I think too many people objectify and classify others based on some single criteria w/o knowing them as a person...examples; rich guy, liberal, girl with the nice ass, etc etc

Little Wing · 03-10-2008, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by danzik17

I'll agree with some of that, but there are larger problems than just porn in social development, trust me on that. I know you are going to disagree with me here, but trust me as someone who went through all of it and still am to a degree.

of course there are other issues but it doesn't mean we shouldn't address them all and porn certainly offers a lot more negative than positive in terms of developing a socially adept and responsible adult. kids are suffering because the family unit is so weak and it is weak because monogamy is little more than a pathetic joke. the primal brain is leading people around by their hormones and the gluttonistic attitudes of today are doing jack shit to keep it in check. porn plays a huge part in that. you hear well it's not man's nature to be monogamous. well it's not his nature to shit indoors in privacy on a toilet either. funny how sexually the argument is for retaining our caveman ways when in other areas, like toileting, we'd think it was a ridiculous thing to.

Little Wing · 03-10-2008, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iMan323

Porn is not the problem. The problem is making friends and seeing people of both genders for who they really are is something of a forgotten art. I think too many people objectify and classify others based on some single criteria w/o knowing them as a person...examples; rich guy, liberal, girl with the nice ass, etc etc

Making friends and seeing people for who they are can lead to disillusionment. Too many people have wanted me to keep their dirty secrets. The more people I know the more I treasure the ones worth knowing.

Little Wing · 03-10-2008, 04:50 PM

i'm not anti porn but i think if it were couples filmed doing things they really enjoy doing it'd be better. yea, i know some couples like some pretty freaky shit but it'd still be better.

danzik17 · 03-10-2008, 05:35 PM

I know jack shit about parenting so this is purely opinion, but I think the best course of action is to sort of say it's OK to look at (in private), but really emphasize that it's not real and that they are paid actors.

I'm sure you do this already, but the absolute biggest thing you could possibly do is make sure your kid is eating a healthy diet and is active. I'm almost 100% positive that I can attribute almost ALL of the shit that I have ever gone through back to being extremely overweight as a teen.

Again, it's unfortunate that it we are taught jack shit about nutrition in school; my "health" teacher was probably 100 lbs overweight. We are never taught about even how to lose fat - I didn't know anything about caloric deficits or surpluses until I came here, and that was only after getting violently ill.

But to shorten it up - a healthy physical lifestyle will help to lead a healthy social lifestyle. On logical people, porn's affects are minimal imo.

maniclion · 03-10-2008, 06:57 PM

I think it stifles the imagination. growing up I didn't have access to porn of any sort so I had to use pure imaginative fantasy. I think that is why to this day I have such a good imagination....I went through a few years 22-26 where I loved porn but then I slowly got disinterested and just had sex or used my imagination when alone which also decreased in frequency.....

**Prince** · 03-10-2008, 08:13 PM

if he has internet access I highly recommend this free program: K9 Web Protection - Free Internet Filtering and Parental Controls Software

I tried several before finding this one and it was the best I used, even better than a couple of paid programs I tried.

Little Wing · 03-10-2008, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prince

if he has internet access I highly recommend this free program: K9 Web Protection - Free Internet Filtering and Parental Controls Software

I tried several before finding this one and it was the best I used, even better than a couple of paid programs I tried.

thank you. and yes he has internet access and this topic came up after he googled "porn" and "big boobs".

Little Wing · 03-10-2008, 10:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maniclion

I think it stifles the imagination. growing up I didn't have access to porn of any sort so I had to use pure imaginative fantasy. I think that is why to this day I have such a good imagination....I went through a few years 22-26 where I loved porn but then I slowly got disinterested and just had sex or used my imagination when alone which also decreased in frequency.....

like a bunch of amazon women take you prisoner

danzik17 · 03-10-2008, 10:18 PM

I guess you know he's not an ass man then.

**Prince** · 03-10-2008, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Little Wing

thank you. and yes he has internet access and this topic came up after he googled "porn" and "big boobs".

install K9 and put it at the highest level and he won't be googling anything worse than Disney.com

Little Wing · 03-10-2008, 10:29 PM

i'll do that.

maniclion · 03-11-2008, 05:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Little Wing

like a bunch of amazon women take you prisoner

No, nymphomaniac female pirates my deah! Since I was 8....I made a post about it not long ago...

Rubes · 03-11-2008, 05:28 AM

i liked that post.

Rubes · 03-11-2008, 05:30 AM

the porn thing well i never really learned about it untill i was around 13 or 14 my dad kinda never talked about it untill then but he told me about it and things and he raised me right and i learned how to treat girls right and stuff like that.

Little Wing · 03-11-2008, 10:08 AM

Tyler response to all this was that i don't need to worry he cares more about real girls "Mom, I was born to love." Then he started singing "I was made for loving you baby..."

Little Wing · 03-11-2008, 10:15 AM

Quote:

03-10-2008, 01:26 PM	#1
Little Wing SEMPER~FIDELIS Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: United States Posts: 21,329 Blog Entries: 1 Photos: 191	How to Talk about Porn with Your 11-Year-Old Son My son is 10 and I want him to have healthy relationships and be capable of actually loving a woman and being a faithful partner with self respect and integrity. I'm also a 46 yr old woman who has seen first hand that the over sexualized society we live in is pretty much toxic to forming lasting relationships let alone ones based on much more than gee I'd like to fuck her or him. My generation grew up with Playboy and Penthouse etc and pretty much rendered a lot of men complete fucktards when it comes to love, romance and relationships. So where will it lead when kids start getting hardcore porn exposure at 11? Sadly, it's not funny that I have found myself trying to explain some of the same principals in this article to full grown men. Read, discuss, share... from NoPornNorthampton How to Talk about Porn with Your 11-Year-Old Son Sexual Education,Green Sexuality,Porn Addiction,Impact of Porn Marnia Robinson and Gary Wilson have kindly given us permission to reprint their advice to parents of boys on the threshold of being teenagers. Marnia and Gary run the website Reuniting: Healing with Sexual Relationships. Is There a Problem with Porn? by Marnia Robinson and Gary Wilson Suppose you're really hungry, but it's almost time to leave for your basketball game. What are you going to do? Answer: you're going to listen to either the old part of your brain or the new part. The old brain is saying, “You're hungry, go eat.” But the new brain is saying, “Sure you're hungry, but it would be smarter to eat after the game so you don't throw up.” The old part is the part you share with all animals. It evolved about 100 million years ago as mammals appeared. It urges you to do things without thinking, like eat – and find anything to do with sex very interesting. The new part evolved much later. It helps you to solve problems, play music, and invent things. It thinks and helps you choose your best strategy. The old brain gives you urges or feelings, and the new brain helps you figure out what to do with the urges and feelings. If a much bigger kid calls you a “loser,” you may have an urge to punch him, but your new brain might say, “Actually, that's a very bad idea.” We need both parts of the brain, because the old brain isn't very smart sometimes. For example, it doesn't know the difference between a picture of food and real food. Imagine you were hungry and had nothing to eat. Would you want to thumb through a food magazine with photos of yummy-looking desserts? No. Your stomach would growl, you would drool, and you would feel hungrier than ever. Your old brain is powerful enough to make your body react as if those pictures were real food, even though your new brain knows you can't eat pictures. In fact, your new brain would probably say, “Hey! Drop the magazine and go find some real food.” Why does your old brain react so powerfully to pictures of food? Because, for millions of years your ancestors lived where food was scarce. They had no refrigerators, and food spoiled quickly. There were no groceries or restaurants, so if you wanted to eat, you had to hunt. The old brain in your head is designed for the conditions your ancestors faced. The result is that your old brain reacts powerfully to anything that it associates with the presence of food. So, if you were a hunter like your ancestors, your old brain would react to animal droppings, hoof prints, and any shape that looked like it might be your next meal. This is why a commercial with pictures of fries, or the sound of an ice cream truck, can cause a powerful physical reaction in you. When your old brain decides you are hungry, it urges you to stop playing and become more alert and focused on what it thinks is important. It wants you to give your full attention to getting some foodso you don't starve. From hunting food to naked women As you leave childhood, your old brain expands its focus to a new task. It urges you to get excited about girls. It hopes that someday you will pass on copies of yourself in the form of babies. As odd as it may seem, this is the number one job for the old brain. Your old brain prepares you for this future task by making you “hungry” for anything that is related to sex. In fact, your old brain thinks sex is way more interesting than eating. That's why sexual feelings can be much more intense than hunger. When you stumble upon something connected with making babies – like a website with naked women on it, or some other picture associated with sex – your old brain takes over. It releases chemicals into your brain that make you feel like true happiness is just around the corner. It is like the feeling you get when you're about to open your birthday presents. This feeling is the old brain's way of giving you a big “yes!” for focusing on sex. As one man said, “When I saw my first picture of a naked woman I thought, ‘This is just wonderful!” So why could porn be a problem? There are several reasons in the next part of this article. Give them some thought. If possible, talk them over with an adult whom you trust. Use the new part of your brain to decide whether viewing porn is a good idea for you. Here are some reasons why porn can be a problem. They may help you figure out if you want it in your life. Pornography is not reality A picture of a naked woman is like a picture of food. It can create as powerful a physical reaction, but it is not a real woman. Even so, your old brain will urge you to focus lots of attention on such a picture, to find it fascinating, and even to hunt for others like it. Remember, your old brain can't tell the difference between images and physical reality. It lumps anything connected to sex into one category, the “Yes!” category, because it wants you to make lots of babies someday. Let's return to your distant ancestors. Imagine that you are a young caveman. Suppose you glimpse a naked woman swimming in a lake. You would probably find her thrilling. Your excitement would motivate you to learn how to flirt with her, to find out what things impress her, and, if she didn't like you, to figure out ways to meet new females. In short, you would be motivated to learn how to find and connect with a real female, a mate – someone your old brain hopes you will be the mother of your babies. These days, however, this plan isn’t working very well. There is a new factor present that young cavemen didn’t have to deal with. Today guys have computers and the potential to view lots of pictures of highly exciting, sexually-explicit pictures and videos. Pictures are not real girls. Videos do not help you get to know real girls. As you may have learned, explicit pornographic pictures trigger intense sexual frustration – just like pictures of food can make your hunger worse. However, pornography also encourages you to seek instant relief – either alone in front of your computer, or with buddies who are also using porn. Porn doesn’t motivate you to learn the skills you need to attract a mate. It doesn't encourage you to learn what girls like or what they like about you, or find the courage to meet with real girls. Your new brain knows that connections with real people are far healthier than sitting alone with your computer, but your old brain is hard to ignore – especially once you make porn a habit. Porn is not educational It is normal to want to learn more about sex. However, porn videos cannot teach you about normal sex between people who love each other. The people in porn videos are actors who often do things more outrageous than Lord Voldemort in the “Harry Potter” stories. Porn actors pretend to enjoy themselves, even when they don't like each other, or they are in pain, or they are feeling cruel – or mistreated. When the camera stops rolling, they take their pay and walk away from each other. Sex with someone you love and trust is entirely different. It is a respectful exchange of sensual touch, and a way of expressing your affection for your mate. It is a chance to be playful and get to know another person deeply. Many traditions teach that sex is beautiful and sacred. Porn is neither. In fact, porn is increasingly violent, with themes of men abusing women. Porn makers purposely make the videos violent. Why? Because the old brain likes to feel superior to others. It finds such images exciting. The more strongly you react to an image, the more often you return to the website where you found it – unless you use your new brain to stop. If you get your sex education from porn videos, there is a very real chance that you will find it difficult to interact with real females in a healthy way later on. For example, porn could confuse you and make you think women like bad treatment. (They don't.) Because porn fires up your old brain (and turns down the volume of your new brain), it can also cause you to focus too much on how a girl looks, rather than who she is. Large breasts unfortunately do not mean that someone is fun to be around, or kind, or sincere. Big boobs are attractive to your old brain because they look like they can feed babies really well. Porn is like “junk food” Your old brain is powerful, but not very clever. For example, it likes chocolate cake more than a balanced meal. Why? It evolved millions of years ago when food was scarce. High-calorie foods with lots of sugar and fat were rare, but a good source of energy. The old brain hasn't noticed that we are now surrounded by cookies, chips, ice cream and so forth. It still thinks you need every bit of high-calorie food to survive. In other words, it urges you to choose junk food when it sees it. If you want to have a strong, healthy body, you have to listen to your new brain. It can figure out what you need to eat for good health. Watching porn is like being served chocolate cake over and over, without ever getting the healthy part of the dinner. Cake tastes great at first, but too much makes you feel bad. It causes a sugar high followed by a drop in energy. While your body is recovering you don’t feel so great. In fact, you may be cranky, unfriendly, or unable to concentrate. You may act like a jerk instead of like your usual, cheerful self. Porn sets off the same cycle as too much sugary food. There is an initial rush of excitement. Yet afterward you may feel tired, jumpy or irritable. This behavior repels others, but it won’t bother your computer at all. See why it becomes easier and easier to spend time at your computer? Both junk food and porn sex can become obsessions, because your old brain only knows how to say “Yes!” to them. It still thinks you are living millions of years ago. It hasn't caught up with the fact that high-calorie food and sexual stimulation are readily available – and not good for anyone in such large quantities. Fortunately, your new brain can understand the reality. Porn is addictive Just like chocolate cake, porn sex is potentially addictive. You simply can’t stuff yourself with cake or use porn to excite yourself without an uncomfortable recovery period afterward. In fact, you may find that you feel moody, defensive, or anti-social for days. This period of discomfort is risky. You may be tempted to do something you normally wouldn't do just to try to feel good again. For example, you may find yourself back at your computer, looking at porn. That will offer instant relief – but the relief won't last. This cycle of highs and lows is the “addictive cycle.” Gamblers know it, drug users know it, porn users know it, and those who binge on junk food know it. In other words, junk food and porn can affect your brain like drugs. They can make your urges, like hunger and sexual frustration, worse over all – even though both seem to promise instant relief. This is how addicts become addicts. They are desperately looking for relief because they feel bad during the recovery, or withdrawal, period. In short, viewing porn is like jumping on a bike with no brakes. If you’re already hooked, you will have to use your new brain as the brakes – and ignore your old brain. It may you take some time to restore your balance, but you could save yourself a lifetime of lonely obsession. Porn is powerful Feelings of sexual arousal are intense because your old brain doesn't want your new brain to interfere with your old brain's mission. Your old brain won't much care if you find a new porn website and then don't make it to sports practice, forget to walk your dog, or skip your homework. It wants you to make sexual arousal your top priority. It's thinking only one thing: “If I can keep this guy focused on sex, then someday he will make lots of babies!” Your old brain is just trying to do a biological job. It has mistaken porn sex for real sex, but you don't have to make the same error. Use your new brain to figure it out. If you have a chance to view porn, consider some of these responses: "I think I'll skip the porn... because I want to learn about real girls and close relationships because I want to be full of energy, not moody, depressed or anti-social because I know that porn can make sexual frustration worse because I want to get a life.” Note This article was written with the kind assistance of a half-dozen adult men who innocently began using porn and became addicted. All of them wish that someone had found a way to explain the risks to them when they were your age

03-10-2008, 03:28 PM	#3
NordicNacho Registered User Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 2,415 Photos: 18	good read
	http://www.roqofthe80s.com/#

03-10-2008, 04:16 PM	#5
danzik17 Gender: MALE Elite Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Connecticut Posts: 1,979 Blog Entries: 5	I'll agree with some of that, but there are larger problems than just porn in social development, trust me on that. I know you are going to disagree with me here, but trust me as someone who went through all of it and still am to a degree.
	Ron Paul 2008 Journal: Boom goes the dynamite

03-10-2008, 05:35 PM	#10
danzik17 Gender: MALE Elite Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Connecticut Posts: 1,979 Blog Entries: 5	I know jack shit about parenting so this is purely opinion, but I think the best course of action is to sort of say it's OK to look at (in private), but really emphasize that it's not real and that they are paid actors. I'm sure you do this already, but the absolute biggest thing you could possibly do is make sure your kid is eating a healthy diet and is active. I'm almost 100% positive that I can attribute almost ALL of the shit that I have ever gone through back to being extremely overweight as a teen. Again, it's unfortunate that it we are taught jack shit about nutrition in school; my "health" teacher was probably 100 lbs overweight. We are never taught about even how to lose fat - I didn't know anything about caloric deficits or surpluses until I came here, and that was only after getting violently ill. But to shorten it up - a healthy physical lifestyle will help to lead a healthy social lifestyle. On logical people, porn's affects are minimal imo.
	Ron Paul 2008 Journal: Boom goes the dynamite

03-10-2008, 08:13 PM	#12
Prince the one & only Administrator Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Colorado Posts: 33,742 Blog Entries: 25 Photos: 320	if he has internet access I highly recommend this free program: K9 Web Protection - Free Internet Filtering and Parental Controls Software I tried several before finding this one and it was the best I used, even better than a couple of paid programs I tried.
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03-10-2008, 04:07 PM	#4
Little Wing SEMPER~FIDELIS Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: United States Posts: 21,329 Blog Entries: 1 Photos: 191	it kinda breaks my heart too that so many young girl are completely void of what it takes to not become just another piece of meat in a porno. even if you aren't a parent maybe a young person you know could use some help developing moral character. i don't want my son to be a 40 year old virgin but i want him to be loved and be able to love and not be rendered so incapable of relating to real live girls that he grows old with porn not a person.

03-10-2008, 04:22 PM	#6
iMan323 Preved Medved! Elite Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: Brooklyn Posts: 947	Porn is not the problem. The problem is making friends and seeing people of both genders for who they really are is something of a forgotten art. I think too many people objectify and classify others based on some single criteria w/o knowing them as a person...examples; rich guy, liberal, girl with the nice ass, etc etc

03-10-2008, 04:50 PM	#9
Little Wing SEMPER~FIDELIS Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: United States Posts: 21,329 Blog Entries: 1 Photos: 191	i'm not anti porn but i think if it were couples filmed doing things they really enjoy doing it'd be better. yea, i know some couples like some pretty freaky shit but it'd still be better.

03-10-2008, 06:57 PM	#11
maniclion Catalyst Elite Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Hawaii, selling munitions for the war on EcoTerror Posts: 17,908 Photos: 10	I think it stifles the imagination. growing up I didn't have access to porn of any sort so I had to use pure imaginative fantasy. I think that is why to this day I have such a good imagination....I went through a few years 22-26 where I loved porn but then I slowly got disinterested and just had sex or used my imagination when alone which also decreased in frequency.....

03-10-2008, 10:18 PM	#15
danzik17 Gender: MALE Elite Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Connecticut Posts: 1,979 Blog Entries: 5	I guess you know he's not an ass man then.
	Ron Paul 2008 Journal: Boom goes the dynamite

03-10-2008, 10:29 PM	#17
Little Wing SEMPER~FIDELIS Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: United States Posts: 21,329 Blog Entries: 1 Photos: 191	i'll do that.

03-11-2008, 05:28 AM	#19
Rubes your sisters better Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: michigan Posts: 1,144 Blog Entries: 1 Photos: 5	i liked that post.
	5'7" 173lbsl squat:365x2 11/19/07 bench 225x3 1/11/08 40 time: 4.51sec march 10th 07 38" vertical

03-11-2008, 05:30 AM	#20
Rubes your sisters better Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: michigan Posts: 1,144 Blog Entries: 1 Photos: 5	the porn thing well i never really learned about it untill i was around 13 or 14 my dad kinda never talked about it untill then but he told me about it and things and he raised me right and i learned how to treat girls right and stuff like that.
	5'7" 173lbsl squat:365x2 11/19/07 bench 225x3 1/11/08 40 time: 4.51sec march 10th 07 38" vertical

03-11-2008, 10:08 AM	#21
Little Wing SEMPER~FIDELIS Elite Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: United States Posts: 21,329 Blog Entries: 1 Photos: 191	Tyler response to all this was that i don't need to worry he cares more about real girls "Mom, I was born to love." Then he started singing "I was made for loving you baby..."