Triple Threat

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when...


1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.



2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.



3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.



4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.



5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.



6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.



7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.



8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.



10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.



11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )



12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.




13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.




14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.




15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

DOMS

I won't leave the house without my ear piece.

maniclion

I am happy when I leave the house without my cellphone, when I get mad is when I run out the door with my laptop and forget to unplug the powercord and put it in my bag, I've got to buy a spare to keep at work...

vader

I don't even own a cell phone

IainDaniel

The only ones that applied to me

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Michael Jordan

I Are Baboon

16. The Red Sox have more World Series championships this century than the Yankees.

shiznit2169

Funny, none of them actually apply to me.

My Journal

largepkg

This is very un-American of you. I suggest you use your tax rebate check to purchase a cute little Iphone.

Triple Threat

soxmuscle

Get out of here, Iain.

When do you play Solitaire with a real deck?

Age: 20 | Height: 5'7" | Weight: 150 lbs.

Soxmuscle Presents: Westside Training

IainDaniel

On a rainy day at the cottage

Plus I can cheat that way.

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Michael Jordan

Hoglander

GEORGE CARLIN'S NEW RULES FOR 2008


New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years.. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days --- mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you 're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but, without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering My PIN! number , pressing 'Enter' verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want Cash back, and pressing 'Enter' again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you Spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN Recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait, they're already doing that. It's called 'The Howard Stern Show.'

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than Minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, 'Do you want fries with that?'

clemson357

I didn't scroll back up to check if there was a #9.

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