Thread: Albob and Rusty are in this bar, see..

Alright, let's turn this into something......Best bar joke wins a date with Built.

I'll start......and I'll, probably finish too.

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender takes one look and says, "Hey! We don't serve food in here."

next...

A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartend asks, "what'll you have?" The skeleton replies, "give me a beer and a mop."

Oh, this is going to be a long night.

Dear.....lord.....

Oh, I got a million of 'em!

A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs and swings him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey, buddy, what are you doing?" And the blind man says, "Don't mind me. I'm just looking around."


Jump in any time, fallahs.

A Latin scholar walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a martinus.” The bartender asks him. “Don’t you mean martini?” The man tells the bartender, “Listen, if I wanted two or more drinks I would have asked for them.”

A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman sitting on a bar stool. He walks up behind her and says, "Hi there, how's it going?"
Having already had a few drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, "Listen! I'll screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter."
He says, "No kidding, I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?

ALBOB walks into a bar and goes straight up to the bartender and say, "I'll bet you $100 that if you line up five shot glasses on the bar I can stand up there, pee in all five and not spill a drop." The bartender gives a bit of a chuckle as says, "That's the dumbest bet I've ever heard, you're on." So the bartender lines up five shot glasses on the bar. ALBOB hops up on the bar, whips out the goods and proceeds to piss all over the entire bar. He pisses on the bar, the wall behind the bar, the barstools, he even pisses on the bartender himself. The bartender breaks out in laughter and says, "Dude, I told you that was the dumbest bet I've ever heard. You didn't get a single drop in any of the glasses. Why in the world would you make such a stupid bet?" ALBOB calmly looks at the bartender and points over a dark corner of the bar and says, "You see that guy crying over there? His name is DaMayor and I just bet him $1,000 that I could piss all over your bar and have you laughing about it.

What a bunch of idiots!!

Oh shut up and buy me a beer, bitch.

Originally Posted by DaMayor

Oh shut up and buy me a beer, bitch.

Have you heard the one about AssBob being a straight heterosexual? No one else has either....................

Originally Posted by Rusty

Have you heard the one about AssBob being a straight heterosexual? No one else has either....................

No, but I heard Cronoboy has a teenie punchline.

Originally Posted by DaMayor

No, but I heard Cronoboy has a teenie punchline.

Originally Posted by maniclion

A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman sitting on a bar stool. He walks up behind her and says, "Hi there, how's it going?"
Having already had a few drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, "Listen! I'll screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter."
He says, "No kidding, I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?

ha

A Democrat walks into a bar at the airport and sees a very attractive, professional looking woman seated there, having a drink. He sits down next to her and surreptitiously slides off his wedding ring.

"Hey there," he says, ordering a drink. "You look like you're traveling on business."

"Yes," she says. "Well, kind of. I used to run a business, but now I'm in the public sector."

"That's impressive," says the Democrat. "You know, I really respect that. I always said that women were more capable than most men. You can run businesses, run for office, do anything a man can do. Some of you do it while raising children! It's incredible..."

"It's pretty challenging sometimes," the woman admits. "I have several children."

"But you can do it! I've always said it was wrong to keep women in the home, tie them down to just having children when they are capable of so much more. We live in wonderful times, and it's refreshing to finally see women being treated as equals. I just respect women so much. So what did you mean, you're in the public sector now?"

She says, "My name is Sarah Palin and I'm running for Vice President."

The Democrat rears back in disapproval. "Shouldn't you be home with your children?!"

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich." The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to "panda" and reads: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

buh dum dum.....

Originally Posted by DaMayor

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich." The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to "panda" and reads: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

buh dum dum.....

This is why I don't trust Pandas!

Originally Posted by tallcall

This is why I don't trust Pandas!

I know...cuddly bastards.

Two builders walk into a bar and start eating their lunches when the barmaid comes over and says "I'm sorry guys, you cant eat your own food in here...", so they swapped.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks "How much for a beer?" the barman says "For you sir, no charge!"

An atom walks into a bar and asks "Hey dude, have i left an electron in here?" to which the barman replies "No...are you sure you've lost it?", the atom looks at him sternly and says "Yes, im positive."

Seven billion men walk into a bar, the first man goes up to the barman and says "My round!"
What a fucking retard.

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each proceeded to buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, a fly landed in each of their pints and became stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer from him in disgust. The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and yelled "SPIT IT OUT!! SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"



Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Would you like a beer?" Descartes replies "I think not" and POOF! he vanishes...

Originally Posted by DaMayor

Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Would you like a beer?" Descartes replies "I think not" and POOF! he vanishes...

You should start a poll to see how many people actually understand that joke.

(Just in case you're wondering, I do. )

Originally Posted by ALBOB

You should start a poll to see how many people actually understand that joke.

(Just in case you're wondering, I do. )

So you're a thinking man huh?

Originally Posted by maniclion

So you're a thinking man huh?

I do it on occasion. I like to know I have some sort of brain function just in case I ever need it in an emergency.

Originally Posted by DaMayor

Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Would you like a beer?" Descartes replies "I think not" and POOF! he vanishes...

I post, therefore I is.

I'm thinking that maybe four people got it.....

Originally Posted by maniclion

So you're a thinking man huh?

The last time he actually used his brain, the doctor told him to never do that again............

Originally Posted by DaMayor

I'm thinking that maybe four people got it.....

Ya, And I bet we could name all four!

Albob, Rusty& DaMayor had a very late night drinking Molsen Canadians. They left in the early morning hours and went home separately. They met the next day for an early pint, and compared notes about who was drunker.

DaMayor claims that he was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home, walked into the house, and as soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."

"You think that was drunk?" said Albob. "I got in my car, drove out of the parking lot, and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"

Rusty proclaimed, "I was by far the most drunk. I got home, got in a big fight with my wife, knocked a candle over and burned the whole house down!" There was silence for a moment and then DaMayor exclaimed, "Listen, guys, I don't think you understand... Chunks is my dog."

Originally Posted by BulkMeUp

"Listen, guys, I don't think you understand... Chunks is my dog."

That is the funniest one yet. And I thought DaMayor only sucked donkey dicks.

Rusty, Albob and Bulkboy are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at BulkMeUp, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!"

Everyone expects a fight, but Bulk ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, again points at BulkMeUp, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!"

Again Bulkmeister refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.

Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"

Finally, BulkMeUp interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"