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A bedtime story
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Thread: A bedtime story
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10-11-2008, 04:12 AM #1Registered User
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A bedtime story
Well IM you are in for a treat, I just had the funniest hookup of my entire life. This should be a welcome break from Min0 copy pasting headlines and bullshit political threads.
Today I engaged in the most bizarre hookup of my entire life. I am gonna shorten it up as much as possible. I just got back home after dropping her off.
So I go out and fail at getting anyone to go home and sleep with me, this is par for any night I go out. While walking home I run into a girl I know who is 22 and has a 3 year old child, she has been out drinking so this child is out of the equation. I easily convince her to come back with me.
So we get to my house and get in bed, one thing leads to another and we are both naked about to fuck, I throw on a rubber and position myself for a good fucking, she starts crying and saying she loves me. This instantly makes me flaccid. I get out of bed and let her curl up on my bed, now this was a set back but I wasnt gonna let it stop me. So I look at some porn while she is curled up and get myself hard again. I climb back in bed and prop her up doggy style. Its important to note here that I have never fucked a chick in the ass, I always thought it was one step closer to homosexuality.
Well this changed tonight I saw my opportunity and I took it, I spit on my hand lubed it and thrust it in. Needlees to say she started crying becuase it hurt this time. I had no lube or anything close to it, and I really wanted to keep stabbing her ass. Thinking quick I grabbed two capsules of fish oil and broke them in my hands and rubbed them on my dick as lube. Man I thought I was so slick. It is important to note at this point she refused to give me head the entire night. So I thought I was so slick and said dont worry I got it handled and went back to the ass, she wasnt having any of it, she turned me over and after refusing for two hours went down on me. Almost instantly she puked all over my chest and sheets due to the fish oil i rubbed on myself expecting to use it as lube.
I didn't spell check or proof read this, its 8 hours part my bedtime and I had to share before I slept on my sheetless matress.
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10-11-2008, 06:52 AM #2Bohemian Extraordinaire ELITE MEMBER
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Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
and drag down the features of age,
no folds or creases from unkempt wear
eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012
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10-11-2008, 07:20 AM #3Succinct ELITE MEMBER
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10-11-2008, 08:01 AM #4Seņor Member ELITE MEMBER
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She didn't smell the fish oil from a mile away? I've smelled pussy that's smelled like fish oil.. Talk about going flaccid....
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10-11-2008, 09:26 AM #5Registered User
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Ohh wow I went into a little too much deatail there, haha. I think I coudla left out a few parts, like me looking at porn to re-arouse myself.
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10-11-2008, 09:53 AM #6trying to become a beast
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lol thats some funny stuff
5'9 195 flint fury football #47 RB/S 40in vert.
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10-11-2008, 10:04 AM #7Voodoo Doll ELITE MEMBER
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see, that's why long edit times are good.
Don't look back ~ You're not going that way!
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10-11-2008, 10:53 AM #8Registered User
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I wish i could edit my night, this is gonna be months of misery.
Originally Posted by Little Wing
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10-11-2008, 11:02 AM #9Yuppie
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That is hilarious. What made you decide to pick the asshole? Sounds risky, especially when the girl was drunk.
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10-11-2008, 11:57 AM #10YOU ME WE ELITE MEMBER
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Awe, the friday night tales of single men!
We ought to come up with the male version of "sex in the city". I could see this in the pilot episode
The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
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10-11-2008, 12:44 PM #11Peelosopher
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First of all, you never want to use the "oops" method for anal, unless you want a piece of corn stuck in your dick afterwards. Also, you're gonna want to ease into anal not just choose which hole is closer to your dick. Otherwise it's going to be an impossible fit and a painful experience for her. Lastly, if she hasn't prepared for it beforehand you're talking shitonyerdick.
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10-11-2008, 01:41 PM #12Bohemian Extraordinaire ELITE MEMBER
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aka the Coney Dog... Originally Posted by Crono1000
Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
and drag down the features of age,
no folds or creases from unkempt wear
eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012
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10-11-2008, 01:48 PM #13Bohemian Extraordinaire ELITE MEMBER
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It's called Entourage..... Originally Posted by IronAddict
Awe, the friday night tales of single men! We ought to come up with the male version of "sex in the city". I could see this in the pilot episodeCoarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
and drag down the features of age,
no folds or creases from unkempt wear
eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012
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10-11-2008, 02:37 PM #14Registered User
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It was actually more the "Ohh yea Ill show you method", she was being a psychotic cunt calling me a pussy bitch and shit. It actually ended up getting to me so thats when I flipped her over. She got what she deserved, so did I guess Originally Posted by Crono1000
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10-11-2008, 04:52 PM #15Peelosopher
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anal sex as punishment... I will have to consider that. Still, the "Coney dog" effect, as manic was so kind to label for us, is reason enough to avoid the black... er, brown hole.
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10-11-2008, 05:02 PM #16Voodoo Doll ELITE MEMBER
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that really is a great idea Originally Posted by IronAddict
Awe, the friday night tales of single men! We ought to come up with the male version of "sex in the city". I could see this in the pilot episode
Don't look back ~ You're not going that way!
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10-11-2008, 08:36 PM #17.::.:: Legend ::.::. ELITE MEMBER
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Hahah that was a good read. Lmao, are you gonna talk to this chick again
Im not a drug dealer, im a street pharmacist!
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10-13-2008, 12:50 PM #18YOU ME WE ELITE MEMBER
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In that case, maybe we have a story for Marky Mark Wahlberg. Originally Posted by maniclion
The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
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10-13-2008, 01:22 PM #19Senior Member ELITE MEMBER
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10-13-2008, 04:45 PM #20Voodoo Doll ELITE MEMBER
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i heard a worse story but i don't know if it qualifies cuz it didn't happen to me.
a guy my mom dated when i was a teenager often made the mistake of thinking kids had bad hearing. the adults would talk about some of their bawdy escapades thinking we were simply watching tv in the next room and not listening....
well it seems he picked up a girl one night that had a stomach virus or something. the highlights of the story from what we could hear were "69" "wet fart" and ""shit mohawk"
Don't look back ~ You're not going that way!
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10-13-2008, 06:08 PM #21Succinct ELITE MEMBER
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That's post traumatic stress syndrome for your guy right there. That is nasty. Originally Posted by Little Wing
well it seems he picked up a girl one night that had a stomach virus or something. the highlights of the story from what we could hear were "69" "wet fart" and ""shit mohawk"
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10-13-2008, 06:12 PM #22is divorced and not drnkn ELITE MEMBER
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wow this is a messed up thread priceless. if some chick puked on me i would puke right back. uh that is freaking nasty bro.
i bet in the world you live in every one is a pony, eats rainbows, and craps butterflys.
there is no damn justice in the world.
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10-13-2008, 06:18 PM #23Registered User
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She floats in some of the same circles as me, she has actually texted and or called me every day since. She is batshit crazy and I expect her to turn on me very soon. Originally Posted by DiGiTaL
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10-14-2008, 09:36 AM #24YOU ME WE ELITE MEMBER
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QUOTE=Little Wing;1831072]i heard a worse story but i don't know if it qualifies cuz it didn't happen to me.
a guy my mom dated when i was a teenager often made the mistake of thinking kids had bad hearing. the adults would talk about some of their bawdy escapades thinking we were simply watching tv in the next room and not listening....
well it seems he picked up a girl one night that had a stomach virus or something. the highlights of the story from what we could hear were "69" "wet fart" and ""shit mohawk"
[/QUOTE]
Oh man. That would scar for life!
The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
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10-14-2008, 02:30 PM #25Bohemian Extraordinaire ELITE MEMBER
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Oh man nothing like a psycho bitch with a headful of fish oil.....she's going to have you in front of a hanging judge telling them wicked stories about sodomy with caviar juice as lube. The judge, jury and prosecutor will be like "what kind of depraved sexual deviant prevert is this?" Originally Posted by Splash Log
Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
and drag down the features of age,
no folds or creases from unkempt wear
eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012
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10-15-2008, 07:57 AM #26YOU ME WE ELITE MEMBER
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Originally Posted by maniclion
The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
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