Reply With QuoteYAAAAAAY YAY I peed in the gene pool YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!
Farted when I PIITB!!
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Thread: Farted when I PIITB!!
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10-22-2008, 01:08 AM #1Registered User
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Farted when I PIITB!!
I used to date this bangin ass redhead chick with the biggest set of jiggly, bouncing, nipple bags. When we first started dating I would NEVER rip ass in front of her. If I was with her I would have to pull a ninja move and sneak outside to fire off some gut bombs. Well we're all sitting around her house one night drinking and playing beer pong and shit and I can't get away from her for shit. Every time I would slip away I'd run outside, and just as the gut mud was reaching the tip of my puckerhole, getting ready to ass bomb the f#ck out of the people outside, POOF! She'd just appear out of nowhere like some sort of f#cking magician and slap me right on my ass and knock that air doo doo back up into my stomach. Over the course of the night my stomach got worse and worse. Then, while we were on the couch, she decides she wants to jump in my lap and jump up and down while smacking me with her heaving, gellatinous, tit-cans all the while she's bouncing on my beer fart filled stomach. She decides she wants some of my throbbing dick-ball-sausage shoved in her so she pulls me into the bedroom with her. So we're going at it, I'm sucking and licking all over her sweaty, swaying, jiggly-jug-blimps and railing the shit out of her hatchet wound. Well every single time my hairy jizz-bags bounced off of her hot little turd cutter it made my stomach bubble up more and more. So after like 30 minutes of me pounding her red haired deli meat she asks me if I'm ever going to cum and if anything was wrong and of course I said "no" and continued plowing her love hole even though I was going to spray her wall with ass mud at any moment. She finally stops me and says those sweet words that every man loves to hear; "Do you want to put it in my ass?" So naturally I yanked out of her snatch and rammed it right in her doo doo hole. So now I'm so deep in her fart box that my pubes were probably tickling the inside of her stomach. After 10 minutes wildly slamming her in the mudflap she asked me again what was wrong. I finally stopped and had to tell her; "Babe, I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry, but I REALLY have to fart". She just said "I don't care. Just do it. It's only air". Oh my dear GOD did she not have a clue what she was in for. So I left my thick, veiny, meat whistle in her turd snapper, I grabbed hold of her giant, dangling, fat-filled, chest planets and ripped the LONGEST, LOUDEST shit bomb I have ever heard in my life. I swear it lasted like 35 seconds. It was so loud that the people at the party heard it and started laughing. So now my stomach feels better and I start plugging her brown balloon knot again, laughing my ass off the whole time because of how HUGE that fart was. But suddenly my stomach starts bubbling up again, but I also notice that I'm within seconds of emptying my balls in this chicks shithole, so I told her I have to fart again and she says "Just do it already". So I just hunch over her and push out this monsterous, billowing, cloud of ass spray right at the same time that I blow a gallon of ball snot all up in her shit kaboose. So I came and farted at the same time, and HOLY SHIT was that the greatest feeling ever. So I rolled off of her LAUGHING MY ASS OFF because the room absolutely f#cking wreaked of sex and diarrhea. She just laid there looking like she had just been tag teamed by a hurd of Yeti's. That was a great night.
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10-22-2008, 03:45 AM #2Bohemian Extraordinaire ELITE MEMBER
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Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
and drag down the features of age,
no folds or creases from unkempt wear
eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012
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10-22-2008, 04:56 AM #3Senior Member ELITE MEMBER
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I have chocolate pudding in my pants.
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10-22-2008, 09:29 AM #4Voodoo Doll ELITE MEMBER
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girls know when you wander off to cut one. you're not fooling us.
Don't look back ~ You're not going that way!
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10-22-2008, 12:08 PM #5Peelosopher
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greatest first post ever.
I think this guy is gonna fit right in, as soon as he learns to loosen up a bit. There's no secrets here pal, we're all family
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10-22-2008, 12:22 PM #6Señor Member ELITE MEMBER
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PIITB = Put it in the butt?
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10-22-2008, 12:40 PM #7Registered User
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Lol
"The only way to build an keep muscle no matter what you do is consistency." "Have a good meal plan, an take supplements at the right time, an change your exercise program every 4 to 6 weeks."
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10-22-2008, 12:41 PM #8fiendish thingy ELITE MEMBER
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You're a great writer. Not only did I learn of a bunch of cool new anatomy terms, I also got a boner.
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10-22-2008, 12:46 PM #9Registered User
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Yup. You know, Stick it in the Turd Cutter, Shove it in the Fart Box, Do It in the Doo Doo Hole, Play in the Mud, etc. Good job.
Originally Posted by ReproMan
Some chicks it is better to rail their butt guts than it is to put it in their hatchet wound. Some girls it's like flicking a Tic-Tac down a Slip-n-Slide.
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10-22-2008, 01:02 PM #10Registered User
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I wonder till this day how in the hell she laid there afterwards and acted as if nothing happened, while I'm sitting there crying because I'm laughing so hard. This girl was a champ. I used to enjoy speed-bagging those big, jiggly suck bags of hers. Aaaah memories........
It was funny as hell, but if she would've farted it would've been SICK! I would've puked all over her shit crack. It's funny to us when other guys drop ass around each other, but when girls squeak out an ass puff it's f#cking disgusting. If she would've cracked off a growler all over my dick ball sausage I would've punched her right in her squeaker. Then I would tongue her mountainous, jiggly honkers while holding my breath. Tits rule.
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10-22-2008, 01:05 PM #11is divorced and not drnkn ELITE MEMBER
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that is the funniest shit i have read in a long time. welcome to im.
i bet in the world you live in every one is a pony, eats rainbows, and craps butterflys.
there is no damn justice in the world.
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10-22-2008, 02:52 PM #12Bohemian Extraordinaire ELITE MEMBER
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Ribbed condoms work best for mudding they get better traction....
Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
and drag down the features of age,
no folds or creases from unkempt wear
eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012
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10-22-2008, 07:59 PM #13Registered User
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thats pretty funny!!!
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11-05-2010, 05:11 PM #14Registered User
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Holy shit! I totally forgot about this post. It makes me remember bouncing my hairy, swinging wrinkle bags off her fart taco for hours and spewing clouds of air doo doo while plowing her shit coaster. I remember how the warm, bubbly, ass ghost would slowly warm every wrinkle in my nutsack as it worked it's way up to her face to give her an invisible stink moustache. Then I'd yank my jizz-covered throbber out of her stink plug and wipe it off on her mom's curtains. God I miss her massive honker bomb tit cans.
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11-05-2010, 06:15 PM #15primeau
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wtf....ok I chuckled a little
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11-05-2010, 08:11 PM #16Bohemian Extraordinaire ELITE MEMBER
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Matty is that you? If you pissed on the store window in Kona during that one Tiger Cruise and got busted then I know who you are....especially if you are the same guy who took a bunch of vicodin and then pissed his pants because you're legs wouldn't move then it's definitely you....
Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
and drag down the features of age,
no folds or creases from unkempt wear
eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012
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11-05-2010, 08:18 PM #17Registered User
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That's an awesome story Manic but it's not me. You got the first name right though.
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11-30-2010, 02:07 AM #18Registered User
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can i have her number?
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11-30-2010, 09:45 AM #19Registered User
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so should we still leave to do it, or just let er go? Originally Posted by Little Wing
girls know when you wander off to cut one. you're not fooling us. Originally Posted by IainDaniel
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11-30-2010, 09:49 AM #20Amateur Gynecologist ELITE MEMBER
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Bump.
DRSE Reconnaissance
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11-30-2010, 09:55 AM #21Voodoo Doll ELITE MEMBER
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leave to do it until you've lived in the same home for at least a year. unless you look like brad pit then 6 mos should do.
Don't look back ~ You're not going that way!
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11-30-2010, 10:02 AM #22YOU ME WE ELITE MEMBER
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Dude, you should look into buying some beano. Afterall, you needn't feel that uncomfortable feeling when you piitb.
The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
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11-30-2010, 10:03 AM #23Registered User
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bumping a post 4 minutes old? awesome Originally Posted by vortrit
Originally Posted by IainDaniel
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11-30-2010, 10:03 AM #24Registered User
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i don't Originally Posted by Little Wing
Originally Posted by IainDaniel
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11-30-2010, 10:08 AM #25Registered User
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great story man...i actually laughed out loud
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11-30-2010, 10:10 AM #26Amateur Gynecologist ELITE MEMBER
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I know. Boredom will do that to a person. Originally Posted by bio-chem
DRSE Reconnaissance
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11-30-2010, 10:14 AM #27Glad I could help!
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Post pics of said "tit-cans" please?
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11-30-2010, 11:49 AM #28Follow @TheUnzippedFly
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11-30-2010, 12:45 PM #29Bohemian Extraordinaire ELITE MEMBER
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and the brown balloon knot, I wanna see if she's a black chick or just needs to learn how to wipe, cause most calamari plugs I've seen are pinkish..... Originally Posted by sprayherup
Post pics of said "tit-cans" please?
Coarse edged youth, the irish pendants string from their smiles
not yet plucked as to slacken the seams
and drag down the features of age,
no folds or creases from unkempt wear
eyes of tranquilty, crystalline-beads
no sign of despair in their hair, nor their hearts
but oh they have yet to be experienced and that makes aging so very worth it...ML circa2012
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11-30-2010, 02:05 PM #30Junior Member ELITE MEMBER
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wtf? ohhhhmygoshhhhhhh! i laughed so fucking hard! trying to keep it together because i'm in my office!
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