Thread: How do you feels about farts?

when i rip them i think its funny... when someone else does, not so funny

Originally Posted by PreMier

when i rip them i think its funny... when someone else does, not so funny

me 2

One of my old roommates farted constantly, it got old fast seeing as the farts smelled of putrid ass beef.

If we are in an open area, I'll get over it. In my car, that is where I get the most pissed off.

and yes, I am better than everyone.

You should all cut off your nuts and shove your dick inside of yourselfs to make a vagina if you get pissy about farts.

I love everything about farting, not just sound. When I was a server the other servers would come up bitch about a table and ask for a "crop dusting". I can almost fart on demand given a 5 minute window.

At school there is a hallway connecting 2 building, more like tunnel. There is always something like 6 people in there studying, it is my favorite place to fart. I just keep walking and they never see my face.

I love farting in confined spaces.

farting is the best thing ever invented. no matter what type of mood you're in, a real good fart can turn that frown upside down in an instant.

Ass bombing is awesome. I love being in the gym and just belting one off a bench to where it echoes throughout the whole place. I am on a ship and the berthing we sleep in has like 200 people in it and I keep the people up all night while I'm lying in my rack cracking off huge woffs of air doo doo. I'm like the only person who really lifts hard and takes supplements, so they don't understand why protein makes you get the bubble guts. Man, I blew some serious gut mud the other night while lying in my rack, and the guys in the two racks above me actually woke up and had to walk away for a few minutes. I couldn't hear them bitching because I was listening to my iPod. The next day they told me they wanted to literally vomit. Ha ha! That's what those thick bastards get for being loud and shit every night while I'm trying to sleep. Farts kick ass! Next time somebody says "Damn! Who farted"? Just look them in the eyes and say "Some asshole".

Originally Posted by AKIRA

Do they make you laugh?
Do they piss you off?

For me, I think theyre hilarious. Especially when they get fired out at taboo times, like in front of a hot girl.

Last week, I had an exam. Everyone knows how quiet exams are, so I decided to fire a fucker out. NO ONE RESPONDS. I was thinking that the sorority girl that always shows up late will respond when she gets here. She arrives, I let another one out. NOTHING! No laughs, no sneers, not a god damn word. The fucking gas bounced off the walls, there is no way it couldve been avoided!

Ive never been so pissed about a personal fart.

Thats too bad. I would have laughed my ass off if I had been there. Lets face it, farts are funny. The louder and wetter, the better.

Sometimes it really sucks, like when you're in your cubicle at work and can't help it, then someone walks in to see you. Not fun, man. Not fun.

I love the look on people's faces when they've just realized they walked into a huge cloud of fart. That happens in my office quite often, and I have to keep a straight face through the whole thing.

i remember a few years ago going out to the plant, after a long night of drinking. walking into the plant managers office, and just dropping a bomb. casually walked out and shut the door for it to brew when he got back.

Oh he wasnt to happy...... but i thought it was funny as hell.

I am a Ninja Master of the Pungent Gasser.....I have mastered being able to control the flow of vapor from within. My job has me not more than 6 feet away from my coworker so in an attempt to keep him believing that that awful smell that creeps up every so often is the little sewage drain ditch at the back end of our warehouse I've had to learn to muffle the sound.....but believe me when at home I rip them cause it's funny when my dogs turn their heads sideways like WTF?

Originally Posted by fufu

One of my old roommates farted constantly, it got old fast seeing as the farts smelled of putrid ass beef.

If we are in an open area, I'll get over it. In my car, that is where I get the most pissed off.

and yes, I am better than everyone.

Because your good enough, your smart enough, and doggone it, people like you!

I love farting! I fart on my wife any chance I get. She does the same only more often (which I find pretty entertaining also).
My boss farts on me quite a bit, I don't find this very entertaining. He'll be on a ladder or something where his ass is face height, and blows stank all over me.

On a side note, stinky farts are healthy for you...
Stinky farts may help regulate blood pressure - More health news - MSNBC.com

I just remembered back in my senior year of high school, we were reading in English class and this hot chick sitting right behind me farted while it was quite. I started laughing my ass off and she got so embarrassed. She kept telling me to be quite but I wanted everyone to know what she did.

Originally Posted by MeatZatk

I just remembered back in my senior year of high school, we were reading in English class and this hot chick sitting right behind me farted while it was quite. I started laughing my ass off and she got so embarrassed. She kept telling me to be quite but I wanted everyone to know what she did.

QUITE WHAT? God damn it, I want to know was it quite silent, eerie, morbidly hushed and what quitely did she want you to be!!!???!!!???

Originally Posted by ReproMan

I love the look on people's faces when they've just realized they walked into a huge cloud of fart. That happens in my office quite often, and I have to keep a straight face through the whole thing.

Holy shit, I actually came up with a plan to do just that.

Since I work LP at department stores, there is always a lot of traffic. I find myself smelling other peoples farts from time to time and I get annoyed. So one day, I thought, why not fucking fart on a crowded aisle, then hide in the racks and watch the reactions.

Well, there were some trials and errors. Everyone knows you drag your farts a little bit, so I made sure to take a couple of steps before getting under cover. However, a few steps wasnt enough. I brought it back with me. I had to find a happy medium in order to deliver the fart, make sure I dont dilute it enough that it doesnt last long, without bringing it back to me and my supervisor (a girl). Eventually, I got it right.

Then again, thats STENCH. I am talking about the SOUND. I only find MY farts' stench funny. However, other people's farts' sounds are fantastic.

Originally Posted by AKIRA

Holy shit, I actually came up with a plan to do just that.

Since I work LP at department stores, there is always a lot of traffic. I find myself smelling other peoples farts from time to time and I get annoyed. So one day, I thought, why not fucking fart on a crowded aisle, then hide in the racks and watch the reactions.

Well, there were some trials and errors. Everyone knows you drag your farts a little bit, so I made sure to take a couple of steps before getting under cover. However, a few steps wasnt enough. I brought it back with me. I had to find a happy medium in order to deliver the fart, make sure I dont dilute it enough that it doesnt last long, without bringing it back to me and my supervisor (a girl). Eventually, I got it right.

Then again, thats STENCH. I am talking about the SOUND. I only find MY farts' stench funny. However, other people's farts' sounds are fantastic.

You have to fart, wait about 5 seconds, then spin around a few times to sling the fart out of your pants. Then run away and wait for someone to walk into your proximity bomb.

Hot farts that come out slow, the ones that really heat up your pants and even your balls.. Those are the ones that do the most damage. I could bask in those farts all day.

Originally Posted by ReproMan

Hot farts that come out slow, the ones that really heat up your pants and even your balls.. Those are the ones that do the most damage. I could bask in those farts all day.

I always wondered why that is? I can gauge the intensity of the smell by the temperature of the gas when it comes out of my ass. If it warms my pants, I know it is going to make everyone gag. The hotter the stinkier.

I loled at the story. My whole family loves farts/farting, I lol every time.

I try to set fart Pr's for loudness, length of time, and most important smell.

Originally Posted by KelJu

I always wondered why that is? I can gauge the intensity of the smell by the temperature of the gas when it comes out of my ass. If it warms my pants, I know it is going to make everyone gag. The hotter the stinkier.

So true. I almost made my old boss vomit while we were playing racquetball, and to quote a guy I work with now, "Oh my god, I can actually taste that one in my mouth, oh my god."

I have to dis agree with this warped thread and theory...

only because some of my most dangerous high-protein farts have been
totally SBD.

seems once they have time to "oxidize" they get stronger

Let me teach you guys manics technique for laying stink traps in a store. I learned while at the bookstore that the best method is to squat down and get your pants tight against your ass to prevent pooling in the cloth. This expedites the expulsion of the maximum gas and also keeps your head low so no one can see you're in the aisle. Also since you dropped it low you have time to escape before it creeps to any early detectors nostrils, only children and midgets will catch you.... After you drop your chemical warfare you can rise from your squat and walk bent down as though you're looking for something on a lower shelf and then slip away undetected.....ninja stylee

The funniest farts to me are the squeakers, that sound always surprises me. You feel like this is gonna be such a massive blast and then this little gut mouse yells at you and all you can do is laugh at yourself for getting so giddy about the possibility of playing ass tuba....

I've mastered a technique on controlling how long and loud the gut bomb will be. When I feel a nice steamer brewing and getting ready to blow out my squeaker, I just tighten my turd hole up but push hard and slowly and it sounds like the world is coming to an end. It's the same concept as letting air out of a balloon. If you just squeeze the balloon hard the air just rushes out in a big, quick blast, but if you take the end of the balloon and stretch it to where it's a skinny hole it makes a loud, long, and controlled squeaking sound. I dropped ass today in the gym and the smell was so bad it felt like the devil just ate my soul out of my head. At least it cleared the area out so I could get on the fucking incline bench that the whole fucking world likes to camp out on.

You guys ever smelled your pants after a long hard day of farting?

Phewwwwww!