Joe Rogan's letter to Kelloggs

**Prince** · 02-18-2009, 10:30 PM

Dear, Kellogg’s,

I’m writing this letter to express my disappointment in your company in firing Michael Phelps as a spokesperson for your products because he was photographed while enjoying some marijuana. I respectfully would like to communicate my opinion on this matter because I think it’s of great public interest.

First of all, although it is true that Mr. Phelps broke the law, I think any reasonably intelligent person would admit that it’s one of the most fucked up and corrupt laws that we have today in this country. Marijuana is relatively harmless and certainly far less dangerous than a host of other things that are not only legal but also readily available, like alcohol and prescription drugs. The only reason it remains illegal to this day is because it’s a plant and you can’t patent it and control it’s sale, and because if it were legal it would greatly affect the demand for a host of prescription drugs that rake in billions of dollars each year for pharmaceutical companies. That’s it.

Marijuana has never killed anyone EVER in over 10,000 years of use. We’re not protecting people from themselves, we’re not saving the children - it’s just a horribly illogical law that is in place because of corruption and propaganda. The fact that it’s against the law is just a disgusting reminder of how retarded our system is, not a reasonable reaction to a proven threat to society.

I have to say, this whole thing saddens me, because I personally would like to think that as Americans we’re better than this. These television news anchors will shake their heads at the thoughtless mistake Mr. Phelps had made by “smoking dope,” and then without even the tiniest sense of irony they will cut to a beer commercial. This is supposed to be the land of the free and the home of the brave, right? We’re not supposed to be a nation of little bitches giving in to the whims of corrupt politicians and the pharmaceutical companies who’s interests they’re representing.

It’s 2009, and in this day and age with the incredible access to information that we have available there’s no fucking way that we should be allowing human beings to tell other human beings that they can’t do something that they enjoy that hurts no one including themselves. THAT is madness. THAT is ignorant, and THAT is completely fucking un-American.

I don’t want to hear any of that, “he’s setting a bad example with the children” nonsense either, because we all know if he had a gin and tonic in his hand instead of a bong this would never have been an issue, even though every single study ever done has shown that marijuana is FAR less dangerous than alcohol.

Marijuana laws are a horrible waste of resources and law enforcement, and especially in this day and age with our economy in such horrible shape I believe the last thing we need to be doing is wasting tax payers’ money on any of this victimless bullshit.

I find your reactions to Mr. Phelps situation both ignorant and short sighted.
I think what would have been a far better response from Kellogg’s would be to support Mr. Phelps, and perhaps point out that maybe we as a society should take a closer look at the evidence and possibly reconsider our position on this misunderstood plant that so many of our productive citizens find useful.

Now, I’m sure if you really were running Kellogg’s and you were still reading my bullshit all the way down to this, you must be thinking, “Why the hell would we stick our necks out like that for pot smokers?”

And of course the answer to that question would be, because we buy your shit, ####.

Do you guys even know your consumer statistics? Well, let me fill you in on some of my own personal scientific research on the subject, because I have been closely studying my own purchases for over 20 years, and I can tell you that I’ve been high 100% of the time I’ve bought your shit.
I mean, do you guys ever think about what you sell?
Pop tarts? Are you kidding me? I would be willing to bet that 50% of the people buying pop tarts are stoned out of their fucking minds.
Just to be perfectly clear on my position, I would like you to know that I enjoy your products. I think many of them are quite tasty, but lets be honest; you guys sell sugar-drenched shit that’s horrible for your body - in fact, it’s actually way worse for your body than pot - and you market this shit specifically to children.

You assholes go as far as putting lovable cartoon characters on the boxes just so that kids will beg their parents for it.

Now, I don’t want you to misunderstand my point, because I in no way want anything bad to happen to your company. Like I said, I genuinely enjoy your products. There’s nothing quite like being stoned out of your mind at 2am watching a Chuck Norris movie and eating a bowl of fruit loops. Your company and its products have been a part of some very pleasurable moments in guilty eating, and I’m glad you’re around.

All I’m saying is that it’s high time (no pun intended) that you motherfuckers respect the stoner dollar. There’s WAY more of us than you might think, and we tend to get upset about dumb shit like this. There are millions of us, and if we decide that we don’t like a company, they’re going to feel it.
I think if you looked into it carefully, you would be surprised at how many undercover potheads there are out there. Pot smokers don’t all fit into the obvious, negative stereotypes; we come in all shapes and forms - including by the way, the form of the greatest fucking swimmer who ever lived, EVER.
Think about THAT shit for a second.

So in closing, I would like to ask you nice folks to please smarten the fuck up.
I would request that you check the calendar and note that it’s 2000 and fucking 9, and next time you think about getting all uppity about pot you might want to do a quick google search on the facts.

It’s 4:40am here in LA, and I’m going to wrap up this blog and to celebrate its completion I’m going to enjoy one of my personal favorite Kellogg products: Eggo waffles.

I’m gonna pop 4 of them bitches into the toaster, and then I’m gonna stuff the bong with some fine, American grown “Train Wreck” and sacrifice the sacred plant to the fire gods in tribute to the unjustly persecuted 8 time Olympian hero. Then I’m gonna get some butter, and I’m gonna smear it on those Eggos, I’m gonna cover them with maple syrup, and I’m going to eat the ever loving fuck out of them.

Good day, sirs.

Yours truly,
Joe Rogan

The Joe Rogan Blog &raquo Conduit to the Gaian Mind » An open letter to Kellogg’s re: Michael Phelps

**sendit08** · 02-18-2009, 10:45 PM

THAT IS AWSOME!

**Built** · 02-18-2009, 11:44 PM

Oh My God I Love Him!!!

**shiznit2169** · 02-19-2009, 12:04 AM

Interesting, i've always though Rogan was an annoying little shithead but that was a great article. I then spent another half hour reading his other blogs and my perspective of him has changed quite a bit.

It does help to know that he grew up in Boston, something i did not know.

**Merkaba** · 02-19-2009, 12:20 AM

I didnt know Joe was doing stuff like this. This is fucking Epic for real! Holy Fuck.

**Little Wing** · 02-19-2009, 02:06 AM

Originally Posted by Little Wing

View Current Signatures - Sign the Petition

To: Kellogg's Corporation Whereas...

1) Kellogg's is a major manufacturer of cereal and junk food products including but not limited to Frosted Flakes, Pop Tarts, Cheez-Its, Froot Loops, Keebler's Cookies, Rice Krispies, Eggo Frozen Waffles, Famous Amos Cookies and many other products known to be a part of the diet of many marijuana using Americans

2) The Kellogg's has profited for decades on the food tastes of marijuana using Americans with the munchies. In fact, we believe that most people over the age of twelve would not eat Kellogg's products were they not wicked high.

3)That Kellogg's has decided to end their relationship with Olympic Swimmer Michael Phelps after pictures of him surfaced doing exactly what most Kellogg's customers do right before enjoying a bowl of Rice Krispies mixed with Keebler Cookies with an Eggo on top.

4) That this action by Kellogg's, while legal, is totally bogus.

5) That Kellogg's is a big fat hypocrite, just like our parents when they found our stash under our mattress and took it and then later they sat in the living room and listened the Dark Side Of The Moon over and over and danced and laughed and I swear we smelled something.
John Harvey.

6) That a quick Wikipedia search shows the founder of Kellogg's - john Harvey Kellogg - was a total frickin' weirdo who believe in putting children's genitals in a cage to keep them from playing with themselves and also believed in yogurt enemas.

7) That seriously, just Google John Harvey Kellogg. Dude was freaky.

8) That the thing about yogurt enemas makes us want to hurl when we look at that box of Kellogg's Yogos we have in the pantry.

9) That Michael Phelps should totally drop YOU dudes for your obsession with bran and fiber and masturbation and butts and stuff. You drop HIM? Dude won eight gold medals and probably didn't stick a single one in his butt or tie it in tourniquet around his naughty bits. Dude was just trying to relax. Seriously Kellogg's, WTF?

Given all these facts and the total disregard for your customer base and that thing with the yogurt, we the undersigned plan to BOYCOTT your products.

And we're serious.

Even though the Pop Tarts thing will be HARD.
Sincerely,
The Undersigned

View Current Signatures

**I Are Baboon** · 02-19-2009, 04:55 AM

Kelloggs probably stopped reading the letter when the first curse word appeared. That's not the best way to get a message across to a company.

**Prince** · 02-19-2009, 07:39 AM

Originally Posted by I Are Baboon

Kelloggs probably stopped reading the letter when the first curse word appeared. That's not the best way to get a message across to a company.

I think Joe knew from the beginning that he was not going to reverse their decision.

**I Are Baboon** · 02-19-2009, 07:42 AM

Originally Posted by Prince

I think Joe knew from the beginning that he was not going to reverse their decision.

I'm sure, but it's doubtful they even read it.

**IronAddict** · 02-19-2009, 08:06 AM

What a lucid and very cogent letter from a pot smoker! This is exactly my take on this whole farcical debate over the illegality of Marijuana! My gosh, American politics is now even more dangerous than pot.

Joe Rogan here's to you!

**IronAddict** · 02-19-2009, 08:16 AM

**ROID** · 02-19-2009, 08:27 AM

Ole Joe was having a ROID RAGE moment.

I'm Pro Marinol. Too many fertilizers/pesticides in commercial marijuana these days.

**IronAddict** · 02-19-2009, 08:55 AM

Originally Posted by ROID

Ole Joe was having a ROID RAGE moment.

I'm Pro Marinol. Too many fertilizers/pesticides in commercial marijuana these days.

You must try the medical!

**KelJu** · 02-19-2009, 09:35 AM

Originally Posted by IronAddict

What a lucid and very cogent letter from a pot smoker! This is exactly my take on this whole farcical debate over the illegality of Marijuana! My gosh, American politics is now even more dangerous than pot.

Joe Rogan here's to you!

That comment has a sneaky accusation bundled with it that sounds like "pot smokers are dumb and mentally slow".

I know you didn't mean it that way, but eventually I wish those kinds of beliefs would die out.

**IronAddict** · 02-19-2009, 09:45 AM

Originally Posted by KelJu

That comment has a sneaky accusation bundled with it that sounds like "pot smokers are dumb and mentally slow".

I know you didn't mean it that way, but eventually I wish those kinds of beliefs would die out.

No bud, I was just being facetious. That's what the Government wants people to believe about the use of 'herb', we've all seen their commercials, lame, lame, lame.

I also wish all of this foolishness will soon come to an end!

Besides if that were true, I wouldn't be able to type this response!

**ROID** · 02-19-2009, 09:46 AM

Originally Posted by IronAddict

You must try the medical!

A few years ago a guy tried to sell me something called G-13 or G-14 for like $50/gram saying it was medical marijuana. I'm way too much of a skeptic. Hard to trust these crank heads out here. Feel free to mail me some anytime you have extra

C.O.D. good for you ?

Marinol isn't that bad. 20mg works really well for me it just takes about an hour to kick in.

**ROID** · 02-19-2009, 09:49 AM

Originally Posted by IronAddict

No bud, I was just being facetious. That's what the Government wants people to believe about the use of 'herb', we've all seen their commercials, lame, lame, lame.

I also wish all of this foolishness will soon come to an end!

Those commercials used to be a freak'n buzz kill. One kids shoots another kid while playing with his dad's gun stoned and then another one a little girl gets ran over @ a fast food drive through. HA...They've changed their theme a little when they found out how ridiculous those scenarios were.

**IronAddict** · 02-19-2009, 09:58 AM

Originally Posted by ROID

A few years ago a guy tried to sell me something called G-13 or G-14 for like $50/gram saying it was medical marijuana. I'm way too much of a skeptic. Hard to trust these crank heads out here. Feel free to mail me some anytime you have extra

C.O.D. good for you ?

Marinol isn't that bad. 20mg works really well for me it just takes about an hour to kick in.

Okay, I'll send it to Alabama, addressed to the Cracker!

Marinol's A synthetic form of THC correct? Does it yield the same effects?

**ROID** · 02-19-2009, 10:13 AM

yeah it's synthetic but has the same effects. It's a functional high. For me it lasts about 3 hours.This is at 20mg. It's comparable to Mids out this way.

My weed hierarchy -> Swag - Mid grade or mid grain - Nugget or Hydro

Not sure what your terminology is out west

**nni** · 02-19-2009, 10:20 AM

i have nothing against marijuana, but people need to stop with it being harmless, it is far from that. it is as dangerous as any other "recreational" item used by the masses.

**IronAddict** · 02-19-2009, 10:23 AM

The same, that lingo is pretty much ubiquitous.

**ROID** · 02-19-2009, 10:30 AM

Originally Posted by IronAddict

The same, that lingo is pretty much ubiquitous.

Do they still have those head shops out in Cali ? Go to the doc and get a "recommendation" then to the weed store.

You should have access to all kind strains living in such liberated state. Hmmmm...maybe that's why California is broke. It's the weeds fault

**KelJu** · 02-19-2009, 10:32 AM

Originally Posted by nni

i have nothing against marijuana, but people need to stop with it being harmless, it is far from that. it is as dangerous as any other "recreational" item used by the masses.

No it isn't. Saying marijuana is as dangerous as alcohol, prescription drugs, and other illegal recreational drugs is ignorant.

**IronAddict** · 02-19-2009, 10:40 AM

Originally Posted by nni

i have nothing against marijuana, but people need to stop with it being harmless, it is far from that. it is as dangerous as any other "recreational" item used by the masses.

I'm not advocating everyone should ingest marijuana by smoking, eating or even drinking it as a tea.

The statistics show Marijuana isn't as bad as it is portrayed to be.

Last year, more people died eating tainted Spinach than smoking weed!

**IronAddict** · 02-19-2009, 10:46 AM

Originally Posted by ROID

Do they still have those head shops out in Cali ? Go to the doc and get a "recommendation" then to the weed store.

You should have access to all kind strains living in such liberated state. Hmmmm...maybe that's why California is broke. It's the weeds fault

Yup! I have my license, I'm legit!

**nni** · 02-19-2009, 10:49 AM

Originally Posted by KelJu

No it isn't. Saying marijuana is as dangerous as alcohol, prescription drugs, and other illegal recreational drugs is ignorant.

having taken neuroscience classes on narcotics, your stance is the ignorant one. marijuana smoke does contain carcinogens and can and will cause lung cancer. recent research has been promising with respect to lung cancer, and there may be a thought that the thc interferes with the carinogens in the smoke. tar and other contaminents exist, and the researchers even suggest that longer term studies may reveal more of an issue. thing is, its illegal, so no statistics exist. it as dangerous as anything we do, certainly there are different levels, i assumed it was obvious, ill clarify from now on.

Originally Posted by IronAddict

I'm not advocating everyone should ingest marijuana by smoking, eating or even drinking it as a tea.

The statistics show Marijuana isn't as bad as it is portrayed to be.

Last year, more people died eating tainted Spinach than smoking weed!

again, the statistics are absolute shit. first being as it is illegal, there is no way to accurately survery the user base. not every user will say it loud and proud that they smoke. secondly marijuana is not like some other compounds that can kill with one use, it is closer to cigarrettes in that long term use causes problems.

**IronAddict** · 02-19-2009, 11:00 AM

Originally Posted by nni

again, the statistics are absolute shit. first being as it is illegal, there is no way to accurately survery the user base. not every user will say it loud and proud that they smoke. secondly marijuana is not like some other compounds that can kill with one use, it is closer to cigarrettes in that long term use causes problems.

Your sylogism may have some validity to it...I mean even tap water, and the air you breathe have carcinogens, so over time they're likely to even cause health problems.

**nni** · 02-19-2009, 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by IronAddict

Your sylogism may have some validity to it...I mean even tap water, and the air you breathe have carcinogens, so over time they're likely to even cause health problems.

again, i am not saying pot is the devil and is as bad as heroin, i am simply saying that people saying it is harmless are greatly exaggerating. its almost trying to make it more acceptable. it has its inherent dangers, you are ingesting tar, and a host of carcinogens, but, just like cigarrettes, there is no guarantee that you will ever see harm from it. i just take issue with the statement, not the use.

(good word by the way.

)

**ROID** · 02-19-2009, 11:03 AM

Who cares. If you wanna get high then get high. Everything in moderation.

I'm sick of all the fear based propaganda bullshit. It wasn't but a few years ago they linked orange juice to cancer.

**IronAddict** · 02-19-2009, 11:09 AM

Originally Posted by nni

again, i am not saying pot is the devil and is as bad as heroin, i am simply saying that people saying it is harmless are greatly exaggerating. its almost trying to make it more acceptable. it has its inherent dangers, you are ingesting tar, and a host of carcinogens, but, just like cigarrettes, there is no guarantee that you will ever see harm from it. i just take issue with the statement, not the use.

(good word by the way.

)

I get your point, thanks!

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